I’m a fairly new Christian. My wife asked me if I’d thought about cheating on her.\u00a0 I had sadly committed adultery at heart, but I told her I hadn’t thought about it.\u00a0 I had lied.\u00a0 I have repented of this, and am on constant guard to keep those thoughts out, but should I tell her the truth? She should know if I would have been honest, however confessing it will only harm our relationship.\u00a0 But telling her the truth from the start would have harmed her as well.\u00a0 What should I do?<\/p>\n\t
The question your wife asked is one of those “unfair” questions that women seem to love. They are unfair because they won’t like whatever answer they get. I sometimes wonder if they are born out of depression and a desire to “prove” they ought to be depressed.<\/p>\n
Let’s start with a basic truth. Lying is wrong (Revelation 21:8). So whatever answer given has to be true. In this case, you need to go back and tell her that her question took you by surprise, and in a fear of saying the wrong thing, you fell back into bad old habits and didn’t tell her the truth. Then ask her why is she asking such a thing because you don’t want to give her any doubt about your love for her. Finally, tell her that you have had to deal with temptation. You’re a new Christian and are still battling many problems. Because Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart<\/em>” (Matthew 5:28), you are working to put that into practice in your life, but there have been slip-ups in the past.<\/p>\n I suspect that when you ask why she asked that it will take the conversation in a different direction and you might not get to what I suggested. But here is what is behind the answer: You give the reason why you had done wrong first — you are a new Christian learning a new way to live. You affirm that you know it is wrong and why. You emphasize that you are changing for the better.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I’m a fairly new Christian. My wife asked me if I’d thought about cheating on her.\u00a0 I had sadly committed adultery at heart, but I told her I hadn’t thought about it.\u00a0 I had lied.\u00a0 I have repented of this, and am on constant guard to keep those thoughts out, but should I tell…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[392,64],"class_list":["post-31215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-lying","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":40389,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-told-my-wife-i-had-inappropriate-conversations-with-a-woman-but-i-didnt-mention-i-had-sex-with-her-my-wife-thinks-im-lying-must-i-tell-her-everything\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":0},"title":"I told my wife I had inappropriate conversations with a woman, but I didn’t mention I had sex with her. My wife thinks I’m lying. Must I tell her everything?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I've confessed to my wife for having inappropriate conversations with a woman in church five years ago.\u00a0 Now what I haven't told her is that I had a sexual relationship with her.\u00a0 She has asked if I kissed or had sex with her and I chose not to answer\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21383,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-wife-has-been-committing-adultery-with-her-step-brother-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":1},"title":"My wife has been committing adultery with her step-brother. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 24, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Should I stay married and does my wife need to tell the truth? I have been married for over 15 years. I caught my wife cheating on me 10 years ago with her step-brother. She said all they did was kiss, but I knew it was not true. We\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":46667,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-ex-boyfriend-married-someone-else-but-wants-to-come-back-to-me-what-should-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":2},"title":"My ex-boyfriend married someone else but wants to come back to me. What should I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 10, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have never been married, but I do have children. (I know -- not good.) My child's father and I broke up and a few weeks later he married the girl with whom he had cheated on me.\u00a0 After nearly a year of no communication, he reached out to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45605,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/shouldnt-the-divorce-decree-mention-sexual-unfaithfulness\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":3},"title":"Shouldn’t the divorce decree mention sexual unfaithfulness?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 24, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I wrote to you years ago concerning my ex-wife, who divorced me for desertion while I was stationed in another country while in the military. She has since passed away. I've been a widower for years now and I've met a lady in the church. She has had two\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38496,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-warn-a-friend-about-her-current-boss\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":4},"title":"Should I warn a friend about her current boss?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 18, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My wife and I have been friends with a lady at church and worked with her over the last four years. Over the years I have become this lady's confidant to which my wife says \"back off.\" The lady and I have assured my wife that it's an innocent\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":40650,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/shouldnt-my-wife-tell-me-who-she-had-her-affair-with\/","url_meta":{"origin":31215,"position":5},"title":"Shouldn’t my wife tell me who she had her affair with?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My wife had an affair for about a month that she confessed to.\u00a0 I was in the hospital with a stroke for several weeks and she spent several nights at this person's house.\u00a0 Although she has admitted to the affair she refuses to tell me with who. She says\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31215","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31215"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31215\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31215"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31215"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31215"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}