Good morning.<\/p>\n
I have a few questions I am needing guidance on. My mother passed away a year ago. Then close to her one year, my grandmother passed away. I have a 4-year-old son who is struggling hard. We are a church family but now he does not want to go to church ever and he blames God for taking his MiMi. I have tried everything to talk to him to help him process the loss. In church Sunday, the preacher said that he loved God. My son’s quick answer was “I don’t. I hate God.” I need advice on what to say to him to help him understand.<\/p>\n
Thank you.<\/p>\n\t
Most 4-year-olds don’t have a large vocabulary in which to express themselves. Nor do they grasp the subtleties of what is told them. Often adults use indirect terms to discuss uncomfortable subjects. Thus, we say things like “Grandma passed on,” or “She’s asleep in Jesus,” or “God took her.” I suspect something like the last phrase is what your 4-year-old latched onto in a very literal way.<\/p>\n
Fortunately, a four-year-old will not remember most things if he is not constantly reminded of his fears.<\/p>\n
“God took way MiMi.”<\/p>\n
“Yes, I miss MiMi too. What do you remember about MiMi?”<\/p>\n
(Whatever your son remembers.)<\/p>\n
“I remember how much MiMi loved God. I know she is happy to be in heaven. One day we will get to go and live with MiMi and God if we are good like MiMi was.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Instead of getting upset by how a young child expresses himself, answer what he is trying to express. Reinforce the lessons you want him to learn.<\/p>\n
“I hate God!”<\/p>\n
“That’s strange because God loves you even more than mama loves you.<\/p>\n
“God took away my MiMi!”<\/p>\n
“Yes, MiMi has died. It makes me sad too. But she now gets to live with God and be happy. While I am sad, I am glad she is happy. One day you and I will get to see MiMi again and then we all live together in God’s home.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Keep the answers direct and simple, but always guide the conversations toward better ways to see what has happened and help him see the hope of joy in the future.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Good morning. I have a few questions I am needing guidance on. My mother passed away a year ago. Then close to her one year, my grandmother passed away. I have a 4-year-old son who is struggling hard. We are a church family but now he does not want to go to church ever…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20,1031,1028],"tags":[665,109,29,107],"class_list":["post-27942","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","category-childhood","category-parenting","tag-child-rearing","tag-death","tag-parenting","tag-raising-children"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":34204,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/im-concerned-that-my-15-year-old-still-doesnt-want-to-be-baptized\/","url_meta":{"origin":27942,"position":0},"title":"I’m concerned that my 15-year-old still doesn’t want to be baptized","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 24, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My husband and I both attended Christian colleges and are life-long members of the church of Christ. \u00a0We have two children, ages 12 and 15, who we have faithfully taken to church since they were babies. \u00a0They are now both very involved in the church youth group. \u00a0 I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41362,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/our-son-is-getting-into-trouble-and-we-dont-what-else-to-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":27942,"position":1},"title":"Our son is getting into trouble and we don’t what else to do","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My 17-year-old son has some issues. My wife and I have raised him in the church since he was a baby. We thought we taught him well until he became 15. At 15, he seemed to forget everything that we taught him. He secretly became involved with a 23-year-old\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39172,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-we-keep-a-two-year-old-with-autism-quiet-during-services\/","url_meta":{"origin":27942,"position":2},"title":"How do we keep a two-year-old with autism quiet during services?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 5, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Okay, so I have been wondering about this for a while. Our beautiful son, who is two years old, has autism. What we have been doing during worship for a year now is keeping him up late on Saturday night so he will sleep in the \"nursing room\" most\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31164,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-someone-there-talk-to-my-son\/","url_meta":{"origin":27942,"position":3},"title":"Can someone there talk to my son?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 3, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a single mom with a 14-year-old son who is starting to become curious about sex. I caught him masturbating, which was awkward for both of us, to say the least.\u00a0 I decided this was a perfect opportunity to have \"the talk\" with him, but he doesn't want\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34369,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/we-want-to-marry-but-we-will-have-to-live-apart-for-the-first-year-how-can-we-have-a-strong-marriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":27942,"position":4},"title":"We want to marry, but we will have to live apart for the first year. How can we have a strong marriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 11, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am truly in love with him and he is with me. We talk about God a lot and we stay communicating at all times. He has brightened my world. He asked me to marry him, and we would have to have a long-distance marriage for now. I just\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":90457,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-has-been-drinking-and-cheating-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":27942,"position":5},"title":"My husband has been drinking and cheating, and I don’t know what to do","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 13, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good morning, sir, I hope you are well. Please be patient with me. Life turns on me, and I end up not knowing even that which I thought I knew. I am crying as I type this. I am caring for my youngest child while I work a full-time\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27942","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27942"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27942\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27942"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27942"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27942"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}