My friend told me to send you an e-mail because you really helped her out, and she thought that you could help me. I have been in a relationship with this boy for 7 months now. We have broken up so many times I lost count. We have been through a lot together making it so hard to let go. He always says he is going to change, but he changes for two days then goes back to the old him. I can honestly say I love him because if I didn’t I wouldn’t put up with all the things he put me through. I guess the reason why I sent you this e-mail is that I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m really confused and just need some help.<\/p>\n\t
Just for the moment, consider why one person dates another person. Though for many dating is a form of entertainment, giving a person something to do on the weekends, most of us understand that the real goal of dating is to find someone whom we want as our lifetime mate. As much as you like a person, at least part of the time, what you have to ask yourself is: Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? Is this the person I want raising my children?<\/p>\n
You didn’t give me much to go on, but are you comfortable making a formal covenant (a very solemn vow before God) with a man who you know says one thing and two days later goes back on his word? That there are rocky times in any relationship is to be expected, but when in the short time of seven months you lose track of how many breakups you’ve had, something is seriously wrong. I would be more comfortable if you told me he was changing and improving, but you say that little has changed — other than you seem to have become more tolerant of his sins over time. Being worn-down isn’t the makings of an even poor marriage.<\/p>\n
Yes, you’ve been through a lot together, but it appears that the “lot” is of your own two’s making. If you told me that you had gone through trials that life threw your way and that together you each helped the other overcome the problems, then those experiences would be worth counting. But to have lots of experience in fighting with each other is not a triumph.<\/p>\n
I suspect you are in love with whom you think this young man could be, but not with the man he is at the moment. Marriage is about respect. “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband<\/em>” (Ephesians 5:33). Find a man whom you respect for who he is, and a man who respects you for who you are. You don’t have to settle for marginal.<\/p>\n Who knows, if you demand a higher quality product in your husband-to-be, he might just find the motivation to make serious, long-lasting changes in his life because he wants your love that much. But instead of accepting him back each time he says he has changed, insist on waiting a while to see evidence of that change. Even if you don’t marry him, you might then have an opportunity to make a better man out of him.<\/p>\n And don’t make the mistake of thinking that having sex with him is going to change him or make him stay. It almost never works and he strikes me as one even less likely to be caught by that game. It will just bind you more to him, making it harder for you to face reality.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: My friend told me to send you an e-mail because you really helped her out, and she thought that you could help me. I have been in a relationship with this boy for 7 months now. We have broken up so many times I lost count. We have been through a lot together making…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[149],"class_list":["post-19448","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":39864,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-find-myself-wanting-to-go-back-to-a-man-who-hasnt-been-good-to-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":19448,"position":0},"title":"I find myself wanting to go back to a man who hasn’t been good to me","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I just came across this site. It seems very helpful, but I need some answers myself. I am really struggling. I have been through a recent breakup because the guy was always breaking up with me and then coming back wanting everything to be fine. In trying times\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12116,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/all-we-have-in-common-is-our-love-for-god-is-that-enough-to-get-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":19448,"position":1},"title":"All we have in common is our love for God. Is that enough to get married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 5, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello there, I\u2019m in a serious relationship. It took me a while to come to terms with it because we were friends initially. My boyfriend is an awesome guy, he loves and serves God and is caring to people around. He\u2019s passionate about work, his students, family, church, etc..\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36730,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-know-we-did-things-wrong-but-how-can-i-get-my-boyfriend-back\/","url_meta":{"origin":19448,"position":2},"title":"I know we did things wrong, but how can I get my boyfriend back?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 24, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I really wanted your opinion on my relationship. My boyfriend and I had dated for almost two years. He broke up with me about a week ago. I am devastated. I always thought that he and I could get through anything. I admit we argued a lot, mostly\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32289,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-want-a-god-fearing-husband-but-my-boyfriend-doesnt-seem-to-be-that-interested\/","url_meta":{"origin":19448,"position":3},"title":"I want a God-fearing husband, but my boyfriend doesn’t seem to be that interested","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 26, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have been seeking God more than I have before. My life for God has definitely strengthened. However, I have sought God about the situation of my boyfriend. To be honest it seems as if I have to keep my boyfriend in the Word. He sure wants to marry,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38223,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-is-worldly-and-using-drugs-but-im-afraid-to-leave-him-as-he-might-become-worse\/","url_meta":{"origin":19448,"position":4},"title":"My boyfriend is worldly and using drugs, but I’m afraid to leave him as he might become worse","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello. I am a member of the church of Christ. How can I tell my boyfriend of two years that I'm aware he has a drug addiction without pushing him away or over the edge? I don't fear being alone but fear that if I'm not in his life,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44128,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-move-on-and-let-this-man-repair-his-family\/","url_meta":{"origin":19448,"position":5},"title":"Should I move on and let this man repair his family?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 5, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good day, sir! I'd like to thank you in advance for reading my letter. I've been quite troubled over my current situation and I hope you can offer me some advice. My guy and I have been together for some time now, and I've had hopes for an impending\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19448","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19448"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19448\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19448"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19448"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19448"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}