My aunt has been married for a very long time and has been verbally and emotionally abused for the majority of her marriage.\u00a0 She has one daughter who also was verbally and emotionally abused by her father growing up.\u00a0 My uncle has cheated on my aunt numerous times that we know of.\u00a0 Still, my aunt continued to stay with him.\u00a0 He has demeaned her and completely broken her spirit and she has absolutely no self-esteem at all.\u00a0 My uncle has recently increased his verbal and emotional attacks on my aunt, he is jealous of the two little girls about 9 years old, who live next door and like to walk their dogs when my aunt walks her dog.\u00a0 He has started coming home at various times in the afternoon, sneaking in the door and upon my aunt, who is playing Internet games, he has always accused her of cheating.\u00a0 She has never cheated, not once.\u00a0 Her mother has been in a nursing home for a few years and she has severely decreased visiting her because her husband tries to control that as well.\u00a0 She has no friends left, even when she tries speaking to them on the phone, he yells loudly until she hangs the phone up.\u00a0 When her daughter was young, he continually drove a wedge between them, he was jealous of the child and still is to this day.\u00a0 He is an alcoholic and has been for many years.\u00a0 He has said many times that he will never change.\u00a0 My aunt wants to start going back to church, but she knows he will complain and grip to the point that she will have to stop going.\u00a0 My aunt feels because she married this monster that it is not the Christian thing to divorce him.\u00a0 What is your view of what the bible has to say about this type of situation?<\/p>\n\t
It is not the Christian thing to forsake the Lord because of another. “So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time–houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions–and in the age to come, eternal life<\/em>” (Mark 10:29-30). Your aunt has to make up her mind who comes first in her life, her husband or the Lord. Right now she is putting her husband first even though he hasn’t done things worthy of devotion on her part.<\/p>\n My advice is for her to get busy making up for all the time she’s lost and start serving the Lord fully. If her husband doesn’t like it, he can take it up with God, but meanwhile, she has things to do. If he doesn’t want to live with a Christian, he can leave if he so chooses. She has never been his slave. “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:15).<\/p>\n She has to ignore him in other areas as well when he interferes with doing what is right. She should visit her mother often. She should get out and make friends. If he acts like a child when she is on the phone, then she tells her friends that he’s in one of his moods, so she’ll just come over to talk instead, if that is all right. In other words, she knows the right thing to do, so she does it. If he doesn’t like it, that is his problem, not hers.<\/p>\n But for your part, as sad as this situation is, you have to realize that your aunt is choosing to stay. It wouldn’t be your choice, but it is her choice. She has grown comfortable in this game of give-and-take with her husband. People often prefer the known, as bad as it may be, to the unknown. I’ve helped people leave bad situations, and I am always amazed by how often they go right back. They know they are better off, they know the old situation is bad, but it was what they had grown used to and they rather go back. So let her know that options exist and you are willing to help if she ever needs it.<\/p>\n But at the same time, I suspect that she brings a lot of these problems to you because you have a sympathetic ear. You need to let her know that you’re sorry about the situation, but if she doesn’t want to do something about it, then telling you her woes just depresses your day and accomplishes nothing. In other words, refuse to be her crutch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: My aunt has been married for a very long time and has been verbally and emotionally abused for the majority of her marriage.\u00a0 She has one daughter who also was verbally and emotionally abused by her father growing up.\u00a0 My uncle has cheated on my aunt numerous times that we know of.\u00a0 Still, my…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1105,173],"class_list":["post-20090","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-abuse","tag-family"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":40579,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-a-person-responsible-for-the-lies-an-aunt-may-have-made-when-she-was-three\/","url_meta":{"origin":20090,"position":0},"title":"Is a person responsible for the lies an aunt may have made when she was three?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 10, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, A person immigrated to this country over thirty years ago as a child (age 3).\u00a0 The aunt of the person might have told immigration that the child was her natural child instead of revealing that the child had been adopted.\u00a0 Is the child responsible to God for this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8707,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-stole-money-from-my-aunt-should-i-ask-for-a-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":20090,"position":1},"title":"I stole money from my aunt. Should I ask for a spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 19, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was reading through your website and I feel guilty so I felt compelled to send a message.\u00a0 I am 17 years old and have been stealing money from my aunt's house.\u00a0 I have been babysitting her kids and she has trusted me.\u00a0 I have taken a lot of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":46184,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-go-to-the-wedding-of-a-brother-who-is-committing-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":20090,"position":2},"title":"Should I go to the wedding of a brother who is committing adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 28, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello friend! I need help answering a question: One of the college students at my church asked me this and I'm stumped, so I figured a brother in Christ could help me. Here's what she asked: \"My brother is getting married through the court, but he has already been\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36450,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-ruined-my-husbands-reputation-with-my-family-how-do-i-repair-it\/","url_meta":{"origin":20090,"position":3},"title":"I ruined my husband’s reputation with my family. How do I repair it?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good morning\u00a0my brother, I'm a believer and married. I have a problem that does not allow me to sleep. For the past three years my husband cheated on me with a woman I forgave him because I love my husband. He is a good husband apart from his mistake.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1831,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/could-cousins-marry-in-biblical-times\/","url_meta":{"origin":20090,"position":4},"title":"Could cousins marry in biblical times?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 25, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Could cousins marry in biblical times? Answer: The restriction on marrying near relatives changed as the world aged. In the beginning, the world was created in perfect condition. \"Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good\" (Genesis 1:31). There were no genetic defects\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2515,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/who-is-the-uncle-of-moses\/","url_meta":{"origin":20090,"position":5},"title":"Who is the uncle of Moses?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 10, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Who is the uncle of Moses? Answer: Moses' parents were Amram and Jochebed. \"Now Amram took for himself Jochebed, his father's sister, as wife; and she bore him Aaron and Moses. And the years of the life of Amram were one hundred and thirty-seven\" (Exodus 6:20). In other words,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20090","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20090"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20090\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20090"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20090"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20090"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}