I was married for ten years. In the last four years of marriage, my husband was a deacon at the church we attended. Throughout our entire marriage he had a lying and stealing issue, and unbeknownst to me an opioids addiction as well. Long story short the opioids took over his life. He started stealing from the church, lying to people about our finances to get more money, and taking money out of the bank to feed his addiction. During this time I was praying like a madwoman. I have seen God move his suppliers out of his life, but he\u2019d always find a new connection. I had one last plea with him: just tell me what it is and how much, we will put it in the budget and you can have it on the weekends. He denied he had an addiction. Immediately afterward my heart turned cold. I wasn\u2019t ever able to recover from that. I asked his Christian mother what I should do. She said divorce him. I said OK.<\/p>\n
When does a divorce take place in God’s eyes? Or does it?<\/p>\n
And if it doesn\u2019t in this situation, and I am still bound to him and I can\u2019t get remarried and I can\u2019t have a sexual relationship because that\u2019s bad too, why do I have to suffer because he chose to humiliate himself and his family?<\/p>\n
I want to have someone to love again. I loved being married. I couldn\u2019t go back to my ex if I wanted to now. He’s actually in jail now. It\u2019s so sad.<\/p>\n
What are my life choices? Now that I\u2019m dating, can I not find love because I\u2019m actually still married, or I haven\u2019t found the man God wants for me? I\u2019m in my thirties. I can\u2019t be alone for the rest of my life.<\/p>\n\t
You tell me that your husband has always had a problem with lying and stealing. And yet, you said nothing when the church you attended asked him to serve as a deacon. “Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued, or addicted to much wine or fond of sordid gain, but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. These men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach<\/em>” (I Timothy 3:8-10).<\/p>\n Since he has always had a lying and stealing problem, it is likely that he was addicted before you were married. I would not be surprised to learn that you had hints of problems before you married him.<\/p>\n You also tried to solve his drug problem by compromising, which, of course, did not work. You can never somewhat sin.<\/p>\n In the end, you decided it was best to divorce him. I don’t blame you for that decision, but the choice came with consequences. “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:10-11). Now, after the fact, you want to be released from the consequence of your decision. In fact, you’ve already started down the path of rebelling because you decided to date.<\/p>\n Since you did not divorce your husband because of sexual sins on his part, you have two choices: remain unmarried or reconcile with your husband. Reconciliation would require that he clean up his drug addiction and so if you want that path you will have to encourage him to seek out help.<\/p>\n You had decided that not being married was better than being married to a drug addict. You’ll have to live with your choice and stop saying everyone else is being unfair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I was married for ten years. In the last four years of marriage, my husband was a deacon at the church we attended. Throughout our entire marriage he had a lying and stealing issue, and unbeknownst to me an opioids addiction as well. Long story short the opioids took over his life. He started…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[167,372],"class_list":["post-26810","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-divorce","tag-drugs"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":32031,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-had-several-affairs-but-now-my-husband-is-suggesting-that-we-have-a-threesome-how-should-i-handle-this\/","url_meta":{"origin":26810,"position":0},"title":"I had several affairs, but now my husband is suggesting that we have a threesome. How should I handle this?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have been married to my husband for about ten years. Over the last year or so I lost my way in life and in our marriage. I had multiple affairs, and my husband found out about one of them. Over the course of a few months, I lied\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":54279,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/not-what-they-told-you-opioids\/","url_meta":{"origin":26810,"position":1},"title":"Not What They Told You – Opioids","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 23, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"by Jeffrey W. Hamilton Text: Titus 2:1-8 \u00a0 I.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Opioids are a class of drugs derived from opium \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0A.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0They include heroin, fentanyl, oxycodone, hydrocodone, codeine, morphine, and many more \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0B.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0These were originally developed because they attach to the opioid receptors in your brain, muffling your perception of pain and increasing your\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Audio"","block_context":{"text":"Audio","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/audio\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":18239,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-was-involved-in-porn-and-prostitution-but-i-repented-since-getting-caught-my-wife-still-wants-to-divorce-me-do-i-deserve-a-chance-to-show-ive-changed\/","url_meta":{"origin":26810,"position":2},"title":"I was involved in porn and prostitution, but I repented since getting caught. My wife still wants to divorce me. Do I deserve a chance to show I’ve changed?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 26, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have been a Christian, a member of the church of Christ, since the age of 13. I also have been in the grasp of sexual addiction all that time. I married, almost a quarter-century ago, a beautiful Christian lady who deserved better. Through the years I have used\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":553,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/a-question-about-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":26810,"position":3},"title":"Does an adulterer have to leave his second marriage in order to repent?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 10, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have a friend and I am trying to teach my friend the truth. I found out that he is in an adulterous relationship. His wife was married before but for only one year. The marriage did not end because of fornication. She is now married to my friend.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":46905,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/to-get-money-i-lied-to-a-man-that-im-pregnant-with-his-child\/","url_meta":{"origin":26810,"position":4},"title":"To get money, I lied to a man that I’m pregnant with his child","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 12, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I searched about God and found this site. I am depressed and wondering what I should do. I just need prayers. I just finished college and because I haven't gotten a job, I met this man who is 60 years old. He started providing for me. 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I just need to get your take on the situation before\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26810","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26810"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26810\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26810"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26810"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26810"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}