I am in a situation that needs your help. There is this sister in my church. I have proposed to her and we plan to get married after her graduation from the university. We both love each other. We have never had intercourse, but sometimes we get involved in real body contact. I feel ashamed of myself. I will not permit intercourse, but this touching and sometimes kissing is disturbing me. I really need your advice on this.<\/p>\n\t
“Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:1).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
When you realize that something is wrong, the thing to do is not continue it. You can back off. When the heroine in the Song of Solomon realized that her thoughts and daydreams were getting too sexual, she would stop. “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases<\/em>” (Song of Solomon 2:7).<\/p>\n
You are focused on not having intercourse, so as long as you keep some clothes on, you tell yourself that you are not doing wrong — even though the temptation to go further is very strong. The problem is sin doesn’t start with fornication. Lust and impurity are also sins. Lust is a strong desire to do what you know is wrong (I Peter 4:3). In this case, it is the playing out in your mind committing fornication with your fiance, imagining what it would be like, wanting to do it, even though you don’t dare to do it. Impurity, or uncleanness, is acting dishonorably, chasing after sexual thrills. Paul gives examples of sexual talk and sexual jokes. “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God<\/em>” (Ephesians 5:3-5).<\/p>\n
There is plenty of time to get passionate after you two are married. But right now is not the time to be stirring up passion when it is wrong for you to follow through on what your body desires. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God<\/em>” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). And if, as Paul points out that it is too hard to wait, then get married. “But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:9). Sure an early marriage will not be convenient and might raise issues to be solved, but those problems are minor compared to sinning against God and your future spouse.<\/p>\n\t
Question:<\/h2>\n
Thanks for the help. I would like to continue getting advice from you.<\/p>\n\t
Answer:<\/h2>\n
I’m happy to help. All you need to do is write.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I am in a situation that needs your help. There is this sister in my church. I have proposed to her and we plan to get married after her graduation from the university. We both love each other. We have never had intercourse, but sometimes we get involved in real body contact. I feel…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[149,203],"class_list":["post-29438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating","tag-sexual-touching"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":18928,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-claims-he-been-seeing-other-women-where-sexual-touching-was-involved-but-no-intercourse-he-thinks-it-is-no-big-deal-do-i-have-grounds-for-a-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":29438,"position":0},"title":"My husband claims he been seeing other women where sexual touching was involved but no intercourse. He thinks it is no big deal. Do I have grounds for a divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 1, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I recently found some inappropriate emails to my husband (of 15 years) from another woman.\u00a0 He admitted to me that he has been with four other women starting about 5 years ago.\u00a0 He says there was no intercourse only sexual touching.\u00a0 He touched their genitals and they touched his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":50811,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-sexual-touching-a-public-or-private-sin\/","url_meta":{"origin":29438,"position":1},"title":"Is sexual touching a public or private sin?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 26, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: This is a situation involving a Christian man and a woman. I have several questions. The man is married and his wife is still living. The woman's husband has passed away. and she is now single. As friends, they became close. At times they have embraced each other. They\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19565,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-a-sin-for-my-girlfriend-to-give-me-a-handjob-and-for-me-to-finger-her\/","url_meta":{"origin":29438,"position":2},"title":"Is it a sin for my girlfriend to give me a handjob and for me to finger her?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 7, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Is it a sin for my girlfriend to give me a handjob and for me to finger her? We've already done both, and I'm starting to feel kind of guilty over it. I don't know if it's considered 'sin' or not because it isn't sexual intercourse. We're both Christians\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":26107,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-is-included-in-porneia\/","url_meta":{"origin":29438,"position":3},"title":"What is included in porneia?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 11, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi! I have been studying sex and the Bible. What I am really confused about is that the Bible does not mention oral sex or mutual masturbation. It only mentions anal sex and vaginal sex. Thus, how are oral sex and mutual masturbation a sin? How is it sexual\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":40360,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-we-avoid-the-temptation-to-have-sex\/","url_meta":{"origin":29438,"position":4},"title":"How do we avoid the temptation to have sex?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am 23 years of age and a college student. I have been in a relationship for over a year now. My motive for being in the relationship is to be with my partner now and stay with her until God blesses us to marry. My problem is how\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":82551,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-wrong-to-have-a-relationship-when-divorced\/","url_meta":{"origin":29438,"position":5},"title":"Is it wrong to have a relationship when divorced?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 26, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good afternoon, I have a question. If I was married and got divorced and then started a relationship with someone who isn't my husband, is this considered adultery? 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