I am in need of your assistance, please. Your insight and views would be most appreciated with regards to my current situation. I will try and keep things as brief as possible yet provide you with as much detail as I possibly can, too.<\/p>\n
When I met my husband, he was separated from his then-wife. She walked out on him, and he had filed for divorce at her request. Neither of them had committed adultery during their marriage.\u00a0 I met my husband while he was separated from his first wife.\u00a0 It took a year for their divorce to be finalized. During the course of that year, we moved in together. To make matters worse, at one stage, she indicated she would be willing to reconcile with him and forgive him for his relationship with me; however, he declined, making it clear that he had no interest in working on their marriage.\u00a0 There is no doubt in my mind, as I’m sure that there isn’t in your mind, that I played a significant role in his reluctance to reconcile with his then-wife.<\/p>\n
The divorce was finalized and a number of years later we got married.\u00a0 We are still married to this day.<\/p>\n
That being said, we have both committed adultery during the past several years.\u00a0 We both met somebody else and entered into a physical relationship with them. Both of these people were unmarried.\u00a0 My husband’s affair took place several years ago whereas mine was more recent.\u00a0 I did not have an affair in retaliation; I did it of my own accord – not that this would make any difference, of course. We subsequently found out about each other’s affairs and although we have forgiven each other, I’m struggling to come to terms with all of this, to be honest. I can’t say why we both committed adultery. We are not bad people and alcohol, drugs, etc. have never been a problem for either of us.\u00a0 This is just a case of us going down the wrong road.<\/p>\n
I recently gave my life to the Lord (finally). I repented and confessed all of all my sins to the Lord.\u00a0 My husband has never really been the godly type, and as such, I am struggling to live in the same house as him as we are (obviously) on two completely different levels now. He says he is willing to work at our marriage, but I find it exceptionally difficult as I’m trying to move on and get closer to God whereas he is still in the denial phase of my adultery, and being under an unequal yoke is trying and challenging at the best of times, to say the least.<\/p>\n
Since I have found God, I find that I’m constantly looking for answers and I’m constantly trying to do the right thing and I find myself going out of my mind sometimes. Perhaps it’s because I’m fixed on never making the same mistakes again and never allowing the dark side to have a say in how I live my life from now on.<\/p>\n
I’m also struggling because I don’t feel as though I love my husband the way a wife should love her husband anymore. I know that I will always love him because we have been together for so many years now, but I honestly don’t love him like a wife should love her husband, and I don’t understand why not. I feel terrible about this as I hate admitting that to God, but I have been very honest with God about this. I feel regret and remorse for my actions and looking back, I cannot believe that I committed adultery or imagine how I could have hurt my husband the way I did, but I find myself staying with him out of guilt perhaps, and also because I don’t want to do wrong by God any more than I already have, especially now that I am a child of God’s.\u00a0\u00a0I really don’t know what the right thing is.\u00a0 I have asked God and I know that God handles things in His own time – but I had so many more questions flooding my mind today, and I needed some clarification hence my email to you.<\/p>\n
I’m seeing things from a completely different perspective now. For example, I would never have admitted to having committed adultery with my husband when we first met, not out of arrogance, but simply because he was separated and I would never have split up their marriage, but now that I am a Christian, I realize that I was an adulteress and I did split up their marriage and I have repented my sins and asked God for forgiveness.<\/p>\n
My questions to you are as follows:<\/p>\n
Does God actually recognize my marriage in light of the circumstances under which my husband and I got together? We committed adultery and then we got married. How does God view this? I understand that a covenant before God is a covenant but I would appreciate your thoughts and views on this?<\/p>\n
Also, I know that God frowns upon divorce, and I am really trying to do the right thing by God, so would it be wrong for us to get divorced? And if we did get divorced, would it be a sin for me to marry a fellow Christian? What would God not permit? What would be even more wrong for me to do?<\/p>\n
I thank you in advance for your assistance and look forward to receiving your response.<\/p>\n\t
Almost all of your questions become moot points because of your husband’s initial marriage. They did not divorce because of sexual sins on either one’s part. Therefore, neither have the right to marry again. “So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” <\/em>” (Mark 10:11-12). Their only true option was to reconcile. “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:10-11).<\/p>\n Thus, your relationship and marriage to this man have always been adulterous. “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man<\/em>” (Romans 7:2-3).<\/p>\n The only way to correct this problem is to leave this false marriage. Continuing in adultery doesn’t make the sin go away.<\/p>\n I’m sure we could find someone who might argue differently, but most Christians I know argue that since this marriage was not one recognized by God, and assuming you were not married before, it would be mean you could marry someone who had the right to be married and have a real marriage.<\/p>\n\t Thank you ever so much. I appreciate your time and assistance. Thank you for pointing out the obvious too. I think sometimes we know these things (it took me being reborn to see the light), but we hide away from the facts in the darkness.<\/p>\n Thanks again.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I am in need of your assistance, please. Your insight and views would be most appreciated with regards to my current situation. I will try and keep things as brief as possible yet provide you with as much detail as I possibly can, too. When I met my husband, he was separated from his…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[66,167],"class_list":["post-28927","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery","tag-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":38963,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-returned-to-his-first-wife-and-now-im-confused\/","url_meta":{"origin":28927,"position":0},"title":"My husband returned to his first wife and now I’m confused","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 24, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good day, I have been separated for over a year from my best friend of over 10 years and my husband for less than a year, though legally we were married for over a year. 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He is divorcing his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":27930,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-sex-be-expected-when-you-are-separated\/","url_meta":{"origin":28927,"position":2},"title":"Should sex be expected when you are separated?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 5, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, and God bless you. Over two years ago my husband cheated and committed adultery with a married woman. After I found out, he was very mean about it and repeatedly humiliated me by saying that he loved her, and he never loved me. That all he wanted was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31571,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-husband-divorce-his-wife-ten-years-after-forgiving-her-of-an-affair\/","url_meta":{"origin":28927,"position":3},"title":"Can a husband divorce his wife ten years after forgiving her of an affair?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 2, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I want to help my sister in Christ. Situation:\u00a0 A woman cheats on her husband.\u00a0 Husband says he forgives her and stays with her for 10 years after the adultery.\u00a0 Over the 10 years, the husband never really gets over the infidelity. He eventually files for divorce and divorces\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37386,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-divorced-my-husband-because-of-his-drug-use-how-will-i-know-if-he-has-died-even-his-family-has-lost-track-of-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":28927,"position":4},"title":"I divorced my husband because of his drug use. How will I know if he has died? Even his family has lost track of him","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: OK, so my first marriage ended in divorce because of my husband's adultery. Then my second marriage ended in a divorce, the reason for this was because of my husband's drug use, alcohol addiction, stealing, and pawning everything we owned. I really tried to help him, but he refused\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":14944,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-a-husband-commits-adultery-after-his-wife-divorces-him-can-she-remarry\/","url_meta":{"origin":28927,"position":5},"title":"If a husband commits adultery after his wife divorces him, can she remarry?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 22, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My sister has decided to leave her physically abusive, alcoholic husband. She doesn't have plans to divorce him and is hoping that eventually, he'll realize he needs help. She knows what a scriptural divorce is and that this does not constitute remarriage. I don't think he will ever change,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28927","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28927"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28927\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28927"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28927"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28927"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Response:<\/h2>\n