incest – La Vista Church of Christ

Do I need to tell?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 02 Mar 2025 03:40:38 +0000

Question:

Hello,

I came across your page while searching for some answers. I am trying to rededicate my life to the Lord daily. I've had a very unpleasant past. I've confessed what I can remember to the Lord and several people. But a few particulars keep coming up.

I was such a good girl before all this started. I was attacked as a young kid. I am always having nightmares about getting suffocated.

My dad came back into my life when I was 11 or 12. We had a blended family of my dad's children and my stepmom's children.

As a teen, I was addicted to sexual fantasies, the occult, vampires, and werewolves. I read books on these topics and watched videos as I got older. I watched sexually explicit videos.

Sadly, I had sexual relations with my stepbrothers, which continued even after I was married. At one point, I was having sex with four boys at one time. I ended up getting pregnant. I didn't know who the father was. When my mom found out I was pregnant, she wanted me to get an abortion. I told her it was my boyfriend's baby, even though I had no idea. I followed through because I was a coward and didn't want to confess what I had done.

I was married for almost 20 years. During that time, I cheated on my husband nonstop. He had a porn issue. I had my own issues. I was a liar, adulteress, and covetor. I did all these sins: Ego, pride, manipulation, sexual immorality, gluttony. I used alcohol and marijuana.

I have been celibate for almost three years. I cried out to God several years ago, and He answered, but I went back to the vomit and slept with the man I was supposed to be done with and many more men. I was still drinking and dabbling in weed. I stopped all that. I am still struggling with food, pride, ego, and intrusive thoughts.

Due to my circumstances, I now live with my parents and attend Bible college.

I feel I need to tell my parents what happened when I was growing up. It has been over 20 years, and my stepbrothers have since died. But my parents are kind and giving and have helped me a lot. I feel so much guilt. I feel that if I tell them, it will crush them. I know I will need to find somewhere else to live. I don't care about that. I want to do what is right and not be turned away from Jesus. What should I do?

Do I need to tell my ex-husband about who I had affairs with to be fully forgiven? He does know that I cheated. Do I need to ask the women who were married to some of them? Some of the men are still his friends.

My pastors know about the thoughts and attacks in dreams. They say I'm free in Christ. I have confessed most of my sins with a Christian prayer team.

I want a new life. I was just a young girl with fantasy lust and thoughts. Looking back, I think, "Wow." I am truly sorry for what I have done. Why do these things still happen, especially the attacks? I need guidance because this is a lot. I was wondering if you'd be able to help.

Answer:

You definitely lived a depraved life, but it sounds like you are trying to turn yourself around. But you are too focused on where you were instead of where you need to go. "Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:1-3).

When a person truly becomes a Christian, he repents of his past sins. Those sins can't be undone, but sometimes, a person can lessen the damage they cause. However, you aren't looking to undo the consequences of your sins. You are looking to punish yourself, and in so doing, you will ruin the lives of others in a vain attempt to soothe your grief.

Nowhere in the Bible does God say that every sin must be confessed in detail to Him or to the ones touched by your sins. God requires that you turn from your sins and head to Him. "Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord" (Acts 3:19). There has to be a change in your attitude toward the acceptability of sinning as well as a change in your behavior.

There is more to becoming a Christian than believing and being sorry about your past. See "How to Become a Christian" and "What Saves a Person?"

You don't deserve mercy, but then none of us do. God gave you mercy to get this far. Stop wallowing in your grief and start using the gift God gave you to His glory. Appreciate the people who have helped you get this far, and use the time you have left to help others.

Response:

Thank you.

I have been baptized a few times. I've rededicated myself to prayer and am trying to live an obedient life. I read the Scripture and pray. However, I fell again after my first baptism. I surrender to him daily and try to hear him again clearly. It's just that I struggle with those things that keep happening. I pray that today is a new day.

Thank you for everything you have done for me. I thought confessing those things to them would probably make things worse instead of better because it seemed like they were doing very well, and we were getting better. So, thank you.

God bless you. My hope is I will meet you face to face in Heaven.

I don’t believe abortion should be outlawed or be easily accessible

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 02 Jul 2022 19:34:00 +0000

Question:

Hi,

Thanks for the site that you run. On more than one occasion I have gone there to read your responses.

