My wife and I have a daughter age 14. We love her very much, but we made many mistakes. From the time she turned three, she began having hours long tantrums and screaming fits. Time outs were futile, so we ended up giving in to all her demands. Now we have an unhappy home. Our daughter has run our home for years and ran our joy away. Our marriage has been all but non-existent. I seek hope and advice.<\/p>\n\t
So you are telling me that you and your wife are so weak-willed that a child can get whatever she wants out of you. God made you parents for a reason and so far you are failing your job. The solution is simple, you and your wife determine that you will only do what you think is correct and reasonable. What your daughter wants no longer matters.<\/p>\n
If she pulls a tantrum, you pretend that she doesn’t exist. You go on about your business. Most likely she won’t believe that she has lost control, so she will try to outlast you, but realize that a person can only scream so long. If she doesn’t wise up in a few days, strip her room of everything but the minimum essentials when she is gone for the day. When she returns tell her she will start getting things back when she can stay calm for three days in a row. It will be a while, but as she masters this, you can increase the time a day at a time up to a week.<\/p>\n
You and your wife must also resolve not to yell or lose your temper. You decide what is right or wrong and then stick with it.<\/p>\n
It won’t be easy. You’ve lost a lot of ground and you don’t have many years to make it up. Frankly, most people have too many ingrained habits and are not inclined to change their own behavior. Instead, they look for a magic pill that will change years of bad raising into sudden righteousness. It just doesn’t work.<\/p>\n
“He who begets a scoffer does so to his sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy<\/em>” (Proverbs 17:21).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: My wife and I have a daughter age 14. We love her very much, but we made many mistakes. From the time she turned three, she began having hours long tantrums and screaming fits. Time outs were futile, so we ended up giving in to all her demands. Now we have an unhappy home.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1033,20,1028,1034],"tags":[665,29,107],"class_list":["post-31035","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adolescence","category-answer","category-parenting","category-teenager","tag-child-rearing","tag-parenting","tag-raising-children"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":43079,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-we-treat-our-daughter-who-says-she-is-now-a-homosexual\/","url_meta":{"origin":31035,"position":0},"title":"How do we treat our daughter who says she is now a homosexual?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 30, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: How are we to treat a homosexual person?\u00a0 She is our daughter.\u00a0 This has never happened in our families before.\u00a0 We are so hurt by this.\u00a0 She was raised in a Christian home.\u00a0 We want her to come to her senses and live the way God wants her to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":23532,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-daughter-whom-i-had-from-an-affair-ignores-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":31035,"position":1},"title":"My daughter, whom I had from an affair, ignores me","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 1, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: In my younger days, I met this woman and got her pregnant after a prolonged friendship. We were not ready for marriage and we went our separate ways. Later, both of us married to other people. I followed up on our daughter and even got her a job where\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39019,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-a-good-idea-for-both-the-husband-and-wife-to-work-full-time-when-there-is-a-small-child\/","url_meta":{"origin":31035,"position":2},"title":"Is it a good idea for both the husband and wife to work full-time when there is a small child?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 27, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi brother Jeffrey, I have a full-time job and my wife would like to work outside the home and let our 3-year old child be taken care of by a maid. But I read Titus 2:5 that women are to be keepers at home. Are we sinning if we\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9002,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-you-handle-a-16-year-old-who-acts-like-a-5-year-old-when-it-comes-to-a-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":31035,"position":3},"title":"How do you handle a 16-year-old who acts like a 5-year-old when it comes to a spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 15, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have visited your website and agree with your position on biblical correction. I commend you on your willingness to actually give advice on spanking and not dance around with politically correct or over-cautious answers. I do, however. have some doubts in my mind about how we are handling\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21302,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-thirteen-year-old-daughter-isnt-listening-to-me-like-she-used-to-do-what-should-be-my-next-step\/","url_meta":{"origin":31035,"position":4},"title":"My thirteen-year-old daughter isn’t listening to me like she used to do. What should be my next step?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 9, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello. I am a single mother (I divorced 3 years ago, unfortunately). I have a daughter who is 13. I had a question regarding parenting: In the past, my ex-husband and I had a more lenient parenting style. We taught our daughter all the values of the Bible and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":88405,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-we-deal-with-a-rebellious-teenage-daughter\/","url_meta":{"origin":31035,"position":5},"title":"How do we deal with a rebellious teenage daughter?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 3, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Dear Mr. Hamilton, We wrote you a year ago with a query concerning the raising of our children. First and foremost, we would like to thank you, as our situation has substantially improved. We are, however, writing to follow up, if you would be so kind. We have gotten\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31035","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31035"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31035\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31035"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31035"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31035"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}