Should I stay married and does my wife need to tell the truth? I have been married for over 15 years. I caught my wife cheating on me 10 years ago with her step-brother. She said all they did was kiss, but I knew it was not true. We reconciled to keep our family together. We had children since then.<\/p>\n
I asked her about the relationship over several months. She lied, saying nothing was going on, so I put a voice recorder on our phone line and caught them talking dirty on the phone. She never told the truth and the adultery continued at different times. Over the years I have questioned her about her activities outside the home, showing up late, not being where she said she was, and leaving work during the day. She always told me I was crazy. About five years ago she started telling me she did not love me and wanted a divorce. I started finding her rings in the cup holder of her van while she was at work. She would not speak to me for months at a time — six months was the longest. Early this year she openly left her rings out and said, “I don’t love you and I want a divorce.” I left the house this summer and started surveillance on her. I found out it was happening again. (Had the man at my home in my bed with my children there.) She denies it and now says she loves me and wants to stay married. I started the divorce process and she is fighting all the way. I feel she is only trying to save her reputation and financial loss. She always told me I needed to leave so she would not be the bad guy. A few days before I confronted her with my information, she told me she did not love me and wanted a divorce, get the papers, she would sign them. She is telling me and my children that she has done nothing wrong and that I am the one who is tearing apart our family.<\/p>\n
Help me, please!<\/p>\n\t
You ask for help, but you haven’t stated what you are trying to do. You make it clear that your wife has continued to commit adultery. Because of that, you have the right to divorce your wife and marry again if you so choose.<\/p>\n
That she is pretending that you are the one at fault is not surprising. Adultery is a selfish sin. You did contribute to the problem by stating you had forgiven her but then spent years never letting yourself or her forget. But that doesn’t excuse the sin on her part.<\/p>\n
You might as well end this marriage since it is clear you are not going to be able to forgive her and she won’t give up her sin.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Should I stay married and does my wife need to tell the truth? I have been married for over 15 years. I caught my wife cheating on me 10 years ago with her step-brother. She said all they did was kiss, but I knew it was not true. We reconciled to keep our family…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[66,167,534],"class_list":["post-21383","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery","tag-divorce","tag-incest"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":37401,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-man-remarry-after-divorcing-his-wife-for-her-admitted-adultery-only-to-find-out-decades-later-that-she-lied-to-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":21383,"position":0},"title":"Can a man remarry after divorcing his wife for her admitted adultery only to find out decades later that she lied to him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 27, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a member of the Lord's church, he is not (although he has been studying and attending services with me). I was engaged to him until I contacted his ex-wife to inquire about what ended their marriage. I wanted to make sure his claim that she committed adultery\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":25600,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/are-we-still-committing-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":21383,"position":1},"title":"Are we still committing adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 15, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was married for over ten years and left my spouse to be with my current spouse. My current spouse was married and left his spouse to be with me. That was over fifteen years ago. We have no children. I was a Christian in a verbally abusive marriage\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31571,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-husband-divorce-his-wife-ten-years-after-forgiving-her-of-an-affair\/","url_meta":{"origin":21383,"position":2},"title":"Can a husband divorce his wife ten years after forgiving her of an affair?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 2, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I want to help my sister in Christ. Situation:\u00a0 A woman cheats on her husband.\u00a0 Husband says he forgives her and stays with her for 10 years after the adultery.\u00a0 Over the 10 years, the husband never really gets over the infidelity. He eventually files for divorce and divorces\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2268,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-does-a-wife-do-when-she-finds-out-her-husband-lied-about-committing-adultery-against-his-former-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":21383,"position":3},"title":"What does a wife do when she finds out her husband lied about committing adultery against his former wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 12, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: This question is in reference to a friend. She grew up in the church, and she was baptized. She entered into a marriage with someone, but her spouse committed adultery against her. My friend remarried sometime later and was under the assumption that she was entering into a scriptural\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":29698,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-recently-found-out-my-ex-wife-was-married-before-we-married-is-my-second-marriage-proper\/","url_meta":{"origin":21383,"position":4},"title":"I recently found out my ex-wife was married before we married. Is my second marriage proper?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 24, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I was married to a woman I recently discovered was married previously. She never told me that she was married, for if she had, I would not have married her. In less than a year, she divorced me for irreconcilable differences. About two years later, I married again.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17078,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-wife-left-me-six-weeks-ago-and-i-am-at-my-wits-end\/","url_meta":{"origin":21383,"position":5},"title":"My wife left me six weeks ago and I am at my wit’s end","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 19, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, My wife left me six weeks ago. My life has been a living nightmare since then. I really don't know the real reason for her leaving. 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