Preparation for a Lifetime<\/a>\u201d and asked me this question: \u201cIf on the night after your wedding your wife tells you that she\u2019s HIV positive, what would you do\u201d? I was dumbfounded for some time but later gave my own opinion anyway. What is your own opinion, sir?<\/p>\n\tAnswer:<\/h2>\n
Such things can happen, not just with HIV, but with other incurable sexually transmitted diseases, such as herpes. It could also happen with other secrets. I knew a young man who was devastated to find out a few months after his wedding that his wife had a child whom she never told him about — worse, she had abandoned the child. He found out because she ran off and in the process of trying to find her, he found the child.<\/p>\n
The reason most people council an engagement of at least a year is so that two people can learn about each other. Love is based on trust (I Corinthians 13:7; Proverbs 31:11). Such secrets can destroy the love developing in a marriage. It can turn a loving marriage into a nightmare.<\/p>\n
What should a man do? First off, he made a covenant with his wife before God. As Solomon warns, “Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few. … When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed – Better not to vow than to vow and not pay. Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error. Why should God be angry at your excuse and destroy the work of your hands?<\/em>” (Ecclesiastes 5:2, 4-6). Even though the covenant was made without full disclosure, the covenant stands. This is illustrated by the Israelites. They made a covenant with the Gibeonites without checking out their story. They found out they were fooled, but they still honored the terms of their covenant (Joshua 9). It wasn’t that the Gibeonites didn’t suffer because of their lies. The covenant was a promise not to destroy them, so they ended up as slaves to the Israelites.<\/p>\nSecond, having sex with this woman would be a danger to the man. I would strongly recommend that they stop having sex. It would be a grief to both of them, but a marriage vow doesn’t mean a person jeopardizes his life. He survived without sex before his marriage, he can continue afterward.<\/p>\n
Third, he is bound by his covenant until his wife dies. If she has HIV, she will most likely die long before he does. He is responsible for her care until that time. When she dies, he will be free to marry again, and hopefully, he will choose more wisely.<\/p>\n
I would feel sorry for both because it will be a loveless marriage. She must face the fact that this is what she gets for deceiving her husband. He must face the fact that he let his desire for a wife caused him to enter too hastily into a marriage covenant. Often a person has hints of possible problems in advance, but those hints are ignored. For instance, the man most likely knew the woman he was marrying wasn’t a virgin. It would be prudent in an area where HIV is rampant to ask that she have herself checked for STDs and request to see the doctor’s report. But some don’t consider such things when they are infatuated with their bride-to-be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: A friend of mine and I discussed your book \u201cPreparation for a Lifetime\u201d and asked me this question: \u201cIf on the night after your wedding your wife tells you that she\u2019s HIV positive, what would you do\u201d? I was dumbfounded for some time but later gave my own opinion anyway. What is your own…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[64],"class_list":["post-24668","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":44548,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-a-shotgun-wedding-or-a-wedding-involving-a-lie-valid\/","url_meta":{"origin":24668,"position":0},"title":"Is a shotgun wedding or a wedding involving a lie valid?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 12, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: God bless brother. I have questions about marriage. If someone lies in order to get married does God acknowledges that marriage? A young man married a woman after three weeks of knowing each other. He has a severe ambivalent attachment disorder. She lied to him about her child from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17043,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-jeremiah-162-telling-me-not-to-marry-the-woman-i-love\/","url_meta":{"origin":24668,"position":1},"title":"Is Jeremiah 16:2 telling me not to marry the woman I love?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 15, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a believer in Nigeria. I have this question, I want you to seek the face of God and give me the interpretation. I have a lady friend, whom I truly love and she loves me. She is my neighbor. We have known each other for two years\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":60038,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-if-a-virgin-bride-did-not-bleed-on-her-wedding-night\/","url_meta":{"origin":24668,"position":2},"title":"What if a virgin bride did not bleed on her wedding night?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 22, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good evening Jeff, I recently got into a discussion with someone regarding Deuteronomy 22:13-21, specifically verses 15-17. He seems to think that the evidence being talked about here was blood, something I do not disagree with. I told him that I have heard that not every woman bleeds when\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43846,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/am-i-being-selfish-and-covetous-in-marrying-a-woman-who-had-a-child-by-another-man\/","url_meta":{"origin":24668,"position":3},"title":"Am I being selfish and covetous in marrying a woman who had a child by another man?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 6, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Greetings, I met my fianc\u00e9e last year and we became friends. We go to the same church. Later we decided to pray and ask God if we should get married and we did get confirmation. So we went to our pastor and told him of our decision. We are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":40115,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-you-remarry-after-a-separation-of-seven-years\/","url_meta":{"origin":24668,"position":4},"title":"Can you remarry after a separation of seven years?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I don't doubt God's forgiveness, but can a person remarry when he is separated from his spouse for over seven years? The marriage was not annulled nor have they divorced yet. Do both commit adultery if they have a new partner? Answer: \"And I say to you, whoever divorces\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45454,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/weve-been-together-for-seven-years-and-have-a-child-together-isnt-that-as-good-as-being-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":24668,"position":5},"title":"We’ve been together for seven years and have a child together. Isn’t that as good as being married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 7, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I have a question about sex before marriage. My girlfriend and I have been together for seven years, and we have a child together. She has gone off and on for years to church and I never. We have had our share of problems and are working together\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24668"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24668\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}