Please help!<\/p>\n
I have a very difficult time believing that God loves me and that He’s not distant and wanting to punish me.\u00a0 I’m desperate for Him to change me into someone who truly lives as His child.\u00a0 I can’t do it on my own and I need Him, but I’m scared that He doesn’t love me.\u00a0 I had a great relationship going with God about a year ago, but a few months ago, I was going through a rough night dealing with major depression, and I literally lost all hope that night.\u00a0 I was crying in hysteria and yelled out that God didn’t love me, that He didn’t have a plan for me, and that I just wanted to die (I may even have said that He wasn’t good, I don’t remember that part for sure though).\u00a0 Right after the word “die” left my mouth, the power went out in my house, all the lights shut off, and I was left in total darkness.\u00a0 I immediately trembled in fear and became even more hysteric, thinking that God was punishing me.<\/p>\n
I have tried to repent and follow God since then, but I still sin in bad ways.\u00a0 For instance, I also have an anxiety disorder, and I worry to the point that I yell at those around me if they can’t help me through something because I’m so desperate.\u00a0I overeat sometimes too and many times I have a hard time believing that God has a good plan for my life.<\/p>\n
I feel like since that night when the power went out that my relationship with God has not been the same.\u00a0 I used to feel so close to God, I would hear His voice (spiritually), feel comforted by Him, receive visions, and experience His love.\u00a0 But now, I feel like I am trying to push myself toward Him, but He seems so far away.\u00a0 It doesn’t feel like I’m in a relationship with Him anymore, it feels like I’m just scared of Him, trying to please Him, always failing in huge ways, and thinking that I’m not a part of His kingdom anymore.\u00a0 I struggle with doubt about whether I will get to heaven, even though I believe that Jesus died for my sins.\u00a0 Somehow, it’s just hard for me to believe that I could spit in God’s face so much and still get into heaven.\u00a0 Especially when I remember that night. Could I have blasphemed the Holy Spirit and now lost God’s love entirely?<\/p>\n
Please, I beg you. I’m scared.\u00a0 I don’t want to live without God here or in eternal life.\u00a0 I need Him and I want to love Him and know Him more.\u00a0 Please pray for me – I hope He will still accept prayer about me after all I’ve done to Him. Please give me some input here.\u00a0 And thank you so much for your website and for your help.<\/p>\n\t
I’m sorry you are having so much trouble.\u00a0 First off, you need to understand that God loves all of His creation.\u00a0 God is<\/em>\u00a0love. “He who does not love does not know God, for God is love<\/em>” (I John 4:8).\u00a0 Keep in mind that God wants everyone to be saved (including you). “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that ANY should perish but that\u00a0all<\/strong>\u00a0should come to repentance<\/em>” (I Peter 3:9).\u00a0 It does not please God when the wicked die.\u00a0 “For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies says the Lord God.\u00a0 Therefore turn\u00a0<\/em>(repent)\u00a0and live<\/em>” (Ezekiel 18:32).<\/p>\n There is no need to be overly worried or anxious about most things in this life.\u00a0 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God<\/em>” (Philippians 4:6).<\/p>\n “Therefore I say to you do not worry about your life; what you will eat or what you will drink; \u00a0nor about your body, what you will put on.\u00a0 Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?\u00a0 Look at the birds of the air for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them.\u00a0 Are you not of more value than they?\u00a0 Which one of you by worrying can add one inch to his stature?\u00a0 So why do you worry about clothing?\u00a0 Consider the lilies of the field, how they growl they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.\u00a0 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field which today is and tomorrow is thrown into the oven; will He much more clothe you O you of little faith?\u00a0 Therefore do not worry saying what shall we eat?\u00a0 or What shall we drink? or What shall we wear? For after all these things the Gentiles seek.\u00a0 For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.\u00a0 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.\u00a0 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.\u00a0 Sufficient for the day is its own trouble<\/em>” (Matthew 6:25-34).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n You need to forget about the past and look to God as your future.\u00a0 If you have confessed your sin to God and repented of it, God is willing and able to forgive you.\u00a0 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness<\/em>” (I John 1:9).\u00a0 You need to learn to forgive yourself and move on.\u00a0 Be sure to keep God foremost in your life and He will help you resist all temptations. “Therefore submit to God.\u00a0 Resist the devil and he will flee from you.\u00a0 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.\u00a0 Cleanse your hands you sinners and purify your hearts you double minded.\u00a0 Lament and mourn and weep.\u00a0 Let you laughter be turned to mourning and you joy to gloom.\u00a0 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up<\/em>” (James 4:7-10).<\/p>\n May you feel the love of God in your life again, and I hope this has helped you.<\/p>\n Carol Kusters<\/p>\n\t Thank you so much for your response! It really means so much to me that you took the time to help me. I will meditate on the passages that you have pointed out to me, continue to pray, and follow God.<\/p>\n Thank you again so much! God bless you!<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Please help! I have a very difficult time believing that God loves me and that He’s not distant and wanting to punish me.\u00a0 I’m desperate for Him to change me into someone who truly lives as His child.\u00a0 I can’t do it on my own and I need Him, but I’m scared that He…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[397,546],"class_list":["post-31500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-depression","tag-feelings"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":52446,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-just-give-up-asking-god-for-things\/","url_meta":{"origin":31500,"position":0},"title":"Should I just give up asking God for things?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 27, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi. I hope things are well with you. I was thinking about something. I have been suffering from a chronic stomach illness since I was 16. I prayed endlessly for healing but never received any. Now I am 20, and in addition to my disease, I now have chronic\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":24434,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-depression-make-you-feel-empty\/","url_meta":{"origin":31500,"position":1},"title":"Can depression make you feel empty?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 2, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Can our own minds push us away from God? I mean, if you're too hurt, can you feel dead? I've been really hurt lately. I haven't had the intent to do anything.\u00a0My parents are worried and my friends. I'm feeling like I never did before. I spend every minute\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":54207,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-find-your-article-on-why-suicide-is-a-sin-to-be-completely-unsympathetic-and-untrue\/","url_meta":{"origin":31500,"position":2},"title":"I find your article on why suicide is a sin to be completely unsympathetic and untrue","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 15, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I feel compelled by God to send you these words of enlightenment. As a Christian person who suffers from deep depression (on medication and under a doctor's care), I find\u00a0your article to be completely unsympathetic and untrue. There are many, many other Christian writings out there that contradict what\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32420,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-struggle-with-depression-and-thoughts-of-suicide-do-you-have-any-advice-for-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":31500,"position":3},"title":"I struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide. Do you have any advice for me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 5, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, My question is regarding depression and suicide. I'm hoping you can answer it. I have been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for a while. I've come to the conclusion that this is a result of my low self-esteem. I know how God feels about me, but I'm\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":20544,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-a-sin-to-want-to-die\/","url_meta":{"origin":31500,"position":4},"title":"Is it a sin to want to die?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 19, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Is it a sin to want to die? Answer: There have been people in the past who because of depression expressed their desire to not continue life. Job rue the day he was born, \"Why did I not die at birth? Why did I not perish when I came\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13175,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/god-doesnt-want-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":31500,"position":5},"title":"God doesn’t want me","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 14, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I had romantic feelings for a woman who goes to the same church as I do. \u00a0 She used to work where I do and I talked to her every day. But then she got fired and she moved away for several months. Recently, she moved back. 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