I’m a born again Christian. In the last two years my marriage was having problems. I knew my husband was cheating on me, but I didn’t have proof, so I in return cheated on him. I found out he cheated because the young lady texts him. But he never found out about my affairs because I ended them right after I found out for sure that my husband was cheating. Since then I gave my life back to God and repented for my sins and have become active in my church, I’ve forgiven my husband, and we’re still married. The question is: Should I tell him what I did? I mean I gave it to God, but should I tell him?<\/p>\n\t
I hope you realize just how foolish your thinking was in the past. You justified committing adultery because you\u00a0suspected<\/em>\u00a0adultery by your husband and ended it when you were certain that it did happen. I have trouble even conceiving how you could have thought that would have fixed your situation. Evil cannot ever fix evil. “And why not say, “Let us do evil that good may come”? –as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just<\/em>” (Romans 3:8).<\/p>\n Now that you have repented of your sins, you wonder if you should tell your husband of your transgression. I suppose if you are set on destroying your marriage, you’ll do it. But if you want to keep your marriage and improve it, you’ll not burden your husband with your past sins.<\/p>\n A marriage is built on trust. You undermined it by your past adultery. He did so as well, but you forgave him of his sins, so that is past. Telling your husband about the adultery will undermine his trust of you. Since you managed to totally and firmly change, then demonstrate it in your commitment to your marriage.<\/p>\n Will the shame of your past sins bother you? Yes! Just because we have been forgiven, it doesn’t mean we forget what we have done. Our sins ought to bother us. We don’t ever want to become so calloused to sin that it doesn’t affect us (I Timothy 4:1-2). It is the wicked who have no shame over sin (Zephaniah 3:5).<\/p>\n But David told us, “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered<\/em>.” David is not advocating protecting the sinner in his sins, but protecting the repentant believer from the shame of his sins. Yes, you committed sins in your past, but why bring those sins up over and over again? If you have done as God had asked in confessing your faults and have repented of those sins, then it is time to leave the faults behind and press on to better things. “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus<\/em>” (Philippians 3:13-14). Hence, if you truly left your adulterous past behind, then there is no need to bring up your past sins. Bringing it up will not help your husband or enhance your marriage.<\/p>\n\t I would like to thank you for your reply, as well as your straightforwardness if that’s a word. I am not set on destroying my marriage. I also realize I was wrong to try and do evil for evil. Yes, I was very foolish in my past way of thinking. Again thanks so much, we need more people like you who aren’t afraid to tell it like it is!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I’m a born again Christian. In the last two years my marriage was having problems. I knew my husband was cheating on me, but I didn’t have proof, so I in return cheated on him. I found out he cheated because the young lady texts him. But he never found out about my affairs…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[66],"class_list":["post-17217","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":28635,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-knows-i-cheated-but-should-i-tell-him-the-details\/","url_meta":{"origin":17217,"position":0},"title":"My husband knows I cheated, but should I tell him the details?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 29, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Several years ago, I cheated on my husband with a couple of different men. Intercourse did not occur with any of them, but other things did.\u00a0 A year ago, I told my husband that I had cheated back then, and whom I had cheated with. My confession was based\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17830,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-do-i-feel-guilty-about-dating-after-my-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":17217,"position":1},"title":"Why do I feel guilty about dating after my divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 6, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My ex-husband and I cheated on each other during the time we were married. Looking back I can see that we were lukewarm Christian. I cheated on him at the last because he came home and told me he loved this other girl and everything and he cheated on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21632,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-thought-i-was-married-but-found-out-i-wasnt-i-had-cheated-on-the-man-i-thought-was-my-husband-does-that-prevent-me-from-marrying-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":17217,"position":2},"title":"I thought I was married but found out I wasn’t. I had cheated on the man I thought was my husband. Does that prevent me from marrying him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 9, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have a question about committing adultery while being married. My boyfriend and I believed that we were married and had sexual intercourse. But during that time I strayed and committed adultery with another guy. I know this is a sin and I continually asked for forgiveness from God\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32277,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-woman-remarry-if-she-divorced-her-husband-because-of-his-adultery-but-didnt-move-out-immediately\/","url_meta":{"origin":17217,"position":3},"title":"Can a woman remarry if she divorced her husband because of his adultery, but didn’t move out immediately?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 25, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I know a young woman who was repeatedly cheated on by her spouse. Yet, she forgave him after the first couple of times for the sake of the family. Later in the marriage, she suspected he was still cheating on her and had sex with a young woman with\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19069,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-cheated-and-i-cheated-i-lived-with-a-man-for-years-before-the-divorce-was-final-we-eventually-married-but-did-i-have-the-right-to-marry-again\/","url_meta":{"origin":17217,"position":4},"title":"My husband cheated and I cheated. I lived with a man for years before the divorce was final. We eventually married, but did I have the right to marry again?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 6, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: As I read through some of your posts on adultery, one comes strongly out to me. I will explain my situation: I married a man. I didn't talk to God or parents before it and we were kids, even as adults we were kids. Then we had a kid.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":33260,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-i-need-to-tell-my-husband-all-the-details-about-my-past-affair\/","url_meta":{"origin":17217,"position":5},"title":"Do I need to tell my husband all the details about my past affair?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 16, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I been married for about twenty years. Several years ago I had an affair with a man that went on for a few years. I gave myself to this man: mind, soul, and body. My husband found out, but I lied about the sex. He is asking me again.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17217","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17217"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17217\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17217"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17217"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17217"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Response:<\/h2>\n