father – La Vista Church of Christ https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms Sat, 11 Jul 2026 19:42:08 +0000 en hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.2 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/cropped-LaVistaBanner-Copy-1-32x32.png father – La Vista Church of Christ https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms 32 32 157465916 What I Learned from My Daddy https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/what-i-learned-from-my-daddy/ Sat, 11 Jul 2026 19:39:04 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=96571

by Bobby Graham
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 14 No. 8, August 2014

As the oldest son of Leon and Mary Graham, I learned much from them. Natural learning occurred daily in life’s laboratory, where God’s Word was stressed, and right living was the natural product of this teaching. I never doubted Daddy’s love, though I confess its ways sometimes appeared difficult for a young boy to appreciate. Much was learned in an environment different from that of today’s youth, but they could profit from some of these lessons. Such lessons are best understood, appreciated, and applied by children when parents work together to teach them.

  • I learned to work hard and to value work. Work included caring for livestock, plowing with a horse, digging post holes, repairing fences, working in the garden, picking cotton while Don swung on the tree limbs in the shade, and even “digging a hole and filling it up to keep the boys busy when there is nothing else to do.” I can hear Daddy now if he had found one of us standing around with nothing to do but scroll a cell phone or send a text.
  • I learned to enjoy playing because he played with us and encouraged various kinds of play. I left the stellar performances to my three brothers.
  • I learned that serving God and doing right to others was the most important way to live. While Daddy was not a perfect man, he tried to be an exemplary leader.
    I learned to persist in a good thing. Whatever was worth doing needed to be pursued, not dropped or discarded as worthless.
  • I learned to hate tobacco and strong drink in a day when drugs were virtually non-existent, but dangers to avoid in college, the Army, and life, but he avoided them.
  • I learned how to treat parents because he always cared for his parents. He was preparing me to care for Mother and him in the later years.
  • I learned how to be generous in giving to the Lord’s work. I well remember his and mother’s decision when I was under ten years old to increase their contribution at the Poplar Street church, because he thought they needed to give more.
  • I also learned to be honest in handling what was not mine. Because he served as treasurer at Poplar Street, we counted money on the coffee table at home on many Sunday nights. It was important that we handle that money scrupulously because it was not ours.
  • I learned by observing Daddy that an elder was more than a figurehead - he must teach, refute, warn, and urge saints to do right, never content to leave such to the preacher.
  • I learned to care for the needy.
  • Different times in life, he handed his widowed sisters money they might need or asked Mother to write them checks to help in tough times. Orphans and others were sometimes the objects of his help. He had learned this from his own parents, who took in two cousins whose parents had died, making 13 children living with them on Cedar Creek.
  • I learned to save money and anything else you might later need, like a nail or a screw you found. He grew up in difficult circumstances, saving and reusing whatever he had or found that he could use. When cleaning out his house a couple of years ago, I thought we would never reach the end, partly because of all he had saved.
  • I learned much about the family in earlier days, motivating my family tree work.
  • Another lesson I learned was to teach people what they needed to know, not necessarily what they wanted to hear, but to do so kindly. With that lesson in mind, I urge all to examine their lives in light of the gospel and make the needed changes to become a Christian or to follow Him more closely. Faith in Jesus as divine means trusting His teaching to obey. No one is a Christian just because of American citizenship, family legacy, or personal preference.
  • I learned to enjoy spiritual songs. Daddy sang most of his life. He enjoyed going to congregational singings and singing at home when family came, as well as at Columbia Cottage and Mitchell-Hollingsworth. Only during his declining days at Tut Fann did I never hear him sing or hear about his singing.
  • Finally, I learned to stay married because God desires it. America fails to honor God this way, but my parents stayed married. They were spiritual examples.

Yes, I learned many things from Daddy that are not mentioned in this list. Some were more important than others, but all were valuable. Some of it pertained to this life, but some to the life to come. Our world needs to listen to what Daddy taught me. Thank you, Daddy, for teaching me.

]]> 96571 Fathers Raising Godly Children https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/fathers-raising-godly-children/ Wed, 31 Dec 2025 17:24:37 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=92961

by Chad Carter

Over the years — now having passed 62 of them — I’ve observed that the men who have raised godly children, though differing widely in personality and disposition, tend to share many of the same traits and practices. The most significant commonality among them is a clear and deliberate intent to raise godly children.

