We are a couple, married and staying with family. Ever since I can remember my brother was the favored one being born after several girls in a country where males are preferred. I grew up knowing I shouldn’t have been born as that would split the inheritance. Today we live as the despised ones where my brother and his wife are favored. We don’t have the means to move out immediately. We want to plan for a second child but will have no help whatsoever to care for it when we are out working. What do we do? We often think of company for our son, or of raising another child for God. My father is also thinking of bringing down the house, and he wants us to build a joint house, which I don’t want. I want the houses separate. What do I do? There’s a lot of emotional blackmail. They know we are not financially sound right now. My brother on the other hand has a rich wife with good financial backing from his father-in-law. Recently we had a terrible fight at home with everyone at home against us. We haven’t been on talking terms for a few days. Help me with good advice. What am I to do? My wife and I are fed up.<\/p>\n
Thanks.<\/p>\n\t
You are getting frustrated about the things you can’t change and not taking responsibility for the things you can change.<\/p>\n
If your brother is your parent’s favorite, it isn’t proper, but that is their problem, not yours. You can’t change them, but you can decide that you will enjoy the life you have.<\/p>\n
You didn’t choose to be born. Your parents decided to have another child. So what if you were a boy? If your parents wanted to give everything to your brother, then that would be their choice. If they decide to split it equally between you and your brother, that is also their choice. You can’t change this, so why be concerned about it?<\/p>\n
If you want a second child, then it is your responsibility to support that child. You can’t make it your parent’s problem or your brother’s problem. The child will be a part of your family and no one else.<\/p>\n
Since you do not have the means to live on your own, and you are accepting your parent’s help, then you don’t complain about what is being given to you. These are gifts. They are not owed to you. If you want a separate house, then you work and save up funds so that you can have a separate house. Work on what you can control.<\/p>\n
It doesn’t matter to you or your life that your brother married into a rich family. Being envious of someone’s good fortune doesn’t improve your life. You have a wife and child whom you love, that should be what is important to you.\u00a0“A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones<\/em>” (Proverbs 14:30).<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: We are a couple, married and staying with family. Ever since I can remember my brother was the favored one being born after several girls in a country where males are preferred. I grew up knowing I shouldn’t have been born as that would split the inheritance. Today we live as the despised ones…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[173,258],"class_list":["post-28507","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-family","tag-money-management"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":50129,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/we-just-cant-get-enough-money-for-lobola-in-order-to-get-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":28507,"position":0},"title":"We just can’t get enough money for lobola in order to get married","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 8, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good day, I have a very loving relationship with the father of my toddler. 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This has been affecting me a lot, and I even have no motivation to do anything in my\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38158,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/more-children-are-born-out-of-wedlock\/","url_meta":{"origin":28507,"position":3},"title":"More Children are Born Out of Wedlock","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Source:\u00a0Young Children and Their Complex Families: Facing Some Uncomfortable\u00a0Facts, Child Trends, 25 March 2013. Source: Jason\u00a0DeParle and Sabrina Tavernise,\u00a0\"For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage,\" New York Times, 17 February 2012. 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