by Joshua Welch
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 14, No. 9, September 2014

At the age of sixteen, George Washington hand-copied a document titled 101 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior. The document's author was not inspired, but his rules are worth a read or two or three. This is especially true when so many in our culture seem to lack a sense of decency and cannot show common courtesy. Some may relegate this subject to the realm of Emily Post or Dear Abby columns. However, it is a Bible subject. I Peter 3:8 simply says, “Be courteous” (KJV). Strong’s defines the Greek word from which “courteous” is derived here as “friendly of mind, kind, courteous.” The Bible often speaks of being “friendly” and “kind” as a “fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22). Therefore, this subject is one with which we ought to familiarize ourselves. Yet, how does one show himself as “kind” or “courteous” to others? Jesus, our example in “all things that pertain to life and godliness,” may be able to show us a few ways (II Peter 1:3).

Greet Others Warmly

Have you ever walked into a home and felt unwelcome? Perhaps the man of the house was glued to the TV, the teens were too busy texting to notice you had entered, the kids were more entranced with their video game than your entrance into the house. Jesus instructed His disciples, “But whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace to this house’” (Luke 10:5). When Jesus entered the home of Martha, she “welcomed Him into her house” (Luke 10:38). The word “greet” is used sixty times in the New Testament, twenty-one times in Romans 16. It means “to draw to one’s self, to salute one, greet, bid welcome, wish well to, to receive joyfully” (Thayer). The first-century Christians were glad to see each other, which showed by how they warmly greeted one another. This type of warm welcome should be extended to our brothers and sisters in Christ every time we enter one another’s presence (see Acts 21:7; Romans 16:16; Philippians 4:21; I Peter 5:14). Simon the Pharisee’s failure to extend the usual courtesies to a guest in his home were a reason for rebuke from the Savior and spoke volumes about his inner man (Luke 7:36-47).

Listen Politely

Jesus, even at age twelve, showed his maturity in the temple when he was found “sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions” (Luke 2:46). Those who want to be like Christ are interested in listening and involving themselves in spiritual conversations. We should not dismiss our children from the room. Yet, we should not allow them to pop in their earbuds, scroll through their Instagram, or watch the ballgame while others talk. Jesus was involved in spiritual conversations as a listener and questioner. Jesus expected Martha to put down the pots and pans and be involved in the conversation He was having with her sister, Mary (Luke 10:39-42). So, children and adults who strive to be like Jesus will be courteous listeners when others are speaking, both in public and in־ at home. James, the brother of Jesus, would add, “Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19). Jesus had a lot of conversations that probably made Him angry. Yet, He always thoughtfully finishes the conversations as we read about them in the gospels. We should think of His conduct before we are tempted to slam a door and storm out of a room.

Live the Golden Rule

Jesus laid down the Golden Rule in Luke 6:31, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” This rule is the backbone of courtesy. It demands we put others first. As Paul wrote, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look out not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). This principle is behind why a man or child gives up his chair for a woman or the elderly. This is why a younger man stands up when an older man addresses him. It is why our children give up their beds if our company from out of town needs to stay the night. This principle is why younger, healthy families need to sit closer to the front in church buildings — to reserve the pews closest to the restrooms and nurseries for older folks or parents with small children. It is why a man gives up his coat to his wife when she is cold. This principle is why we stand up or move over when someone is trying to find a place to sit in a crowded auditorium. It is all about putting others before yourself (see also Luke 14:8-11). Some of our best sermons may be preached at the front door of the church building as we offer a hand to the single mom carrying a car seat and diaper bag or to the elderly woman who needs an umbrella held for her as she walks to her car.

Be Content

Part of courtesy is respecting the hospitality of others. Jesus instructed His disciples to “remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide.... Whenever you enter a town and they receive you, eat what is set before you” (Luke 10:7-8). Paul repeats this principle (1 Corinthians 10:27). Talk to evangelists who have done some preaching in foreign countries. They will probably speak of eating foods they would have never thought they could eat prepared in ways that would shut down a lot of restaurants in the United States. Why do they eat it? It is courteous. The failure to do so may be seen as offensive and close an open door. Beyond contentment over food, Paul said he had “learned in whatever situation I am to be content” (Philippians 4:11-12). Expressing discontentment with your spouse, your job, or matters of preference with your church can also be a form of discourtesy (Romans 14:1-12). At the heart of a complaint is a lack of forbearance and contentment. Complaining is a chief form of discourtesy (I Corinthians 10:10; Philippians 2:14).

Be Hospitable to All

Jesus taught, “He said also to the man who had invited him, “When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just” (Luke 14:12-14). These are divine instructions for your next potluck or pitch-in. True hospitality does not discriminate. I Peter 4:9 says, “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” When we only invite those who can bring a gift, carry in a meat dish, support our business, or repay us in kind at a later time, does it not say something about our motives? It did to Jesus.

Dress Respectfully

Jesus speaks of one “who did not have on a wedding garment” in the Parable of the Wedding Feast (Matthew 22:11). Yes, this is a parable. Yet, for the heavenly meaning to be true, the earthly must also be true. At its base level, Jesus indicates the importance of dressing appropriately for the occasion. It is just common courtesy. When the resurrected Jesus drew near to Peter, Peter “put on his outer garment” (John 21:7). Peter dressed one way when he was fishing with his male companions. He dressed another way when approaching Jesus in conversation. In both situations, he was dressed appropriately for the occasion. We should consider this principle in our own apparel. Paul told Timothy women should wear “respectable apparel” (I Timothy 2:9; ESV). This may differ depending on the situation. It may be respectable to wear basketball shorts to a basketball game, but should they be worn to a funeral visitation? Dressing appropriately for the occasion is part of courtesy. It is being a good “example” of “conduct” for young men, too (I Timothy 4:12).

Express Gratitude

In Luke 17, we read of the ten lepers whom Jesus healed. Only one, a Samaritan, returned to give Jesus thanks. Jesus said to him, “Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine?” He commends the thankful Samaritan and criticizes the nine thankless lepers. Jesus is disgusted by those who feel so entitled to their blessings they fail to say “thank you.” Paul warned of those who were “ungrateful” in I Timothy 3:2. He went on to say, “Avoid such people” (I Timothy 3:5). Christians say “thank you” to their God, to Jesus, to their parents, and to others who bless them in ways they do not deserve. It is just simple courtesy.

Many more simple acts of courtesy are found in the Old and New Testaments. Clearly, the Bible has much to say about courtesy, etiquette, and simple decency. Studying these insights of Scripture makes a worthwhile family study as this all leads to becoming “shining lights in the world” (Matthew 5:16). Is your conduct in these areas getting in the way of your influence and ability to bring others to Christ? The old cliché has some truth to it: “People do not care how much you know until they know you care.” Courtesy is one simple way the Christian says, “I care.”