What follows are 62 observations (a fitting coincidence) drawn from the lives of many such fathers I’ve had the privilege to watch over the years.
I hope that something here will cause a father, somewhere, to pause and thoughtfully consider how he is — or one day will be — raising his children.

Fatherhood suggestions:

  1. Pray, even before children are ever born, that you will be a Godly father looking to your heavenly Father as the ultimate example of how to be a father.
  2. Stand firm in the faith. Little else matters if a firm footing in the faith isn’t present.
  3. Be the head of the house as God designed.
  4. Act like a (godly) man (I Corinthians 13:11; 16:13; I Kings 2:2-3).
  5. Always be on the alert to their needs and potential dangers (physically, but more importantly, spiritually).
  6. Tell them “I love you.”
  7. Let them hear you tell their mother, “I love you.”
  8. Let them see you reading and studying God’s word.
  9. Let them hear you talk about God’s word.
  10. Make speaking of God and His word part of your everyday family conversations.
  11. Let them see and hear their father praying.
  12. Let them see and hear their father thank God for blessings in life.
  13. Let them see and hear their father give thanks for their mother and them.
  14. Let them see and hear their father thank God for the blessing of His Son and the hope we have in Him.
  15. Let them see and hear their father praying for others.
  16. Let them see and hear their father talk to others about the gospel.
  17. Pray with them as a family every day, not just at mealtime.
  18. Pray that they develop their own faith and convictions, and let them hear that prayer.
  19. Pray that (if they marry) they become Godly spouses and parents, and let them hear that prayer.
  20. Pray that (if they are to marry) they find Godly wives or husbands, and let them hear that prayer.
  21. Read the Bible with them, or to them, every day.
  22. Openly treat their mother with love and affection at all times, especially in their presence.
  23. Never speak ill of their mother to them (or anyone else).
  24. Never argue with their mother in their presence or in their hearing.
  25. Eat together at home as often as possible, without the distractions of TV, phones, etc.
  26. Let them hear and participate in discussions (appropriate for their ears and years) between you and their mother about the day’s events and challenges at work, home, school, etc., and how you plan to respond to each, making sure the response is God-centered (these discussions are especially effective when done at meal time around the table).
  27. Never let them hear you speak in a derogatory manner of fellow saints, preachers, elders, etc.
  28. Don’t gossip about fellow saints, preachers, neighbors, elders, friends, relatives, etc.
  29. Speak respectfully of others at all times.
  30. Teach and display respect for authority (e.g., of the Lord, His word, government, teachers, coaches, etc.).
  31. Set unwavering expectations of them as to godliness and purity in life (e.g., drink, drugs, sex, dress, etc.).
  32. Worship with the saints, together—displaying the priority this takes over all other activities.
  33. Plan and adjust your schedules to attend services — no matter where you are or what you are doing (i.e., on vacation, playing ball, etc.).
  34. Require, and display, reverence for God during worship.
  35. Do your own Bible lessons before Bible class, and have them do theirs before class. Help them with the lessons if they need it.
  36. Talk about the Bible lesson and sermon after services.
  37. Spend time with them (quality time and quantity time—both are necessary).
  38.  Have discussions about the world, school, friends, and sports. However, make it a point to have spiritual discussions about God, His word, and His will.
  39. Make them feel important by being punctual (be where you say you’ll be for them when you say you’ll be there) when attending their events or activities.
  40. Take the time to explain things to them, for them—whether worldly or spiritual—and answer their questions.
  41. Discipline them. ”Discipline” means “train,” and, yes, it may mean corporal punishment at times.
  42. Remember, “no” can be a good thing.
  43. Be consistent in the discipline, even when you are tired.
  44. Never discipline out of anger.
  45. Don’t be afraid to tell them, “I’m sorry.”
  46. Apologize to them when necessary and appropriate.
  47. Be considerate of them, their time, and their own desires. However, never waver in discipline or priorities.
  48. Forgive them if and when they fall short.
  49. Tell them you are thankful for them.
  50. Tell them you are proud of them.
  51. Ask them, “What do you think?”
  52. Respect them.
  53. Praise them, but not effusively about anything, and always mindful of the One Whose approval is most important.
  54. Rejoice with them.
  55. Weep with them.
  56. Always display humility.
  57. Demonstrate thankfulness to God for them, their mother, and others in words, prayers, and actions.
  58. Always control your own emotions, anger, and frustrations…especially in their presence.
  59. Commit yourself to providing for your family — even when the work is difficult, unfamiliar, or beneath what you believe you are qualified for.
  60. Sacrifice for them of your time and money.
  61. Remember, as a father, there is really no such thing as “my time.”
  62. Never let the bad decisions of your kids deter your own conviction, faith, and love of the Lord.
]]> 92961 Responsibilities of Husbands and Fathers https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/responsibilities-of-husbands-and-fathers/ Fri, 26 Sep 2025 15:53:54 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=90774

