Hello, my brother in Christ,<\/p>\n
I have been a member of the church for a number of years. I have been a faithful brother since that time and have grown tremendously over the years.\u00a0 As I continue to grow in the Lord, I am struggling with some things of the past, my current state, and future in regards to marriage and kids. I am looking for some answers, scriptures, prayer, and spiritual assistance; therefore, let me cut to the chase.<\/p>\n
I am planning to tell my wife about the affair and I am pretty sure she will want a divorce.\u00a0 I have a few questions based on my understanding of the scriptures; therefore, I am hoping that you could help clarify some things in regards to my spiritual state and remarriage.<\/p>\n
I am opening myself up to preachers in the church and need some help in gaining further understanding.\u00a0 I ask that you please not judge me, and pray for me as it took a lot of prayer and courage to write this email seeking help.<\/p>\n
Thank you for your help and have a blessed day.<\/p>\n
A member of the Lord’s Church needing help.<\/p>\n\t
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God<\/em>” (I Corinthians 6:9-10).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Matthew 19:9 answers most of your concerns.\u00a0 It reads:\u00a0“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”<\/em>\u00a0 This passage establishes when the sin of adultery takes place.\u00a0 If one divorces their spouse and remarries, the sexual contact in the new relationship is called adultery.\u00a0 If one marries a person who was previously married, the sexual contact in the new relationship is called adultery.\u00a0 The only exception noted is if the divorces in either situation ended due to infidelity in the original marriage by their spouse.\u00a0 Keep in mind that adultery takes place every time sexual contact occurs in either of the unscriptural relationships covered by this passage.<\/p>\n
This passage, as applied to your situation, would define you as an adulterer.\u00a0 Your wife as recognized by God would be the lady you married in college.\u00a0 You state that marriage ended due to irreconcilable differences.\u00a0 However, the only reason for a divorce is adultery.\u00a0 Therefore, God still considers you in a covenant with your college sweetheart.\u00a0 Any sexual contact that you have with someone who is not your wife is adultery.\u00a0 Any sexual contact someone has with you is adultery.\u00a0 The only option available to you is outlined in I Corinthians 7:10-11,\u00a0“Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.\u00a0 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”<\/em>\u00a0 You must remain unmarried unless you can return to your wife of your college days.<\/p>\n
You asked eight questions as they applied to your specific situation.<\/p>\n
\n
- “If I were to get remarried to the woman I am having an affair with, would God bless that marriage, and would I be constantly living in sin?”\nA married man having an affair is committing adultery.\u00a0 God does not bless sinful conduct; in fact, He condemns it (I Corinthians 6:9-10).\u00a0 You would constantly be living in sin.<\/li>\n
- “Is it wrong for the woman with whom I am having an affair to knowingly marry me if I and my current wife were to get a divorce?”\nAny woman who has sexual contact with you, whether you are remarried or not, is committing adultery.\u00a0 The woman you are having an affair with is committing adultery and if you marry her she would still be committing adultery.\u00a0 The sin of adultery is not removed in newly formed marriage relationships.\u00a0 Marriage does not remove sin.<\/li>\n
- “If I were to not remarry, because I am the one who committed the act of adultery, could I even date another woman or be in a relationship with another woman?”\nIf you were burnt to put your hand in a fire, would you continue to put your hand in the fire?\u00a0 If you date, where do you think that will lead?\u00a0 Christ taught one man for one woman (Matthew 19:4-6).\u00a0 Your wife in God’s eye is your college sweetheart.\u00a0 Any sexual relationship that you have with anyone else is adultery.<\/li>\n
- “If I were to get a divorce from my current wife, would God forgive me if I truly repented?”\nGod does not recognize your marriage with your current spouse.\u00a0 You are living in adultery.\u00a0 Repentance means you will consciously change your ways to doing what is righteous.\u00a0 Repentance requires you to divorce your current wife and remain single.\u00a0 If you can do that, God will forgive if you change your mind about your sins, change your behavior toward your sins, and confess your sins to Him (I John 1:9).<\/li>\n
- “Will God bless a second marriage under any and all circumstances the same?\u00a0 i.e. a couple who were married, divorced, remarried and then became members of the church differently than those who had been in the church from the beginning?”\nGod will not bless the second marriage of an adulterer.\u00a0 Church affiliation or longevity as a church member has nothing to do with it.<\/li>\n
- “What is the status of an unmarried woman who had an affair with a married man?”\nAccording to Matthew 19:9, she is committing adultery.\u00a0 Unless she repents (i.e. ends the affair) she will be eternally lost (I Corinthians 6:9-10).<\/li>\n
- “Is a couple who is remarried sinning every day by being together, or is there sin removed after the confession is made?”\nRepentance requires a determined change of mind.\u00a0 If you confess your fault but won’t change your actions, the adultery continues and repentance was not achieved.\u00a0 A couple who is remarried unscripturally (Matthew 19:9) is living in sin.\u00a0 In fact, remaining in an adulterous relationship is to sin willfully (Hebrews 10:26-31).<\/li>\n
