I’m a fairly new Christian. My wife asked me if I’d thought about cheating on her.\u00a0 I had sadly committed adultery at heart, but I told her I hadn’t thought about it.\u00a0 I had lied.\u00a0 I have repented of this, and am on constant guard to keep those thoughts out, but should I tell her the truth? She should know if I would have been honest, however confessing it will only harm our relationship.\u00a0 But telling her the truth from the start would have harmed her as well.\u00a0 What should I do?<\/p>\n\t
The question your wife asked is one of those “unfair” questions that women seem to love. They are unfair because they won’t like whatever answer they get. I sometimes wonder if they are born out of depression and a desire to “prove” they ought to be depressed.<\/p>\n
Let’s start with a basic truth. Lying is wrong (Revelation 21:8). So whatever answer given has to be true. In this case, you need to go back and tell her that her question took you by surprise, and in a fear of saying the wrong thing, you fell back into bad old habits and didn’t tell her the truth. Then ask her why is she asking such a thing because you don’t want to give her any doubt about your love for her. Finally, tell her that you have had to deal with temptation. You’re a new Christian and are still battling many problems. Because Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart<\/em>” (Matthew 5:28), you are working to put that into practice in your life, but there have been slip-ups in the past.<\/p>\n I suspect that when you ask why she asked that it will take the conversation in a different direction and you might not get to what I suggested. But here is what is behind the answer: You give the reason why you had done wrong first — you are a new Christian learning a new way to live. You affirm that you know it is wrong and why. You emphasize that you are changing for the better.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I’m a fairly new Christian. My wife asked me if I’d thought about cheating on her.\u00a0 I had sadly committed adultery at heart, but I told her I hadn’t thought about it.\u00a0 I had lied.\u00a0 I have repented of this, and am on constant guard to keep those thoughts out, but should I tell…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[392,64],"class_list":["post-31215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-lying","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":45605,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/shouldnt-the-divorce-decree-mention-sexual-unfaithfulness\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":0},"title":"Shouldn’t the divorce decree mention sexual unfaithfulness?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 24, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I wrote to you years ago concerning my ex-wife, who divorced me for desertion while I was stationed in another country while in the military. She has since passed away. I've been a widower for years now and I've met a lady in the church. She has had two\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":40389,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-told-my-wife-i-had-inappropriate-conversations-with-a-woman-but-i-didnt-mention-i-had-sex-with-her-my-wife-thinks-im-lying-must-i-tell-her-everything\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":1},"title":"I told my wife I had inappropriate conversations with a woman, but I didn’t mention I had sex with her. My wife thinks I’m lying. Must I tell her everything?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I've confessed to my wife for having inappropriate conversations with a woman in church five years ago.\u00a0 Now what I haven't told her is that I had a sexual relationship with her.\u00a0 She has asked if I kissed or had sex with her and I chose not to answer\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21383,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-wife-has-been-committing-adultery-with-her-step-brother-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":2},"title":"My wife has been committing adultery with her step-brother. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 24, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Should I stay married and does my wife need to tell the truth? I have been married for over 15 years. I caught my wife cheating on me 10 years ago with her step-brother. She said all they did was kiss, but I knew it was not true. We\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":46667,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-ex-boyfriend-married-someone-else-but-wants-to-come-back-to-me-what-should-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":3},"title":"My ex-boyfriend married someone else but wants to come back to me. What should I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 10, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have never been married, but I do have children. (I know -- not good.) My child's father and I broke up and a few weeks later he married the girl with whom he had cheated on me.\u00a0 After nearly a year of no communication, he reached out to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31953,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-wife-be-divorced-for-fornication-if-she-gave-her-husband-an-std\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":4},"title":"Can a wife be divorced for fornication if she gave her husband an STD?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 24, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: If a husband suspects his wife of cheating but never caught her, nor did she ever admit to it even after giving her husband an STD. Can the husband divorce his wife and remarry? Answer: Generally getting a sexually transmitted disease from your spouse would be evidence that the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38496,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-warn-a-friend-about-her-current-boss\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":5},"title":"Should I warn a friend about her current boss?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 18, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My wife and I have been friends with a lady at church and worked with her over the last four years. Over the years I have become this lady's confidant to which my wife says \"back off.\" The lady and I have assured my wife that it's an innocent\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31215","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31215"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31215\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31215"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31215"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31215"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}