I met this boy at work. Initially, it was OK, but after some time, because of his good nature and politeness, I became attracted to him. I then found out that he had a girlfriend in the past and he loved her very much, but somehow their love did not end up in marriage due to the caste system prevalent here in India. He is committed to her completely and does not want to love anyone else. He also started drinking heavily after that; he didn’t drink that much when he was in love with this girl. Anyway, I became friends with him in spite of knowing that he will not love me. We have been friends for almost two years, and now I love him very much, but he does not love me. I am now depressed and frustrated as I am not able to get over him. Please help me so that I can get over this infatuation with him and make my life better, as I have made my life miserable by continuously thinking about him.<\/p>\n\t
You are not being reasonable. He has only been interested in one woman, whom he did not marry. He is willing to be friends with you, but he has told you that he does not love you. Yet, you do not believe him. You think that you can change his mind, yet in all this time it has not happened. So instead of looking at this relationship as it is, you are in love with what you think it might become. In other words, you are not in love with him, you are in love with your imagination of what you think he might become.<\/p>\n
This also shows up in how you view his behavior. You know he is a drunkard, but because he drank less when he was with another girl, you imagine that he will give up drinking when he falls in love with you. Once again, it is a love based on your imagination of what the future might be, not a love for a person as he is.<\/p>\n
Find a guy whom you love and who loves you each for who you are. You are wasting time chasing something that doesn’t exist.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I met this boy at work. Initially, it was OK, but after some time, because of his good nature and politeness, I became attracted to him. I then found out that he had a girlfriend in the past and he loved her very much, but somehow their love did not end up in marriage…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[149,65],"class_list":["post-28367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating","tag-love"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3172,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-same-gender-love-wrong\/","url_meta":{"origin":28367,"position":0},"title":"Is same-gender love wrong?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 9, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I need to ask a question about love. I have asked before about boy-boy or girl-girl relationships. Is there such a case that you can say it is proper if you're a guy to be infatuated (or have a crush) on another guy, or for a girl (this is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":25663,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-says-he-regrets-his-past-fornications-but-he-is-pushing-to-have-sex-with-me-how-do-i-get-him-to-change\/","url_meta":{"origin":28367,"position":1},"title":"My boyfriend says he regrets his past fornications, but he is pushing to have sex with me. How do I get him to change?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 19, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a 22-year old girl who is just in love with a 26-year-old boy. We belong to different casts but the same religion. We share a good emotional connection, and as a person, I know he is a good one. He loves me and wants to marry me.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31000,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-broke-my-promises-to-my-boyfriend-will-god-punish-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":28367,"position":2},"title":"I broke my promises to my boyfriend. Will God punish me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 21, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a girl in my mid-twenties. I had a boyfriend for about five years. I was deeply in love with him. We almost regarded each other as husband and wife. We saw our future together. I cared for him a lot and he always supported me at all\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":33969,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-doesnt-he-write-me-back\/","url_meta":{"origin":28367,"position":3},"title":"Why doesn’t he write me back?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 16, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello. I never thought I'd have to do this, I always had my friends or my parents to ask for advice. But now, at this point of my life, I'm completely alone, and I have no one to turn to because none of them will ever understand what I'm\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21581,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-is-my-husband-so-uncaring\/","url_meta":{"origin":28367,"position":4},"title":"Why is my husband so uncaring?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 4, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I too am a wife who feels unloved.\u00a0 My question is, why do men, who give so much loving attention to a woman when\u00a0they\u00a0are courting her, stop loving her in the same way as the years go on?\u00a0 We have many children, and the youngest has severe cerebral palsy.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2850,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-my-divorce-mean-i-failed-as-a-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":28367,"position":5},"title":"Does my divorce mean I failed as a wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 30, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Thank you, for\u00a0your response.\u00a0 My pastor did not support my decision to divorce my husband.\u00a0 I was very active and have a deep spiritual conviction, but have felt like I am being condemned and told I am a hypocrite for deciding it was best for my family to leave\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28367","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28367"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28367\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28367"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28367"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}