My fiance and I have been together for several years. We have decided mutually that we would not have sex or any sexual contact until we are married. We are both very happy with this decision and plan on getting married shortly after I graduate college. We both know that it is a sin to perform in any sexual activity before we are actually married, and we know that it is a sin even to lust after one another, but my question to you is this: Is it wrong in the Lord’s eyes to fantasize about a sexual relationship with her (or any other woman, for that matter) without the actual desire to act upon those thoughts, as there is no way that I would act upon these feelings? I have read several of your other posts, and I have noticed that you’ve said that lack of opportunity is one of the things keeping people from acting upon their desires. Well, trust me, there is much opportunity, and I’m sure we are both anxious to have a sexual relationship with each other. But we are most definitely saving it for marriage. I hope I have made it clear what I’m asking.<\/p>\n\t
Fantasizing about what you cannot rightfully have is lust. While opportunities to act upon your lust have arisen, you have so far been able to resist the temptation to go further. The problem with lust, though is that by focusing at times on sinful situations, you gradually wear down your resistance. It is hard to think about any sin for a length of time and not get to the point of mentally accepting it. “And He said, “What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man” <\/em>” (Mark 7:20-23). What can happen is a process of justifying what you’ve thought about. “Well, we’re going to get married anyway, so what harm is it to jump the gun a bit?” Or something along that line.<\/p>\n Another problem is that your imagination is wilder than reality. You can set up expectations that can’t be met.<\/p>\n You have commitments to keep — to God and to your fiance. Temptation is hard enough to resist without adding extra pitfalls to your effort.<\/p>\n\t Thanks! That helps a lot.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: My fiance and I have been together for several years. We have decided mutually that we would not have sex or any sexual contact until we are married. We are both very happy with this decision and plan on getting married shortly after I graduate college. We both know that it is a sin…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[156],"class_list":["post-31781","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-lust"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":27393,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-phone-sex-with-your-fiance-a-sin\/","url_meta":{"origin":31781,"position":0},"title":"Is phone sex with your fiance a sin?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 9, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a born again believer, and I am going to marry a person committed to the Lord. We are engaged and we are waiting for the marriage. During these times we indulge in a little phone sex. It ends up with me ejaculating. Is it ok or is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":28075,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-matthew-528-only-apply-to-lusting-after-a-married-woman\/","url_meta":{"origin":31781,"position":1},"title":"Does Matthew 5:28 only apply to lusting after a married woman?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 8, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a Christian and worship in a congregation of the Church of Christ. \u00a0I would like to ask you something, that has been vexing me for some time, and I know the general and most common answers but I would truly applicate your reply. \"But I say to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":24635,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-wrong-to-fantasize-about-my-wife-when-she-refuses-to-have-sex-with-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":31781,"position":2},"title":"Is it wrong to fantasize about my wife when she refuses to have sex with me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 25, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Is it wrong to fantasize about my wife? \u00a0My wife and has refused to have sex with me for over five years now. She considers me a best friend and the father of our children but not much else. \u00a0She is not a Christian, so she has no concern\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":15238,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-fight-the-temptation-to-commit-fornication\/","url_meta":{"origin":31781,"position":3},"title":"How do I fight the temptation to commit fornication?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 13, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I always told myself as I grew up that sexual immorality would never be a problem for me because the consequences scared me too much, but in recent years, the constant exposure to sex being \"normal\" and \"acceptable\" I guess have overcome me. I see so many sites that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38186,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-wrong-to-talk-about-sexual-things-before-we-are-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":31781,"position":4},"title":"Is it wrong to talk about sexual things before we are married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 30, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My girlfriend and I have had a long-distance relationship for a while we really love each other. With God's help and guidance, we plan on getting married in the future. But we occasionally like to talk about kissing and other related activities. We were feeling confident with each other\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":30773,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-can-looking-at-pornography-be-adultery-especially-since-im-not-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":31781,"position":5},"title":"How can looking at pornography be adultery, especially since I’m not married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 27, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have looked up some information on your site and found some to be helpful, but I can't help but wonder still. It is said that looking at porn is a sin and it says that anyone who looks upon someone with lust commits adultery. 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