- “If a married man has an affair with an unmarried woman and decides to get a divorce and wants to remarry this woman, when does the “repentance” occur?\u00a0 Should it?”\nThere is no repentance if we determine to continue in sin.\u00a0 A married man cannot have sex with anyone other than his wife.\u00a0 Your scriptural wife is your first wife of your college days.\u00a0\u00a0 Any sexual relationship with someone other than your wife is adultery.\u00a0 Repentance is required in order to achieve forgiveness (Luke 17:4).\u00a0 Without repentance of your sins, you will be lost (I Corinthians 6:9-10; II Corinthians 7:9-11).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
\u00a0Steve A. Hamilton<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Hello, my brother in Christ, I have been a member of the church for a number of years. I have been a faithful brother since that time and have grown tremendously over the years.\u00a0 As I continue to grow in the Lord, I am struggling with some things of the past, my current state,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[66,167,185],"class_list":["post-31393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery","tag-divorce","tag-temptation"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":50000,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-should-be-done-about-a-woman-who-repeatedly-has-children-by-different-men\/","url_meta":{"origin":31393,"position":0},"title":"What should be done about a woman who repeatedly has children by different men?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 27, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Here is the situation: 4 years ago a member of our church got pregnant by her boyfriend and had a baby. She came forward and repented of her sins. 3 years ago the same member got pregnant by a different boyfriend and had a baby. She again came forward\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":49739,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/your-website-led-me-back-to-christ-after-twenty-years\/","url_meta":{"origin":31393,"position":1},"title":"Your website led me back to Christ after twenty years","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 12, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I wanted to send a personal email and thank you for your teachings on your website.\u00a0 I was a member of the church of Christ my entire life.\u00a0 In my middle 20s, I was briefly married and divorced with the cause not being adultery.\u00a0 My ex-spouse went to prison\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":33116,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-divorced-my-husband-because-the-preacher-said-i-shouldnt-be-married-to-a-non-christian-what-should-i-do-now\/","url_meta":{"origin":31393,"position":2},"title":"I divorced my husband because the preacher said I shouldn’t be married to a non-Christian. What should I do now?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 5, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I have read some of the things you have on here and I love the way you respond and answer people. I have been a member of the church of Christ since I was young -- or should I say I was baptized when I was young? I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39947,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/was-the-church-right-to-withdraw-from-a-couple-who-lived-together-without-being-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":31393,"position":3},"title":"Was the church right to withdraw from a couple who lived together without being married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 19, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My husband and I are faithful members of the Lord's church. We are active in a congregation in which a situation has occurred which has caused division in the congregation. The situation is this: a man and a woman who have been baptized and are members of the Lord's\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":35331,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-deal-with-a-member-who-is-in-an-adulterous-marriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":31393,"position":4},"title":"How do I deal with a member who is in an adulterous marriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 23, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have a question that requires me to go outside of the current congregation where I am a member. If there is a member who is in an unscriptural marriage, which I do have personal knowledge of, and who is being allowed to preach and teach in worship service,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":92017,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-are-you-a-member-of-the-church-of-christ\/","url_meta":{"origin":31393,"position":5},"title":"Why Are You a Member of the Church of Christ?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 9, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"by Vance E. Trefethen via\u00a0Sentry Magazine, Vol. 18 No. 3, September 1992 A full-page ad for the book \"Why I Am a Member of the Church of Christ\" recently caught my eye, with its bold headline: \"Now Is the Time to Act.\" Much of the message carried in this conservative\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31393","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31393"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31393\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}