sexual touching – La Vista Church of Christ

There seem to be so many grey areas in a relationship

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 03 Sep 2025 22:30:06 +0000

Question:

Hello there,

I’ve recently gotten engaged to my boyfriend after several years of dating and have some questions regarding how we should conduct ourselves during this period of our lives, in a realistic and godly way.

I’m aware that sex is not allowed, but all the other areas regarding a relationship seem to be a “grey area” to me, which makes me very confused. To me, I would take the grey areas as "it depends" because if the Bible doesn’t explicitly state something, how can I know exactly what to do? I also don’t really understand how a couple can stay together and be happy and in love when so many things are prohibited.

Another question I have is about the sleeping situation. My fiancé and I live 30 minutes away from each other and find it very important to spend most days together. We both live at our parents’ homes, but neither has a spare room. We are very confident that sleeping next to each other will not lead to anything further and have no doubts that it would or could lead to anymore more, but is this still allowed? Sleeping next to each other to me is no more than a comfort thing!

If not, how do we go about it, as any other option seems very unsustainable and not realistic to me?

I think for me, I get confused because some couples may find it really hard to stay away from temptations and therefore shouldn’t do certain things, but other couples may not be tempted, so therefore, what do they do?

I hope you can understand where I am coming from and help me, because I'm currently distraught and confused about my questions.

Many thanks.

Answer:

Your difficulty is not that God isn't clear about how you should behave. You call them "gray areas" only because you don't like the restrictions and refuse to see that they are for your good. "They shall be My people, and I will be their God; and I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me always, for their own good and for the good of their children after them" (Jeremiah 32:38-39).

The truth is that 30 minutes is not that far away from each other. It is not an inconvenience for each to sleep in his or her own bed. As you noted, you are pushing for this because of the personal pleasure or comfort that you get from being close to him.

Here are reasonable boundaries:

Do nothing that will cause the other person to be sexually aroused. "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints" (Ephesians 5:3). Neither of you should assume that just because something doesn't bother you, that it could not bother the other person. You should not be in a rush. You want this relationship to grow at its own pace. "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the hinds of the field, that you do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:7).
Do nothing that you would not do with your parents in the room. You need to maintain a sense of propriety. That is one of the things Israel lost. "Were they ashamed because of the abomination they have done? They were not even ashamed at all; they did not even know how to blush. Therefore they shall fall among those who fall; at the time that I punish them, they shall be cast down," says the LORD" (Jeremiah 6:15). Be protective of each other's honor. It is more than just not doing sexual things, but also not leaving the impression that sexual things are going on behind everyone's back. You don't want anyone getting the wrong impression about the person you are dating.
Do nothing that you would not want someone doing to your brother or sister. "Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity" (I Timothy 4:12). "Purity" is the opposite of uncleanness. It is the idea that you know you are set apart as dedicated to God, and you will not pollute what belongs to God. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5).
Go out of your way to reduce the temptations faced by the other person. Love "does not behave rudely, ... does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth" (I Corinthians 13:5-6). So, don't spend time alone with each other where someone else might not be able to see you. Don't be provocative. "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:4).

You are making two basic mistakes. You think that if you don't find a situation sexually arousing, then your boyfriend feels the same way. You also think that because nothing bad has happened so far, it will continue not to be bad. See "How can I show my brother that it is wrong to sleep with a woman even though you aren't having sex?" Any honest person knows that if you put a boy and a girl alone in a bed, sex will eventually happen. It is what the natural instinct of the body craves.

Solomon points out the problem when he asked, "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?" (Proverbs 6:27). You can show a hot coal all the affection you want. You can cuddle it and dote on it, and it will still burn you. Your kindness to it doesn't change its nature. How often do you hear someone say, "But I love her!" Solomon's point is that your feelings toward a girl won't change the fact that both of you have built-in desires and capabilities for sex. Trigger them, and they follow the instincts built into you.

