{"id":31367,"date":"2012-01-18T21:18:00","date_gmt":"2012-01-19T03:18:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=31367"},"modified":"2021-01-29T21:21:35","modified_gmt":"2021-01-30T03:21:35","slug":"how-do-i-forget-that-i-committed-fornication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-forget-that-i-committed-fornication\/","title":{"rendered":"How do I forget that I committed fornication?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\t

Question:<\/h2>\n

I have participated in the act of fornication with my ex-boyfriend. \u00a0I allowed myself to blindly believe that this guy was serious about marriage and wanted me as his partner for the rest of his life.<\/p>\n

Initially, we were both seeking Christ together by attending church, fellowship, and tithing; however, he eventually moved several hours away for a job in a different area, and obviously, we could no longer attend church together. \u00a0I was aware the distance would be difficult to handle and was under the impression that he too realized it would be difficult for us to keep the relationship going. \u00a0We had never participated in the actual act of intercourse prior to him moving away, but it seemed close enough. \u00a0Again, I allowed it to happen because somehow I believed he was the one God had chosen for me.<\/p>\n

A few weeks later, I went up to visit and it is then that I let my emotions and sexual tension give in to participating in the actual act. \u00a0I was told that perhaps it would be good to try since I had never done so before, and he was nervous about my experiencing pain on our wedding night. \u00a0We both were aware of my wanting to wait, but somehow I believed it would be OK since he claimed he wanted to marry me. \u00a0In consenting to intercourse, I did not enjoy it as much as I thought I should, and after doing so, in my mind, I felt he and I were married. \u00a0Because of that mentality, every month from that point after I submitted myself to him. \u00a0Needless to say, this relationship did not last but a few months.<\/p>\n

I realize now, that I should have known since the very beginning that I was allowing myself to be deceived. \u00a0I had become a different person and strayed from the values and morals that had been instilled in me at a young age. \u00a0I allowed myself to participate in actions that I knew to be wrong through sermons and the scripture because I allowed myself to believe it was OK to be with this man since he and I were planning on marriage.<\/p>\n

I have realized my error in this matter and have since then begun seeking Christ once again. \u00a0I have been praying and reading his word and know that I am forgiven through the blood of Christ; however, I am having a difficult time forgetting it all. \u00a0I still feel as though this guy is mine because of what we did and hoped he would feel the same conviction I did and come back to Christ. \u00a0I felt he and I would still have been able to work everything out as long as God was back in the center of our lives. \u00a0He stated the same, but his actions simply proved otherwise. \u00a0I pray for him and know I am still holding on to a small bit of hope that he will surprise me, but through his history, I realize such is probably not the case and realize I do need to let go. \u00a0I still have flashbacks. \u00a0I don’t want to remember what happened. \u00a0I accept I made a major mistake, but I don’t want to be constantly reminded of what happened. \u00a0I realize this is a mistake that may be something to haunt me for the rest of my life and only pray that my future husband is a God-fearing individual who is strong in the word and a forgiving individual. \u00a0How can I go about moving forward if I am suddenly being bombarded with images of these past actions?<\/p>\n\t

Answer:<\/h2>\n

Sex does not make a couple married. If it did, there would be no such thing as fornication because the first act of sex would create a married couple. Marriage is created by a covenant vow. “Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant<\/em>” (Malachi 2:14). Nor does sex even create a commitment. That is a common error made by young women because they see sex as a commitment due to the fact that they are risking the possibility of pregnancy. They don’t realize that men don’t see it the same way. See Marriage’s Glue<\/a>\u00a0for more on this topic.<\/p>\n

Another mistake is thinking that words and intentions create a reality. Jesus warned about this when he said, “You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them<\/em>” (Matthew 7:16-20). The reality is that he was offered sex for free and he took it. Claiming to be concerned about your comfort on your wedding night was clearly false. You would have been uncomfortable the first time anyway. You didn’t even have a planned wedding. He was just in a rush to have intercourse. His claims that he was trying to live a Christian life are denied by his actions (I Corinthians 6:9-10).<\/p>\n

The flashbacks and other reminders will fade when you replace what you did wrong with doing the right thing. Hard as it might be, you don’t want them to completely disappear because you don’t want to repeat the same mistakes.<\/p>\n

I know you are still hoping that he’ll change his mind, but it sounds to me that it is more of your continued flights of fancy and not reality. You have a life to straighten out and then live. Focus on that for now. “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus<\/em>” (Philippians 3:13-14).<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: I have participated in the act of fornication with my ex-boyfriend. \u00a0I allowed myself to blindly believe that this guy was serious about marriage and wanted me as his partner for the rest of his life. Initially, we were both seeking Christ together by attending church, fellowship, and tithing; however, he eventually moved several…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1572],"class_list":["post-31367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-fornication"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":38902,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-a-jew-had-divorced-and-married-another-prior-to-jesus-death-would-he-have-to-put-away-his-new-wife-before-being-baptized\/","url_meta":{"origin":31367,"position":0},"title":"If a Jew had divorced and married another prior to Jesus’ death, would he have to put away his new wife before being baptized?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 22, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Thank you for taking my question. If there had been Jewish men on the day of Pentecost who had previously given their original wives a Bill of Divorcement and were now married to other women, would they have to put away the new wives before they were baptized? Thank\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32283,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/was-a-woman-forced-to-marry-her-rapist\/","url_meta":{"origin":31367,"position":1},"title":"Was a woman forced to marry her rapist?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 25, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: So in Deuteronomy 22:28-29, it says \"If a man finds a girl, a virgin not engaged, and lays hold on her, and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39668,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/after-finding-out-a-man-acted-lewdly-toward-me-my-boyfriend-wants-to-leave-me-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":31367,"position":2},"title":"After finding out a man acted lewdly toward me, my boyfriend wants to leave me. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Does it count as fornication if a man coerces you into touching his penis? I've recently repented of my sins and confessed to the appropriate people. But I wanted to know because when my boyfriend and I first got an apartment together, we had to have roommates -- another\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9596,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-looking-at-pornography-fornication\/","url_meta":{"origin":31367,"position":3},"title":"Is looking at pornography fornication?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 28, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: When a man is involved in porn on the net, does that qualify as fornication? May a woman put her husband away when this happens? Answer: \"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":48071,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-a-man-marries-someone-who-lies-about-her-right-to-marry-is-he-an-adulterer-for-the-rest-of-his-life\/","url_meta":{"origin":31367,"position":4},"title":"If a man marries someone who lies about her right to marry, is he an adulterer for the rest of his life?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 3, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Dear Jeff, I would so greatly appreciate hearing from you. I have read the material on your website regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage. But I have a special situation I feel unable to sort through regarding a very dear brother in Christ. He was deceived by his first wife.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12707,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-person-remarry-if-they-divorced-for-more-reasons-than-just-fornication\/","url_meta":{"origin":31367,"position":5},"title":"Can a person remarry if they divorced for more reasons than just fornication?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 8, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Can this person remarry?\u00a0 Her husband committed adultery, was addicted to drugs and became violent.\u00a0 She said the last straw was when he tried to catch their porch on fire and threatened to divorce her and take the kids.\u00a0 She said because of this threat, the adultery, and the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31367","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31367"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31367\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31367"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31367"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}