weddings – La Vista Church of Christ

Can I get married in the church?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 31 Jan 2025 01:46:47 +0000

Question:

Hello, I have a question.

It happened months ago, but I want to know about this concern. I was studying doctrine. I liked a brother, and I decided to go out with him. We were like boyfriend and girlfriend but never agreed to be in a relationship. That date went so far that we went to another extreme. After that, we both decided not to see each other anymore. We went before the pastor and confessed everything we did, and they separated us. He went to another church, and I stayed. We went to the pastor to confess everything because he was in love with another sister.

My question is: Can I marry in the church to a man the Lord places in my path, or will I no longer be able to?

Answer:

While God requires couples to get married before having sex and children, nowhere in the Bible does God say that a marriage is only legitimate in the church. In fact, He states the opposite. "And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy" (I Corinthians 7:13-14). When a person becomes a Christian, he doesn't leave his spouse. He is still married.

Weddings are not a church function. There is no command that they be held in a church building or officiated by a church leader. Where a wedding takes place does not make it more or less significant in God's sight. While there are attributes of a wedding ceremony that need to be met because it creates a covenant between two people, the location is not significant. See Marriage Covenants.

You sinned, but when you are forgiven of sin, the past no longer matters.

Is it wrong to get married when the bride-to-be is pregnant?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 22 Nov 2024 19:09:18 +0000

Question:

Good day, preacher,

I have a question for you and need your help.

I met a lady I love, and we plan to get married next month. The date is set, and flyers are distributed. Unfortunately, we found out that she is pregnant. Should we proceed with the marriage, or is it wrong to marry her while she is pregnant?

Please help me.

Answer:

"Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

I'm puzzled. You are concerned about doing something good but mention no concern about having done something wrong. There is no reason to put off your marriage. You'll just continue to commit fornication. It would be better to marry and end the sin. However, you still need to deal with the fact that you have sinned and need God's forgiveness.

Response:

Thanks for your response. I have really prayed for forgiveness of sins.

Can a wedding include cultural singers and dancers?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 17:06:20 +0000

Question:

Good day sir!

A minister of the Lord's church made a post claiming that it is a sin to invite cultural singers and dancers to a wedding ceremony. He quoted the verse which says "in words or deeds do all in the name of the Lord." With this, he claims there's no authority for inviting, listening to, or allowing our native cultural (tribal) singers to perform at wedding ceremonies. I find this difficult to reconcile with the Scripture. What does the bible say?

Answer:

If you are having trouble reconciling this with the Scriptures, then you must have passages in mind that contradict what the preacher claimed. I suspect that you are having trouble reconciling the preacher's position with your own thoughts on the matter.

Yes, we are to do all things with the Lord's authority. But what is at issue is not whether there is singing or dancing at the wedding, but whether those things are promoting proper Christian behavior. Are the songs speaking of wholesome things? Are they promoting God's view of the world, or are they giving praise to false gods? Are the dancers properly dressed? Are the dances ones of joy, or are they expressing sexual themes and improper movements between men and women?

We don't hold on to practices or reject practices simply because they are traditional. We look at everything that we do through the lens of Christ's teaching and eliminate those things that are sinful.

Does it matter who performs a wedding?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 10 Jan 2023 14:45:56 +0000

Question:

Hello,

My fiancé and I have planned a destination wedding. The wedding package we purchased has an officiant included. I mention this because the planner stated that they have their preferred vendors meaning we potentially cannot reach out to the local church and ask a minister to marry us. We are members of the Church of Christ. Ideally, we would want a minister for the church of Christ to marry us. Scripturally, does it matter who marries us? In the sight of the Lord, will our marriage be valid? Does the Bible say anything about who could officiate a wedding?

I feel convicted on this matter, almost as if we are doing something wrong by not getting married in the church or having a minister of the church officiating. Can you please clarify this topic?

Thank you so much for your wise words and your Bible answers. God bless you and your ministry. Your archive has really helped me learn and grow. Thank you.

Answer:

What makes a marriage is the covenant exchanged by a man and a woman (Malachi 2:14). Marriages existed long before the church was established. As long as a wedding follows the rules for covenants, they are recognized by God. See Marriage Covenants. A marriage before a Justice of the Peace is just as valid as a marriage officiated by some church official. There is no difference. If it made a difference then you would find a law in the New Testament saying that everyone who became a Christian would have to get married again, and such a law does not exist.