Solomon also asked, "Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?" (Proverbs 6:28). Using the same example of hot coal, if you walk on it, it will burn you. You can apologize and say you didn't mean to step on it, but you'll still be hurt because your intentions don't change what it is. Thus, the excuse, "But I didn't mean for it to go this far!" becomes an empty one because your intentions don't change your body's drive.

That is why Solomon concludes, "So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:29). Though he is talking directly about adultery, the same point is valid for fornication. When you start intentionally stirring up sexual feelings, you are never innocent when things go further than you wanted.

You need to understand that there are more sexual sins than fornication. See "The Root Cause of Sexual Sins" and "What are all the types of sexual sins?"

"I want" doesn't make something right.

Did I marry her?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 11 Feb 2025 04:04:32 +0000

Question:

Hello, pastor!

I'm in my early twenties. Since last year, I've had a doubt that eats away at me. I dated a girl (whom I believe to be a virgin) two years ago. As the relationship progressed, we started to misbehave. More specifically, I touched her breasts with my hands and mouth, as described in Ezekiel 23:3.

I realized that I was deviating from what was right and sought to end this relationship, but I never analyzed exactly the spiritual consequences.

In short, my doubt, and the reason for much torment in recent months, is that the intimate touches I gave may have consummated some spiritual connection between me and the girl. Therefore, I would be "married" to her, even without having gone through a public ceremony or completed a sexual relationship. The Bible says that men "went in" to the girls, and then they "became their wives." My leaders take this as a basis to say that I am free, that I am not connected because I had not practiced consummated sex. They say that since I did not "enter into her," as the Bible describes, alluding to penetrative sex, there is no spiritual bond of marriage possible between us. Despite this, I believe this is a lame excuse to lighten the weight of what I did. I touched a girl improperly in an intimate area. I made her feel dirty (in her own words).

Months ago, I sent her a message. I asked her for forgiveness, but this forgiveness is something that doesn't convince me that I'm free to go on with someone else.

Consequently, if we suppose that I am married because I touched her intimately but have ended the relationship, I am the equivalent of a divorced man who has not fulfilled his responsibilities. Therefore, if I meet and marry another girl, I will be entering into continual adultery in the presence of God.

Since then, I have gone through a strong depression, which I came out of thanks to treatment, prayer, and many people who love me helping me. But I honestly can't believe I'm free to get married. Everyone I consulted, priests, pastors, rabbis, my parents, and the elders of my church, told me that nothing was consummated or bound. But I'm afraid to believe that and end up in hell.

This subject has become a big blank sheet in my head, but I get very sad whenever I talk to a younger girl because this mistake comes to mind.

Thinking from your perspective and treating it with the greatest possible scriptural rigor, what verdict do you think is correct?

In time, this whole question stems from the meaning of marriage in God's view.

The basis for my doubt is that, as Paul quotes in I Corinthians 6:16, he who is joined to a
prostitute becomes one body with her for it is written, the two shall be one flesh (consummated sex). It generates a bond that refers to the marriage of Genesis (he leaves father and mother, joins the woman, and there will be two in one flesh).

Even though I haven't consummated with penetration, I fear that the touch on the breasts will have caused the same effect of "one flesh" described in the verses quoted.

Answer:

You have built elaborate claims that do not rest on a proper foundation.

Sexual touching is wrong. "Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). However, from this, Paul argues that people should get married to avoid such sins. Implied in this is that sexually touching someone does not automatically cause you to be married.

Marriage is a covenant before God. "She is your companion and your wife by covenant" (Malachi 2:14). See:

You misquoted Genesis 2:24, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Notice that there are three steps:

People leave their parents.
People are joined to their spouse -- in other words, they get married.
People begin the process of being one flesh -- they become a new family unit; of course, sex is one aspect of this.

Sex does not create marriage; the joining does. Jesus quoted this verse to point out that God does the joining, not man: "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Matthew 19:6). If sex caused the joining, then man would be creating the marriage, not God.

