Last year, I met a wonderful girl who has been on my mind almost constantly since I first saw her.\u00a0 In addition to being incredibly beautiful in every physical way, she also has a very sweet demeanor — one of those personalities that just lights up the room.\u00a0 Sadly, I was never able to set up a date with her, and my attempts to woo her only ended in failure and in her dislike for me.\u00a0 She has since been seeing another man.\u00a0 Nevertheless, I still feel attracted to her.<\/p>\n
But I am concerned that this attraction has crossed over into covetousness.\u00a0 I am accepting things for the way they are and have no plans to interfere with her current relationship.\u00a0 Still, I have often thought about what I could have done differently, and what it would be like if I had succeeded.\u00a0 Sometimes I imagine kissing or hugging her (but nothing sexual) or receiving affection.\u00a0 I also wonder if I will ever be able to become friends with her again, and then maybe have another shot at romance.\u00a0 Have I gone too far?\u00a0 If so, what might you suggest?\u00a0 Thanks again!<\/p>\n\t
There is nothing wrong with learning from past mistakes. We all make them and most people make more than their fair share of them when dating. But that is because we are young and so inexperienced when dating becomes a major factor in our lives. It isn’t whether you fail, but whether you pick yourself up and move on. “For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity<\/em>” (Proverbs 24:16).<\/p>\n This then is your problem — you haven’t moved on. You think that if you had said something different or done some action better she would have fallen in love with you. But think about that. It is almost as if you are saying, “If I had put on a better act, she wouldn’t have rejected me.” You should be looking for someone who loves you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.<\/p>\n Sure, there are things each of us wants to improve about ourselves. We should strive to make those improvements because it is the right thing to do. If those improvements also happen to make us more attractive to some people, then even better. But don’t make changes simply to impress someone. Those types of changes never last.<\/p>\n So let’s look at the facts. She wasn’t interested in you. She didn’t even want to have a date with you. Oh well, she missed out on a good man. Whatever made decide against you on such shallow criteria (she never really got to know you), just tells you that she isn’t the type of woman you want at your side for the rest of your life.<\/p>\n Move on. Dwelling on the past isn’t good for you. It won’t help you notice other people around you because you are still staring at the past. You and I don’t know what the future might hold. Who knows, she might mature and be interested in you later. But you can’t hang your life on maybe’s. So wait until you get to that bridge, if you ever do, before deciding whether you want to cross it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Last year, I met a wonderful girl who has been on my mind almost constantly since I first saw her.\u00a0 In addition to being incredibly beautiful in every physical way, she also has a very sweet demeanor — one of those personalities that just lights up the room.\u00a0 Sadly, I was never able to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[548,149],"class_list":["post-19646","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-coveting","tag-dating"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":46198,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/am-i-really-married-since-the-marriage-traditions-in-my-community-are-contrary-to-gods-laws\/","url_meta":{"origin":19646,"position":0},"title":"Am I really married since the marriage traditions in my community are contrary to God’s laws?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 29, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Dear Brother, Thank you for the important site you have created in order to answer those questions that affect Christians' lives. I live in a community where people are influenced by traditional superstition and idolatry. I found out that our tradition of marriage is as far as heaven from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38876,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-girlfriend-just-told-me-she-had-sex-with-her-ex-boyfriend-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":19646,"position":1},"title":"My girlfriend just told me she had sex with her ex-boyfriend. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 21, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am 20, and I am dating a girl since I went to college. She is also 20 now. Two days ago she confessed to me that she lost her virginity over five years ago with her ex-boyfriend. She had sex many times with him but said that she\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2172,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/the-girl-i-love-is-being-given-in-marriage-to-someone-else-by-her-family\/","url_meta":{"origin":19646,"position":2},"title":"The girl I love is being given in marriage to someone else by her family","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 3, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: There's this Muslim girl I love so much. While I was dating her, her parents found out and gave in her marriage to her cousin, who lives in another country. I don't know what to do now because we still love each other so much. She has accepted Jesus\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37421,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-wrong-to-marry-a-non-virgin-woman\/","url_meta":{"origin":19646,"position":3},"title":"Is it wrong to marry a non-virgin woman?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 25, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My girlfriend is in her mid-twenties. She has a very good heart and she is very beautiful both inside and out. She lost her mother at the age of 8 and was brought up by her grandparents. She had two previous affairs before me. Both of the affairs ended\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44691,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-talk-to-a-friend-who-has-started-experimenting-with-sex\/","url_meta":{"origin":19646,"position":4},"title":"How do I talk to a friend who has started experimenting with sex?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 16, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good evening sir, Sadly I write to you seeking some sort of advice as I am not only troubled but do not know how to handle this situation. One of my friends throughout high school and now college (although she is closer to my girlfriend) just did something I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":40084,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-let-go-of-my-girlfriends-past\/","url_meta":{"origin":19646,"position":5},"title":"How do I let go of my girlfriend’s past?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am 21 and have been a Christian since I was 8, I am a virgin and plan to stay that way until I get married. A while back I started dating a girl who I had met at church, she had only been a Christian for about a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19646","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19646"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19646\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19646"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19646"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19646"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}