How you want to celebrate your wedding is up to you. If you want a preacher you are familiar with to do the wedding, then tell the coordinator that you already have someone selected for the job. I'm positive that it has happened before. They just like to work with people they are familiar with.

Response:

Thank you so much for your response. We really appreciate it.

Is it a sin not to get married in a church?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 22:18:00 +0000

Question:

I am in my late twenties and my fiancee is a year younger than me. We live in an African country, and we have been engaged for several years now. We have been waiting for the approval of my fiancee's parents. They don't want the marriage because I am a pastor and I'm not from the same tribe. This has been delaying the marriage for years. We've used everyone around the family to talk to them. They don't really want to see me at all, let alone listen to me. Recently we plan to ask one more time for their approval and in case they still stand on their point, which is usually the case, we will go ahead with a court wedding. Another problem is that no pastor is willing to bless the marriage without their consent as many ministers uphold cultures here in Cameroon. I wish to ask if we can go on and get married. Will it be a sin if we don't get married in a church due to the condition?

Thanks.

Answer:

Some try to use the Old Testament laws that forbade Israelites from marrying people from seven specific nations (Deuteronomy 7:1-4; Joshua 23:12-13). If someone violated this law, they and all their descendants were not allowed to be Israelites. Christians are not under the Old Testament law, but what Paul points out is that if you claim that it is wrong to be married to a non-Christian, then you are also arguing that all their descendants can never become Christians. But this leads to a conflict because Christ died for all men so that all men can be saved. Thus, the Old Law cannot apply to Christians.

If a Christian's marriage prior to becoming a Christian is still legitimate, then that means that a marriage doesn't have to take place in a church. In fact, there is no passage saying that churches are to conduct weddings. All Christians should be encouraging marriage, but the details about how and where that marriage is to take place are purposely left open.

In your country, both you and your fiancee are well past the minimum age requirements. If her parents refuse to grant you access to a traditional marriage, you still can have a civil marriage. Either marriage is equally valid as far as God and His laws are concerned.

See Scriptural Marriage, Traditional Customs, and Civil Laws for more details.

Question:

Thank you so much, sir. This makes things easier for us. It's actually clear.

Sir, my worry is that the custom here is so deep that, everyone will consider us sinners if we live together without a traditional wedding, and this may really affect us ministerially. What can we do? Secondly, when exactly does God consider two people married? Because even a civil marriage here requires that you show proof that the families are in agreement or that the traditional marriage is done.

Answer:

I looked up the laws in your country. The law requires you have witnesses, preferably your parents or a close relative, testify that both of you are willingly consenting to the marriage. Since it is a preference and since neither of you is a teenager, there is no firm requirement that your witnesses must be relatives.

When people use traditions to deny what God has said, God comes first (Matthew 15:1-9). God authorized marriage. You are both adults. There is no biblical requirement that your parents must consent to your marriage. Therefore, you will not be sinning when you get married. If someone claims that, hand them a Bible and politely ask them to show you where they found it in the Bible.

Being a preacher is not about popularity but about teaching what God requires of men. That will, at times, make you unpopular (Matthew 5:10-12). Consider how often Paul was run out of towns or stone for teaching the truth.

A marriage occurs when a couple enters into a marriage covenant. See Is a marriage only bound after sex?

Would you marry a couple who are committing fornication?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 16 Jan 2021 21:30:08 +0000

Question:

My question is: If you end up counseling someone you are considering to perform their wedding and you find out they are currently living together, what do you do? I know you will discuss that with them from the Bible no doubt. But what do you do if they do not get that right (separate from living together) before they get married? Would you still marry them?

Answer:

If I was talking to someone about becoming a Christian, I would insist that whatever sin he is currently involved in would need to end before he could be baptized. That is because repentance is a prerequisite for baptism (Acts 2:38).

Marriage doesn't have such a prerequisite. In the Old Testament, if a couple committed fornication, they were required to get married (unless the father objected). "If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins" (Exodus 22:16-17).