I wanted to follow up on the question of abortion because first, as someone who was raised as a Christian, I do believe it is wrong. I am not extreme on either side. I do not think it should be outlawed nor do I believe that it should be easily accessible like Tylenol. It should be used as a last resort. However, when the church protests (and here I mean evangelicals who stand at clinics protesting), they assume that we can legislate morality on the country.

As you have mentioned prior, most women who seek out abortion services are single and do not have the means of taking care of that child. And when you look at states which disproportionately fail to expand social services, it is the ones that have trigger laws on the books or will have outright restricted it in the next few weeks and months. Additionally, it is those same states that have high rates of maternal and infant mortality. So I find it hypocritical when anti-abortionists say abortion is wrong – but then I ask, where are the resources to help raise that child by that single mother (or both parents). Within my own circle, I know individuals who did choose to have the child, but again, the stigma, the lack of support, etc. are a daily reality. You can’t be anti-abortion and then after the child is born, you cast it away. As a country and some states, we have not made it economically viable to raise children, again the stats speak for themselves, (probably with the exception of Utah and perhaps Nebraska) the rest of the states (particularly rural and south) have the infrastructure to help raise kids compared to other states i.e. New England.

Second, what about incest and rape? Is God so evil that He would willingly punish the victim who sought out abortion services after they had been raped? Is the church so callous, so lacking in compassion that we would willingly let a child of 12-13, with barely a mature body, suffer the consequences of her rapist? I assure you, that does not sit well with me. So then, what is the biblical solution? Because I assure you, if the parent’s decision to have their daughter seek out the procedure, is the anti-abortionist going to protest them that right? Although, you can disagree with them and their choice, they have a right to exercise however they wish to do so.

At the end of the day, the most distressing thing about this all is the utter lack of compassion and presumption to legislate morality that has been the case of Evangelicals for the last 50 years. I find it utterly arrogant that we should choose to legislate morality. The church cannot. Last I check, we are called to witness. The church is not God. And America is certainly not the children of Israel.

This is just my two cents.

Thanks and etc.

Answer:

The argument that you can't legislate morality is false. We have laws that say it is wrong to murder, to lie on an affidavit, or to take someone's property without permission. These are all moral rules. The fact that laws have been passed to allow human life to be taken prior to birth (or in some cases shortly after birth) is an enforcement of a moral standard as well -- one that I object to. However, what we need to recognize is that morality is being legislated -- it always has been. See:

You referenced David Tant's article, "Thoughts on Abortion," where he stated: "Statistics show that most abortions are performed on single, unmarried women. A recent report indicated some 626,000 abortions in a recent year’s survey. One report stated that some 86% of abortions are for single women." However, you added a false premise that single women "do not have the means of taking care of that child." You offered no evidence that your assertion is true. Most women are quite capable of taking care of a child, and given the multitude of government programs (See "Most Helpful Government Assistance Programs for single moms," SingleMothersGrants.org), they have adequate support without including the additional support of family and community. There are exceptions, but my point is that your blanket statement is not true. Besides, if a woman does not want the responsibility of a child, there is always adoption.

I agree that there are people who don't behave as Christian ought to behave. Sins of people don't justify murder. See "For Such a Time as This" for a point of view of a woman who went through a situation similar to what you describe.

The argument that abortion is justified in the case of rape or incest violates the basic principle that evil cannot be fixed by additional evil. See "Is abortion wrong except in the case of rape?" The answer to the emotional hypothetical situation of a child being impregnated is similar. First, very few females are able to bear children at such a young age. It is rare enough that Wikipedia is able to give a list of females who had given birth at an early age. Instead of justifying murder as a solution to this problem, it points to the need for punishment for males who would do this to a child (which does happen).

You claim that there is a lack of compassion on the part of those who oppose abortion. That argument shows your lack of compassion for a human being who was conceived through no fault of his own. Yes, all mankind is not God. Therefore, we must not seek to change what God said. "There are six things which the LORD hates, yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: ... hands that shed innocent blood" (Proverbs 6:16-17). It really doesn't matter what people want or what governments legislate. People don't change what is right or wrong. It is the church's duty to spread God's teachings on all matters. See "Saying the Things People Don’t Want to Hear." It is wrong to make exceptions to God's laws that God did not make. As Jesus asked, "Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?" (Matthew 15:3).