You sinned with this girl but did not enter into a covenant relationship with her. No vows were made before witnesses, and there is no record of the covenant. See Marriage Covenants.

It is past time to stop playing the victim of your own crime. Others told you that your logic was flawed, but you would not listen to them. You were too focused on feeling sorry for yourself.

Response:

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me, pastor. I am grateful for the words and for being direct in pointing out the feeling that I (maybe until now) had not even identified as cowardly.

How do I deal with a boyfriend who won’t respect boundaries?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 09 Feb 2025 02:48:09 +0000

Question:

Dear brothers in Christ,

I am writing to you because I need your advice. My soul is weary, and my heart is exhausted.

I am a Christian girl in my mid-twenties. I worship in a church of Christ. I grew up in a Christian family. Only one of my siblings didn't become a Christian. My mother left the faith, but my father continues to practice it. My sister and I feel that our home is very weak and lacks spirituality. We have never felt fully understood or supported spiritually and emotionally. Our parents never put God first in their lives. Therefore, we do not have a spiritually mature figure who can understand us and guide us, as we have seen in many other Christian families, where parents serve as a support and guide to their children. I am writing to you because my sister and I don't have much else to hold on to.

I was baptized when I was 13 years old, although I don't think I made the conscious decision of what it really meant to die in baptism and to be born as a new person, being a living sacrifice. Due to my age and maybe my unconsciousness, I was off the path for nearly a decade. I plan to be baptized again in the future, if possible.

During that time, I did what I wanted, acted as I wanted, and committed many sins that I never should have. Some time ago, I begged God for forgiveness with all my heart, looking for a change and realizing it. To this day, every time I pray, I continue to ask Him for forgiveness since I do not feel worthy of Him because of my past as an apostate Christian. Still, I believe I had strong values (humanly speaking). I tried to be a good-hearted person as I grew up (still not attending church), and the spiritual afterlife always awakened something in me, questioning, at times, on a daily basis.

My restlessness reached the level where I researched other religions, looking for the why of it all. I inquired about Buddhism, esotericism (which I also practiced), and science. I was even a bit agnostic, doubting the existence of the Christian God.

My life improved when I drew near to God. I prayed, asking Him for guidance and to bring me closer to the truth, and that is how, step by step, I am coming back to Him.

I am currently in a stable relationship with a guy. He isn't a member of the church, though he is a believer in God. He has a lot of faith. I have been with him for a year. He is a lovely person, has values, and gets along well with my family. We are both happy. I talk to him most of the time about the Bible. We debate about it. He still doesn't know the truth, and I tell him to pray that God can help him, just as he did with me when I was like a lost sheep. He had no partner for a long time, and he prayed to God to give him a woman to bring him closer to God. Then we met.

I am trying my best to get him to trust Christ's Church. I am changing as a person, becoming more caring and making changes for myself and for him so that he sees that God's word has the power to change people and fill their hearts with love. I know I must be his example, and Christ must be an example for me. However, he is still not convinced about becoming a Christian.

Because I am surrendering more and more to the Lord, I brought up the subject of the sins of the flesh. I am still a virgin. I told him that I could only have sex if we both got married, and he agreed, saying that he would wait for me until marriage. The problem was when I eventually told him that we also should not do sensual acts with each other since God asks for a holy courtship. After a hard talk, he told me that he was unwilling to do this since he felt that being his partner, he should also give me bodily affection; otherwise, with time, he would end up seeing me as a friend. I was very sad to see that he did not accept. I did not want to eat and suffered daily anxiety. I looked for help and advice from my sister. She counseled me, telling me that I should put God first in my life.

It is costing me a lot. I love him; he is a valuable man, but I know I should love God more and put him first. I am lost. I pray every day and ask in prayer that he can be a Christian. I love his soul and don't want him to be lost, but I don't want to lose mine. He is the best guy I could find. He understands and cares for me. I knew guys before him, but none knew how to value or treat me well. For the first time, I felt at peace in a relationship.

