{"id":17514,"date":"2009-01-22T21:27:00","date_gmt":"2009-01-23T03:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=17514"},"modified":"2019-12-30T21:30:48","modified_gmt":"2019-12-31T03:30:48","slug":"i-just-found-out-my-husband-had-an-affair-eight-years-ago-am-i-free-to-leave-this-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-just-found-out-my-husband-had-an-affair-eight-years-ago-am-i-free-to-leave-this-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"I just found out my husband had an affair eight years ago. Am I free to leave this marriage?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t<h2>Question:<\/h2>\n<p>I would like some more information on fornication. My husband confessed to me this morning that he had a physical affair with a co-worker eight years ago. He said it just happened once and he has hated himself for it ever since. His behavior so long ago explains a lot of the way he has treated me. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive in the past. I stayed in my marriage because I knew I could not get married again scripturally and did not want to be alone. I decided to make the best of it. My husband has been baptized since then and I truly feel that he repented. Knowing about his affair, however, has given me hope in a strange way. Am I free to leave this marriage? Had I known about it eight years ago, I would have welcomed the get out of jail free card. I would appreciate an honest answer and would be happy to provide more information if you need it. I have never broken my marriage vows. I am miserable in this marriage and it has affected my faith. I think I remember reading somewhere once that the Greek word for fornication indicates ongoing behavior and not necessarily a one-time act.<\/p>\n<p>Thank you.<\/p>\n\t<h2>Answer:<\/h2>\n<p>Let me see, now that your husband and marriage has greatly improved because your husband has turned to the Lord, you want to reward his efforts by dumping him?<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m sure that even now your marriage still has ways to go, but it leaving your husband now is not going to make life better for either one of you.<\/p>\n<p>God doesn&#8217;t like divorce. &#8220;&#8216;<em>For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one&#8217;s garment with violence,&#8217; says the LORD of hosts. &#8216;Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously&#8217;<\/em>&#8221; (Malachi 2:16). The firm statement is that it is to be avoided. &#8220;<em>Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband<\/em>&#8221; (I Corinthians 7:10). Yet, sadly, people insist on focusing on escape instead of honoring their commitment and striving to make it work.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, the word for &#8220;fornication&#8221; in Matthew 19:9 in Greek means an on-going, or unrepentant, acts of sex outside of marriage. Greek has more cases to indicate time, number of people, and the like than English has. In this case, the Greek word <em>porneia<\/em>\u00a0is in the dative case which means a person is involved in fornication. It doesn&#8217;t match your current situation.<\/p>\n<p>It is probably good that eight years ago that you didn&#8217;t know about the affair. If you had, your husband would not have turned to God through your influence. &#8220;<em>For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?<\/em>&#8221; (I Corinthians 7:16).<\/p>\n<p>I would urge you, instead, to continue working on your marriage. You&#8217;ve made progress and it can continue to progress if you let it. Much of the attitude we have toward things comes from within ourselves. If we only look for miserable aspects, that is all we see and so we make ourselves miserable. There are good things about your marriage, so focus on those. Like a small ember, gentle blow on them through encouragement and it will eventually become the raging fire of love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Question: I would like some more information on fornication. My husband confessed to me this morning that he had a physical affair with a co-worker eight years ago. He said it just happened once and he has hated himself for it ever since. His behavior so long ago explains a lot of the way he&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[66,167],"class_list":["post-17514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery","tag-divorce"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":45446,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-found-out-months-ago-that-my-husband-is-having-an-affair-but-i-cant-bring-myself-to-forgive-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":17514,"position":0},"title":"I found out months ago that my husband is having an affair, but I can&#8217;t bring myself to forgive him","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 6, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, Almost two years ago I found out that my husband was having inappropriate conversations with women. I prayed for God to reveal to me what I needed to know. That's when I spoke to one of the women that my husband was having an affair with last year.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":33260,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-i-need-to-tell-my-husband-all-the-details-about-my-past-affair\/","url_meta":{"origin":17514,"position":1},"title":"Do I need to tell my husband all the details about my past affair?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 16, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I been married for about twenty years. Several years ago I had an affair with a man that went on for a few years. I gave myself to this man: mind, soul, and body. My husband found out, but I lied about the sex. He is asking me again.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":18558,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-had-an-affair-and-divorced-my-husband-now-i-have-married-again-is-it-wrong-to-stay-married-to-this-second-man\/","url_meta":{"origin":17514,"position":2},"title":"I had an affair and divorced my husband. Now I have married again. Is it wrong to stay married to this second man?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 2, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I know divorce is wrong. I know adultery is wrong. I have committed adultery, got a divorce and I have remarried to a man that I had an affair with. He and I both go to church now and we both know we have sinned and have asked for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":25600,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/are-we-still-committing-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":17514,"position":3},"title":"Are we still committing adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 15, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was married for over ten years and left my spouse to be with my current spouse. My current spouse was married and left his spouse to be with me. That was over fifteen years ago. We have no children. I was a Christian in a verbally abusive marriage\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31466,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-i-left-my-wife-because-she-had-an-affair-years-ago-does-that-allow-for-remarriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":17514,"position":4},"title":"If I left my wife because she had an affair years ago, does that allow for remarriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 26, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I'm glad I found this site. I am hoping I can get some unbiased answers to some questions I have concerning situations in my life and the church. I did not attend church growing up. After college, I met a member of the church of Christ. I dated\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31571,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-husband-divorce-his-wife-ten-years-after-forgiving-her-of-an-affair\/","url_meta":{"origin":17514,"position":5},"title":"Can a husband divorce his wife ten years after forgiving her of an affair?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 2, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I want to help my sister in Christ. Situation:\u00a0 A woman cheats on her husband.\u00a0 Husband says he forgives her and stays with her for 10 years after the adultery.\u00a0 Over the 10 years, the husband never really gets over the infidelity. He eventually files for divorce and divorces\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17514"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17514\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}