Would God forgive incest?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 16:33:59 +0000

Question:

Greetings!

I would like to ask for some advice about my unrighteousness. I hope you could reply.

To get straight to it, I had sex with my brother. It was not really the kind of serious kind of sex because we were just playing around. At that time we were already in the church for two years. I don't really know why I did it. but now I regret all of it. I'm afraid that God may not forgive me and my brother.

I seek your advice about my situation.

Answer:

All sins can be forgiven, but forgiveness is based on a person turning away from his sin and changing his mind about the acceptability of sin. This is called "repentance." "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9).

You regret the sin you've committed and that is a strong motivation toward actually changing. But the sorrow is not the same as committing to changing. "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). I have no idea if your brother even regrets what he did, let alone repent of his sin.

One of the things you have to face is that all sin is serious and cannot be excused. You understand that what you did was wrong, but you attempted to soften the matter by saying it wasn't serious sex since you were just playing around. However, it was still fornication. It would still keep you out of heaven if you don't change and ask God for forgiveness (I Corinthians 6:9-10; I John 1:9). While we tend to see fornication with a family member as a worse sin, from God's view it is still the same sin.

Did God change His mind about sexual sins?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 02 Mar 2019 21:26:39 +0000

Question:

Did God change? How is it that God that was so quiet about fornication, adultery, and polygamy in the Old Testament and then suddenly changed in the New Testament?

Answer:

It is in the Old Testament that we learn that a man is to leave his family, get married, and become one flesh with his wife (Genesis 2:24). In illustrating the decay of mankind, we learn about Lamech, the first recorded polygamist who boasted about killing a young man (Genesis 2:19-24). It is Abram who is taken to task by Pharaoh for almost causing him to commit adultery (Genesis 12:17-20). It happened again with Abimelech (Genesis 20:1-9). Abimelech told Abraham, "You have done to me things that ought not to be done." It is also in Genesis that we learn that homosexuality was a grave enough sin to cause God to destroy four cities which were involved in it (Genesis 19).

Shechem, the prince of the city of Shechem, commits fornication with Dinah, the daughter of Jacob (Genesis 34:2). Her brothers declare "such a thing ought not to be done" (Genesis 34:7), and they ended up murdering all the males in the town of Shechem. Judah has sex with a prostitute after his wife dies and tries to hide the fact (Genesis 38). It turns out the prostitute was actually his widowed daughter-in-law, and his sin became publicly known. While he technically married Tamar, he refused to have sex with her again.

Joseph was solicited by Potiphar's wife to commit adultery with her. He refused because it would be a sin against God and his master (Genesis 39:9). In Genesis 35:22, we read about Reuben committing incest by lying with his father's concubine, which eventually led to his rejection in receiving the blessing (Genesis 49:3-4).

These are just stories from one book, but it should be clear that God never accepts sexual sins.

When Moses brought Israel the law, it included a commandment against adultery (Exodus 20:14). Like the other Ten Commandments, it carried a death penalty in certain situations. Adultery was punishable by death of both the man and the woman (Deuteronomy 22:22). Fornication with an engaged woman was punishable by the death of both the man and woman if it was consensual or by only the death of the man if it was rape (Deuteronomy 22:23-27). Fornication by unmarried couples was punished by a fine of 50 shekels of silver (over three years of wages) and a possibility of forced marriage (if the woman's father consents) with no allowance for a divorce.

God chose to regulate polygamy by demanding that each wife must be treated equally. "If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights. And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money" (Exodus 21:10-11). If you consider the law, you would realize that in most cases it would be impossible for a man to do as God demanded, especially if he was already in a healthy marriage. As a result, the first wife had a ready reason to leave the marriage if she so chose, leaving the man with only one wife. A polygamous marriage could only exist if the first wife agreed to it. God specifically forbade polygamy for kings. "Neither shall he multiply wives for himself, lest his heart turn away; nor shall he greatly multiply silver and gold for himself" (Deuteronomy 17:17).