by Kerry Blackaby

As Father's Day approaches, we plan to celebrate the husbands and fathers in our lives and what they mean to us. But are today's fathers what they used to be? Or more importantly, are they the kind of fathers described in the Bible? Almost all fathers portrayed on television today are not strong leaders who take their responsibilities seriously. Most often, they are shown as weak, selfish, and even stupid. They are given little respect in the home and are sometimes described as absent or abusive. The husband and father that God expects the Christian man to be is not the husband and father we often see in today's culture.

The fifth chapter of the book of Ephesians helps us to see what God expects of husbands and fathers. Ephesians 5:25 begins with a command for husbands to love their wives. This may seem like a straightforward rule that men can easily follow, as most marriages are based on love, at least initially. However, when we read further regarding the kind of love a husband must have for his wife, it is clear that this ordinance requires a high degree of selfless devotion that is far beyond what we commonly think of when we say we love someone.

Paul compared the love of a husband for his wife to the love Christ has for the church. Christ's love was so immense that He even gave His life for the church. Husbands are to love their wives "even as Christ loved the church," which indicates that, if necessary, the husband must even lose his life to save the life of his wife. This demonstrates the profound love a husband must have and the serious responsibility God has entrusted to him. Of course, the command to love includes the responsibility to protect, support, and cherish, but as we examine the comparison to Christ, the duties reach beyond these. Christ died to save His spouse, the church. The husband must also work toward promoting his spouse's salvation. He should not inhibit her from being a Christian in any way. This requires the type of leadership that will continually edify the wife toward doing God's will.

The comparison of husband to wife and Christ to the church continues with regard to purity. When a couple marries, the husband looks forward to seeing his bride in all her beauty with elegantly formed garments that are unspotted and without wrinkles. He expects his wife to be totally devoted to him and to him alone. When Christ marries His bride, the church, He expects the church to be unspotted and without blemish, that is, unspotted from the world and having no blemishes received during contact with sin. Spiritually, the church is to devote itself to Christ and only to Him.

In Ephesians 5:28, Paul instructs husbands to love their wives as they love their own bodies. Just as a man will continually care for his own body to preserve the life within it, he must also continually care for his wife because she has become part of him--they are one flesh; thus, caring for his wife is like caring for part of himself. When a husband becomes self-centered and ignores or abuses his wife, he is actually abusing himself, since she is part of him. The man who truly loves and cares for his wife is ultimately taking better care of himself; he will reap great benefits, far beyond those of the selfish husband.

Ephesians 5:29 goes on to say, "No man hates his own flesh but cherishes it as Christ also does the church." Christ will never forsake His obligation to the church; He will always be watchful for her needs. This is an example for husbands to follow.

The comparison continues in Ephesians 5:30-31, where the marriage union is compared to the powerful union of believers with Christ. "We are bones of His bones and flesh of His flesh." We leave father and mother and become "one flesh." The God-given institution of marriage is a figure of the eternal union between Jesus and His church (believers). If a husband can realize the significance of this comparison, he can see that cultivating a deep love for and devotion to his wife will provide him with a literal taste of heaven here on earth. He can then also realize why only death should break the union he shares with his wife.

The husband is also to give honor to his wife as the weaker vessel and recognize her need for his protection. If he fails to treat her with the proper care and respect, God will not hear his prayers (I Peter 3:7). She is an heir with him in the grace of life, and in God's sight she is his equal (Galatians 3:28-29).

When children are born into a marriage, and the husband becomes a father, he assumes more responsibilities that cannot be ignored or delegated to others. As the head of the house, his family should listen to him and give him the respect due one who has authority. His position, however, is not one of ruler or commander but one of leader and provider. He should lead the family, using God's word as his guide. The man who refuses to provide for his own is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). He cannot ignore his role or pass it to his wife or the government. Part of his responsibility is to show his children how a father takes care of his family.

