living together – La Vista Church of Christ

How do we fix our sin?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 10 Nov 2025 21:15:13 +0000

Question:

Good day

I strongly need advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years. We met in church, and we are Christians. We do everything together; we pray together, read verses together. We have a 2-year-old child, and now we are expecting again. We started living together this year because the situation I was living in at home was not nice, as my uncle is a drunk, and he hates me, for reasons I don’t know, as we’ve never done him harm. I felt that my daughter and I were no longer safe to live there. My grandmother also has no intention of fixing this, and I think she’s afraid of him, too. So my boyfriend insisted we come live with him for our safety. I don’t have parents; my grandmother raised me. My boyfriend also has no mother, but he has an absent father who’s now married to another woman.

We want to get married so badly. It is the only thing we talk about. We are both embarrassed about living together. It has reached the point where he refers to me as his wife. The problem is he doesn’t have money. We are the only Christians in our families, as our families believe in ancestor worship, which is why they insist on lobola. We both work, but we don’t earn much, as the money we make goes towards food, rent, transportation, and other essential expenses. We are content with what we have because we have a roof over our heads and never go to bed on an empty stomach. My family is constantly nagging him about paying lobola. The problem is he can’t afford it. I have spoken to him several times, asking him to get married in court or a church without their approval, so we can honor God and no longer live in sin. But he disapproves and insists he has to pay lobola because if he doesn’t, my family will never respect him.

We love each other so much, and I don’t know what to do anymore because this sin is eating me up, it's what I think about day and night, and it's stressing me because I know if we were to die today, we'd definitely go to hell. Please advise on how to resolve this, as I fear that God will not bless our marriage, even if we don’t receive blessings from our families and elders.

Kind regards.

Answer:

"Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46).

Take a look at the mess you have made.

You have been having sex outside of marriage for years, even before you moved in with your boyfriend. You call yourself Christians, even though Paul said, "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
You were raised by your grandmother, which tells me that you have been dealing with your drunken uncle for quite a while. But now you are afraid of him, so you decide to move in with your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend refuses to marry you because of his pride. He can't keep a man-made tradition, but to him, that tradition is more important than obeying Christ.
To cover up his shame, he lies to people and calls you his wife. God hates lies (Proverbs 6:16-19),

Keeping traditions is not wrong, but it becomes wrong when they take precedence over obeying God. You know all of this, but you don't take any action.

I want you and your boyfriend to reach heaven, but you aren't currently heading in that direction. Both you and your boyfriend need to take your covenant with Christ seriously. It is more important than your personal preferences.

If you can't afford labola, then you can't afford it. Your country doesn't require it. God doesn't require it. I understand that your family wants the money, but that is greed on their part. Why? Because there is no set amount for labola. If they wanted to, they could set it to a small amount. Go get married. Perhaps later, when you can afford it, you can have a traditional wedding. At the moment, you have nothing. And if your family respects him for just living with you, then I don't have much respect for your family's values. Marry him. Sure, your family may not recognize the marriage, but that doesn't matter. It is God whom we seek to please.

God doesn't withhold blessings from those doing His will. Are you expecting Him to bless you while you ignore His commands? Be obedient, apologize to Him in prayer for your sins, and then go on with your life. When God forgives, He doesn't hold the past against you.

Response:

Thank you so much for your response. I'll try by all means to do what is right by God.

Would my partner get back on track with God after we have a child together?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 20:05:04 +0000

Question:

Hello,

I appreciate that you are taking my question. I'm unsure how I found this website, so I'll take it as a good sign.

I'm dating an inactive Jehovah's Witness. We've been together for several years, and we live in the same house. We've made a lot of progress together, and from time to time, we always talk about the Bible because of my curiosity. When I was a kid, I followed a religion that believed in God but mixed many more things with the subject of energy and so on (gnosis). So, when I was able to get out of that place, I remained in an agnostic mode without knowing what to believe. What my partner told me was a little difficult for me to understand or accept sometimes, but I soaked up what she told me little by little, and I ended up liking it.