The Old Testament documented mankind's sins, demonstrating repeatedly that man is unable to save himself. These violations do not mean God accepted the sins. As with many sins, God clearly states why various sexual sins are wrong and warns that He demands that mankind give up its sinful ways (Acts 17:30). This was not a change of His mind clarification of what He always expected of people.

What are all the types of sexual sins?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 15:51:00 +0000

Question:

What are all the types of sexual sins?

Answer:

"Truly, this only I have found: That God made man upright, But they have sought out many schemes" (Ecclesiastes 7:29).

One of the problems with coming up with lists of possible sins is that men are too inventive in coming up with new ways to sin.

Sex is to take place between a husband and wife. When it falls outside of that realm, it becomes sinful.

Sins of the mind

Lust (epithumia and epithumeo):

"But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:14).

"But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28).

Epithumia is a noun referring to strong desires or cravings, particularly for things that are not lawful. Epithumeo is the verb form of the same word.

Lust (orexis):

"Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due" (Romans 1:27).

Orexis refers to a very strong desire or lust.

Passion (pathos):

"Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry" (Colossians 3:5).

Pathos is emotional lust that is seemingly stronger than a person can control.

Lust (hedone):

Self-gratification or sensual pleasure. "It is characterized by a never-ending and unfulfilled desire, often identified in pornography and materialism" [Dr. Gary M. Gulan, Lust: A Desire For Fulfillment].

"and will receive the wages of unrighteousness, as those who count it pleasure to carouse in the daytime. They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you" (II Peter 2:13).

Sins in word or action

Uncleanness (akatharsia):

"But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God" (Ephesians 5:3-5).

Akatharsia can refer to the unclean animals and behaviors mentioned in the Old Testament, but in the New Testament in some contexts, such as here in Ephesians 5:3-5, it is broadened to mean morally impure behavior, particularly of the sexual nature. "Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves" (Romans 1:24). Examples are given in Ephesians 5:4. "Filthiness" is what we commonly call dirty talk today. It is talking about sex or sexual practices for the purpose of getting another person sexually aroused. "Foolish talk" is treating what should be a serious matter as if it was a joke. "Coarse jesting" is telling jokes where sex is involved in the punch line. All of these would be examples of uncleanness because they are morally impure behavior. Particularly telling in Ephesians 5:3 is that Paul talks about "fornication and all uncleanness;" thus, those sexual acts that are considered fornication and all the related morally impure sexual acts.

Sins where there is sexual activity but no penetration

Sexual Touching (haptomai):

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1).

Haptomai means to touch particularly in the sense of holding on. Thus, it doesn't refer to an accidental brushing against someone, but a purposeful touch or grab. In the context of I Corinthians 7:1, it is talking about the sexual touching between a man and woman, such as what goes on in foreplay, but it would also include the touching of genitals that takes place in mutual masturbation or hand jobs. "So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:29). Where I Corinthians 7:1 is focused on the sexual touching between men and women, it doesn't mean such is permitted between men and men or women and women.

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

"For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due" (Romans 1:26-27).

Sexual behavior between people of the same sex is just as wrong as sexual behavior between a man and woman who are not married.

Lewdness (aselgeia):

"For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles -- when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:3).

Aselgeia refers to shameless behavior, particularly in regards to sex. It is behavior that is involved in pure self-enjoyment or behavior characteristic of an animal. This would include foreplay, mutual masturbation, and fornication.

Uncover the Nakedness (galah 'ervah)

Exposure of the genitals for sexual purposes. The word 'ervah is the word for nudity.

"None of you shall approach anyone who is near of kin to him, to uncover his nakedness: I am the LORD" (Leviticus 18:6).

Voyeurism: nakedness (ma'or)

Exposure of the genitals for voyeurism. The word ma'or is the word for genitals.

"Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbor, pressing him to your bottle, even to make him drunk, that you may look on his nakedness!" (Habakkuk 2:15).

