I have a friend who has approached me about problems in his marriage. They have been married for a few years. The couple are Christians, attend church, and are active in the church. He told me he was struggling in his marriage. He revealed to me that he was committing adultery. When I inquired further, it turned out that he was actually not sleeping with only one woman but three women. It wasn’t one time affairs, he confessed to me that he has done it several times.<\/p>\n
At the beginning of their marriage, the wife had an extramarital relationship and he told me it was resolved and so he was not doing this as a sign of revenge. He also thinks that his wife is not in any way to blame for the sins he has been committing.<\/p>\n
Question:<\/p>\n
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God<\/em>” (I Corinthians 6:9-10).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
In speaking about false teachers, Peter said, “But these, like natural brute beasts made to be caught and destroyed, speak evil of the things they do not understand, and will utterly perish in their own corruption, and will receive the wages of unrighteousness, as those who count it pleasure to carouse in the daytime. They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you, having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart trained in covetous practices, and are accursed children. They have forsaken the right way and gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Beor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness<\/em>” (II Peter 2:12-15).<\/p>\n
Those who serve the church are to be examples to their fellow Christians. “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity<\/em>” (I Timothy 4:12). This man is failing his duty to God, his brethren, and his wife.<\/p>\n
You don’t describe a man who has a momentary weakness, but one who is a compulsive adulterer. You left me with the impression that he didn’t so much freely admit his sins as you dragged it out of him when he came to talk about other marital problems.<\/p>\n
I would tell this man that he needs to leave his service to the church until such time as he gets himself under control. If he doesn’t voluntarily step down, then get several of the respected men of the church to join you in talking with this man about the problem. In other words, treat this as Matthew 18:15-17 states to handle problems, even though this isn’t a personal offense against you. This man’s soul is lost, so you need to come down hard on him in hopes of turning him around.<\/p>\n
If he appears to be unrepentant and you suspect that he is continuing to commit adultery, then I would have a private talk with his wife. She needs to be warned before further harm is done. But if he does appear to have made a dramatic change, then don’t get between this man and his wife. They will have to settle their issues in their own way.<\/p>\n
If I read this wrong and this man is truly repentant, I would still suggest that he step down until he can prove himself under control. Discuss the motivations behind his affairs. Talk to him about measures he needs to take to reduce the temptations in his life. No one can make him be faithful, but if he wants help, talk to him about ways he thinks you can help him be responsible. But make sure he understands that if he continues, eventually his sins will be discovered. “But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the LORD; and be sure your sin will find you out<\/em>” (Numbers 32:23).<\/p>\n
In handling this problem, make sure that only the barest minimum number of people know about what is going on as possible. The hope is that this man will turn from his sins and if he does, the less damaged his reputation the quicker things can be restored to the way they ought to have been.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I have a friend who has approached me about problems in his marriage. They have been married for a few years. The couple are Christians, attend church, and are active in the church. He told me he was struggling in his marriage. He revealed to me that he was committing adultery. When I inquired…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[66],"class_list":["post-19800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":46184,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-go-to-the-wedding-of-a-brother-who-is-committing-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":19800,"position":0},"title":"Should I go to the wedding of a brother who is committing adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 28, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello friend! I need help answering a question: One of the college students at my church asked me this and I'm stumped, so I figured a brother in Christ could help me. Here's what she asked: \"My brother is getting married through the court, but he has already been\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2268,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-does-a-wife-do-when-she-finds-out-her-husband-lied-about-committing-adultery-against-his-former-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":19800,"position":1},"title":"What does a wife do when she finds out her husband lied about committing adultery against his former wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 12, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: This question is in reference to a friend. She grew up in the church, and she was baptized. She entered into a marriage with someone, but her spouse committed adultery against her. My friend remarried sometime later and was under the assumption that she was entering into a scriptural\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":28246,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-my-husband-left-his-improper-second-marriage-could-he-marry-me-again\/","url_meta":{"origin":19800,"position":2},"title":"If my husband left his improper second marriage, could he marry me again?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 29, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have been reading a number of your \"questions-and-answers\" on your web site regarding divorce and remarriage. Could you please shed your thoughts and opinions on the following for me? I am very confused. 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Under the power of God, the lady confessed to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37256,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-both-are-committing-adultery-could-either-one-remarry\/","url_meta":{"origin":19800,"position":4},"title":"If both are committing adultery, could either one remarry?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 19, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I was wondering if you could help me with the following: How would you respond to a man who was married, and after four years of marriage his wife committed adultery. He decided to move out. The two remained legally married for another whopping 8 years, but both\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":25600,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/are-we-still-committing-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":19800,"position":5},"title":"Are we still committing adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 15, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was married for over ten years and left my spouse to be with my current spouse. My current spouse was married and left his spouse to be with me. That was over fifteen years ago. We have no children. 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