About a year ago, I tried to start attending the so-called Watchtower sermons or studies (which I thought was the equivalent of listening to a weekly conference by the evangelists or going to the Catholic Mass). However, this did not sit well with my partner since she noticed I was committing myself too quickly to beliefs. I got to the point of telling her that God was more important than her, which scared her. After a couple of back and forths, she told me that until I was baptized, God did not expect me to do things right, and if we had to stop having relations or sleeping in the same room, we would most likely have to separate.

She does want to get married, but only when it is our decision, and if I asked her to speed up the marriage so as not to be in sin, she would not accept it. Also, another requirement to make her want to make the sacrifice of doing things right again would be to have a child (to be able to give him an upbringing by example).

Back to the topic, I ended up saying that I would bet on her and that we would walk the path together when she was ready and do it both at the same time, which is basically what she wanted. But also that day, I told her not to talk to me about anything because I didn't want a flame to be rekindled in me and have to put it out again because it would destroy me.

I am starting to read the Bible on my own and watching philosophy videos (because I needed to get closer to God and have faith because of solid arguments). The truth is that I have never been more convinced of the existence of God and Jesus. I didn't need any miracle or any extraordinary event. I was able to reach this conclusion simply by exploring.

Most important to me is that I want to live without sinning. I don't want to wait a few years to be baptized to start doing things right. I want to do it now because it hurts me to actively sin.

Should I believe my partner can get back on track after having a child and getting married? Do I really have to sin for years based on the fact that she is telling me the truth and not lying to my face (even if it is unconsciously)? It is not something I want, but in case it does happen, everything magically falls into place in a few years; would God forgive me for that?

I already asked Him to guide me on what I should do, and a few days ago, we had a fight, and she left the room angry. At that moment, I prayed to God about all these issues and asked Him if I should leave her or not. This was the right time (since the argument had escalated quite a bit), and immediately after I finished my prayer, she came into the room, renewed with the intention of fixing things.

For about 4 or 5 days, she has been quite affectionate, as we always were with each other, but it seems that she is in a very good mood, which confuses me. I don't want to think that I am misinterpreting God's message or that Satan is tempting me.

If you could give me your opinion, I would be very grateful.

Answer:

Oh, the lies we accept if they give us what we want. Jesus told us that you know more about a person from the results of his actions than from what he says. "You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16-20).

Let's look at what your girlfriend is doing.

Even though she helped you know a bit about God, she is living with a man and having sex with him, which is contrary to God's law. "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).
She claims that non-Christians can break God's laws; yet, God's laws apply to everyone. It is why we speak of people being in sin. "But the Scripture has shut up everyone under sin, so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe" (Galatians 3:22).
As you become interested in being a Christian, she is telling you to slow down. This is different from the Bible's view that salvation is highly important. "And working together with Him, we also urge you not to receive the grace of God in vain -- for He says, 'At the acceptable time I listened to you, and on the day of salvation I helped you.' Behold, now is 'the acceptable time,' behold, now is 'the day of salvation'" (II Corinthians 6:1-2).
She claims that she wants to get married, but she wants a baby before she will commit.

I have to conclude that she is not interested in living a Christian life. She'll claim she is a Christian but wants to do things her way. She wants to be a mother but doesn't want the responsibilities of being a wife. She doesn't want you converting because she will stop getting sex from you, and she won't get the baby she wants. Everything I see from your description is a selfish woman who is willing to harm others to get what she wants.

Regarding your prayer, God doesn't encourage or support sin. "Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust" (James 1:13-14). He would not have told you to stay in sin. You interpreted the events to feed what your body desired.

This may be hard to hear, but I suggest you become a Christian in truth—not a Jehovah's Witness, but a real Christian. See "We Are Simply Christians Without Being Members of Any Denomination. You Can Be Too!" You'll have to do this without your girlfriend's support, though I would like you to offer her the opportunity to learn with you. My guess is that she'll try to undermine any attempt on your part because she doesn't want a change in her plans.

A part of becoming a Christian is repentance. Repentance is changing your attitude toward sin, no longer seeing it as acceptable, and a change in your behavior. That means stopping the fornication (having sex when you are not married) and moving out until you are married so that you are not tempted to have sex. The odds are she will break up with you, claiming that you are trying to force her into marriage, which would show that she never intended to marry you.