The young people in the church cannot understand me since they were fortunate enough to travel to the United States and meet young Christians with whom to practice holy courtship. Now everyone is married. However, our parents did not put interest in helping me and my sister to be in fellowship with other young Christians when we were teenagers, and now, I feel distressed because my boyfriend does not fully accept holy courtship.

I feel lost. I don't know what to do. I know that we should abandon everything for Christ, but there are no Christian youth in my country. I feel that I cannot see more horizons.

I have asked the Lord for help and patience to help me in this spiritual struggle. I don't know what will happen. I don't know if someday my partner will give himself to God or if I will meet a Christian person who will understand me. Where I live, there are hardly any Christians, and the environment is very, very worldly. Here, almost everyone is an atheist, and promiscuity abounds.

I don't know what will happen to me. Will I meet someone Christian, or will he change? Or will I stay alone forever? I love him very much, but I love God more and must follow the right path. I feel that I am not yet ready to go through this test.

Thank you for reading this. I love you all very much. Blessings. Pray for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Answer:

Living a godly life is easy when everything goes properly. The real test is when it looks hard. Will you stay with Christ regardless?

You noted two problems with your boyfriend. He claims to believe in God, but he isn't interested in being a Christian. I suspect that he thinks he is adequate as he is. You didn't mention if he attends church anywhere or subscribes to a particular set of beliefs. The second problem is that he follows God's moral standards only to a certain point. You make it sound as if he agreed not to have sex until marriage only as a way to please you. However, he won't give up sexual touching, and I assume you are going further than just touching. He believes he has a right to it by claiming to be your boyfriend. He doesn't understand that dating doesn't give one person rights over another person's body. His excuse that he is afraid he will just see you as a friend is a poor excuse. Marriage should be about marrying your friend, and your friend should respect you.

God said, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). A man has no business sexually touching a woman he isn't married to. The reason is simple: it leads to fornication.

Marrying a man who doesn't believe as you do is going to cause you strain. You want to get closer to God. He isn't that interested in God. The odds are that he will eventually pull you away from the Lord. Every little excuse will be used to stay home, not be a part of a church, and not to do as the Lord commands. The problems become even more pronounced when you start having children. He will want to raise his children to be like himself, and you will want to raise them to be like yourself.

Your sister is right. He is a nice man, but he is not the type of man you should marry. Finding Christians is difficult. Perhaps you and your sister can save up to travel together and visit other congregations. Some Christians had luck with dating apps (see Meeting Other Members of the Church of Christ). Or, you attempt to convert young adults and hope among them there is a man who would make you a good husband.

Do you tell others about your sins they know nothing about?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 02:08:51 +0000

Question:

Hello!

I have a question, and it’s kind of been bothering me for a while. When the Bible mentions Matthew 5:23-24, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Does that mean we must tell others about our sins that they know nothing about?

I’m a female in my twenties who is struggling with sexual sins. I’ve tried again and again to get out of this sin since I was a preteen. At the young age of 11-12 or so, this 19-year-old guy pressured me into having sex. It went on for a year. I now know it’s called grooming.

When the whole grooming thing happened, I waited until I was about 16 to tell my parents. They were so hurt and angry. They said it was also my fault, which I have believed.

Ever since, all my relationships have fallen into sex. I gave in to sex to feel loved and to make others happy, which I know now is very wrong. When I was in my early twenties, I told them about having sex again, and they, once again, were hurt and very angry at me.

That’s also the reason why I can’t go to them anymore. I know my parents would be truly hurt if they knew. I’ve struggled with this since a young age. They know about my past, but they don’t know my current struggles and sins with myself and with my fiance. We have had a difficult time resisting temptation as we have had sex in the past. The pastor knows about it. Although we aren’t having sex currently, we still fall into lusting and physical touching, which I know is still considered fornication. I have found myself occasionally still falling into watching adult videos and masturbating. I do feel guilty; however, because they don’t know of my sins, I feel that God may not forgive me for that. I’m supposed to get married this year to my wonderful fiancé. Also, I grew up in the church and feel like I'm not born again since I still have a pattern of falling into sexual sins.

