fetish – La Vista Church of Christ

How do I get freedom from a spanking fetish?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 02:34:00 +0000

Question:

Dear Sir,

I realize that spanking children during childhood establish a spanking fetish in them. I have this problem. On the Internet, I know many girls and boys who masturbate after being spanked by their parents. They also masturbate when they see their parents spank their brothers. I know a teacher who satisfies herself by spanking the pupils on their bottom in school because she has a spanking fetish. I do not know how to stop this fetish. Any pain inflicted on my bottom, even an intramuscular injection causes an erection. I also have erections when I see a girl or boy spanked on his bottom. I am seeking freedom from this. Could you please help me to get freedom from this?

Answer:

You have a few misconceptions. Spanking does not cause fetishes. Many children have been spanked and the vast majority do not grow up with a spanking fetish. Just because you know a few doesn't mean that most of the world is like you.

Second, you are confusing a physiological response with a need for sex. Just because your penis becomes erect, it doesn't follow that any action needs to be taken in regards to it. Males have erections frequently. During early adolescence, erections came randomly and frequently as the body adjusted to its new ability. Yes, anything that causes tension can trigger an erection; that is simply because an erection is caused by a muscle at the base of the penis clamping down on a vein which then causes blood to back up in the penis and inflate it.

Bad habits are broken by ending them and replacing them with something better. In reality, the stories and videos on the Internet that sexualize spanking are a form of pornography. They appeal to people's baser instincts to dominate others (the "pride of life" - I John 2:16-17). Thereby, they get a person's heart beating faster. The thought of pain makes a person tense in sympathy. Combined they make erections more likely. What you need to realize is that you are being manipulated and not for your benefit. Therefore, like any other pornography, you need to remove it from your life. Put blocks on the computers and phones that you use to access the Internet.

Next, think about when you have urges to go and look at such things. Some common reasons are that a person is bored, or that they have a habit of doing this at certain times of the day or week. Recognizing the cause, find better things to do with your time that don't include the bad habit.

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5).

How do I battle my foot fetish?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 02:07:00 +0000

Question:

I hope I am talking to the right guy about this. I read a story of a guy who struggles with a foot fetish. I have the same problem. I am a born-again Christian who loves God and His law. I also have had an interest in female feet since I was 5 years old and only got worse when I got older. Then came the Internet where you can see pictures of female feet. I am a normal guy, but as you said, it's a different part of the female body. I do think it's a problem. I hate having this desire of the flesh.

I will say since I received Jesus Christ as my Savior it has helped me. My eyes were opened and the fetish became wrong to me. It hurts a lot on the inside. I don't want to hurt God or Jesus, or lose my salvation over it or lose things in heaven because of it.

God said He will never allow us to be tempted more than we can walk away from. I do walk away many times as the desire comes on, but I have to admit I do fail from time to time, like last night. I looked at some pictures on the web. Afterward, I felt terrible inside. I know that it's Satan's plan to make us feel guilty. I really do want this to be taken away from me. It's one of the worst things I still struggle with. A lot of the old sinful nature was gone right away, but this one is a problem because Satan knows it's one that I do give into sometimes.

I feel like I am going to have to battle this until I reach heaven, but it's a very scary thought. It's nice to know other Christians have this problem as well. What should a guy do? I have gone months before without looking at pictures of women's feet. It's hard though. Women are everywhere. Summer's coming up. I know I am going to have some problems.

When I fail or sin I ask Jesus to forgive me. I know we need to turn away from our sins. Like I said I can stay away from it for months but sometimes that makes the urge or desire stronger.

I also had a major masturbation problem as well. I am Catholic and they consider masturbation a mortal sin, so it's very scary. I use to masturbate every day -- sometimes three times a day. Now if I do it, it is good at first but afterward, I hurt so bad inside my soul, plus Satan throws the guilt thing at me. Some Christians say masturbation is normal and healthy for a man as long as you aren't lusting, but it's rare to masturbate without lusting. When I received Jesus the masturbation stopped for a while, but eventually, it came back. Very rarely I fall back into it.

Any help would be great or input on how bad a foot fetish is or looking at pictures of female feet. I can't wait until I am freed from this problem. I know I am saved by the blood of Jesus, but I don't want this burden.

