I have been reading a number of your “questions-and-answers” on your web site regarding divorce and remarriage.<\/p>\n
Could you please shed your thoughts and opinions on the following for me? I am very confused.<\/p>\n
First of all, I would like to say that I agree with your view of divorce, remarriage being adultery, and so on.<\/p>\n
My ex-husband divorced me without any biblical cause – I was not involved in adultery in any way whatsoever.\u00a0 He claims that he is born-again, and I do not feel that I have the right to judge his claims, but there is very little evidence of repentance or fruit in his life.\u00a0 He started seeing someone and very soon after their first meeting (about a month), he was sleeping with her.\u00a0 He claims that God has blessed his personal life by bringing her into his life. We were not divorced (even in the eyes of the country) at this time.\u00a0 About six months before our divorce was made final, he actually moved into her home and lived with her.\u00a0 Our two youngest children went to visit with him every second weekend, and they took the children to church with them as well, displaying to our children that there was nothing wrong with what they were doing and how they were living.\u00a0 I have confronted him with the fact that his second marriage is adultery in God’s eyes, and he “doesn’t see it that way.”\u00a0 I have literally asked him to please explain how he interprets Matthew 5:31-32 and Luke 10:11 (and any other corresponding passages), but he doesn’t answer.\u00a0In his eyes, God is a God of love and forgiveness. He realizes that he sinned (apparently he realized this while they were living together and we were still married – i.e. before the divorce went through), but he has repented (according to him), asked for forgiveness and God has forgiven him.<\/p>\n
A very well-known evangelist has also expressed that once he has remarried, if he simply confesses his adultery (in the second marriage), God will forgive him the sin of adultery.\u00a0 My question there is, what about repentance then?<\/p>\n
My confusion arises as a result of the following:<\/p>\n
Firstly, if his second marriage is an act of adultery as per Matthew 5:31-32 (and other related Scriptures), then surely God views his current “wife” as not his spouse – as the definition of adultery is “voluntary sexual relations with someone other than one’s spouse.”\u00a0 If his current wife is someone other than his spouse, then surely in God’s eyes, I am still his spouse.<\/p>\n
Secondly, if he repents and turns from his sin, then surely he would need to repent of his adultery and turn from it. Surely God would expect him to turn from his adulterous “marriage.”<\/p>\n
Thirdly, if he repents, in God’s eyes, wouldn’t he be seen as being clean again?\u00a0 Would God not expect him to put right what he has done wrong?<\/p>\n
My biggest query is regarding Deuteronomy 24:1-4. If he has remarried and gets divorced for a second time, would I be committing an act of fornication or not, if I took him back?\u00a0Is he considered defiled, even if he has come to repentance before God?\u00a0 I have been told by my many very committed Bible-believing and godly Christian friends, that I would be committing fornication if he divorced from his second marriage and we remarried thereafter.<\/p>\n
Fifthly, according to Matthew 5:31-32, as he has divorced me, he would be causing me to commit adultery should I remarry (obviously someone else)?\u00a0 So I do not have the option of remarrying as I would be committing adultery?\u00a0 It doesn’t say that even if I was the “innocent” party in the divorce, that I wouldn’t be committing adultery if I remarried?\u00a0 It simply states that should I remarry, he has caused me to commit adultery as he has divorced me?<\/p>\n
These issues have really confused me as to even how to pray for him, any possible restoration of our marriage should God bring him to repentance, praying for God to bring him to repentance, and if so, where that leaves us?<\/p>\n
Would it be possible for you to “throw some light” on this – specifically in the light of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, particularly verse 4 thereof?<\/p>\n\t
There are brethren who believe it matters who actually filed for the divorce, but in this modern view of “no-fault” divorces, it is more likely that the adulterer will file for divorce before the faithful spouse. Your husband committed adultery and the divorce resulted from his sexual sins. Because of that, he forfeited his rights to another marriage. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery<\/em>” (Matthew 19:9). He is still bound by the covenant that he made with you. The two of you are no longer husband and wife because of the divorce. But because your husband sought to form a second covenant with a woman while still bound by his earlier covenant, he is committing adultery. “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man<\/em>” (Romans 7:2-3). Because his current wife has married someone who was bound by an earlier covenant, she too is committing adultery.<\/p>\n Yes, there are foolish teachers out there who claim that adultery only occurs once when the second marriage covenant is made or who claim that God forgives the on-going sin, but it is merely wishful thinking to justify sin. It has no support in the Scriptures as you know.<\/p>\n To repent of his sin, he needs to end his adultery. “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:10-11). If you were still available and wanted to have him back, you could choose to remarry him. We live by the laws of the New Testament, not those of the Old, so Deuteronomy 24:1-4 does not apply. If you were already married, then he would have to remain single until after your death. It seems harsh, but it is a just penalty for violating the covenant that he voluntarily made. There is no requirement that he must marry you again in order to repent of his sins.