Please help me.\u00a0 I came across your web site and your Bible-based answers to many questions seemed right on point with the Word of God.\u00a0 I have asked many pastors about my situation and gotten many different answers.\u00a0 My situation is complex but I will try to get to the point quickly.<\/p>\n
I have been married for many years.\u00a0 My wife had a drug problem when we first married but hid it from me pretty well and I discovered it several years into the marriage.\u00a0 I stayed because I felt (and still feel) divorce is wrong.\u00a0 We never had sex before we married (again I thought that was wrong as well) and I had no idea that my wife did not enjoy sex until we married.\u00a0 We saw counselors, pastors, priests, and no matter what happened my wife would allow me to have sex for short periods of time then stop having sex with me for years.\u00a0 Her rationale was “if you don’t have sex with your children and you love them, why do you have to have sex with your wife to love her?”\u00a0 After many years I began to get angry and I even tried to make her jealous by talking to and flirting with other women.\u00a0 Nothing worked.\u00a0 On one anniversary I rented a beautiful suite for us and took her out to an expensive dinner.\u00a0 When we returned to our room she informed me that if I thought we were going to have sex I was sadly mistaken, and I should find another woman for sex.\u00a0 I was so angry I could barely contain myself.\u00a0 Unfortunately, I went out and took my wife’s advice and had an affair.\u00a0 The woman became pregnant and I now have a daughter outside of my marriage.<\/p>\n
I felt we should divorce at that point, but my wife’s drug problem became much worse (her mom had just died as well) so I tried my best to care for my wife.\u00a0 She couldn’t hold a job and became more and more dependent on the drugs.\u00a0 A few years ago she finally agreed to go rehab and I was ecstatic.\u00a0 I dreamed we could work on our marriage when she got clean and came home.\u00a0 After the rehab program, she came home a belligerent ex-addict who swore and cussed me out repeatedly.\u00a0 She told my children she only used drugs because I beat her profusely over the years.\u00a0 Thankfully my children didn’t believe that, but the whole matter has made me hesitant to want to stay in the marriage.\u00a0 Late that same year, I filed for divorce and was granted custody of my children, and she was granted only limited supervised visitation.\u00a0 Friends at church and marriage counselors said I should not throw the marriage away and go through with the divorce.\u00a0 I honestly still loved her and when she asked me to give her another chance I did.\u00a0 The problem is her abusive language and cussing never stopped (not to mention she has continued to refuse to have sex with me).\u00a0 In fact, all she does is go to AA\/NA meetings and say I abuse her.\u00a0 She told me recently that she could rarely have sex with me because she never desired me.\u00a0 She claims that all I am is a good provider and that she would rather have no sex or sex with someone else than with me.\u00a0 She also said she was only stalling in saying she wanted to work on the marriage because she didn’t want to accept the limited supervised visitation the judge gave her.<\/p>\n
My question is this:\u00a0 If I divorce her, can I remarry?\u00a0 After all, I can prove I had adultery (I have a child), but I cannot prove my wife did (although I strongly believe she did). I want to do what is right in God’s eyes and I do love her still but I want to have a wife that loves me as the Bible says a wife should love her husband. Can you give me some guidance or some Bible-based teachings on this?\u00a0 Every pastor I have spoken with has told me to divorce her, but I was brought up to believe divorce is always<\/strong>\u00a0wrong. Please help me.<\/p>\n\t I am truly sorry that you have been stuck in such a difficult marriage. But to answer your question, Jesus said, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery<\/em>” (Matthew 19:9). Since the proposed divorce is not because your wife is committing fornication, the divorce won’t release you from the covenant that you made with your wife. It would not give you the right to remarry, and so it won’t satisfy your underlying desire to have a sexual relationship. “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:10-11).<\/p>\n Your own adultery definitely would not have allowed you to remarry if your wife at that time had decided to divorce you.<\/p>\n Your wife is clearly in need of help, but I don’t see anything within your note that is solid justification for breaking your covenant with her. Unhappiness with your partner and a lack of sex is bad, but it something you can and have lived with. I would advise continuing to get your wife the help she needs. I would also suggest that you make sure that her wild claims of being abused by you are well documented to be false, just in case someone gets fooled by her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Please help me.\u00a0 I came across your web site and your Bible-based answers to many questions seemed right on point with the Word of God.\u00a0 I have asked many pastors about my situation and gotten many different answers.\u00a0 My situation is complex but I will try to get to the point quickly. I have…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[167],"class_list":["post-26656","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":41779,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-wife-has-refused-to-have-sex-with-me-for-years-and-im-weakening\/","url_meta":{"origin":26656,"position":0},"title":"My wife has refused to have sex with me for years and I’m weakening","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I feel\u00a0very\u00a0ashamed to even write this, but I've been doing Google searches and scouring the Internet for answers. I would normally just ask a pastor from church, but I have a learning disorder or mental disability and\u00a0everyone\u00a0just writes me off as strange or stupid. Even pastors don't want\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":27249,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-know-my-wife-committed-adultery-after-she-filed-for-divorce-do-i-have-the-right-to-remarry\/","url_meta":{"origin":26656,"position":1},"title":"I know my wife committed adultery after she filed for divorce. Do I have the right to remarry?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 16, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a member of the church and have been for many years, (although my faith has been weak for the past few years, I have now come back to the Lord.\u00a0 Here is my situation and question: I have struggled with pornography for many years while married.\u00a0 My\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41702,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/sex-was-never-fun-and-i-stopped-having-sex-with-my-husband-can-i-divorce-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":26656,"position":2},"title":"Sex was never fun and I stopped having sex with my husband. Can I divorce him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I just read your article,\u00a0Can a man divorce his wife for not having sex with him?\u00a0I am a reborn child of God and married. We have children together. We haven't had sexual relations since my smallest kid. I refuse because: We had, and still have, a lot of problems\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10792,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/am-i-married-in-the-eyes-of-god\/","url_meta":{"origin":26656,"position":3},"title":"Am I married in the eyes of God?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 7, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: When I met my husband, he was going through a divorce from his former wife. She had been unfaithful. He moved out and the other man moved in with her. Before I met him, he had already begun the divorce papers. Because of his first wife's unfaithfulness, I understand\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":23781,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-i-have-sex-with-my-ex-husband-before-our-reconciliation\/","url_meta":{"origin":26656,"position":4},"title":"Can I have sex with my ex-husband before our reconciliation?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 14, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My husband divorced me, but not for biblical reasons. We are working on restoration. Neither of us has had an adulterous relationship. My question is can we have a sexual relationship before remarrying each other through the court? Answer: \"Now to the married I command, yet not I but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":60384,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/did-my-marriage-end-for-the-right-reason\/","url_meta":{"origin":26656,"position":5},"title":"Did my marriage end for the right reason?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 19, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good afternoon! I recently became aware of your ministry and have been reading your articles. I immediately loved the tone and the thoroughness of the answers to questions that people asked! I have one for you that has concerned me! I am in my fifties. I accepted Christ as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26656","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26656"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26656\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26656"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26656"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26656"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Answer:<\/h2>\n