As a father provides for the necessities of life, and even luxuries within reason, he should not be seen as responsible for indulging his children in every frivolous desire they may have. He should not feel as if he cannot deny them anything they want. Indulging children with excessive spending can spoil them or give them the idea that the world owes them a living. Children should learn to live within a budget that keeps the family on solid financial ground.

A father is also expected to discipline his children. Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who loves his son disciplines him promptly." Too many times, fathers get this reversed and think that loving a child means letting him have his own way. We can see the comparison with Christ and the church on this point also. Hebrews 12:6 says, "For whom the Lord loves He chastens." Just as Christ corrects His children through the Word, a father must correct and train his own children so they will learn to submit to authority and live as Christians one day.

Punishing a child is sometimes necessary but should not be overdone. A father is not to "provoke his children to wrath," (Ephesians 6:4).

A child should not be punished without reason, or with severity or cruelty. A father should not allow his anger to lash out at his children in a vengeful way. Children should be corrected or punished in ways that are instructive and beneficial and that help them cultivate respect for what is right. A father can correct his children firmly, but in a way that explains the Biblical principle involved. He has the duty to instill high moral standards in his children's minds and prepare them for the many temptations they will face in life. All correction and instruction should be done "in the Lord;" that is, according to God's will and eternal purpose.

The best way for a father to teach his children how to live according to God's word is by his own example. He can't say one thing and do another. This erodes his position of authority and respect. It sends his children a signal that what he says isn't really true or important. Fathers should set guidelines and limitations for their children, but the fathers themselves have to be seen as also capable of living within parameters and doing what is right, even when it is difficult. A child will be better able to cope in adulthood if he has seen an example of obedience, self-control, and spirituality in his father.

God expects a lot of husbands and fathers. None are perfect, and these are roles they have to learn. Father's Day may be a good time each year for every father to do some serious self-examination to determine how close he is to being the husband and father described in the Scriptures.

]]> 90774 Can my father lay a curse on me? https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/can-my-father-lay-a-curse-on-me/ Thu, 27 Jun 2024 22:14:20 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=68553

Question:

Good evening, sir,

I have a question. I have obeyed my father, which is my responsibility as his son. He usually cared for the house, providing everything when my mum was alive. Now that my mum is dead, he no longer takes care of the family; two 17-year-old children are now far away from the house.

I now brought the issue up after prayers in the morning. None of us are Christians. He wouldn't allow me to complete a statement. He suddenly became angry with me, provoking me to anger. I spit out some words that made him angry as well.

Now, according to him, he laid a curse on me and said I won't inherit anything as a first son.

My question is: Can this curse be effective on me? He provoked me, and I provoked him, too. (Colossians 3:20-21).

Thanks!

Answer:

While it is true that fathers are not to provoke their children to anger, this doesn't mean that their children will never get angry at them. The concept is about continual fault-finding and an absence of encouragement to the point that the child gives up ("loses heart").

It seems that neither of you listened to the other. You had your mind made up about what you were going to scold him about. He wouldn't let his child scold him, so he became mad and refused to listen to what you wanted to say.

The question should have been, "Dad, it looks like you've given up taking care of us. Why?" Then, listen to his answer. You might not like it but try to understand what is going on. Once you fully understand the problem, you can approach him with some possible solutions.

A person can choose to leave a person out of his will. I don't know all the rules in your country. In my country, if a man dies without a will, the government sets automatic distribution rules. If he has a will, then the terms of the will set the distribution. I assume you would be unhappy with being left out of your father's will, so that would be a curse to you. See What are blessings and curses? It is not that your father has some special power over your life. He merely chose to do something that makes you unhappy.

What I suggest is that you apologize for losing your temper and annoying him. When things calm down, then ask your question in a calm manner.

]]> 68553 A Father’s Helpful Words to His Son https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/a-fathers-helpful-words-to-his-son/ Wed, 19 Jun 2024 15:57:08 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=68450

by Gregory Roark

"Now the days of David drew near that he should die, and he charged Solomon his son, saying: 'I go the way of all the earth; be strong, therefore, and prove yourself a man. And keep the charge of the Lord your God: to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His judgments, and His testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn; that the Lord may fulfill His word which He spoke concerning me, saying, "If your sons take heed to their way, to walk before Me in truth with all their heart and with all their soul," He said, "you shall not lack a man on the throne of Israel"’" (I Kings 2:1-4).