I need help.

Answer:

I'm puzzled why you think Matthew 5:23-24 requires people to tell their parents all their deepest, darkest sins. Matthew 5:23-24 deals with situations where you know someone is mad at you, perhaps justly because you harmed them somehow by your sin. The implication is that the brother knows he is mad, and he knows why he is mad.

In your case, you've been committing sexual sins. These are sins against yourself. "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:19). You have not harmed your parents. You are harming yourself because you don't have respect for who you are.

What the 19-year-old guy did was wrong. It is called "statutory rape" in most countries because the legal laws recognize that a young person is not capable of making an informed decision about serious things like sex. Whether the young person agrees or not, in the eyes of the law, it is automatically treated as if the older person committed rape. Your parents did not handle the situation properly, but it isn't something that most parents expect to happen to their children, and many don't know what to do.

Unsurprisingly, you also didn't handle it well. Children who are exposed to sex prior to puberty become filled with conflicting emotions as they develop into adulthood. In your case, it led you to think that physical acts of sex are "proof" of being wanted and loved. Yet, for many men, sex is something done, and "love" is the only word said to get a girl to let you have sex with her. I suspect you've learned this the hard way over the years.

Your sexual sins are not about making your parents unhappy. They are unhappy because they want you to respect yourself and reach heaven. People who live their lives in sexual sins won't make it to heaven (I Corinthians 6:9-10). The real problem is your relationship with God. It is to the Lord that you need to talk about your problems and repent of your sins. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).

Sexually touching another person is a sin (I Corinthians 7:1). Watching pornography is a sin (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). All sins cause harm, so trust what God says and give up your sins. If you feel that the temptation to commit sexual sins is too strong, then move your marriage date up. "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).

Whether you are a Christian depends on whether you have obeyed what God commanded. (See How to Become a Christian.) Whether a person falls back into sin doesn't change the fact that he has entered into a permanent covenant with the Lord. We ought not to sin. And a Christian's sins will keep him out of heaven, just like a non-Christian. However, Christians have the right to approach God and ask for forgiveness after making changes so as to stop sinning.

If I don’t see it as sexual in any way, is it a sin?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 29 May 2024 21:34:56 +0000

Question:

Hello.

I have a few questions about things that I have committed with my partner. I am Catholic. He and I had sex, and now, officially, I failed to complete one of the commandments. Now, along the way, we have done some things like blow jobs and everything. My first question is if my partner grabs my bottom or chest or if I do it to him, but we don’t see it in any way sexual, is it wrong?

The second one has messed with my head a lot recently, but he is Catholic and doesn’t go to church or anything but believes that in the future, we end up having something. Since I’m fully Catholic, no matter what, as long as I’m Catholic, can it hold up the marriage, or do both have to have faith to be able to understand each other and to get closer together? I don’t know.

Sometimes, I overthink every little thing we do and consider it a bad thing. I’m lost.

Answer:

Right and wrong are not determined by personal preference or claims of being religious. God alone declares what is right or wrong. "I know, O LORD, that a man's way is not in himself, Nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps" (Jeremiah 10:23).

Sexual touching between people who are not married is wrong. "Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:1-2). Oral sex is just a form of fornication, which is also forbidden "Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality" (Galatians 5:19).

These things remain wrong regardless of your personal views or agreement with what God has said.

Marriage is not a function of a religious group. The Roman Catholics do not define marriage. It existed for thousands of years before Roman Catholicism existed. Marriage is a covenant promise to work together as a husband and wife. It is strange that you ask whether you can marry a man of little faith while you display little faith in your actions. Faith isn't what you claim but what you live. "You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit" (Matthew 7:16-18).

Instead of blindly claiming to follow a denomination, pick up your Bible and follow God -- not in part, but completely and sincerely.