I hope she proves me wrong. However, regardless of her choices, you need to make the right choices. "So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:12-13).

Why does my boyfriend seem blind to our getting married?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 04 Jan 2025 19:59:01 +0000

Question:

Hello,

I've been dating for over five years. We lived together; we separated a few times and came back together. We started going to church and asked God to give us the blessing to get married, and it was granted. We were at the height of the pandemic and couldn't get the necessary documents. When everything returned to normal, he changed his mind, saying that I didn't want to get married. Since I was even making a list of things for the wedding, I never doubted that I wanted to marry him since I prayed for him for a long time.

We didn't get married. We moved back in together. He betrayed me many times, and I forgave him with all my heart. I don't hold a grudge about it; he will resolve it with God by himself. We are still together. Last year, he started going to church and didn't want me to go with him, but I started to go on my own. He went to a retreat and came back and said we had to get married. The next day, he said he had never said that and that I was deluded.

I also made mistakes in the relationship. I didn't cheat on him like he did on me, but I lied to him about something that had happened to me, and I wasn't comfortable telling him. He said he forgave me, but I feel he didn't. I have always dedicated myself to being a good wife and taking care of him. He took care of me in his own way, and I feel very loved.

I found out I was pregnant. He freaked out, broke up with me, and kicked me out of the house. I am praying to God that he will break this man's heart and things will become as they should be. I really want to get married, build this family with him, and follow the way of the Lord properly. But it seems that he is blind. He is not acting like he is normal. Doesn't God give us the blessing again? I don't want to live a life without God and a proper marriage.

Answer:

"Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:4-5).

You seem to want this relationship to work so badly that you are willing to ignore the truth.

The Bible is clear that God doesn't listen to the prayers of sinners (Psalms 66:18; John 9:31), but you have been living in sin for years. He wants you out of sin, and a marriage would be a step in the right direction, but you have chosen to continue in fornication because you would rather be with your boyfriend than be right with God.

Your boyfriend has repeatedly demonstrated that he doesn't have the qualities of a good husband. He has sex with other women besides you. He tells you one thing one day and something different the next day. He pretends to be religious while living like a heathen. He doesn't want to be seen at church with you. Worse, he has you convinced that this is all your fault. His actions clearly state that he has no intentions of marrying you.

Then, on top of every other sinful behavior he has engaged in, he threw you out of his house when he found out that you were carrying his child. This is a man who wants benefits without responsibility. That is why he doesn't want to get married or acknowledge his child.

However, you don't want to see any of this. Based on your behavior, I must conclude that you don't respect yourself. The guy has treated you horribly, and you blindly ignore it all. I can hope that he will change his life around, but I don't expect it to happen. However, you can change your life.

Stop sinning and lying to yourself that sin is alright. Become a true Christian, not one in name only. Learn your Bible, follow its teachings, and attend a church faithful to God's commands. Raise your child up in the ways of the Lord. Then, when your life is spiritually stable, look for a man who will help you live righteously.

"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces" (Matthew 7:6).

Was I wrong to withhold my blessing?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 17 Nov 2024 22:22:08 +0000

Question:

Dear Sir,

My adult daughter is living with a guy twice her age. They want to get married, and it appears he wants my blessing. However, he doesn't have a vehicle, can't keep a job thus far and just started a new job a couple of weeks ago, doesn't have a credit card, which is required by most landlords to apply for phone and internet services, nor does he know how to manage money, etc.

I have said no for legal reasons while at the same time telling them that because they are both adults, I can't stop them. They hold to opposite faith views as well. She's my prodigal.

Fornication in the Bible is wrong, so am I wrong in the advice I gave?

Answer:

A blessing is merely your approval of the person your child has chosen to marry. It doesn't hold any legal meaning in most countries. Your child has made a poor choice in whom she wants to marry you, so it is reasonable to say, "No." She doesn't need her mother's approval to ease her conscience.

If you are in the Philippines, someone between the ages of 18 and 21 must have parental consent before they marry. Those between 21 and 28 are asked to get a letter of parental advice, but they can still get married if such a letter is withheld.

