{"id":1596,"date":"2004-07-22T16:30:41","date_gmt":"2004-07-22T16:30:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=1596"},"modified":"2019-07-21T14:01:06","modified_gmt":"2019-07-21T19:01:06","slug":"cant-a-wife-abstain-from-sex-for-a-few-days","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/cant-a-wife-abstain-from-sex-for-a-few-days\/","title":{"rendered":"Can’t a wife abstain from sex for a few days?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t

Question:<\/h2>\n

How dare you assume that a wife wishing to abstain from sex with her husband for one or many days constitutes ‘sinful ways.’ Sometimes wives are stressed or exhausted from caring for the children and the housework- asking for sex almost sounds like punishment. Once a man has raped his wife he is guilty of sexual assault. Were my husband to assault me in such a way he would never see me again and would face the courts. My husband is very caring and never forceful when I am exhausted beyond belief. Would Jesus have ever told a ‘wife-raped’ woman to give in to her husband’s demands? No. He would have condemned the husband for his selfishness and violent sins against his wife.<\/p>\n\t

Answer:<\/p>\n

Thank you for taking the time to write. We teach the Bible here, not opinions. Since you lack scriptural justification for your views, there is not much to discuss. I find it amazing that you hold such certainty about what Jesus would have taught without searching the word of God.<\/p>\n

Let us return once again to the original passage: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other\u00a0except by mutual consent and for a time<\/b>, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control<\/i>” (I Corinthians 7:2-5 NIV). I chose the New International Version in this quote because of its clarity in regards to the sexual obligations incurred in marriage. Notice that Paul does teach that sex can be foregone for a period of time when the husband and wife agree to a period of abstinence. This is different from your assertion that it should be solely the wife’s decision.<\/p>\n

It is clear you read the answer, “Is spousal rape grounds for divorce?<\/a>” seeing only what you wanted to see. I argued against a husband forcing himself on his wife. The exact quote is: “Does this mean that a husband can force himself on his wife anytime he so desires? Absolutely not! A wife is supposed to satisfy the sexual needs of her husband willingly and freely (and vice versa). Nevertheless, the husband cannot forcibly take what his wife has not offered.” If a wife is ill or exhausted, a husband should be understanding of his wife. “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered<\/i>” (I Peter 3:7).<\/p>\n

The point you are purposely overlooking is that the term “rape” cannot apply to the relationship between a husband and wife. See “Is it rape when a husband is influenced by alcohol, drugs, or pornography?<\/a>” for details as to why.<\/p>\n

I find it sad that you would be willing to take your husband to court. Paul told the Corinthians, “Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints? Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life? If then you have judgments concerning things pertaining to this life, do you appoint those who are least esteemed by the church to judge? I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you, not even one, who will be able to judge between his brethren? But brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers! Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren!<\/i>” (I Corinthians 6:1-8).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: How dare you assume that a wife wishing to abstain from sex with her husband for one or many days constitutes ‘sinful ways.’ Sometimes wives are stressed or exhausted from caring for the children and the housework- asking for sex almost sounds like punishment. Once a man has raped his wife he is guilty…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[64,63,166],"class_list":["post-1596","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-marriage","tag-sex","tag-spousal-rape"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1929,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-rape-within-a-marriage-lead-to-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":1596,"position":0},"title":"Does rape within a marriage lead to divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 18, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Does rape within a marriage lead to the marriage ending in divorce? Answer: Spousal Rape If by \"rape within a marriage\" you are referring to the recent concept of spousal rape, then I must object to the terminology. By the definition of the word \"rape,\" it cannot take place\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9600,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-man-divorce-his-wife-for-not-having-sex-with-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":1596,"position":1},"title":"Can a man divorce his wife for not having sex with him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 28, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: If a woman denies sex to her husband, is this unlawful sex and, therefore, fornication? If a twenty-year-old wife refuses to have sex with her twenty-one-year-old husband, does he have any grounds to divorce? Answer: As stated in\u00a0a prior answer, when a person wants to do something, such as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2812,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/you-dont-know-what-rape-is\/","url_meta":{"origin":1596,"position":2},"title":"You don’t know what rape is","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 7, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have been looking for scriptural advice when I came across your article on \u201cSpousal Rape\u201d.\u00a0 It is plain to see you don\u2019t know what rape is.\u00a0 My daughter married, with our joyful blessing, a young man who asked to court her, obeyed all our requests, and honored our\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41702,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/sex-was-never-fun-and-i-stopped-having-sex-with-my-husband-can-i-divorce-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":1596,"position":3},"title":"Sex was never fun and I stopped having sex with my husband. Can I divorce him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I just read your article,\u00a0Can a man divorce his wife for not having sex with him?\u00a0I am a reborn child of God and married. We have children together. We haven't had sexual relations since my smallest kid. I refuse because: We had, and still have, a lot of problems\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1446,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-rape-when-a-husband-is-influenced-by-alcohol-drugs-or-pornography\/","url_meta":{"origin":1596,"position":4},"title":"Is it rape when a husband is influenced by alcohol, drugs, or pornography?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 25, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I strongly disagree with you about a husband raping a wife. If the husband is not a Christian and is under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or pornography, what he is doing is not respectful to his wife and not considered in agreement with Scripture that refers to the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":24782,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-a-wife-have-to-stay-with-a-hurtful-and-abusive-husband\/","url_meta":{"origin":1596,"position":5},"title":"Does a wife have to stay with a hurtful and abusive husband?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 18, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I don't know what to do. I am a member of the church and I know that I have to be submissive to my husband, but he does some things that aren't very nice. He only wants oral and anal sex. 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