![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/ethics-300x212.jpg\")
Image by Tumisu from Pixabay<\/p><\/div>\n
When I was younger, I believed that when it came to a difference of opinion, there was a right side and a wrong side, and that was that. I tried to listen to the views of others and give them a fair hearing, but when I thought I was right, I was quick to inform others of their error. The only thing that mattered was who was right, right?<\/p>\n
Wrong.<\/p>\n
The problem is that people aren\u2019t computers. People are people. All of us have an emotional attachment to the things we believe. When those convictions are challenged, we don\u2019t enjoy it and are apt to become defensive. If the challenger continues to push, either we push back or disengage from the conversation. There\u2019s been a lot of talk recently about white fragility, but frankly, I think human fragility is the real issue. Nobody\u2019s skin color makes it easier or harder for them to hear things they don\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n
If we don\u2019t acknowledge this fundamental truth about people, we are much less likely to win converts and much more likely to create conflict. The map is not the territory, and merely presenting the abstract truth about something often fails to persuade. When we\u2019re right on a conceptual level but get the human aspect wrong, we will end up being right and wrong at the same time.<\/p>\n
I spent years being right and wrong at the same time, and I probably spend too much time there even now. I don\u2019t recommend it. It strains and fractures friendships, creates lots of enemies, and accomplishes nothing worthwhile. People won\u2019t listen, and we will become cynical and embittered because they aren\u2019t listening.<\/p>\n
If we want to avoid this trap, there are several things we need to consider. What\u2019s our goal? Usually, it isn\u2019t (or shouldn\u2019t be) just to \u201cget somebody told\u201d. As Paul says in II Corinthians 5:11, knowing the fear of God, we ought to try to persuade others. Winning hearts is the goal of the gospel. Winning arguments isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Persuasion requires us to account for the humanness of those we are trying to persuade. One of the most enlightening books I\u2019ve read in recent years is Kerry Patterson\u2019s Crucial Conversations<\/em>. It observes that people only are persuadable when they feel safe. The less safe they feel, the more inclined they will be to reject what you have to say.<\/p>\n There are a number of ways to build safety in a difficult conversation. Having a strong pre-existing relationship is perhaps the most important. The more others trust us, the better able we are to safely discuss a difficult topic with them. In fact, I think it\u2019s sound practice for all Christians to build and reinforce relationships with everyone they know as a matter of habit. We never know when we will have to put that relationship to the test.<\/p>\n Second, we need to choose our words carefully. In Colossians 4:6, Paul urges us to season our speech, and our efforts toward palatability can make all the difference between acceptance and rejection. Harsh, condemnatory language rarely wins over its target. On the other hand, when we strive to be understanding, fair, and compassionate, we are much more likely to find an open heart.<\/p>\n Finally, we have to make changing as easy as possible. All of us are proud, insecure creatures. We don\u2019t like to admit when we\u2019re wrong, especially not in front of others. Consequently, private conversations generally are more effective than public confrontations. They allow people to change without suffering a dramatic loss of face.<\/p>\n We also need to put ourselves in the place of the one who is wrong and speak to them as we ourselves would like to be spoken to when we are wrong. We never should demand that someone forfeit their dignity in order to acknowledge an error. As satisfying as it may be to make the moron crawl, such demands will destroy our future influence.<\/p>\n Doing even these things is not easy, and there is much more that I could say on the subject! Sadly, I\u2019m sure that I have even more to learn. We live in a society that has forgotten the art of having conversations like these, but this is a skill that we must master if we want to win souls and inherit eternal life ourselves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Matthew W. Bassford I am quite sure that God frequently shakes His head in amazement at my foolishness. However, I hope that year by year, decade by decade, I manage to get a little bit wiser. One such hard-won nugget of wisdom has to do with being right and wrong at the same time.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[451],"class_list":["post-23550","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-article","tag-teaching"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":23445,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/the-absolute-truth\/","url_meta":{"origin":23550,"position":0},"title":"The Absolute Truth","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 21, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Text: Jeremiah 32:37-41 \u00a0 I.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m sure you have heard people who in matters of right and wrong express this belief \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0A.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI feel it is wrong for me, but other people have to decided for themselves whether it is wrong for them. I can\u2019t push my beliefs on others.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0B.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The statement\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Audio"","block_context":{"text":"Audio","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/audio\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":24475,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-mixed-swimming-right-or-wrong\/","url_meta":{"origin":23550,"position":1},"title":"Is mixed swimming right or wrong?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 10, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was reading\u00a0your sermons on modesty. What I want to know is why do\u00a0you say mixed swimming is wrong, but in the article labeled \"Emphasizing the Physical\", mixed bathing is not considered wrong, but people make it a rule? I'm a little confused. Answer: People love to make rules,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17517,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-you-keep-doing-right-when-others-react-badly\/","url_meta":{"origin":23550,"position":2},"title":"How do you keep doing right when others react badly?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 22, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I feel like I need some words of encouragement and counsel on a personal issue. Thank you in advance for taking the time to give me a scriptural response that I can apply to my personal life. May God bless you in your efforts. What I'm trying to do\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19109,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-wrong-to-make-a-decision-about-what-is-right-or-wrong-based-on-what-you-think-a-cartoon-character-would-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":23550,"position":3},"title":"Is it wrong to make a decision about what is right or wrong based on what you think a cartoon character would do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 11, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Is it sinful to base your life on a cartoon? Let's say you're being tempted, but to help you get past your temptation you think about what a hero on a show would do. Would that be sinful? Answer: A lot would depend on the cartoon I would think.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":93053,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-you-know-you-are-in-the-right-church\/","url_meta":{"origin":23550,"position":4},"title":"How do you know you are in the right church?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 6, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello there, I am getting on here as I have many questions about God, the church, salvation, and the Bible. I was baptized into Christ just over a year ago, and while I understand that Jesus built one church and when I was baptized the Lord added me to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":63449,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/self-inflicted-wounds\/","url_meta":{"origin":23550,"position":5},"title":"Self-Inflicted Wounds","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 2, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"by Jeffrey W. Hamilton Text: Matthew 7:1-5 \u00a0 I.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve mentioned to several people an interesting book by Gregory Koukl called Tactics. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0A.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0It discuss how Christians can discuss the gospel with others, especially those who might be hostile to the ideas of Christianity. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a01.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0It is about not only presenting points, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Audio"","block_context":{"text":"Audio","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/audio\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23550","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23550"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23550\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}