If your daughter decides to have sex without getting married, that would be her decision (Ezekiel 18:20). Your objection to her marriage is not a reason for your daughter to sin.

Response:

Thanks for taking the time to answer my concerns. I feel much better now, and the weight has been lifted.

Does cohabitation create a marriage?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 08 Oct 2024 20:15:18 +0000

Question:

Does cohabitation with sex make a marriage?

A lot of Christians think so. They say that when you go live with someone and have sex, that's a marriage according to the Bible because, in the Old Testament, that's how marriages were made. They give the case of Isaac and Rebecca. They say the Bible doesn't specify how marriage is celebrated, only that a man and a woman live together, have sexual relations, and claim they're husband and wife.

Answer:

The Bible is clear that the covenant between a man and a woman forms marriage. "Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant" (Malachi 2:14). A covenant is a solemn agreement between two parties. It is somewhat similar to our idea of a contract but carries a deeper meaning and weight than our modern-day contracts. (See the sermon outline "Covenants" for more details.) One aspect of the marriage covenant is that God serves as a witness to the covenant. Jesus alluded to this when he said, "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6). Thus, it is the vows made by a man and woman that join them together into a new unit. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Notice the steps:

A man leaves his parents,
a man joins (marries) his wife, and
the two individuals become one.

The last step includes the concept of the act of sex, but it is so much more than just sex. The two bond so tightly that they behave as one person, a person different from either of them individually but which doesn't exist without them both.

But notice that the passage says, "and the two shall become one flesh" and does not say they are one flesh. It is a process that begins after marriage and continues through marriage.

What you have are people who are making assumptions when something is not mentioned. "Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and he took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her; thus Isaac was comforted after his mother's death" (Genesis 24:67). This verse doesn't say how she became his wife, only that she did. To assume that it was only by moving in with each other is not a necessary conclusion. Malachi 2:14 remains, telling us how marriages are made. See Marriage Covenants for more details.

Is my boyfriend using me because he doesn’t want to get married?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 06 Jun 2024 20:32:21 +0000

Question:

Good Evening!

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for four years now. I have visited this other church, and they told me I should leave my fiancé because he doesn’t want to marry and is just using me. I love him so much, and he has told me so many times. Now I am so confused, and I thought he was my soulmate. We had challenges, but we held on.

My question is: can’t I pray that my relationship can be peaceful and loving with faith? I can’t let go of him because my heart only wants him.

Answer:

What I see is a young woman who only sees what she wants to see. She puts on an act of religious devotion while living in rebellion against the Lord. She calls a man who has no intention of getting married to her "fiance," which implies a non-existent engagement to be married. You are committing fornication, so read I Corinthians 6:9-10 and Galatians 5:19-21 and tell me how you conclude that your life of sin is acceptable to the Lord.

Paul said, "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9). Why do you conclude that this command doesn't apply to you?

The only reasonable conclusion is that he is using you to provide wifely services without committing himself. He wants to be able to walk away from the relationship at any time without any obligations.

Sin is not an option, so either get married or live apart and no longer have sex with this man.

Should I let my daughter’s boyfriend sleep in the same room when they come for a visit?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 08 May 2024 20:04:07 +0000

Question:

Hello,

I have a daughter who has been living with her boyfriend for the past two years. They want to come visit. I'm unsure if allowing them to sleep together in our guest room is right. Should I let them know they're welcome to visit and sleep in our home, but not in the same bedroom or bed?

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Answer:

Keep in mind that it is your daughter's poor decisions that make the situation awkward for you.

"And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, ... and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them" (Romans 1:28,32).

While your daughter is responsible for her decisions, it does not follow that you must support or encourage her choices. Personally, I would find the boyfriend a place to stay nearby. He can spend the day at your house but must sleep elsewhere. If they don't like the arrangement, let them know that you'll happily welcome them to stay in your home once they get married.

I don’t know how to handle this situation

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 02 May 2024 16:31:19 +0000

Question:

Hey,

I know you're not God or anything, but I've been dealing with some sins in my life. I was baptized last year, and I moved my kids' father into my home. Around that time, I didn't think of anything else, so I explained to him what needed to be done, and that was it. I let him stay due to my knowledge.

