Could you please explain what is the biblical way to find a spouse? Many people today choose a girlfriend or boyfriend (some choose more than one) before marriage. But it seems that the Bible never mentioned “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” So what is the biblical way of finding a spouse? Is it wrong to have a boyfriend or girlfriend at all?<\/p>\n\t
“There are three things which are too wonderful for me, yes, four which I do not understand:\u00a0<\/em>t<\/em>he way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the midst of the sea, and the way of a man with a virgin<\/em>” (Proverbs 30:18-19).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Many times God doesn’t give specifics regarding certain customs. For example, God is very clear that people should marry (Genesis 2:18), yet God doesn’t say how that marriage is to take place beyond stating that a marriage is created by a covenant (Malachi 2:14). We see hints at various marriage customs used, but no details. From that, we conclude the customs for celebrating the forming of a marriage are not important and God allows people to practice as they choose.<\/p>\n
Dating is also something we are told little about. We know marriages take place, but how a man and woman decide to marry is rarely mentioned.<\/p>\n
Abraham’s servant found a wife for Isaac, whom Isaac married and loved deeply (Genesis 24). Jacob selected his own wife and dated her seven years while working to get permission to marry her from her father (Genesis 29). Judah found his own wife, but we aren’t told anything about the courtship (Genesis 38:2). The same Judah picked out a wife for his son Er (Genesis 38:6). For one of the more famous couples of the Bible, Ruth and Boaz, she had to take matters in her own hands to get Boaz to realize that she was available for marriage.<\/p>\n
The most complete description of courtship is found in Song of Solomon, but even here the story doesn’t begin until after the engagement had already taken place.<\/p>\n
Because of the varied circumstances mentioned in the Bible, we must conclude there isn’t one set way for a boy and a girl to become interested in each other. What we do see are guidelines, such as no sex before marriage (Hebrews 13:4) and no sexual touching before marriage (I Corinthians 7:1). If a culture encourages men and women to select their own spouse, then you will expect young people to make tentative decisions which they will frequently realize were mistakes. Every once in a while you will find a few young people wise enough to consult parents or respected adults in regards to the wisdom of their selection. I could wish that it happened more often, but youth is a time when people think they know enough that they won’t make a mistake. But I have also seen mistakes made in cultures where the parents choose the spouse because their criteria aren’t godly and doesn’t consider the children’s preferences. I doubt anyone’s particular method is perfect.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Could you please explain what is the biblical way to find a spouse? Many people today choose a girlfriend or boyfriend (some choose more than one) before marriage. But it seems that the Bible never mentioned “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” So what is the biblical way of finding a spouse? Is it wrong to have…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[149],"class_list":["post-23076","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6946,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-married-couples-stay-in-touch-on-a-regular-basis-with-an-ex-boyfriend-or-ex-girlfriend\/","url_meta":{"origin":23076,"position":0},"title":"Should married couples stay in touch on a regular basis with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 20, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Should married couples stay in touch on a regular basis with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?\u00a0 And what if the friend is also married? Answer: Does a person's likes and dislikes in particular personalities change just because they become married? If I really enjoyed golf and had a group of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43196,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-wanted-a-child-with-my-boyfriend-but-he-got-his-ex-girlfriend-pregnant-instead-i-need-help\/","url_meta":{"origin":23076,"position":1},"title":"I wanted a child with my boyfriend, but he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant instead. I need help","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 10, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My boyfriend and I have been trying to have a child. Every month I worry about being pregnant. A few days back he told me his ex-girlfriend came over and he slept with her out of pity. Now she's pregnant. I am devastated right now because the one thing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37427,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-dont-want-to-force-him-but-my-boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-marry-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":23076,"position":2},"title":"I don’t want to force him, but my boyfriend doesn’t want to marry me","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 25, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm right now in a situation in which my boyfriend doesn't want to marry me. From the beginning of our relationship, I didn't want to force him but I wanted this relationship to end up in a marriage. From a religious point of view and I'm from an area\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":42245,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-proper-for-my-boyfriend-to-flirt-with-other-women\/","url_meta":{"origin":23076,"position":3},"title":"Is it proper for my boyfriend to flirt with other women?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I read one of the answers you gave\u00a0a girl about kissing her old boyfriend while she was dating another guy, and she felt guilty about it. You said they were not married so it was OK. If my boyfriend and I have an understanding that we're not going to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45214,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-girlfriend-had-sex-with-her-former-boyfriend-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":23076,"position":4},"title":"My girlfriend had sex with her former boyfriend and I don’t know what to do","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 25, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: We are in a relationship for more than two years. She went back to her home during college vacation. While there she planned to go and meet her ex-boyfriend, who is also a school friend, to remember the old days. She went to his house to meet him, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":54862,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-porneia-only-refer-to-sex-with-someone-you-have-no-emotional-connection-with\/","url_meta":{"origin":23076,"position":5},"title":"Can\u00a0porneia\u00a0only refer to sex with someone you have no emotional connection with?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 17, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was reading\u00a0your page about the Greek \"porneia\" and I was wondering if this meant prostitution and sexual intercourse with those to whom you have no emotional connection. More specifically, is sex with someone you love, like a boyfriend or girlfriend, specifically deemed immoral in the Bible, or is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23076","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23076"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23076\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23076"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23076"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23076"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}