Sins where sex takes place between unmarried couples

Fornication (porneia):

Porneia, typically translated as fornication, sexual immorality, or sometimes just immorality is defined as follows:

"Porneia, which is relatively rare in classical Greek (Moulton-Milligan), originally stood for "prostitution" ... In other, later contexts it denotes "unchastity, illicit sexual relations" of any kind ("fornication" is a somewhat archaic but common translation)." [The Complete Biblical Library].

Illicit sexual intercourse:

adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals, etc.

sexual intercourse with close relatives; Leviticus 18

sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mark 10:11

[The New Testament Greek Lexicon]

Porneia (fornication) "is used of illicit sexual intercourse…." [W. E. Vine, Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words]

Fornication: "illicit sexual intercourse in general … distinguished from adultery (moicheia) in Matthew 15:19 … used of adultery … in Matthew 5:32; 19:9 [Henry Thayer, Thayer's Greek-English Lexicon, pg. 532].

Fornication: "The New Testament is characterized by an unconditional repudiation of all extra-marital and unnatural intercourse" [Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, Vol. 6, pg. 590].

You can also go through the Septuagint translation of the Old Testament to see what Hebrew words were translated to porneia to get an idea of what the word meant. You will find:

zanah - to lie down like a prostitute (Jeremiah 2:20; Micah 1:7)
zenunim - Harlotry, prostitution (Hosea 1:2; Nahum 3:4)
zenuth - Unfaithfulness, prostitution (Numbers 14:33; Jeremiah 3:2; Hosea 4:11)
taznuth - Harlotry, lust (Ezekiel 16:15; 23:7, 11)

Notice that the dictionaries include homosexuality and lesbianism under the category of porneia. That is because if anal sex is involved with homosexual men, the penis is entering the anus. If oral sex is involved, then the penis is entering the mouth or the tongue is entering the vagina. That is why in English "sex" is included in the description of oral and anal sex.

Use (chresis):

"For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due" (Romans 1:26-27).

Chresis started out as a general meaning of use. But in Aristotle and Polybius' usages "chresis is 'intimacy' or 'acquaintance;' and Isocrates (Fourth Century B.C.) where literally hai oikoi chresis, "the use of houses," means practically sexual 'intercourse' with women." [The Complete Biblical Library Greek - English Dictionary]. The was the meaning commonly used at the time of the New Testament.

Sexual Relations (koite):

"Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy" (Romans 13:13).

Koite is the Greek word for bed, but it is also the word for what takes place in bed. It was used in a way similar to how we say that Jack was sleeping with Pam. Thus this is a word for sexual intercourse. It is where we get the English word "coitus" which means the act of the penis entering the vagina.

Lay with (shakhav):

"And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her, and violated her" (Genesis 34:2).

"Then David sent messengers, and took her; and she came to him, and he lay with her, for she was cleansed from her impurity; and she returned to her house" (II Samuel 11:4).

Shakhav primarily means to lie down to sleep. As we do in English, this becomes a euphemism for having sex since that is typically done while lying down in a bed.

To humble ('anah)

"And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her, and violated her" (Genesis 34:2).

"If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out, then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days" (Deuteronomy 22:28-29).

"She shall put off the clothes of her captivity, remain in your house, and mourn her father and her mother a full month; after that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. And it shall be, if you have no delight in her, then you shall set her free, but you certainly shall not sell her for money; you shall not treat her brutally, because you have humbled her" (Deuteronomy 21:13-14).

The word 'anah means to cause affliction. It refers to ruining a woman's reputation or her self-worth.

Sins where sex takes place where at least one party is married

Adultery (moicheia):

"Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, ..." (Galatians 5:19).

"Moicheia is the word for 'adultery'; i.e., 'illicit intercourse in which one of the parties is married.'" [The Complete Biblical Library Greek - English Dictionary]

Sex for payment

Harlot, Whore, Prostitute (qadeshah, zanah)

"There shall be no ritual harlot of the daughters of Israel, or a perverted one of the sons of Israel. You shall not bring the wages of a harlot or the price of a dog to the house of the LORD your God for any vowed offering, for both of these are an abomination to the LORD your God" (Deuteronomy 23:17-18).

Male Prostitute (keleb):

"There shall be no ritual harlot of the daughters of Israel, or a perverted one of the sons of Israel. You shall not bring the wages of a harlot or the price of a dog to the house of the LORD your God for any vowed offering, for both of these are an abomination to the LORD your God" (Deuteronomy 23:17-18).