Answer:

There are some aspects of your note that leave me puzzled. Claiming to be a "born-again Christian" and a Catholic is typically not done. It isn't critical to the issues you asked about, but it is critical to your salvation. What I would like you to do is look at What Must I Do to Be Saved? and study the passages brought up.

It doesn't matter what any religious group thinks or teaches. The only thing that matters is what God says on a particular matter. In regards then to masturbation, see Is masturbation unacceptable? and Is masturbation sinful or not?

You might have been fascinated by women's feet for as long as you can remember, but children are not sexual beings. It isn't until we reach puberty that we become aware of sex -- unless sex is forced on us. Boys might play with their genitals and some might even discover orgasm, but very few actually connect these things with sexual ideas. That changes as our bodies begin changing and we become aware of sexual feelings. It is very easy at that point to make the things we are fascinated by objects of our sexual desire.

See: What does the Bible say about having a fetish? for a definition of what a fetish is, but basically, if you can't get sexually aroused without women's feet being involved in some way, then you have a fetish. It is especially true if you reach a point where you would rather masturbate to images of women's feet than to desire to have intercourse with your wife.

I'm not going to repeat what I said in I was born with a foot fetish. Is that a sin? Instead, let's focus on breaking your pattern of lust. "Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). I'm assuming that you are not married since you gave no hint of a wife being in the picture.

The human body is built with many desires and they serve important purposes. You have a desire to eat, but if you overindulge in eating, then not only are you getting fat, but you are also heading down a path that can lead to gluttony. Since your adolescent years, you have had a desire for sex and that clearly can be overindulged. Sex is intended for marriage (Hebrews 13:4). The struggle men have is that their bodies need to ejaculate semen once in a while in order to function properly. The longer a man puts off ejaculating, the stronger his sexual desire rises until he feels like he is going nuts.

Somewhere along the way, you tied your interest in women's feet to sexual arousal. Each time you masturbated to images of women's feet, you strengthened that tie. Thus, what was meant to tie your sexual interest to your wife became tied to a part of a woman's body.

Many guys make the mistake of trying to break the habit by vowing not to ejaculate again. The problem is that their own body begins to fight against them as the need to ejaculate builds and eventually instinct takes over. When that happens, the body searches out the quickest known path to ejaculating, which means you fall back into the same old lusts.

Therefore, the solution is to acknowledge the fact that your body has needs. You need to eat, but you can control when, where, and how much you eat. You need to sleep, and you can control when that takes place. You need to ejaculate, and again you can control it if you don't totally ignore it.

The easiest way is to simply wait until the need to ejaculate is strong. Grant yourself a place to do it and only do it there. I would recommend the shower because you can't go looking for pictures in that wet place. Once you've taken care of the need, the desire to indulge in lust is easier to resist. In the process, you are changing what is often an indulgence of pleasure into a practical matter of taking care of a need. It isn't as "fun" but it doesn't lead you into sin.

Along the way, you can work on controlling your thoughts, keeping yourself out of old ruts of sin. It will be hard at first. The body tends to want to take the easiest path. But it can be done with some effort.

I was born with a foot fetish. Is that a sin?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 20:36:00 +0000

Question:

Hi,

I am a believer and I read all that you wrote about the subject masturbation. I am glad that your answers are right and correct and according to the Holy Bible, but I have this problem and I could use some help because I don't know what to think anymore. Here is the thing: I have had a foot fetish since I was a child. I was born with it. I didn't choose it or something else; it's just the way it is.

Masturbation was the way to fulfill my pleasures, which includes female feet. I have to mention that I am a normal guy and this particular fetish of mine doesn't cause problems at school or work and doesn't go to any extreme levels. It's just a part of my sexuality that few people know about it.

Now I was wondering if that is a sin (foot fetish) or the fact that I masturbate thinking only of feet excluding any sexual intercourse or pornographic content. I also have to mention that I like the whole woman's body. I am not obsessed with feet. I just happen to feel something special about them.

I've been honest with you in telling this. Please answer this mail. God bless you and your ministry and also your church!

Answer:

First, I would like you to read: What does the Bible say about having a fetish? You used the word "fetish" to describe your desire, but I suspect that after you read the article you are thinking that is too strong of a term to describe your behavior and thoughts. While feet are sexually arousing to you, it isn't that sexual behavior with your wife can only be expressed through her feet. It is for this reason that I think you used too strong of a label for yourself.