Some ways in which David’s words helped his son:

  • David expected his son to be a good and responsible man. Often, if expectations are not communicated to a young person, not much effort is made. He may not be striving towards a clear goal because there are no expectations given to him. David told his son, “Prove yourself a man" and to keep the charge of the Lord (I Kings 2:2). Solomon could understand from his father that he needed to be a responsible man.
  • David made clear the principles that his son should follow. Sometimes, children may have many goals, but what is most important is not emphasized. David instructed Solomon to “walk in the Lord’s ways and to keep His statutes“ (I Kings 2:3). Solomon could understand from his father that it was important to learn and keep all the laws of God.
  • David gave his son encouragement. He told him to “be strong” (I Kings 2:2). Also, David said to him that he would prosper and that the Lord would keep His word (I Kings 2:4). Solomon, in this way, not only knew what was expected but also that there would be a good outcome if he served the Lord. Solomon was assured by his father that he could trust the Lord in the future because He was faithful. If Solomon and his successors were faithful, the Lord would continue to allow the descendants of David to be on the throne of Israel (I Kings 2:4).

I am thankful for the good things fathers do and have done for their sons and daughters.

]]> 68450 Some Thoughts About Dad’s Day https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/some-thoughts-about-dads-day/ Wed, 19 Jun 2024 15:19:32 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=68447

by Max Dawson

A man's first priority should be to "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" (Matthew 6:33). The meaning of that text is to let God reign in your life. Set Him as king in your heart. Seek His plan for making you the righteous person He wants you to be.

While material things have their place in life, Jesus points to our true priority. A man may accrue many things in life — houses, cars, money, and collections of various sorts. While there may be nothing wrong with those things in themselves, such material things cannot be — and must not be — our priority.

King Solomon was a man who accrued all manner of material things. But hear his words in Ecclesiastes 5:11. "So what profit have the owners except to see them with their eyes." Sometimes, the things we own have very little value except to look at. That can be said of pieces of art or of various collections (coins, watches, automobiles, sports memorabilia, etc.). It can even be said of a bank account where money is accrued but never used--and there is no plan to use it. There may be days when these things are only good to look at!

Men, do not let any of those things have the first priority in your life! Seek God as your first priority! If you put any of these other things first, they will become the god that you worship. If you put material things first, you may wind up neglecting your role as a husband and father. God expects you to put your family in a special place!

That brings me to today's primary thought: Be a good dad. Be a good husband and father. Few roles in life are more important or more rewarding. What a blessing it is to bring children into this world. Solomon said, "Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward" (Psalms 127:3).

A wise man said, "The best gift you can give your children is to love their mother." What did he mean by that? First, you set an example before your kids that they can follow later in life. Second, your kids can grow up in a loving home, which promotes their well-being. Third, it is God's plan for you -- as the head of your family -- to love your wife (the mother of your children). See Ephesians 5:25-29. "Husbands, love your wives..."

I suspect you can think of more reasons why men need to have their priorities straight regarding these things. But let me just close with this exhortation: "Men, be real men! Be all that God intended. Love your wife. Be faithful to her. Love your children. Be a real father and bring them up in God's way." God will bless you for that.

]]> 68447 The Importance of Fathers https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/the-importance-of-fathers/ Sun, 16 Jun 2024 17:10:01 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=68370
Download Audio

by Raymond Warfel

]]> 68370 Father’s Day https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/fathers-day/ Sun, 16 Jun 2024 14:04:51 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=68367

by Ray Warfel, Jr.

Today is Father’s Day, so naturally, I’ll start by mentioning Mother’s Day. Last month, on Mother’s Day, in my Sunday sermon, I highlighted various moms. Moms from long ago, moms who are a blessing, moms who never had children, moms to children who are not their own, and moms who were not the moms we needed them to be. I think it’s important, while honoring good moms, to also be considerate of those with emotional scars. I’ll say the same now about dads. I suspect, however, that it is more readily recognized that the world is plagued with immature, unprepared, ill-equipped, distracted, and absent dads.