The word literally means "dog" but in this context, it is referring to how a male dog behaves -- willing to have sex with anyone.

Sins where sex takes place with members of the same gender

Effeminate (malkos):

"Classical Greek: This is the word for "soft" or "soft to the touch." Throughout classical Greek malakos is used (1) of this, such as clothes, and (2) of persons, especially to denote catamites, those who allow themselves passively to be used homosexually. New Testament Usage: Both classical senses are employed in the New Testament. Matthew 11:8 (twice) and Luke 7:25 use malakos when speaking of clothing. The Baptist's clothes were not of a soft texture like the raiment of the rich. In I Corinthians 6:9 malakos is used in the metaphoric sense. Here it refers to persons who are "soft." The rendering "effeminate" (malakos) designates the passive partner of a homosexual relationship, and "abusers of themselves with mankind" (malakos and arsenokoites) denotes both the passive and active homosexual partners." [The Complete Biblical Library Greek - English Dictionary].

Dionysius Halicarnassus Book VII, 2, 4: "At that time, the tyrant of Cumae was Aristodemos, the son of Aristocrates, a man, not of the common men in birth, who was called Malakos (effeminate) by his townsmen. In time, he held a nickname more notable than his original name. He was called Malakos either because as a child, he was effeminate and suffered that which is fitting for women, as some narrate, or because he was tame by nature and was soft in temperament, as others write."

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

Homosexual (arsenokoites):

Arsenokoites is a compound Greek word. It doesn't appear often in Greek literature, but it is meaning is quite clear. Arsen is the Greek word for "male" and koites is the Greek word for "bed". The latter is where English gets its word "cot." Koites is a euphemism in Greek for sexual intercourse, sexual excesses, and seminal emission. (English also gets its word "coitus" from this Greek word.) Examples of this can be found in Hebrews 13:4; Romans 9:10; and Romans 13:13. It doesn't take deep scholarship to understand to what arsenokoiths is referring.

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." (Leviticus 18:22).

Homosexual (qedesh):

"And there were also perverted persons in the land. They did according to all the abominations of the nations which the LORD had cast out before the children of Israel" (I Kings 14:24).

Lesbian:

"For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature" (Romans 1:26).

See the word "use" (chresis) above.

Sins where sex takes place with animals

Bestiality:

"Nor shall you mate with any animal, to defile yourself with it. Nor shall any woman stand before an animal to mate with it. It is perversion" (Leviticus 18:23).

Sins where sex is accompanied by violence

Rape:

"Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, "Come, lie with me, my sister." And she answered him, "No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you." However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her" (II Samuel 13:11-14).

The word translated "force" is 'anah, the Hebrew word for afflicted or humbled. It is the context that tells us that this humiliation was done by force.

"But the men would not heed him. So the man took his concubine and brought her out to them. And they knew her and abused her all night until morning; and when the day began to break, they let her go" (Judges 19:25).

The word translated "knew" is the Hebrew word yadha, which means to know or understand. It is used in the sense that we say in English that two people were intimate; that is, they got to know a great deal about each other's body through sex.

The word translated "abused" is the Hebrew word 'alal. It means to mistreat but carries the connotation of repeatedly entering or thrusting in, which in this particular case is literally meant.

Sex with a close relative

Incest:

"Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve the lineage of our father. So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose" (Genesis 19:32-33).

"None of you shall approach anyone who is near of kin to him, to uncover his nakedness: I am the LORD" (Leviticus 18:6).

Wouldn’t it have been a sin for Tamar and Amnon to marry?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 17 May 2011 01:54:00 +0000

Question:

Was it not a sin for Tamar and Amnon to get married because they were from the same father, even though they had sex?

Answer:

A difficulty arises when multiple laws are violated at the same time and penalties for these different laws vary.

