Hello,<\/p>\n
I just recently stumbled upon your questions and answers on your website and I have found them to be very biblically based, direct, and insightful. I have a few questions that I would like to pose to you.<\/p>\n
My fiance and I have been dating from high school and through college and have grown inseparable which is why, Lord willing, we intend to be married after I graduate from college.\u00a0 Our relationship started as a silly infatuation but has grown into a very full and beneficial relationship. During this time I studied the Bible with her, attended her congregation’s assemblies, and I eventually obeyed the Gospel.\u00a0 Thus, we’re even linked spiritually together, having built each other up so much in the faith.<\/p>\n
However, we started off with me not being a member of the household of faith and not having been instructed in righteousness, and with her as one who had\u00a0only fairly recently obeyed the Gospel as well.\u00a0 Thus, we drew the line far too far over the safe limit and did what you call “sexual touching.”\u00a0 As we mutually grew in the faith, we put that behind us and decided that we would no longer do such stupid and sinful things.\u00a0 For her, this has been fairly easy and effective — she does a very good job of resisting impure activities and resisting my advances.\u00a0 In fact, she’s even put parental controls on all of my internet-enabled electronics so that I cannot view any pornographic material.\u00a0 Obviously, it has\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0been easy for me.<\/p>\n Before deciding to be pure from this sexual sin, I had been caught in masturbation and, to a far lesser extent, pornography.\u00a0 Now, having tried to rid myself of it for several years, I still find that I cannot escape its grasp.\u00a0 Honestly, I just have an overwhelming desire to fornicate with my fiance.\u00a0 I may fantasize about it and lead to sinful masturbation or I may actually try to initiate sexual touching, which, to her credit, she almost\u00a0never<\/em> lets it happen.\u00a0 I know all of this is wrong, and I know what the consequences are.\u00a0 I want to control these desires and I pray for wisdom and strength every day to fight them.\u00a0 I know I need to pray more, and I know I need to study more so that my mind will always be focused upon His Word and His will. I have been noticing a change in myself for the better recently, but<\/em>\u00a0I still mess up with some frequency.\u00a0 That desire manifests itself when I am bored or tired and ensnares my brain!\u00a0 Only frequently am I able to get away from the idea and put Satan behind me and it is so frustrating to me.<\/p>\n I have this desire which must be filled, but the second it is, I feel immediate remorse and I wonder why I didn’t obey the Lord, and why I didn’t heed the warnings I knew I was bypassing.\u00a0 I know from David’s example that sin is a process and that it requires you to run a whole lot of red lights (he continued to look at Bathsheba after he lusted for her, he then had her come over, he then laid with her, etc.–it’s a process with deliberate sinful activity at every step). Knowing this has been helpful, but as I said, I still continue to mess up.\u00a0 It’s gotten to the point where I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and there are two entirely opposite desires in me waging war constantly.\u00a0 It’s so frustrating, this cycle of sin and then sorrow and repentance.\u00a0 I know that’s not the way it’s supposed to be! Because of Ephesians 5:3, I know I need to have\u00a0no<\/em>\u00a0such fornication!\u00a0 It’s ridiculous! I can see this behavior in others and know it’s wrong. I can strongly stand firm against so many other sins and temptations which overrun people my age, yet I have not been able to fight this sin off within myself.<\/p>\n Because of my struggles, I look forward to my wedding date with prayerful anticipation, knowing that finally, I’ll be able to have my desire for sex fulfilled, and not only fulfilled but fulfilled according to God’s will!\u00a0 However, some of my married friends have pointed out that this may not be the end of my struggles.\u00a0 I’ve always sort of looked at marriage as the end of my struggle as I’ll finally get sexual fulfillment with the only girl whom I love so much, who has been such a rich blessing in my life and has led me to have the hope of eternal life.\u00a0 They say, however, that I’ll still have my personal issues to confront.\u00a0 What do you think about this?\u00a0 Will marriage be the fulfillment of this sexual desire (as Paul teaches that it should be) or will it bring its own new set of problems for me and my personal walk with purity?\u00a0 Also, do you have any advice or guidance for me to help encourage me to remain pure until our wedding?<\/p>\n Finally, I ask for your prayers regarding me and my struggle and also regarding my pending marriage.\u00a0 I want to have a strong family that serves the Lord!\u00a0 I want to be able to get over this sinful behavior so that if I ever have a son who has to deal with it, I can help him instead of admitting I never could have enough self-control!<\/p>\n Again, thank you for your website and (in advance) for your time reading and responding to my email.\u00a0 I know it’s long, but I hope that through our correspondence we may both be built up in the faith and that I may be exhorted to do better!<\/p>\n\t “For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good<\/em>” (Romans 7:14-16).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n The struggles with sin are as ancient as the human race. Sometimes we mess up because we don’t know any better, but even when we do know better, Satan still finds our weak points. Fortunately, we have God helping us from being overwhelmed. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it<\/em>” (I Corinthians 10:13). You are able to make it to your wedding day (and beyond) to not fall into sexual sins. I know that because I can see how far you’ve come and your abilities so far to resist. But, like all of us, there are some things you and I need to discuss to further strengthen your defenses.<\/p>\n In some ways, your friends are right that getting married isn’t going to solve all your problems; after all, look at how many fall to various sexual sins despite being married. What it will do is give you a positive outlet for your sexual desire and that ought to be enough to make controlling yourself seem easier.<\/p>\n The pressure between now and when you get married will appear to get greater, mostly because you find yourself more comfortable with her (and she with you) as well as feeding yourself more excuses, such as it only a little while before the wedding so what difference does it make if we jump the gun. They are all lies, but it is best to face the fact that they exist and you have to deal with them.<\/p>\nAnswer:<\/h2>\n