Now, if I find out that a couple has been committing fornication, I will be discussing the sin because I want people to get to heaven and they need saving. But refusing to marry them doesn't solve the problem. Even if I can't get them to see that they are in sin, at least by the time they are married that particular sin is no longer continuing. "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).

Should we confess our fornication?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 09 Aug 2019 19:24:02 +0000

Question:

Good day sir.

By God's grace, we are a couple who decided to get married. Our church's marriage committee has some rules that intending couples need to follow before marriage. We have known each other since last year but things got serious towards marriage beginning to this year. We were able to abstain from each other until last month. We committed fornication! Before that, we used to play at romance but finally committed fornication. It has really been tough for me especially. I even told my fiance that we need to go see our committee to confess our sin to them. On the other hand, I feel since we sinned that they will halt our marriage process which is ongoing. We have yet to start counseling anyways. We have prayed for forgiveness, and I know God has forgiven us, but I still feel we need to go to them and confess our sins.

What do we do sir? Please help us.

Answer:

The Bible doesn't speak of "marriage committees," nor does it require that weddings take place in churches. These are rules people have imposed (Matthew 15:1-9). If a church decides that only virgin couples can get married at their place of worship, then that is their decision. It doesn't mean you can't get married. It only means you have to seek out an alternative because you sinned.

What you and your boyfriend did was not to listen to God's warnings. You figured that as long as intercourse did not take place, you were "safe." But in your "romancing" you broke God's laws against sensuality and lust (Romans 13:13-14). You engaged in sexual touching (I Corinthians 7:1). In other words, you have been heading toward fornication for quite a while, so it isn't surprising that you reached the result of your prior misbehaviors.

Thus, there is no profit is hiding the fact that you two sinned. What I would urge instead is that you get married. "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).

Can I still have a church wedding if we committed fornication?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 25 Feb 2015 16:11:00 +0000

Question:

I grew up attending Bible studies and was even a Sunday school teacher at one point, a choir member, and a member of the ladies association. But most of all I believed I had a good relationship with God. Then, I met someone at church and we started dating. After some time our relationship became physical and as my shame grows, I left all my ministries at church and even stopped going at all.

There are days I find myself crying and deep inside I am sad that I compromised, but most of all I just miss God. Back then I was so confident that whatever circumstance I'm sure everything will be okay because I know God is with me. Now I just feel wretched. I have asked for God's forgiveness and have repented. My questions are:

Can I still be part of a ministry? Is it hypocritical considering my past that I haven't told anyone about? In my church, most of those who have fornicated are no longer in ministries and I don't see them at church. Not sure if they were excommunicated or they just don't want to attend anymore. And I don't really want to lose my church. I practically grew up there and I love everyone there.

My boyfriend and I are planning to get married in the next three years and it has always been my dream to get married at church. But because of fornicating, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to despite my repentance. I'm quite sure that they will ask if we had sex before and my pastor has strict rules about that. He said he will never spearhead a marriage that has been consummated prior to the wedding. My boyfriend said that he can't lie to our pastor. He said we can just have a civil wedding. I'm crushed at that option. Should I just let go of my church wedding dream?

Answer:

There are no choirs in the New Testament church. That was an innovation of men. See Choirs and Solos.

I find it odd that you left your church and yet talk about not wanting to lose it. A person who does not participate with a congregation is not a part of the congregation.

Can a former sinner return to worship God and be active in the things God allows women to do? Yes. That is what forgiveness is about. But I'm puzzling whether you have actually left your sin. You talk about repenting, but you also mention that you aren't planning to get married for a long while. I can't determine if you are still having sex or are living with each other. I'm not certain if things have changed.

What bothers me most is that you hint that you wish that your boyfriend would lie about your past sins so that you can get married in this building. Lying is a sin and is never acceptable (Revelation 21:8). "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:1-2).

Weddings are not a church function. There is no command that a wedding must be done in a church building or officiated by a church leader. Where a wedding takes place does not make it more or less significant in the sight of God. There are attributes about a wedding ceremony that needs to be met because it is creating a covenant between two people, but the location is not significant. See Marriage Covenants.

It sounds like the show before others is overly important to you. Since you have not shown restraint and you want to marry this man, why not simply get married instead of waiting three years? "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9).

