{"id":16539,"date":"2019-10-09T19:43:00","date_gmt":"2019-10-10T00:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=16539"},"modified":"2019-12-07T19:55:42","modified_gmt":"2019-12-08T01:55:42","slug":"does-god-have-a-say-in-whom-we-choose-as-a-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-god-have-a-say-in-whom-we-choose-as-a-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Does God have a say in whom we choose as a spouse?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t

Question:<\/h2>\n

I have a question concerning finding a wife (or husband for the woman). Does God have any say in whom we choose as our wife? Does God help us in any way such as leading us to a particular woman as if it was destined? Or does God bring us to a particular woman to at least make a choice on whether or not to pursue marriage?<\/p>\n

On a related note, how do you explain in terms of God’s creation and ordination of marriage, how certain people seem to meet their spouse at a least expected time, and they seem to have this “connection” that eventually succeeds in a marriage? Some people claim that they knew they were going to marry each other around the time they first met. It makes me wonder how these marriage situations make sense from God’s way of things.<\/p>\n\t

Answer:<\/h2>\n

Much of what you ask deals with the providence of God. In other words, you are asking how much God does “behind the scenes” to affect our lives. It is a question no one can answer since we cannot detect when God is doing something or whether events are unfolding in their natural order.<\/p>\n

We do know that God does have goals in mind and manipulates the world to accomplish His will. God’s providence is well illustrated in the book of Esther. Though at first, it appears that God had little to do with the events in the book of Esther, we realize in further reading that there were far too many coincidences than can be explained by random events. As Mordecai states to Esther, “Do not think in your heart that you will escape in the king’s palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?<\/em>” (Esther 4:13-14). Though man cannot know for certain because God didn’t say, we still can suspect that God’s hand is involved in various events.<\/p>\n

The Bible states that such providential work continues, such as in the raising up and bringing down of nations and their leaders. “Remember the former things of old, for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure,’ calling a bird of prey from the east, the man who executes My counsel, from a far country. Indeed I have spoken it; I will also bring it to pass. I have purposed it; I will also do it<\/em>” (Isaiah 46:9-11).<\/p>\n

God also promises to answer our prayers and those answers often are seen in the providence of God. “And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it<\/em>” (John 14:13-14).<\/p>\n

Once in a while, I run across individuals who are afraid of making a choice because they might choose someone that God doesn’t want them to marry. My response is that God gives us the right to choose between right and wrong — to be righteous or to sin — but we cannot, in our choices, defeat God’s plans. “There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the LORD’S counsel – that will stand<\/em>” (Proverbs 19:21). We make our plans, but ultimately it is the Lord’s decisions that will come about.<\/p>\n

If I’m following God’s teachings, then I don’t have to fear that I’m making a bad choice. There are numerous instructions in the Bible, such as in the book of Proverbs, regarding what we should look for in a spouse. And there are numerous people with whom a person could happily live. See “Do you think God created one special person for you?<\/a>” for more details. But God does tell us who to stay clear of if we want to have a happy marriage. Sadly, many people ignore God’s common-sense instruction.<\/p>\n

The love at first sight concept is based on selective memory. There is interest at first sight, but what does a person know about the other at that moment? Absolutely nothing! Thus, it isn’t love but infatuation. That interest may develop over time into true love, or it may disappear when you realize the other person isn’t what you imagined them to be. Since we tend to reject far more people than we accept, guess which people remember? The one that is more unusual. I’ve talked to numerous people who are positive the person they are currently dating is “the one.” Most of the time it doesn’t work out. But that’s all right. In a few months they will find another person who is “the one,” and since they are more knowledgeable about who they like or dislike, the next one is more likely to work out.<\/p>\n

Eventually, they find someone to marry. Do they remember all the people they rejected? No. But they remember the details of the one they selected and they can remember the time when they were first interested in the other person. But it doesn’t mean there weren’t other people they were interested in earlier. That is what I mean by saying people have a selective memory.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: I have a question concerning finding a wife (or husband for the woman). Does God have any say in whom we choose as our wife? Does God help us in any way such as leading us to a particular woman as if it was destined? Or does God bring us to a particular woman…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[149,64],"class_list":["post-16539","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":23076,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-having-a-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-the-biblical-way-to-find-a-spouse\/","url_meta":{"origin":16539,"position":0},"title":"Is having a boyfriend or girlfriend the biblical way to find a spouse?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 26, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Could you please explain what is the biblical way to find a spouse? Many people today choose a girlfriend or boyfriend (some choose more than one) before marriage. But it seems that the Bible never mentioned \"boyfriend\" or \"girlfriend.\" So what is the biblical way of finding a spouse?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4440,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-my-marriage-have-to-end-because-i-committed-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":16539,"position":1},"title":"Does my marriage have to end because I committed adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 21, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Dear Jeffrey, I committed adultery with a married woman while I was married to my wife.\u00a0 I told my wife, and she forgave me.\u00a0 Is our marriage still right with God, or do I have to terminate our marriage? Answer: \"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":68180,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-god-honor-all-marriages\/","url_meta":{"origin":16539,"position":2},"title":"Does God honor all marriages?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 22, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good morning, I would like to know if God honors all marriages. I was recently in a study and they brought up Hebrews 13:4. I was told this verse God applies to Christians who are in the church. God does not honor marriages outside of Christ. For example, if\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":40162,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-god-join-all-marriages-or-only-some\/","url_meta":{"origin":16539,"position":3},"title":"Does God join all marriages or only some?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 9, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: \"What God has joined together let no man put asunder.\" Because of this scripture, I recently heard someone say that God doesn't join all\u00a0marriages. Is this true and under what circumstances will He not? (This excludes gay marriage or people remarrying) And if God doesn't join a marriage does\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2894,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-it-matter-who-files-for-the-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":16539,"position":4},"title":"Does it matter who files for the divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 24, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: When you say that someone may divorce their spouse due to fornication, does it matter who actually files the papers? A woman I know moved out of her house, filed divorce papers, and then started dating another man. Her husband didn't know for sure if she was committing adultery\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17196,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-divorced-person-remarry-if-adultery-occurred-after-the-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":16539,"position":5},"title":"Can a divorced person remarry if adultery occurred after the divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 5, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: If two people are divorced for unbiblical grounds and there is no adultery at the time, yet one spouse after the divorce marries someone else or is sexually immoral is the other then free to remarry another? 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