My husband is much younger than I am. We’ve been married now for just a few months. Our relationship took off kind of fast. He is deployed now to another country and since has been going back and forth with the thought of divorce.<\/p>\n
I have kids, none of them are his by blood. He came in the door loving them and acting like a father to them. I don’t want a divorce because I know what God says about divorce. But he seems serious this time about it. He says he’s too young for marriage. But he wants us to get a divorce and date exclusively. To me, that means he wants the benefits of a marriage without the commitment.<\/p>\n
Do I pray for this marriage or just move on?<\/p>\n\t
He is a member of the military and yet claiming he is too young to be married? I’m sorry, that extremely weak excuse doesn’t fly. I must assume that you had the right to be married. Since you mention having children, I don’t know if this is your first marriage or not, and if there were other marriages, whether they ended in a way that would allow you by the Scriptures to marry again (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). If you didn’t have the right to be married by God’s laws, then the marriage would need to end, not because he was too young, but because it wasn’t a legitimate marriage.<\/p>\n
But assuming you did have the right to marry, he made a commitment to you, the children, and to God. He is bound by the commitment for life. Besides, a divorce isn’t going to solve whatever problem he is facing.<\/p>\n
The real problem is that two-fold:<\/p>\n
The problem is that there hasn’t been nearly enough time for the two of you to bind your lives together as husband and wife. This illustrates one of the reasons God told the Israelites, “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken<\/em>” (Deuteronomy 24:5). A new marriage requires time for the two people to adjust to their new circumstances. Ending this marriage isn’t going to solve the problem.<\/p>\n If he ends the marriage, there won’t be any “benefits.” He won’t be living with you since you aren’t married. He won’t be in your bed. It should be made very clear to him that a person can’t be single and have the rights of a married man at the same time.<\/p>\n He does need to date you and you do need to date him, but you need to do it as husband and wife. Both of you need to do whatever you can to make this marriage work so that both of you can be happy with the choice that you made. What I strongly suggest is that you both find a good marriage counselor to work through the early issues in your marriage. By “good” I mean one who honors God’s Word first and won’t suggest a divorce because he can’t see a way to solve some particular problem.<\/p>\n In this, you have to put as much effort into solving your mutual problems as he must. He might be in the wrong for wanting a divorce, but you need to give him incentives to want to say married.<\/p>\n\t No sir, I\u2019ve never been married. So this is a legitimate marriage.<\/p>\n My husband is confusing me. He says: he\u2019s too young, he doesn\u2019t want the kids’ biological dad in their life because he\u2019s in but not consistent at all, and we don\u2019t know each other. I don\u2019t know if he\u2019s just insecure from being so far away or what.<\/p>\n So do you have any suggestions on incentives because I’m becoming overwhelmed? I caught him talking to an old girlfriend. I’m so lost right now, help me<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\t Yes, your husband is looking for excuses to end your marriage. Each excuse is lame. He isn’t too young to get married — he did so of his own free choice. He knew in advance that you had kids and knew that their biological dad hangs around before he proposed that you two marry. If he didn’t know you well enough, then he shouldn’t have entered into a lifelong commitment with you.<\/p>\n The sad fact is that your husband has no clue about the value of a man’s word or the permanence of marriage. But you know all of this. Your knowledge of it isn’t going to save your marriage.<\/p>\n I suspect that the problem is more than the excuses he’s giving you, but without talking to him I have no clue. I can only go on what you tell me. That is why I strongly urge both of you to get marriage counseling. Perhaps someone hearing both sides can help you see what changes are needed.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, I would suggest dropping any complaining to him that you are doing. Spend your time and effort on making him glad about the choice that he made so that he looks forward to coming back to you. Don’t give him problems that he can’t fix from the other side of the world, you’ll have to handle those yourself, just like you did before you married. You aren’t going to win this battle by telling him off for talking to old girlfriends. You’re going to win when he’s too focused on you to remember that those girlfriends existed.<\/p>\n\t Thank you. I will keep you posted on our progress and I will refer you to some friends that I have who may not be having problems but just need some advice. I will direct them to the site where I found you. You are a great help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: My husband is much younger than I am. We’ve been married now for just a few months. Our relationship took off kind of fast. He is deployed now to another country and since has been going back and forth with the thought of divorce. I have kids, none of them are his by blood.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[167],"class_list":["post-22294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":37020,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-says-he-wants-to-divorce-me-in-order-to-have-a-polygamous-marriage-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":22294,"position":0},"title":"My husband says he wants to divorce me in order to have a polygamous marriage. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a Christian. I am writing because my husband wants a divorce. He has stated to me that he believes that he should be able to have more than one wife and live under one roof with them. I really think that he doesn't believe that, but he\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37904,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-second-husband-left-and-now-wants-a-divorce-what-should-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":22294,"position":1},"title":"My second husband left and now wants a divorce. What should I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 19, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have a past that I am not proud of. I was in and out of the church and never truly committed to God.\u00a0 I did ask for salvation when I was around 19 but was still not committed to God. I was married for the wrong reasons to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44946,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-daughter-is-engaged-to-a-man-that-i-found-out-is-still-married-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":22294,"position":2},"title":"My daughter is engaged to a man that I found out is still married. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 24, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: This is a complicated situation.\u00a0 The information I have comes from the young man. This young man got a young girl pregnant.\u00a0 They were together off and on for a couple of years.\u00a0 They applied for a marriage license but did not follow through.\u00a0 They applied the second time\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":30228,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-we-make-things-right-after-our-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":22294,"position":3},"title":"Can we make things right after our adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 11, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I would like your advice on a matter that concerns me. I'm a young single woman who fell in love with a guy who was married. I'm not a Christian, but he is. He has children as well. When we first met he was married at the time,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10792,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/am-i-married-in-the-eyes-of-god\/","url_meta":{"origin":22294,"position":4},"title":"Am I married in the eyes of God?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 7, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: When I met my husband, he was going through a divorce from his former wife. She had been unfaithful. He moved out and the other man moved in with her. Before I met him, he had already begun the divorce papers. 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