He finally pushed it too far. Even though he is eleven and never had a spanking, he swore at his mother one too many times and I decided something had to change. My problem is that he struggled as I started to spank him. I told him that if he stayed still for two swats, I would stop. He couldn’t stay completely still, but at least he appeared to try. Yet I’m wondering if I did the right thing. What if he kept fighting me?<\/p>\n\t
Even our own justice system considers open-ended punishments to be cruel. Imagine a judge saying, “I sentence you to jail until it appears to me you are sorry enough for your actions.” Such a sentence would not be upheld because it is indefinite. Sure a judge might sentence someone to ten years but if good behavior is shown, reduce the sentence, but at least the sentence had definitive maximum.<\/p>\n
When a child breaks a rule and the appropriate punishment is deemed to be a spanking, there should be a set number of swats that is defined in advance and not when tempers are hot over the issues at hand. You might decide during the administration of the punishment to reduce the punishment. But you had decided what was fair and just in advance of the need to punish.<\/p>\n
But the same is true with any punishment, not just spanking. You should not ground a child until you feel like letting him off. He broke a rule, grounding was deemed to be the appropriate punishment, and a set number of days was judged to be an appropriate length of time. You might reduce the “sentence” for good behavior, but the limit is known at the start.<\/p>\n
What is missing in your actions is justice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: He finally pushed it too far. Even though he is eleven and never had a spanking, he swore at his mother one too many times and I decided something had to change. My problem is that he struggled as I started to spank him. I told him that if he stayed still for two…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[106,29,107,108],"class_list":["post-12271","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-discipline","tag-parenting","tag-raising-children","tag-spanking"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":13959,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-can-you-spank-when-the-child-refuses-to-submit-to-a-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":12271,"position":0},"title":"How can you spank when the child refuses to submit to a spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 24, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: In relation to using the rod with our sons who are 14 and 10, we started to use a switch and made changes to the way we spanked about a year ago after reading the information on your website. We talked with the boys and we all decided to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2943,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-many-swats-is-proper-in-a-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":12271,"position":1},"title":"How many swats is proper in a spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 13, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Thank you very much for the counsel. I am always glad to have it, especially when it is backed up with Scripture. I talked it over with my son. He keeps back-talking his mom, being disrespectful when she asks him to do things around the house, and not being\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6755,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-you-gauge-how-many-swats-to-give-in-a-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":12271,"position":2},"title":"How do you gauge how many swats to give in a spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 29, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: How do I gauge when my son has been given enough swats -- I have found as he gets older that he tries to \"macho\" through a spanking and it has become harder to tell when he has been chastised sufficiently without crossing the line into abuse. Answer: A\u00a0parent\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13914,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-son-has-become-defiant-and-repeats-the-same-sins\/","url_meta":{"origin":12271,"position":3},"title":"My son has become defiant and repeats the same sins","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 24, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have a question in relation to child training. My son is 14 and I have to occasionally give him a spanking. However, he has been getting in trouble with the same sin. He continues to defy his mom. I read your articles on the website in regards to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13983,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-son-continues-to-backtalk-us-and-punches-his-younger-brother\/","url_meta":{"origin":12271,"position":4},"title":"My son continues to backtalk us and punches his younger brother","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 24, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I just wanted to say thanks for contending for the faith, in relation to the person who wrote you against the Bible. I need further help with my son, who is 14. My wife and I have set the punishment for disobedience for both our sons. In addition to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7906,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-you-handle-nosy-neighbors-questions-about-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":12271,"position":5},"title":"How do you handle nosy neighbors’ questions about spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 28, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have greatly enjoyed all the information and insights that you share on this page. My husband and I are raising three sons. We use spanking as one of our disciplinary tools with the boys, especially for the 3 Ds - deliberate disobedience, disrespect, and dishonesty. Recently one of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12271","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12271"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12271\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12271"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12271"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12271"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}