I have a dear friend, an older minister. When my children were small, he and I studied together almost daily. He told me once that our job as dads is to teach our children who their forever Father is. That stuck in my head. It’s still there, and even though my children are now adults, it continues to reverberate in my consciousness. It’s even more insistent in me now.

Have you ever thought that our first image and picture of God is our dad? Dads, have you considered that? You represent and model the Father for those in your house. Even before they could read pages of Scripture what did your children learn about God? Did they know him to be loving? Safe? Not just safe when they were scared but even when they had made a mess? Was God fair and patient? Would He listen to them, make time for them? Or was the God they knew distant most of the time, and if He was engaged, He was angry, maybe even violent? And no matter what they did, would it never be right or good enough to make Him happy? It makes me wonder if the anger and resistance so many feel about God and Christianity is really resentment aimed at dads.

I said this in my message about mothers and it’s just as appropriate when we think about dads. Give your dad grace. As a middle-aged man and a father with twenty-some years of experience, I look back on my childhood and wish my dad could have been, or done, or guided me sometimes differently. Not that I think he was a bad dad, not at all. I just wish he would have told me or prepared me for certain things. But when I look back on these memories, I wonder how he could have. He was in his twenties. I’m almost double his age, but I expect him to know what I’ve only begun to understand in my forties. When my dad reads this, I want him to know that he did the very best that he could with the skills and knowledge he had then. I’m not a perfect dad myself. I wish I would have done several things differently in raising my three very dear children. And kids, when you read this, I hope you see that I did the best I could then with my own limited skills and understanding, and when you remember my childhood days, think of me graciously.

Love always, your Pa

]]> 68367 My Father’s Hands https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/my-fathers-hands/ Fri, 01 Sep 2023 15:03:30 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=62430

by Fanning Yater Tant (1908-1988)
written in the 1970s

Not God. I am thinking of my own natural father, Jefferson Davis Tant. It is June 4, 1941. A few scores of us are gathered in the old auditorium of the Central Church of Christ, Cleburne, Texas. My father’s body lies in the casket before us. W. K. Rose has just finished a simple, moving tribute to the one who will walk among us no more. The casket is opened, and friends and relatives file slowly past, looking for the last time upon the mortal remains of the fallen soldier. Finally, the family is left alone for a few sad moments of farewell.

And what is the most vivid picture that comes to me as I remember that poignant hour? For some strange reason, my gaze focused on my father’s hands – strong, calloused, and worn with eighty years of toil and labor. Through half of my lifetime, that picture has not faded from my mind. I remember how the thumbs curled back, and that the skin of the hands was clear and unspotted, contrary to what it is often seen in the hands of the aged, and especially unlikely in view of his Irish heritage. Those were the hands that had held tightly of the bridle reins as he had tamed the furious contortions of many a bucking bronc; those were the hands that had picked wild berries in the hills of Georgia after Sherman’s armies had burned to the ground every building that stood on the farm; and had destroyed every vestige of food that could be found. Those were the hands that had baptized many thousands of people into the body of Christ and had written even more thousands of letters (quite often frustrating and unintelligible to the recipients because of their incredible illegibility).

My father was a strong man, both physically and mentally. His hands revealed that strength. They were worn and roughened by honest toil. They knew the feel of an axe handle, the warmth of a branding iron – and the smooth hard quiver of a bamboo fishing pole when a four-pound catfish was tugging at the other end of the line. These were the hands that had clung with such desperate despair to the wife of his young manhood as she slipped so quickly into death after four short years of marriage. These were the hands that had served both as mid-wife and physician at the birth of my older brother “because we were too poor to pay the $20.00 a doctor would have charged” as my mother told me so many years later.

They were hands that had given strength and courage to many a sad and weary heart whose owner had felt their tightening grip as he battled with some fierce grief or tragedy. They were hands of friendship, compassion, and sympathy. They were hands also that had hesitated to “apply the rod” (and how he applied it!) to his own children as they were passing through the formative years of childhood. They were the hands of authority – but also of security. Strength was there, and we knew it.