My parents think it is OK to have sex outside of marriage if you are in love

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 23 May 2024 20:14:52 +0000

Question:

What should I do about my parents if they won’t admit that they sinned by having sex outside of marriage? I consistently tell them that what they did was wrong, but they just admit it reluctantly. My Dad also told me that he thinks that God said that because he and my Mom were in love, He would be okay with it. I would always say to them, “The Law is the Law.” He said, “And He won’t change it.”

My dad also told me that God told him that it would be okay for me and the love of my life to sexually touch one another outside of marriage so long as we were committed to one another and were getting married. I have also fought with them about this by telling them that God does not tell them this stuff and that this Law supposedly did not apply to their case.

I am greatly worried about my parents and I don’t wish for them to burn in Hell for it.

Answer:

We have several problems to address.

It is always difficult for a child to correct his parents. His parents are used to telling the child what is right and wrong through his developing years. It is difficult for a parent to grasp that their child might have learned things that they did not know or accept. At its root, it is someone in lower authority attempting to correct someone in higher authority. The relationship requires a gentle approach. "By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks the bone" (Proverbs 25:15). "Forbearance" refers to restraining your anger. It is a form of patience. When someone in authority annoys you or makes you angry because of his beliefs, you can still manage to persuade him if you control your emotions and approach the problem with patience. Soft answers (mild and without provocative emotions) are strong and effective (Proverbs 15:1; Ecclesiastes 10:4). In other words, you are not likely to convince your father overnight. And you won't convince him by forcefully telling him how wrong he is. It might work on some but not with someone who sees himself as being in a superior position.

"But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels. The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will" (II Timothy 2:23-26).

Your dad allowed the world to influence his behavior. No one wants to think of himself as wrong, but he knows the Bible condemns his acts of fornication. To resolve the conflict, he decided that there must be an exception to God's rule. "Love" justifies sin in his mind. (See Using Love as an Excuse.) Sadly, he has gone a step further and is convinced that God told him he is right. In other words, he is lying to himself by telling himself that his position is backed by the highest authority. You are correct that God doesn't contradict Himself. He would not tell someone that it is alright to sin. Even worse, your dad is now trying to convince you to sin in a similar manner. In his mind, if you do it then you can't make him feel bad for what he has done.

Each person is responsible for his own actions (Ezekiel 18:20). I'm glad you realize that your dad is advocating sin. "Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). Sexual touching is wrong and it will eventually lead to additional sins, such as fornication. God is a far higher authority than your dad, so you must follow God. Since you know your dad is off-track in regard to sexual sins, you need to always compare what he advises against the Scriptures.

You can't force your parents to be saved. All you can do is show them the way where they can choose salvation. Since your dad still recognizes that God is the supreme authority, get into the habit of replying to his false statements with quotes from the Bible. Even better, just flip your Bible to the verse that shows him to be wrong and ask him to read it for himself. In this way, he isn't arguing with you, he is arguing with God. Avoid giving your opinion about moral values. Always cite what God said (I Peter 4:11). When you offer opinions, your dad thinks that his opinions are equal to yours or better. When you show him what God wrote then evidence is far stronger than even his claim that God told him differently.

I can't guarantee that this will change your father's mind, but you'll have a greater chance of doing so than by arguing with him.

Response:

God bless you, Jeffrey.

Did I defile myself by sexually touching a woman?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 19:18:30 +0000

Question:

Greetings,

I just wanted to know if I sexually touched a woman with clothes on but no intercourse, did I defile myself as Revelation 14:4 says?

“These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among mankind and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb” (Revelation 14:4).

Thank you.

Answer:

Sexually touching a person is wrong. "Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). All sins and the lust for sin defile a person (Mark 7:20-23).

Revelation is a book written in symbols. Imagines are given to paint a picture in our minds regarding a concept to be understood.