Should I attend weddings of those who have been living together or had been divorced?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 29 Jun 2014 02:28:00 +0000

Question:

Hello,

My question is about weddings that take place after a couple has been living together for a year or two - sometimes longer. They have a child or maybe are expecting a child, then somewhere along the line decide to get married. They have a big wedding, white dress, bridesmaids all the trimmings with a reception afterward.

While I think it is good for them to marry, I have major reservations about attending the wedding. Not because I think that I am better or more righteous, but because it seems to be sort of a mockery of what God intended. It is certainly not the way marriage is portrayed in Scripture. I feel that it not only approves what I call the "Hollywood," just live together lifestyle, but encourages it to occur more often because everyone just accepts it as the normal or right way to do things. I don't want my children to get the impression that it would be okay for them to behave the same way. No virgin bride; no purity; total disregard for these things and absolutely no shame about it. When they do get married it has nothing to do with God's word or moral behavior, but about getting to wear the dress, walking down the aisle, etc. They are proud, see nothing wrong with the circumstances, and want you to feel the same way.

I have attended such a wedding before, but I felt that it cheapened the ceremony under the circumstances (maternity wedding dress, no shoes, feet swollen). And I did not feel right in being a part of it. There may have been many brides who were not chaste, and it was not evident to others. But when a couple lives together and bears children it is very obvious - a flaunting of immorality or even kind of thumbing their nose at God.

In a little over a month, a couple I know plans to be married. The girl is pretty big (pregnant) now. Not only will the bride be wearing a maternity dress, but they want friends and family to take time off of work and school (for a week) to attend the wedding. Those who attend will also have to spend money on lodging travel and food. No need for time alone on a honeymoon since they have already been living together for about three years.

So, my question is: Can you give me some scriptural advice about these situations? I do not want to be overly critical, but I just cannot feel right about this and I don't want my children to accept this as an OK way to live, or in any way think that this is what God intended for marriage.

And to go along with that question: If it is wrong to divorce and remarry under non-scriptural circumstances? How can it be right for me to be happy about, attend that second wedding, and celebrate it?

Answer:

My general rule is that when someone moves toward righteousness, I encourage them and when they are sinning gently rebuke them. "He who says to the wicked, "You are righteous," him the people will curse; nations will abhor him. But those who rebuke the wicked will have delight, and a good blessing will come upon them" (Proverbs 24:24-25).

What typically happens in today's society is that when people have sex before marriage, no one says anything. No one wants to make waves, especially when society as a whole finds it acceptable. The result is that more young people do not understand that fornication is wrong.

When you decide to make your stand at the point at which they get married, you are saying by your actions that doing what they should have done years ago is unacceptable. Going to a wedding is optional. Whether you go is up to you, but I would strongly suggest that you do not discourage someone from making some steps toward straightening out their lives.

In the case of someone remarrying when their first marriage ended in divorce and that divorce was not due to their former spouse being in fornication, I would have nothing to do with the wedding. God says that such a union is adulterous and Christians cannot support sin. "So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery" " (Mark 10:11-12). As Paul warned, supporting sinful behavior in others is also a sin. "Who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them" (Romans 1:32).

My girlfriend and I committed fornication. Can we still have a church wedding?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 03:55:00 +0000

Question:

Hi,

I'm a nearly 30-year-old man. I want to pose a question which I feel embarrassed for doing an ungodly thing in my life. I have been in a relationship since the beginning of the year, and my girlfriend and I were having a physical relationship for more than a month. We are planning to get married. I thought that I wanted a church marriage, but I feel guilty about my past behavior. Is it OK for me to go ahead with church marriage or do something else Would the church deny me? Or am I literally right to opt for church marriage?

Answer:

Marriage has existed from the time man was first created -- long before there were churches (Genesis 2:24). There is no requirement for people to get married in a church building or to have their marriage sanctioned by a preacher. People prefer having a preacher involved in their wedding because a marriage involves a covenant before God (Matthew 19:4-6), but God does not require a church to be involved in a wedding.

What you and your girlfriend did was sinful (I Corinthians 6:9-10). That is a far more critical issue than where you plan to hold your wedding. I'm assuming that the fornication has stopped; if not, it needs to stop immediately. Understanding that it is wrong, you need to change your ways. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). And you need to confess to God that you sinned (I John 1:9).