I am also going to disagree with you about being born with this fetish. Children are not sexual when they are born. In normal situations, a child is not really aware of sex as a personal matter until after puberty. Now you might have been fascinated with feet for as long as you can remember, but that is not the same as a fetish.

What can happen, and likely happened in your case, is that during puberty when the awareness of sex came into being, your fascination with feet became tied to your sexual desire. At puberty, the brain has new functions to operate, but it has no experience. A human learns by first overgeneralizing what is new, and then pruning off what doesn't fit. Thus, as you learned to express your sexual desire included in that was your fascination with feet.

In some ways, you saw it as a safe outlet. You weren't lusting after any particular person, you weren't staring at the parts of people normally associated with sex, it didn't lead to pornography, so it became a "safe" indulgence.

In many ways, this is a deviation from typical male behavior. Some guys get fascinated by a woman's breasts, others by a woman's bottom. You just picked a slightly more unusual area. So long as you don't let it control your behavior, just consider it one of your quirks. But at the same time, realize that as you indulge in pleasuring yourself while focused on feet, you are reinforcing that tie and it is possible to do so to the point that you aren't interested in intercourse, only in masturbating to the thoughts of feet. That is a fetish and crosses the line into being wrong.

How do I break the habit of a mental fetish?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 01:52:00 +0000

Question:

Hello,

I have recently read the response about the biblical take on fetishes. Everything in the response made complete sense. Thank you for sharing that.

I have been saved since I was 9 years old and I have taken my relationship with Christ very seriously since then. I never had a serious relationship with any woman except the one I eventually married. I never masturbated or fornicated physically and rarely felt the urge to lust mentally or emotionally. However, after I got married, I realized that something was strange to me. To really feel satisfaction during sex, I have to focus on the object of my fetish, which, as strange as it sounds even to me, is diapers. I have never given in to the temptation physically, but I focus on them during sex. The concept does not affect me or control me outside of sex, but after reading the response mentioned before, I feel that this desire needs to be cleared from me. There is no physical contact with a diaper, so I don't know how to refrain from it mentally. This situation seems similar to the individual with the spanking fetish, yet different enough to baffle me as to what to do.

So does the Bible say anything different about my situation? And what steps can I take with God's help to fix it? Thank you for your help!

Answer:

The answer remains the same, though you might not realize it at first. Somewhere along the way, you somehow connected the idea of orgasm to diapers. For our discussion, it really doesn't matter why or how you made such a connection in your mind. The problem is that this object, though imaginary, has been given power over one aspect of your life.

It is harder to control your thought process, especially during sex, but there is a statement that you made that I think is key. You said you needed to think about your fetish to really feel satisfaction during sex. What I want you to notice is that you are focusing on yourself.

What God teaches is that your purpose as a husband is to make your wife sexually happy. "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (I Corinthians 7:3-4). It is considered so important that under the Old Law a husband was excused from any matter that would send him away from home the first year. "When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken" (Deuteronomy 24:5). His job was to make his wife happy, and that definitely includes sexual happiness.

So what I would suggest is that you stop thinking that sex is good when you reach orgasm. Instead, I want you to focus on your wife and what she finds sexually fun. Make your thoughts all about making the time a thrill for her. Now, in the process, you are certainly going to get your own thrills, but your acts of sex are for her, not for yourself. By taking your focus off yourself, you will quickly realize that not only you don't need your fetish, but you'll also find sex more intense and more satisfying. That is because God designed the world such that it is better to give than to receive (Acts 20:35), and, strange as it might seem, sex is not an exception to that rule.

Response:

Thank you so much for your response. This is the first response that really makes sense according to Scripture. The Bible is the final authority for everything I believe, and I appreciate your guidance in helping me to better understand my error and how to correct it. As you have mentioned before, I found many sources that suggested fetishes are not sinful and should be embraced. I guess that just goes along with the idea that morality is relative to the individual rather than what is instructed by the inspired Word of God. I may continue to have questions regarding my situation as I seek, with God's help, to correct this sin. Thank you.