"Then I looked, and behold, the Lamb was standing on Mount Zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, having His name and the name of His Father written on their foreheads. And I heard a voice from heaven, like the sound of many waters and like the sound of loud thunder, and the voice which I heard was like the sound of harpists playing on their harps. And they sang a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders; and no one could learn the song except the one hundred and forty-four thousand who had been purchased from the earth. These are the ones who have not been defiled with women, for they have kept themselves chaste. These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These have been purchased from among men as first fruits to God and to the Lamb. And no lie was found in their mouth; they are blameless" (Revelation 14:1-5).

The scene opens with the Lamb (Jesus) standing on Mt. Zion with the 144,000. The 144,000 are the redeemed on earth, and the great multitude are all the redeemed throughout the ages. They have the names of the Father and the Son written on their foreheads. This is not literal but represents people who are sealed and belong to God. They were purchased from the world by Christ's redeeming blood (Ephesians 1:7). They have not committed spiritual adultery as Israel did (Hosea 4:12-13). In other words, these people are not involved in idolatry. Therefore, John is describing the saved Christians.

Is it normal for an eight-year-old boy to be touching himself?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 22 Feb 2023 17:44:40 +0000

Question:

We have custody of an 8-year-old boy. During the first six years of his life, he was exposed to drugs, sex, filthy language, compulsive lying, and a lot of antisocial behavior from his mother and other adults in his life.

He frequently puts his hands down his pants out in the open, and I have gone into his room and witnessed him with his pants down and kneeling on the bed. He jumped up real fast when I came in. There have been other instances when I come in and he also jumps up really fast as if he’s doing something he shouldn’t. He has engaged in some filthy talk at school a couple of times which we have handled.

Having said all that, his behavior has progressively been getting better, but as we expected, it is a slow process with setbacks at times. We are working with him on respect for others, putting others before himself, getting along with and picking good friends, etc. When he gets out of line, he is lovingly, but firmly disciplined. He is being raised up in the church and enjoys reading his Bible and going to Bible study.

Is it normal for an 8-year-old to be fondling himself on a regular basis at his age?

Answer:

Given his background, it is possible that he was sexually abused. Such makes a boy aware of sexual acts earlier than usual and with the approaching changes, he is going to have strong conflicting emotions. I’ve seen boys in these sorts of situations act out in seemingly random ways because they don’t know how to handle their memories and feelings.

But in regards to your question, the genitals give even little boys pleasurable feelings, though they are mild compared to the feelings after he starts developing. What he is likely doing is calming himself (without realizing it) by doing something that feels good. While it doesn’t frequently happen because most boys are discouraged from doing this, he didn’t have that feedback. At this point, I would try a calm, reasoned approach. “Honey, I know that it feels good, but it isn’t proper to touch your private areas when other people are around.” After the explanation, boys best respond with short reminders: “Hands out.”

All of this is assuming that he is not experiencing precocious puberty (showing outward signs of changing before the age of nine).

Discussion on Pre-Marital Sex

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 07 Jan 2023 01:24:55 +0000

by Osamagbe Lesley Egharevba and Jeff Hamilton

Is sexual touching a public or private sin?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 21:03:00 +0000

Question:

This is a situation involving a Christian man and a woman. I have several questions. The man is married and his wife is still living. The woman's husband has passed away. and she is now single. As friends, they became close. At times they have embraced each other. They also have touched each other inappropriately. They have not had intercourse. Is this a sin? Is it a private sin that God can forgive when the Christian goes to God in prayer and does not require a public confession before the congregation?

Answer:

I don't know of a passage that divides sins into categories of public or private. See Do I have to make a public confession for sins that I mentioned to friends before I repented?

You acknowledged that the behavior was wrong when you called it "inappropriate." Paul stated, "Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). Unmarried couples have no business touching each other sexually. It can also be classified as lewdness or sensuality. "Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).

The idea that sexual sins start with intercourse is false. "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). The man is failing his marriage and his Lord. They both need to be spoken to and rescued from their sins.