Amnon lusted after an unmarried woman, which violated the teaching, "The righteousness of the upright will deliver them, but the unfaithful will be caught by their lust" (Proverbs 11:6).
Amnon had sex with his sister, which violated, "The nakedness of your sister, the daughter of your father, or the daughter of your mother, whether born at home or elsewhere, their nakedness you shall not uncover" (Leviticus 18:9). The consequence of this law is "If a man takes his sister, his father's daughter or his mother's daughter, and sees her nakedness and she sees his nakedness, it is a wicked thing. And they shall be cut off in the sight of their people. He has uncovered his sister's nakedness. He shall bear his guilt" Leviticus 20:17).
Amnon raped an unmarried woman, which violated, "If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out, then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days" (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). This passage is broader than just rape, "seized" carries the idea of enticing in Hebrew, but it can be applied to force sex as well.
Amnon refused to marry Tamar, which was the consequence of having sex with her, and thus broke Deuteronomy 22:28-29 in a different way. It wasn't his decision under the Law of Moses.

So applying all the laws being broken:

Amnon would be forced to pay 50 shekels for Tamar's dowry.
If David allowed (Exodus 22:16-17), he would have to marry Tamar with no option for divorce.
Amnon would no longer be considered an Israelite, regardless of whether he was forced to marry Tamar or not.

One of the sad points of this story is that these laws were not upheld. This is why Absalom thought he was justified to murder his brother.

Why wasn’t Noah condemned for getting drunk?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 02:37:00 +0000

Question:

Why was Noah never condemned by God for becoming drunk and committing the sin of incest? And God used him to build the ark.

Answer:

You're mixing events. Noah was a righteous man (Genesis 7:1). He was saved when he obeyed God and built an ark. But it wasn't until years later that he got drunk and was naked in his tent (Genesis 9:21). The Bible doesn't say he committed incest. The two cases of incest that I can think of are by Lot's daughters (Genesis 19:30-38) and Amnon (II Samuel 13).

But the question was why wasn't Noah condemned for his drunkenness. In a way he was, two of his sons refused to look at him while he was drunk and naked (Genesis 9:23). Clearly, they knew his condition to be wrong. And it isn't that God doesn't make it clear that drunkenness is sinful (for example, Provers 20:1). So just because the Bible might not record all the consequences that came upon Noah because of his sin, it doesn't imply that nothing happened to him.

But there were consequences. Because Noah got drunk, he laid naked in his tent. Because of that, his son Ham gave in to the temptation to mock his father. Because of that Ham lost his blessing and the descendants of his son Canaan were prophesied to be slaves. Quite a long-reaching effect for overindulging.

The same is true of you and me. When we sin, we aren't likely to get struck by lightning the next moment. But those sins often have consequences we don't immediately realize or see. Just because we are immediately condemned, it doesn't mean what we did was acceptable to God.

Response:

Thanks. You are right, I was confused. I just heard someone say that in a sermon, and I send the email without looking things up and examining them for myself, which is awful, I know. But thanks for setting things straight.

Why didn’t Lot turn down his daughters’ advances?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:05:00 +0000

Question:

Why did Lot in Genesis 19, get drunk, have sex with his daughters, and get them pregnant? I wondered what was the purpose? Couldn't he have just said no to his daughters?

Answer:

A major problem with all drugs, including alcohol, is that they impair a person's judgment. Things that normally would be rejected somehow become "reasonable" to the person under the influence. "Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbor, pressing him to your bottle, even to make him drunk, That you may look on his nakedness!" (Habakkuk 2:15).

There were numerous places in this account where Lot could have and should have done things differently. He shouldn't have gone into hiding, leaving his daughters with the impression they would never be in civilization again. He shouldn't have started drinking and allow his daughters to get him drunk.

However, you make it sound as if Lot was aware of what his daughters did. "So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose" (Genesis 19:33). Lot was too out of it to be aware that his daughter climbed into bed with him. Since much sexual response automatically comes in response to stimulation, it isn't beyond imagination to understand that he likely only thought he was having an erotic dream.

It wasn't until later that he figured out what his daughters had done to him.

I found my husband locked in his bedroom with our daughter and only partially clothed. What do I do?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 03:16:00 +0000

Question:

I really don't know where to go with this question, but having been a regular reader of your web site, I hope you can help.

