Hi!<\/p>\n
My boyfriend is addicted to porn and sex web sites. It hurts me so. I want to help him, but I don’t know how to help. Can you please help me? And would you please pray for him every day? He needs God’s help urgently!<\/p>\n\t
You are correct that your boyfriend needs help. Few people who are into pornography realize how dangerous they are to their view of the world and their view of women.<\/p>\n
I was reading\u00a0A Return to Modesty<\/em> by Wendy Shalit this morning I happened across an interesting quote from\u00a0Mademoiselle<\/em>\u00a0magazine where Jennifer Silver expresses why she was uncomfortable with her boyfriend’s use of pornography.<\/p>\n “The real reason I hated\u00a0Playboy<\/em>\u00a0was that the models established a standard I could never attain without the help of implants, a personal trainer, soft lighting, a squad of makeup artists and hairdressers, and airbrushing. It’s a standard that equates sexuality with youth and beauty. I didn’t want my boyfriend buying into\u00a0Playboy<\/em>‘s definition of sexuality. I was planning a future with this man, and I wanted to feel secure in the knowledge that, even after two kids and 20 years, he would still find me sexy.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I think she squarely hit on one of pornography’s problems. It is imaginary and fake. Thus it sets up expectations that never can be achieved and leaves the porn user always dissatisfied.<\/p>\n Biblically it is the sin of lusting after other women. “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart<\/em>” (Matthew 5:28). And the use of porn is directly condemned. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God<\/em>” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5).<\/p>\n The real problem for you, however, is that until your boyfriend admits he has a problem, he won’t change. In I Corinthians, Paul scolds the Christians in Corinth about all sorts of sins they had allowed themselves to get wrapped up in doing. But in his next letter, Paul had this explanation, “For even if I made you sorry with my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it. For I perceive that the same epistle made you sorry, though only for a while. Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter<\/em>” (II Corinthians 7:8-11). The start of a complete change in life starts by being sincerely sorry that you had done wrong. It is that sorrow that gives the motivation to make radical changes in your behavior.<\/p>\n So, let’s look at this situation. I sincerely hope you do not want as a husband a man who looks at women as objects and drools over their bodies. It would cheapen your own self-image and it would constantly undermine your relationship. If you firmly believe this, then tell him: “I’m not marrying a porn user, so as long as you keep looking at that trash, you’re wasting your time seeing me.” And then stick to your guns. Understand that he must prove himself worthy of your love and at the moment he’s coming up short.<\/p>\n I think you will be surprised at the power you have over a man to cause him to desire to change. If he isn’t willing to dump the pornography (the fake) for you (the real), then it is a good thing you found out about it now and not 20 years into a marriage with two kids. But I would say the odds are greatly in your favor that he values you more than pictures on the Internet.<\/p>\n That doesn’t mean he won’t have a struggle fighting this temptation, but if he knows what is at stake and he is willing to hold on to his girlfriend, he will have the motivation to change.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Hi! My boyfriend is addicted to porn and sex web sites. It hurts me so. I want to help him, but I don’t know how to help. Can you please help me? And would you please pray for him every day? He needs God’s help urgently! Answer: You are correct that your boyfriend needs…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[226],"class_list":["post-16226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-pornography"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":44403,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/im-afraid-my-son-is-gay\/","url_meta":{"origin":16226,"position":0},"title":"I’m afraid my son is gay","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 27, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I sense my son is gay because he has never had a girlfriend. And I have caught him watching gay porn. I raised him in the church, where it is taught that that is a sin. How do I talk to him about his struggles and that his lifestyle\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39825,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-i-need-to-confess-my-use-of-pornography-to-my-preacher\/","url_meta":{"origin":16226,"position":1},"title":"Do I need to confess my use of pornography to my preacher?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: God bless. I have been a Christian for many years, but I was addicted to porn and I committed fornication against myself (my body). I never had sex with anybody, just myself. I have repented from that sin, and I recognize my sin, so do I need to confess\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":54302,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/not-what-they-told-you-pornography\/","url_meta":{"origin":16226,"position":2},"title":"Not What They Told You – Pornography","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 30, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"by Jeffrey W. Hamilton Text: I Thessalonians 4:1-8 \u00a0 I.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Trials come in many forms - James 1:12 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0A.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0We often think of trials as hardships that are imposed on us by life. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0B.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0But temptation to sin is also a trial that we have to overcome \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0C.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Temptation doesn\u2019t come from God -\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Audio"","block_context":{"text":"Audio","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/audio\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13252,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/one-of-my-kids-in-my-youth-group-is-into-porn-but-i-dont-know-what-to-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":16226,"position":3},"title":"One of my kids in my youth group is into porn, but I don’t know what to do","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 9, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Oh man. I had one of my kids in the youth group I run move his computer out of his room because of porn issues, but he's looking at porn again. He is leading a small group within the youth group. But he's off and on with porn. The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":60020,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/thanks-for-the-article-lies-pornography-tells-men\/","url_meta":{"origin":16226,"position":4},"title":"Thanks for the article “Lies Pornography Tells Men”","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 19, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Thank you for taking the time to write the article titled \"Lies Pornography Tells Men.\" \u00a0I have been open quite often (maybe even too much, thinking transparency will help me) about an ongoing struggle with pornography since my late teens (I'm now in my late fifties).\u00a0 Any of the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8841,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-is-pornography-so-addictive-and-how-can-i-help-someone-stop-looking-at-porn\/","url_meta":{"origin":16226,"position":5},"title":"Why is pornography so addictive and how can I help someone stop looking at porn?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 28, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: We were just hanging out after school as usual when one of the guys borrowed a mobile phone from a close friend of mine. There were six or seven of us and there were just two girls there. Now this guy who borrowed the phone took a good look\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16226","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16226"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16226\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}