I don't know how to handle my situation because he's completely comfortable here.

Answer:

I'm going to have to make a few assumptions here. Based on the way you worded your note, I conclude that you committed fornication prior to becoming a Christian. That resulted in you having a child. Since becoming a Christian, you allowed the man you committed fornication with to move into your home, even though the two of you are not married.

The simple answer is to get married. Your current situation is improper and can lead to sin. "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).

Response:

Thank you for the clarification.

Can a couple live together if they are strong enough to resist temptation?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 27 Apr 2024 22:19:10 +0000

Question:

Is it biblical for unmarried couples to live together if they are just powerful enough to resist temptation, or are they merely fooling themselves and still giving the assumption of sin?

Answer:

"Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall" (I Corinthians 10:12).

While it is your intention not to have sex, you are dramatically increasing the temptation you will be facing and the opportunity to commit fornication. You know you aren't married yet, but your body's instincts don't consider your marital state. It is designed to want and have sex. "Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Or can a man walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?" (Proverbs 6:27-28). Expecting a hot coal not to burn you is foolish. It doesn't matter if you hug it. It will still burn because that is its nature. It doesn't matter if you didn't intend to step on it. Fire doesn't consider your intentions. Solomon's point is that to think your sexual instincts act differently because of your intentions is equally foolish. Suppose the two of you slip up; could you really claim innocence? (Proverbs 6:29).

Then there is the problem of your reputation. Few, knowing of the situation, would believe that you were not having sex, mostly because they would assume that you are just like them, and they would not be restraining themselves. We are not to behave like worldly people. When speaking of how slaves should treat their masters, Paul said, "All who are under the yoke as slaves are to regard their own masters as worthy of all honor so that the name of God and our doctrine will not be spoken against" (I Timothy 6:1). The principle can be applied even to this situation. Christ's doctrine stands against fornication. Christians should not give others the impression that ignoring our Lord's commands is acceptable. "But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints" (Ephesians 5:3).

If you need to move in together, get married first. If you have no intentions of marrying each other, then stay away from situations that can lead to sin. "But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil" (I Thessalonians 5:21-22).

Is it wrong to share a place with a person of the opposite sex?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 28 Jan 2023 22:52:22 +0000

Question:

Hello Jeffrey,

I’m always so thankful to have you answering my questions biblically! Here soon I’m thinking about moving to another state. I am in need of some change. I don’t have a whole lot of money. There is a person who has offered to let me stay with him and split the bills. I have never been in a relationship with this man, and there is nothing sexual between us. I work 60 hours a week and I plan to when or if I move. We will probably even have different schedules. He knows my beliefs and that I’m a Christian. Am I wrong for even considering this? I shine my light everywhere I go and let people know I’m a Christian. I'm excited to move and start another life, but I don’t want to be wrong.

Answer:

I suspect that you are being blinded by the saving of money and are not considering everything.

Trust

I don't know how well you know the guy, but sharing a living space with anyone requires trust in regard to possessions and personal safety. While you have no sexual feelings for the guy, are you certain that he won't develop feelings for you? Prudence is the ability to look ahead and see what might cause problems in the future. "The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, but the naive go on, and are punished for it" (Proverbs 22:3).

Reputation

People are going to know that you share space with a man. What would be a natural conclusion? How is that going to impact your ability to teach others about Christ when they may assume (wrongly or rightly) that you are violating Christ's laws against fornication? "In all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us" (Titus 2:7-8).

Influence

While you are determined that nothing wrong will happen, there are younger people who see what you are doing and will be inclined to imitate you. However, they are likely not to be as careful or discerning. "Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe" (I Timothy 4:12).

If you want to move, find a good church and ask if some couple or older woman might have a room that you can rent for a few months or a year, while you get settled into the area. If you don't have much money, start out with a small hole-in-the-wall apartment in a safe neighborhood to rent until you can move up. If the area you want to move to is out of your price range, then find another area that is cheaper. It is important to always live within your means, as well as live as a reflection of Christ to others.

Response:

Thank you for all your help and for always answering my questions biblically.