Hi, and God bless you.<\/p>\n
Over two years ago my husband cheated and committed adultery with a married woman. After I found out, he was very mean about it and repeatedly humiliated me by saying that he loved her, and he never loved me. That all he wanted was to be with her. We separated for several months, and then he came back saying that she decided to stay with her husband. He asked me to forgive him and said he really loved me and that he was confused about his feelings. For the next two years, life was not the same. He would change from “I am not in love with you, but I do love you” to “I love you in my own way” to “I won’t say how much I really love you because I don’t deserve you.” During this time we had another baby. I don’t think that he has ever cheated again, but I couldn’t keep living like that and told him to leave. He has been gone for nearly a year, but still wants to have sex with me. I told him that maybe with therapy we could reconcile and move on, but he refuses, saying that he doesn’t want to move in with us anymore or divorce, but still wants to have sex with me because I am his wife. Biblically I don’t know what is right anymore. Do I have to have sex with him, so that he doesn’t go looking for some or can I divorce him, move on with my life and perhaps remarry in the future? I don’t want to die alone.<\/p>\n\t
You accepted your husband back, though it appears that it was too soon as he hadn’t made up his mind. His prior unfaithfulness is not a direct factor in this case. If you decide to divorce your husband, it would not be for adultery, so it would not allow you to marry another man. “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:10-11).<\/p>\n While I understand your disappointment and frustration with your husband’s attitude, it remains that a poor attitude is a reason for working on the marriage, not for separating as you have done. Right now you only have a pretense of a marriage going because both of you aren’t putting effort into keeping the marriage going.<\/p>\n The issue of whether to have sex when your husband doesn’t live with you is focusing on the wrong thing. Fix the real issues that are keeping you two divided and this one will disappear. If you don’t want to be alone, then find ways of encouraging your husband to be a husband. He has a lot of work to do as well, but this log jam needs to be released by someone.<\/p>\n\t Thank you very much for responding so quickly and for your advice. I really don’t see a happy ending to my marriage, but at least now I know what the Bible says regarding my situation. Thank you again, and God bless you.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Hi, and God bless you. Over two years ago my husband cheated and committed adultery with a married woman. After I found out, he was very mean about it and repeatedly humiliated me by saying that he loved her, and he never loved me. That all he wanted was to be with her. We…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[167,64,63],"class_list":["post-27930","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-divorce","tag-marriage","tag-sex"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":19183,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-caught-my-husband-committing-incest-we-are-now-separated-but-im-being-told-i-owe-him-sex-i-dont-plan-to-return-to-this-man-so-do-i-owe-him-sex-while-we-are-separated\/","url_meta":{"origin":27930,"position":0},"title":"I caught my husband committing incest. We are now separated, but I’m being told I owe him sex. I don’t plan to return to this man, so do I owe him sex while we are separated?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 19, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My husband and I both attend the same church but we are separated. I have no intention of reconciling with him. I have been separated from him before and took him back after he stated that he was born again and was a \"changed man\". We moved back together,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31647,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-sex-sinful-when-you-are-separated\/","url_meta":{"origin":27930,"position":1},"title":"Is sex sinful when you are separated?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 7, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I've looked over all the answers in the divorce section and haven't been able to find an answer to my question. My husband and I are currently separated because he is going through a midlife crisis of sorts. He is unhappy and unfulfilled and is searching for something to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17830,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-do-i-feel-guilty-about-dating-after-my-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":27930,"position":2},"title":"Why do I feel guilty about dating after my divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 6, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My ex-husband and I cheated on each other during the time we were married. Looking back I can see that we were lukewarm Christian. I cheated on him at the last because he came home and told me he loved this other girl and everything and he cheated on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43635,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-cheated-on-my-marriage-can-i-be-forgiven-can-i-remarry\/","url_meta":{"origin":27930,"position":3},"title":"I cheated on my marriage. Can I be forgiven? Can I remarry?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 10, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Blessings! I have three questions: Will God forgive me because I committed adultery twice in my marriage with the same man and I was already a Christian? Can I remarry the man with the one I cheated on my now ex-husband with? We still see each other and talk,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":49580,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/are-we-married-when-he-never-divorced-his-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":27930,"position":4},"title":"Are we married when he never divorced his wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 6, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I have a question. My boyfriend and I were in love, we loved God and wanted to be married, but he was married before. He married this woman, she cheated on him, he wanted a divorce but could not find her. They had been separated for seven years,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":50824,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/am-i-married-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":27930,"position":5},"title":"Am I married? (2)","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 23, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, This is my first time asking anyone this question, but it is really heavy on my mind, and with a lot of mixed feelings about it. I just came across this site, so why not. Two years ago, I met my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27930","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27930"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27930\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27930"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27930"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27930"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Response:<\/h2>\n