Good evening sir,<\/p>\n
I need advice. I’m dating my brother’s ex-girlfriend. They dated for almost five years. It ended when my brother got another girl pregnant and he eventually ended up marrying the other girl. Five years after the breakup, I developed feelings for her, and when I told her, she told me that she felt the same way about me.<\/p>\n
I told my brother about it. At first, he was furious and told me I’m a stranger and that we were no longer brothers. We always had a good relationship. Now, after two years of me and her dating, he is starting to understand that I love this girl. However, his wife has told him that he will never be in the same room as my girlfriend. My family disapproves of it because my brother told them we will never be in one place if I ever marry this girl.<\/p>\n
I need advice on how to handle this because I don’t want to see my decision destroy the family I have; yet, I can’t bear to lose this girl. I love her.<\/p>\n\t
I’m assuming that you and the woman you are dating are not having sex. I bring this up because it is clear from your question that your brother was having sex with multiple women. He only married one of them because he got her pregnant. Given his nature, I have to assume that he had sex with your girlfriend back when they were dating. I’m just hoping that you are not imitating his behavior.<\/p>\n
This is why he was initially mad at you for dating his ex-girlfriend. He didn’t like the idea that your choice implies that he made a mistake in who he decided to marry. This is also why his wife doesn’t want him to be around his old girlfriend. She doesn’t trust him. After all, he was having sex with her while dating his old girlfriend. He has shown himself to be untrustworthy around women.<\/p>\n
I suspect your family is unhappy because they simply want peace between you and your brother.<\/p>\n
It comes down to the fact that you are considering marrying a woman. That decision is completely up to you and the woman. Other people can give you advice, but the decision remains your own. That is why the Bible states that marriage starts with “a man shall leave his father and mother<\/em>” (Genesis 2:24). For a marriage to work, you have to first disconnect yourself from your family and realize that you are responsible for your own choices.<\/p>\n Your choices will cause other people to in turn make choices. Some you will like and others you won’t like. However, you need to realize that you can’t make choices for other people, just as they cannot make your choices. If you decide to marry this woman, it might be that you won’t see your brother very often — at least at first. I suspect that over time his wife will calm down if she sees there is no desire between him and your wife.<\/p>\n Plan your wedding — assuming you and she decide to get married. Invite your family and friends. Some will come and some won’t, but that will be their choice. Then plan on living as husband and wife on your own, without much help from your family. Hopefully, over time, everyone will calm down and accept each other.<\/p>\n\t Good morning sir,<\/p>\n I would like to say thank you so much for the advice. It turned out badly but choices, after all, needed to be made. The more I think about this matter and the way it turned out, I couldn’t thank you enough for preparing me for it. I wish there could be a lot that I could confide in you regarding the teachings of life. Sometimes we just need to hear teaching as raw as it is. You helped me a lot.<\/p>\n Thank you, sir.<\/p>\n\t You are welcome to contact me any time about the issues you are dealing with. I will try to give you a biblical answer.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Good evening sir, I need advice. I’m dating my brother’s ex-girlfriend. They dated for almost five years. It ended when my brother got another girl pregnant and he eventually ended up marrying the other girl. Five years after the breakup, I developed feelings for her, and when I told her, she told me that…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[149,1572],"class_list":["post-24625","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating","tag-fornication"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6903,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-deal-with-my-brother-in-law-dating-my-husbands-ex-girlfriend\/","url_meta":{"origin":24625,"position":0},"title":"How do I deal with my brother-in-law dating my husband’s ex-girlfriend?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 29, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good day, I need godly advice from you. Before I married my husband, he once dated a girl for a few months. They had sexual intercourse with each other one time. All this happened several years ago. My husband and I have been married for a few years now.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":42943,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-assure-my-girlfriend-that-im-the-right-man-for-her-despite-what-her-prophet-said\/","url_meta":{"origin":24625,"position":1},"title":"How do I assure my girlfriend that I’m the right man for her, despite what her prophet said?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 13, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm a 28 years old guy who is dating a 22 years old girl, who just graduated with her bachelor's degree. We have been dating for nine months. I'm a Christian. We don't attend the same church. At the moment she is not getting along with me and she\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45089,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-i-marry-my-brothers-ex-girlfriend-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":24625,"position":2},"title":"Can I marry my brother’s ex-girlfriend? (2)","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 21, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Dear Sir, I appreciate your website and how deep and rich your answers to pertinent questions have helped to shape people's lives. I have been dating a lady who was once dating my younger brother. They were both in the same church, and they dated as believers with the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38876,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-girlfriend-just-told-me-she-had-sex-with-her-ex-boyfriend-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":24625,"position":3},"title":"My girlfriend just told me she had sex with her ex-boyfriend. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 21, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am 20, and I am dating a girl since I went to college. She is also 20 now. Two days ago she confessed to me that she lost her virginity over five years ago with her ex-boyfriend. She had sex many times with him but said that she\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37748,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-former-girlfriend-wants-to-get-back-together-with-me-but-i-dont-know-if-i-should-take-the-risk\/","url_meta":{"origin":24625,"position":4},"title":"My former girlfriend wants to get back together with me, but I don’t know if I should take the risk","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi brother Hamilton, I need a bit of help here. I was courting a young lady for the past several years. I made indications that I wanted us to marry and she told me she wanted to wait. Our relationship got strained. I'm not sure because of that issue\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":48186,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-convert-my-hindu-girlfriend\/","url_meta":{"origin":24625,"position":5},"title":"How do I convert my Hindu girlfriend?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 5, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello sir, I have this question -- it is more like a problem. I started dating this girl, but she's of a different religion (Hindu). I am a Christian. I like this girl. What should I do? How do I convert her to Christianity? Please respond to me. 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Answer:<\/h2>\n