My husband and I have a 10-year-old daughter. We do not share a bedroom per his insistence. A few days ago I came home from work early and heard him and our daughter in his bedroom. The door was closed and locked as per usual and our daughter seemed to be in distress. I knocked on the door, and when my husband unlocked and opened it, our daughter was sobbing hysterically. In sorting out the problem it transpired that my husband, her father, had required her to remove her sweatshirt and bra so he could see her breasts. He had also required her to remove her underwear but fortunately, I knocked on the door before she could comply with his orders. He was only dressed in his undershorts. Our daughter is beginning to develop physically and is very embarrassed and shy about her body.

My husband's excuse was that she, and I apparently, need to learn submission to his male authority and that whatever he says goes in this house. We are to accept his will in all things, including forcing our daughter to strip for him! He says God wants our compliance to him as the man of the house and to go against him is a sin. While I totally support the idea of female submission and silence, I cannot accept this behavior. My husband says this is no longer a topic that he will allow me to discuss with him and I am not being the submissive female, nor setting the right example to our daughter, that God wants if I don't allow him to do what he feels is best for our household.

Going to my home church is out of the question as the evangelist and elders hold to the same view that my husband does, that women should not speak unless spoken to first.
I suspect there may be child porn on his personal computer, but he keeps it locked with a security password in his locked bedroom so I don't know for sure.

Please tell me if you have any ideas of what I can do while still maintaining what God wants as my female submissiveness. Maybe there's nothing I can do.

Answer:

I have a hard time believing this letter to be from a real mother. Where are your protective instincts? Bears seem to know more than you. "Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs, rather than a fool in his folly" (Proverbs 17:12). Your daughter is in danger and you are wringing your hands? This has nothing to do with submission. You don't submit to the devil. This is a creep who is demanding servitude to his sins. Worse, he pretends to be religious while violating God's laws against an innocent child, and his own daughter at that. Stop pretending you don't know what is going on.

Get out of the house today with your daughter. There are plenty of shelters that will give you a place to stay on a short-term basis.
Contact the police and file a report and get a restraining order.
Find a place to stay, such as with your parents.

I don't buy the claim that a church supports such behavior. Perhaps some of the wild cults out there, but I don't know of any church or denomination which would tolerate such behavior by its members. There is no command of God that states a woman doesn't speak unless spoken to first. So quit the pretense that there isn't anything you can do. If you don't do something you will be as guilty as your husband.

My wife has been committing adultery with her step-brother. What do I do?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:20:00 +0000

Question:

Should I stay married and does my wife need to tell the truth? I have been married for over 15 years. I caught my wife cheating on me 10 years ago with her step-brother. She said all they did was kiss, but I knew it was not true. We reconciled to keep our family together. We had children since then.

I asked her about the relationship over several months. She lied, saying nothing was going on, so I put a voice recorder on our phone line and caught them talking dirty on the phone. She never told the truth and the adultery continued at different times. Over the years I have questioned her about her activities outside the home, showing up late, not being where she said she was, and leaving work during the day. She always told me I was crazy. About five years ago she started telling me she did not love me and wanted a divorce. I started finding her rings in the cup holder of her van while she was at work. She would not speak to me for months at a time -- six months was the longest. Early this year she openly left her rings out and said, "I don't love you and I want a divorce." I left the house this summer and started surveillance on her. I found out it was happening again. (Had the man at my home in my bed with my children there.) She denies it and now says she loves me and wants to stay married. I started the divorce process and she is fighting all the way. I feel she is only trying to save her reputation and financial loss. She always told me I needed to leave so she would not be the bad guy. A few days before I confronted her with my information, she told me she did not love me and wanted a divorce, get the papers, she would sign them. She is telling me and my children that she has done nothing wrong and that I am the one who is tearing apart our family.

Help me, please!

Answer:

You ask for help, but you haven't stated what you are trying to do. You make it clear that your wife has continued to commit adultery. Because of that, you have the right to divorce your wife and marry again if you so choose.

That she is pretending that you are the one at fault is not surprising. Adultery is a selfish sin. You did contribute to the problem by stating you had forgiven her but then spent years never letting yourself or her forget. But that doesn't excuse the sin on her part.

You might as well end this marriage since it is clear you are not going to be able to forgive her and she won't give up her sin.