How should I handle a child that badgers me all the time? I found an article and wanted to know what you think. The article said,<\/p>\n
When a child resorts to badgering, the goal is to wear the parent down in order to change the no answer to a yes answer. It’s amazing how many different ways a child can rephrase the same question, hoping that this time it will result in a different response. Badgering is very tiring for a parent and that’s probably why it works sometimes.<\/p>\n
Children who use badgering tend to be self-focused and can’t see what their barrage of questions and comments is doing to relationships. Parents who experience this kind of tension may find it helpful to reflect their feelings in a gentle way, helping to develop the sensitivity that’s desperately needed. “I’m feeling uncomfortable with your question because I think I already answered it.” Or “I’m not sure how to respond here. I don’t want to talk about this subject anymore but you keep bringing it up.” Or, “I feel like you’re running over me like a truck. Let’s talk about something else before I get smashed to bits!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\t
Answer from a Sister in Christ<\/h2>\n
These comments on badgering really resonated with me and made me think about how difficult our job as parents is.<\/p>\n
Two of my children are extremely strong-willed and do badger quite a bit.\u00a0 Of course, I still love them dearly, but they have presented me with quite a lot of challenges as a parent.\u00a0 Over the years, I have tried reading secular and semi-secular writings for parenting ideas, mainly because just putting my foot down often seemed to lead to too much to anger and frustration on my part and on the part of my children.\u00a0 However, when I have tried to implement these ideas they usually seemed to work even less well and led to deteriorating relationships. The children came to show less and less understanding of my position of authority and more and more determination to find ways to argue and badger.<\/p>\n
It seems that saying something like, “I’m feeling uncomfortable with your question because I think I already answered it.” Or especially “I feel like you’re running over me like a truck. Let’s talk about something else before I get smashed to bits!”\u00a0 just leads to the children feeling more and more that they do have the power and can make headway with their agenda.\u00a0 It leaves the child with the impression that the parent may not really be in control.\u00a0 With my older two children, I am certain that these tactics would not work well, especially in the long run.<\/p>\n
My third child would be likely to respond well to these statements, at least in the short term. but she also responds very well to a simple form of biblical discipline.\u00a0 Rather than look for creative ways to get to her, I can just say, “I have already answered you and you must stop badgering me.” Period.\u00a0 Or “I answered your first question and I want you to drop the subject now.”\u00a0 There may occasionally be times that she would continue on and\u00a0do the wrong thing, but prompt discipline would correct that problem and she would easily understand that she had disobeyed and would repent. (Oh how I wish that understanding came easily to the other two!)<\/p>\n
Looking back, I can’t help but think that my doubts about strict discipline, in the early days, were simply the result of the many avenues that Satan could work at my mind.\u00a0\u00a0And I suspect that all of the “ideas” that I garnered from human writings were a path to bigger and bigger problems more often than they were helpful (even when they sometimes seemed helpful in the short-term). \u00a0I am more than just a little suspicious that our later problems were, for the most part, the result of allowing my doubt to deter me from just confronting the problems head-on with biblical discipline.\u00a0 When I should have steeled my mind and my heart to be sure and discipline promptly and without showing a lot of anger, I failed and then I allowed my failure to add in to all of the other doubts and make me think that the biblical discipline I did sometimes use was not effective with these very difficult children, further compounding the problem.\u00a0 Isn’t it the most likely thing that if I had stuck with a simple statement, like “you are badgering me and you must stop” and then disciplined promptly each and every time (no matter how many times were needed<\/em>) that they revisited the issue, they would have (eventually<\/em>) learned to appreciate what I was saying and make the connections between that and the discipline and their own need to repent and obey?<\/p>\n
I also think that we have a very difficult time as parents in America today as compared with say 1930 or 1940, due to the fact that we (and our children) are surrounded by a society that does not value or understand the concepts of “right and wrong” and “authority” and many related concepts.\u00a0 This may even exponentially increase the hardship on children who naturally have a hard time with these concepts (and on their parents).\u00a0 Thankfully, some of us are combatting that to some extent through homeschooling.\u00a0 Even as a child in the 1970s, I knew, at least at church, that if any adult saw me misbehaving, I would be in trouble.\u00a0 Nowadays, most adults will do nothing to speak to a child who is misbehaving or to let the parents know (even at church).\u00a0 In fact, nine times out of ten, they will react negatively to a parent who is disciplining properly, giving our children the idea that maybe their parents are wrong and everybody else is right,\u00a0 (sometimes even at church).<\/p>\n
Well, these are just my thoughts on my own experiences.\u00a0 I hope that they might be helpful to someone else who is facing similar difficulties.\u00a0 I understand that the extreme frustrations experienced when a parent is dealing with a difficult child can result in many serious problems for the parent and the child.\u00a0 I don’t know if I can offer much else, but I’m always willing if anyone wants to request prayers.<\/p>\n\t
Answer:<\/h2>\n
I do agree with the sister who wrote above. The “I feel …” answers are simply information to a badgering child that they are making headway. A bit more work and they’ll have mom or dad over the edge. Prompt discipline for each instance of badgering (or nagging) works much better.<\/p>\n
Over the years I’ve noticed a great reluctance in parents to discipline. The result is that they will hold off until they finally reach eruption. After things calm back down they are shocked that they acted with so much anger and they resolve to hold off any discipline as long as possible. Meanwhile, things slowly build-up to melt-down point once again. It becomes a very vicious cycle.<\/p>\n
What our ancestors realized, and what the Bible teaches, is that when discipline is promptly given, the situation stops and extreme emotional storms don’t have time to build. “Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil<\/i>” (Ecclesiastes 8:11). Parents need to be more objective in their approach. Each wrongful behavior has a discipline associated with it, which is consistently and promptly given. It doesn’t matter what kind of day you are having or if it was the fifth in two hours that the same thing happened. A consistent wrong is met with a consistent punishment followed by instructions on how to avoid the wrongful behavior in the future. It is amazing how much calmer the home becomes.<\/p>\n\t
Answer from a Sister in Christ<\/h2>\n
I also agree; parents are reluctant to discipline or are not consistent enough in discipline for it to have the necessary effect.\u00a0 With my own boys, you can likely see the things we have done wrong and the things we have done right (and to this I point to my Father in Heaven and give Him the glory!).\u00a0 When the boys were very young I put a sheet on the refrigerator to remind me <\/b>how to discipline.\u00a0 When the boys got older I changed the sheet to reflect their age. This was a practical sheet, based upon the Scriptures.\u00a0 I don’t quote any Scriptures on the sheet, just actions, and behaviors that are approved and unapproved for parents as well as children! Having it there helped me keep my focus over the years.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: How should I handle a child that badgers me all the time? I found an article and wanted to know what you think. The article said, When a child resorts to badgering, the goal is to wear the parent down in order to change the no answer to a yes answer. It’s amazing how…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1031,1028],"tags":[938,665,29],"class_list":["post-13858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-childhood","category-parenting","tag-annoying","tag-child-rearing","tag-parenting"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":25388,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/will-parents-be-held-accountable-for-the-video-games-their-children-play\/","url_meta":{"origin":13858,"position":0},"title":"Will parents be held accountable for the video games their children play?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 1, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Will parents be held accountable for the video games their children play? 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