<\/p>\n “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery<\/em>” (Matthew 5:32). Because adultery was involved in this divorce, the “causes her to commit adultery” doesn’t apply in your case. However, for better understanding, if a man divorces his wife because of some other reason, such as arguing too much, she will be tempted to marry again even though she has no right to another marriage (I Corinthians 7:10-11). What Jesus is saying is that the man who divorced his wife will be held accountable for the fact that his former wife sinned because his actions led to her sinning. Jesus is not saying that the act of divorce makes her an adulteress. The Greek is clearer than the English. He is saying that the divorce makes the probability of her committing adultery much more likely. The warning is that ending a marriage doesn’t absolve you from responsibility.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I have been reading a number of your “questions-and-answers” on your web site regarding divorce and remarriage. Could you please shed your thoughts and opinions on the following for me? I am very confused. First of all, I would like to say that I agree with your view of divorce, remarriage being adultery, and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[167],"class_list":["post-28246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":15940,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/are-you-familiar-with-jerry-bassetts-teaching-on-marriage-divorce-and-remarriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":28246,"position":0},"title":"Are you familiar with Jerry Bassett’s teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 30, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was talking to a preacher and he told me several things I had never heard before regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage. I would like to go into detail about this, but I am still studying what he told me. But I would like to ask you a question\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16856,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-person-remarry-if-their-spouse-commits-adultery-after-the-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":28246,"position":1},"title":"Can a person remarry if their spouse commits adultery after the divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 17, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I want to ask you about two people who have divorced. I understand they are supposed to remain unmarried, and if one of them does get married later, he is living in adultery. Is the other person free to marry, since in God's eyes they are still connected to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":29725,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-the-adulterer-marry-again-and-that-marriage-be-acceptable-to-god\/","url_meta":{"origin":28246,"position":2},"title":"Can the adulterer marry again and that marriage be acceptable to God?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 26, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello and God bless, I have some questions that I hope you can address.\u00a0 I am a born-again Christian who has suffered through a divorce.\u00a0 This divorce was not my desire, as I absolutely believe in marriage vows and the concept \"until death do us part.\"\u00a0 I want always\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17263,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-need-a-dumbed-down-version-about-divorce-and-remarriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":28246,"position":3},"title":"I need a dumbed-down version about divorce and remarriage","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 30, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was wondering about a book called A\u00a0Review of Homer Hailey's The Divorced & Remarried Who Come To God\u00a0by Weldon Warnock. Have you read it or know the author? He takes a stand against Homer Hailey's, but I was wondering your opinion on it. I still need the divorce\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19806,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-marriage-divorce-and-remarriage-in-the-bible-by-jay-e-adams-biblically-correct\/","url_meta":{"origin":28246,"position":4},"title":"Is “Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible” by Jay E. Adams biblically correct?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 7, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Please, I would like to know if you have read the book \"Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible\" by Jay E. Adams. Is this book by Jay Adams biblically and scripturally correct, especially in regards to the remarriage of the innocent and guilty party in a divorce? I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12707,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-person-remarry-if-they-divorced-for-more-reasons-than-just-fornication\/","url_meta":{"origin":28246,"position":5},"title":"Can a person remarry if they divorced for more reasons than just fornication?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 8, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Can this person remarry?\u00a0 Her husband committed adultery, was addicted to drugs and became violent.\u00a0 She said the last straw was when he tried to catch their porch on fire and threatened to divorce her and take the kids.\u00a0 She said because of this threat, the adultery, and the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28246","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28246"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28246\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28246"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28246"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28246"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}