I lied in my earlier note to satisfy a spanking fetish

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 04:06:00 +0000

Question:

The following email conversation was made up on my part. I have had a fetish for spanking since I was 4 years old, as far as I can remember. I recently had a memory restored to me of being spanked at 1 1/2 years old. I established some dysfunctional associations with spanking and my sexuality, and have struggled with them since. I now see the magnitude of damage it has caused me, and I have caused as a result. I am so sorry. I now see how damaging inflicting any form of hurt upon another causes people in many facets of life, including anything from spanking to war, and I believe the two are related. I firmly believe there are many more loving ways of discipline and guidance, and if one ever feels the need to 'correct' another's behavior, the mirror is a much more appropriate place to turn to than a paddle. Jesus spoke of tolerance, kindness, and forgiveness. He was far from punishing (aside from throwing a few tables over at the temple). Mathew 18:6 says it well.

Anyway, I plead with you to remove my perverted words from your site. I am so sorry for misleading you and your readers and spreading my poison in your direction, and I pray nobody has been harmed or hurt as a result.

May you have a wonderful and loving New Year.

Answer:

When it comes to issues involving spanking, I get more fraudulent messages than real ones. Sometimes, I let matters play out to see what comes of it. When possible, if there are usable parts to a note that I suspect aren't truthful, I will respond simply because it makes a good teaching situation. The answers I gave were accurate to the information provided. I won't be removing the answers. I don't keep records of who sent what, so I can't even verify your claim that you provided the original question.

Frankly, multiple things in this note cause me to suspect that what is being claimed is not accurate either.

Though there was an exchange of about four emails, the sender did not know my name.
The referenced note has been posted for years.
Claims of recovered memory were debunked decades ago in psychology.
The mention of a connection between spanking and war tells me the person is among the anti-spanking crowd. The truth is that spanking does not cause wars.

Therefore, I conclude the person is lying and is trying to get some of the effective teaching on this website removed.

What does the Bible say about having a fetish?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 02:02:13 +0000

Question:

I have a spanking fetish I'm a 24-year-old male that has a spanking fetish. How do I stop myself? What do the Scriptures say about them? Is it normal to have a spanking fetish?

Answer:

It is interesting that you used the word fetish. The proper definition of a fetish is: "An inanimate object believed to have magical power, either from a will of its own or from a god that has transformed the object into an instrument of its desires." From this comes our modern definition. People once visited people who practiced witchcraft to gain a charm to cause another to fall in love. Today, anything, "such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification," is called a fetish. So, while you won't find "fetish" in the Bible, the Bible does talk about what is behind a fetish.

The idea that an inanimate object has power over a person's desire is a part of what the Bible refers to as witchcraft. Witchcraft is strictly condemned by God in passages such as Deuteronomy 18:9-12. Included are terms such as witchcraft (to obscure the sight, to act covertly), sorcery (to cast a spell or enchant), and cast a spell (to fascinate or charm). See the sermon "Witchcraft" for more details. The use of charms is very close to the idea of a fetish.

"Therefore hear this now, you who are given to pleasures, who dwell securely, who say in your heart, 'I am, and there is no one else besides me; I shall not sit as a widow, nor shall I know the loss of children'; But these two things shall come to you In a moment, in one day: the loss of children, and widowhood. They shall come upon you in their fullness because of the multitude of your sorceries, for the great abundance of your enchantments. For you have trusted in your wickedness; you have said, 'No one sees me'; your wisdom and your knowledge have warped you; and you have said in your heart, 'I am, and there is no one else besides me.' Therefore evil shall come upon you; you shall not know from where it arises. And trouble shall fall upon you; you will not be able to put it off. And desolation shall come upon you suddenly, which you shall not know. Stand now with your enchantments and the multitude of your sorceries, in which you have labored from your youth - perhaps you will be able to profit, perhaps you will prevail. You are wearied in the multitude of your counsels; let now the astrologers, the stargazers, and the monthly prognosticators stand up and save you from what shall come upon you. Behold, they shall be as stubble, the fire shall burn them; they shall not deliver themselves from the power of the flame; it shall not be a coal to be warmed by, nor a fire to sit before!" (Isaiah 47:9-14).

The word "enchantments" in this passage is the idea of using charms. The point is that these things are evil because they are not real. They have no power except the power of deception. They cannot save the person following them.