More than thirty years have passed since I stood beside my father’s bier, gazing so intently at his hands. It is as vivid as if it had happened yesterday. Somehow, my father’s hands, lying so still on the warm gray fabric of his burial suit (a gift, incidentally, of John W. Akin) seemed to symbolize his life, a life of fantastic activity, which had known hardship and heartache; but which had been rich in love and friendship, and in service to his Master. They were the hands of a man who had lived his life rather than merely marking time through his allotted span. As I gazed at my father’s hands that day in June so many years ago, I felt the appropriateness of the brief quotation which he himself had selected as an inscription to be engraved on the stone marker at his head: “I have fought a good fight; I have finished my course; I have kept the faith.” (II Timothy 4:7)

]]> 62430 What did the prodigal son’s father do? https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/what-did-the-prodigal-sons-father-do/ Wed, 28 Jun 2023 22:24:26 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=61610

Question:

I am curious about the parable of the "prodigal son", probably one of the best-known of all parables. Nothing is said about what the father does or does not do after his son leaves and goes to a far country. He seems very comfortable with giving his son his inheritance.  As many instances as we have today and have always had of children "drifting away", one would think that this would be the perfect parable to teach parents what they can do when their children drift away from the church. I am not questioning God and His inspired word but just curious as to what the father did rather than just wait on his son to return. I am certain he prayed and agonized over his son's departure but we do not see that.

Answer:

It is often pointed out that you don't extend a parable beyond its intended purpose. Thus, you can't use the parable about the lost coin to discuss the need to keep your home well-swept. The parable of the prodigal son is about the Pharisee's disdain for those they labeled sinners. See The Point of the Prodigal Son and The Elder Brother of the Prodigal Son.

In the parable the father clearly represents God. As such, he acts as God does. God doesn't pray to Himself for the restoration of His children. God has given us free-wills to make our own choices -- including bad ones. God advises against bad decisions, but if we are determined to leave, God doesn't stop us or force us to change our minds. Instead, God allows us to suffer the consequences of our choices to discipline us (Hebrews 12:5-14). The father in this story doesn't rescue his son. He allows him to squander his living and destroy his life. It was not until the son chose to humble himself and return that the father joyfully welcomed him back (Isaiah 66:2). While the prodigal son was gone, he was as good as dead to the father. When he returned, it was as if he had been resurrected.

But all of that was the setup for the point of the parable -- the elder brother's refusal to receive his lost brother back with joy. Unlike the younger brother, the father scolds the older brother. Why? Because the older brother was off-track but he hadn't left the father. We don't see the father offering to make things up with the older brother. He doesn't offer him a party. The point being pressed is that the older brother needed to change his attitude.

While this parable is not about how to be a good father, we can note a few things:

  • Different children need different treatment.
  • You can't save a person from himself. He has to change.
  • Sometimes the best solution when a child is determined to live a life of sin is to let the child go and consider him as basically dead, which is probably the hardest thing a parent can do.

Question:

When you say, "Consider them dead" what exactly are you saying? If considered dead does that mean giving up on trying to restore?

Answer:

I'm referring to what the father in the parable said: "For this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found" (Luke 15:24).

You don't give up hope that a child will change, but the child has to change. He cannot be coerced into changing. You can set the terms for accepting him back, but you can't brow-beat a person into changing. Oh, he might tell you what you want to hear simply to get rid of you, but he will not have changed his mind.

Throughout the Bible, God warns people about sin. He warns them about the danger they are in. He gives people multiple opportunities to change. However, He never forces people. They have to make up their own mind.

An erring child is lost to the godly father. He can warn him of the danger. He can leave the door open for the child to return. What is a mistake is to support the child in his sins or to give the impression that it doesn't matter if he continues to sin.

As I said, it is the hardest part of parenting. Perhaps it gives a glimpse of the anguish we cause God with our sins.

Question:

Thank you very much! The secret is convincing your child in a tactful manner that they are wrong without upsetting them and driving them further away. I suppose if the corrective advice came from a "neutral" party, a friend, it might be more effective.
You have a great website. I use it often and have told many friends about the site.
I've been in the church since I was 15. I am now 80 and cannot remember ever hearing a lesson that addresses "strayed children" and how it should be approached by a brokenhearted parent who is desperate for their child's restoration. It's always been an issue and seems to be a growing problem.
Thank you again and God bless you and your work for the Lord.

Answer:

I agree that you don't purposely drive someone away, but there are people who will not accept the truth and will become upset hearing the truth. The Pharisees are a case in point.

I strive to tell people what is true in a clear way. I might upset some, but it is important to tell them what they need to hear.

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