Marriage’s Glue<\/a>” will explain it a bit better.<\/p>\nYou need to face the fact that her adultery has undermined your trust in her. I suspect that you are assuming she still has feelings for this other man, but what is really the problem is that you miss the full trust that you used to have in her and you are doubting yourself. It is your own fears and doubts which are keeping you from progressing and if you keep feeding them, you will drive her away.<\/p>\n
It isn’t easy to rebuild trust after it has been damaged so severely. But it appears that both of you want to work it out. So remember this first of all — she chose you over him. She left him; she didn’t leave you.<\/p>\n
You can’t fix another person. You can’t fix your wife. But you can be an encouragement to her to do the right thing. You can give her plenty of incentive to realize that she did the right thing by staying with you. That will be hard at first. It means giving her love because she is your wife and disregarding any lingering doubts. That is what\u00a0agape<\/em>\u00a0love is all about — giving love even when it isn’t returned. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish<\/em>” (Ephesians 5:25-27). Think about the implications of that statement because Christ didn’t love us because we deserved it. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us<\/em>” (Romans 5:8). You have an opportunity to demonstrate that level of love toward your wife.<\/p>\nSo show yourself to be a man and a loving husband by leading the way toward the healing of your marriage.<\/p>\n\t
Response:<\/h2>\n
I have been trying my best not to feed these thoughts and it has been a few months since we have spoken of the incident. My wife has been ill the past few years and I have always taken care of her and nurtured her back to health. She stated that what happened was because I took care of her, but I did not love her. She became this other persona on the Internet and got into chat rooms, then she met this man while I was away to see our grandchildren. It was a short-lived affair, but it has been devastating. I have and will continue to give her my unconditional love I will continue to show her my love. You’re right she is with me, but the thought of her with another really kills me.<\/p>\n
Thank you and God bless you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: The letter written to regarding the woman with the adulterous affair really hit home. My wife after 30 years cheated on me with another man. I have forgiven her. She did not tell me, I found out and I have been torn ever since. It has been a year ago. We have restored our…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[66,64],"class_list":["post-19639","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":41488,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-wife-is-leaving-me-after-only-seven-months-of-marriage-where-does-this-leave-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":19639,"position":0},"title":"My wife is leaving me after only seven months of marriage. Where does this leave me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am 19 years old and recently married my high school sweetheart.\u00a0 Now seven months later she wants a divorce, and it's not for adultery. Should I refuse to sign for the divorce?\u00a0 And if she continues with the divorce, without my agreement, and later remarries someone else, where\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41585,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-my-wife-divorces-me-and-then-marries-again-does-that-free-me-to-marry-again\/","url_meta":{"origin":19639,"position":1},"title":"If my wife divorces me and then marries again, does that free me to marry again?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have always believed that man's written divorce means nothing to God.\u00a0 And you reinforce my thinking when you mention that God is the one who decides when the marriage covenant ends.\u00a0 Doesn't this mean that even though she wants a divorce (by man's laws), and I do not,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":18935,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-wrong-that-my-boyfriend-and-i-satisfy-each-other-through-touching\/","url_meta":{"origin":19639,"position":2},"title":"Is it wrong that my boyfriend and I satisfy each other through touching?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 1, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Help, please. I am an adult female in her early thirty's. I am also a virgin by choice. I am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend and I love him. He is a good, honorable man who is not a virgin and has changed his way of life\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2268,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-does-a-wife-do-when-she-finds-out-her-husband-lied-about-committing-adultery-against-his-former-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":19639,"position":3},"title":"What does a wife do when she finds out her husband lied about committing adultery against his former wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 12, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: This question is in reference to a friend. She grew up in the church, and she was baptized. She entered into a marriage with someone, but her spouse committed adultery against her. My friend remarried sometime later and was under the assumption that she was entering into a scriptural\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":29883,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-created-a-mess-by-withdrawing-from-my-marriage-and-want-to-know-how-to-fix-it\/","url_meta":{"origin":19639,"position":4},"title":"I created a mess by withdrawing from my marriage and want to know how to fix it","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 9, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: This is a difficult problem and I understand if there can be no definitive answer. I will try to share all details that may be pertinent. I have been married for over twenty years. Very early on in our marriage, I committed adultery. Several years later she convinced me\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44539,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-secretly-married-a-second-woman-and-then-later-became-a-christian-do-i-have-to-divorce-one-of-my-wives\/","url_meta":{"origin":19639,"position":5},"title":"I secretly married a second woman and then later became a Christian. Do I have to divorce one of my wives?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 2, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, God blessed. I have been with my wife for nearly twenty years and we have five kids. Four years ago, I met a girl who I fell in love with, and we secretly married. A year ago I went through baptism in a church. With my current status,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19639","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19639"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19639\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19639"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19639"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19639"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}