Now, perhaps you are saying to yourself, "I don't view spanking as witchcraft!" But the point is that you are giving spanking power over your sexual behavior. God, through Isaiah, said, "your wisdom and your knowledge have warped you." Sex is an expression of love between a married couple, yet in your mind, you have taken a method of punishment and warped it into a way to gain sexual gratification. I don't know how deeply you have gotten into this way of thinking. There are some who are so wrapped up in their fetish that they are unable to find sexual gratification without their fetish (their charm). The truth is that the concept of a fetish is false. It is a deception of your own mind with which you willingly play along. If you are able to reach orgasm, then it means the physical elements of your reproductive system are in working order and can operate in a normal fashion. The rest is the product of your imagination.

A fetish becomes an object of lust. Again, referring to Isaiah, "you who are given to pleasures." The problem is that you are wrapped up in yourself. You are focused on what you want and what makes you happy. Such self-focus is contrary to Christianity. "Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles--when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 1:1-3). Herein, then is the way out -- realize that your life is not merely your own, but belongs to God. If you are married, your body belongs to your wife to give her sexual pleasure (I Corinthians 7:4). Focus on what is needful for others. "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4).

So, let's label your fetish for what it is: it is a sin rooted in the pursuit of selfish pleasure where you falsely give power to your fetish over your sexual behavior.

How did you arrive at this state of mind? Most sins start gradually, easing you from the truth in a step-by-step manner. For a male, sexual arousal is expressed in muscular tension, in particular, there are sphincter muscles in the groin which give males erections when they tighten. Such is the bane of adolescent males since every small tension triggers spontaneous erections, such as nervousness in standing before a class to get a talk. Obviously, spankings also create strong tensions and, thus, strong erections. The problem is that you focused on the physical response and tied it mentally to sexual pleasure. Repeated dwelling on the matter reinforces the pattern in your mind, making it an ingrained habit.

Habits can be broken by establishing and reinforcing a new pattern of behavior. Initially, it will be difficult as you will want to slip back into comfortable ways of thinking and behaving. In this case, you will have something working for you. Sex is a powerful reinforcement of behavior. Thus, simply skip the spanking business. It won't be long, well within a month, that your body will need to relieve itself sexually and in doing so in the proper God-given channel of a marriage relationship a new pattern of behavior will be started. As the proper pattern is repeated, it will reinforce itself. Within a few years, the fetish will be completely forgotten. The success will be totally dependent on your desire to do what is right for yourself and your wife.

Isn’t spanking sexually stimulating to most people?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 29 Apr 2006 00:32:46 +0000

Question:

I hate to tell you this, but spanking is sexual to most people and spanking bring on sexually feelings of a perverted matter later in life. If you don't believe me, I am living proof.

Answer:

You've drawn a false conclusion based on incidental evidence. The reason people conduct large and numerous studies on various questions is that we have a tendency to make conclusions based on time order. You claim to have perverted sexual feelings and concluded that it was the spankings you received that brought these on. You then generalized your own attitude and concluded that most people share them.

The fact is that there are people who find all sorts of odd things sexually stimulating. The psychological community calls them "fetishes." There are people that are aroused by smelling shoes or seeing underwear. Do we conclude that most people have these problems? Do we then argue that shoes should be done away with because there are some with twisted outlooks on life?

The reason I support spanking is because the Bible says it is sometimes necessary and that it works. See the Topical Index on Spanking for these passages. God created us and it is sensible to conclude that God knows what works best for humans. Thousands of years of history has proven that God's method works. If spanking caused perverted sexual feelings later in life, where are the records of this from the eras when spanking was commonplace?

The Bible does record for us the source of sexually perverted attitudes: "Because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man--and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things. Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting" (Romans 1:22-28). People don't like the restraints God places on their lives by His laws. Though His laws are for our good and have been proven to be good for us, people always imagine that those restraints must be keeping us from something "fun." Thus people reject God and one of the first restraints thrown off are those relating to sex. The problem is that after a while, unrestrained sex between men and women becomes commonplace. Thus people look for new and more shocking forms of sexual expressions, such as homosexuality. When those become common-place or even "acceptable," they turn to even more perverted ideas, such as sadomasochism.

The solution is to return to where men first strayed off the path. You have to turn back to God and willingly follow His laws. Only then will your view of the world straighten out as you conform your life to a proven standard that will get you to heaven.