embarrassment – La Vista Church of Christ https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms Sat, 04 Jul 2026 15:21:10 +0000 en hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.3 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/cropped-LaVistaBanner-Copy-1-32x32.png embarrassment – La Vista Church of Christ https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms 32 32 157465916 Shame https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/shame/ Sat, 04 Jul 2026 15:21:10 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=96453

by Terry Wane Benton

“For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret” (Ephesians 5:12). Yet many want to flaunt what should be held in shame. Some want others to see their pride in their rebellion against the word of God and want to shame those who do not support their abomination and sinfulness. Jeremiah 6 speaks of people who were not at all ashamed of their abominations, so that “neither can they blush.” People sear their consciences and try to convince themselves that their evil desire is actually good in an effort to justify themselves. Some even misuse the grace of God and turn it into license (Jude 4) to continue in their choice of sin (Romans 6:1f). All efforts to no longer feel shame for their choice of sin.

Anyone who flaunts sin should be ashamed before God. Adding denial to the list of sins only delays repentance and salvation. Until an alcoholic faces the truth and quits denying he has a problem, he will never be saved from his problem and his state of divine condemnation. The word of God exposes the sin problem. Let all of it be taught, else some sins will be flaunted, and we help people deceive themselves to hell. (I Corinthians 6:8-10). That is not good!

We don’t point out sin for the sake of shaming people, but with the hope that shame before God might lead to reconciliation with God and the transformation of heart and life.

]]> 96453 My job requires lying and embarrassing people to get them to pay their loans https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/my-job-requires-lying-and-embarrassing-people-to-get-them-to-pay-their-loans/ Fri, 10 Nov 2023 03:13:30 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=63940

Question:

Hi Jeff,

Hope you're doing well. I'm in a dilemma and in need of some guidance and counsel. I work in a loan company for close to 2 years. I'm a loan officer there but the job is affecting my spiritual life.  The job requires I give people loans and collect the money back. The problem I have is that you can't control the repayment of the loan from a person. If the loan payments do not come in by their due date, you're expected to go to their place of residence and business to insult them in front of others to get them to pay.

Also, the job involves telling lies a lot just to cajole client to pay back their loans. I know I have no excuse, lying is a choice but the environment does not encourage truthfulness.

I haven't found another job; yet, I'm fed up with this job.  I'm just afraid that if I leave, I won't find another job immediately.

I need guidance if any. God bless you, sir.

Answer:

As you noted, lying is never an option for a Christian (Revelation 21:8). Therefore, if a job requires lies, you find another job. Christians are to treat people with kindness and respect. Embarrassing people in front of others isn't an option (Galatians 6:9-10).

Thus, redefine your work in terms of how a Christian should behave. If being a Christian gets you fired, well, so be it. But until then, see if you can find a way to the tasks in ways that would make the Lord proud of you. Meanwhile, seriously search for a better job. If necessary, don't limit yourself to one location. Go where you can get a job.

]]> 63940 Dead Flies https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/dead-flies/ Tue, 28 Jun 2022 21:10:29 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=48984

by Matthew W. Bassford

Ecclesiastes was my father's favorite book of the Old Testament, and his favorite verse in Ecclesiastes was 10:1. At least, I think it was his favorite verse. It certainly was the one that he quoted most to my teenage self. To this day, I have no trouble summoning up, “Dead flies make a perfumer's oil stink, so a little foolishness is weightier than wisdom and honor,” from memory.

Now that I have a ten-year-old son, I also have no trouble understanding why he wanted to imprint that one on my brain. He worried that with my great cleverness and scant sense, I would get into some kind of mess that would blight the rest of my life.

Sadly, it isn't only teenage boys who are given to dead-fly moments. According to Genesis 9:21-22, you can be 600 years old and still be foolish. There, we see Noah, patriarch, preacher of righteousness, and Hebrews 11 hero of faith, planting a vineyard, getting drunk, and exposing himself. Thousands of years later, the descendants of Noah do the same kind of dumb stuff when they get drunk.

Sometimes, we manage disastrous foolishness when we are stone-cold sober. David did upon seeing one woman bathing. Samson spoiled his perfume because of several different women. Judas blew it over 30 pieces of silver.

Nor should we today think that we are immune simply because we're churchgoing Christians who don't have the Holy Spirit chronicling our every misdeed. The devil loves to sow all of our paths with consequential temptations, and he loves, even more, to fool us into thinking that the sin won't be consequential if we commit it. David didn't think he was signing up for anything more than a one-night stand. Judas thought he could make everything better by giving the money back to the chief priests and telling them that Jesus was innocent.

Neither was correct. Today, the two facts that Christians are most likely to repeat about David are that he was a man after God's own heart and that he committed a great sin with Bathsheba. In the case of Judas, we don't even think about him proclaiming the gospel, casting out demons, working miracles, and doing all the other things that the apostles did. We only remember his impulsive treachery.

So too, our dead-fly moments often are what stick in people's minds about us. What of the devoted husband and father who cheats that one time and gets caught? What of the gifted preacher who couldn't get along with the elders? What of the woman of God who couldn't control her temper with her sister or her sister in Christ? Decades later, the isolated foolishness is remembered more than the wisdom and honor.

When a little foolishness can be so powerful, the only solution for us is to avoid all foolishness. Any of us can spoil the testimony of a godly life with only one ill-chosen act. When we are tempted, then, we must remember the stakes. The devil would love to number us with Noah and all the rest. However, if we stick to the paths of wisdom, he will never get the chance.

]]> 48984 The Embarrassment of Sin https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/the-embarrassment-of-sin/ Sun, 16 Jan 2022 18:40:47 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=42007

by Raymond Warfel

]]> 42007 Have We Forgotten Our Shame? https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/have-we-forgotten-our-shame/ Sun, 13 Jun 2021 13:02:00 +0000 http://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=4838

by Jeffrey W. Hamilton

Text: Psalms 44

 

I.         It is surprising the odd ideas people have about forgiveness

            A.        Forgiveness is the dismissal of any debt or obligation to me

                        1.         I cannot forgive someone’s sin.

                                    a.         This is only something God can do, because our sins incur a penalty, which God – not you or I – will enforce.

                                    b.         God has told us how to gain his forgiveness and mercifully they are not hard.

                        2.         I cannot forgive the wrongs someone has done to someone else.

                                    a.         No obligation, not debt, no penalty has been incurred against me.

            B.        Forgiveness will not remove the consequences of those sins.

                        1.         When God forgives us, we will no long face the certainty of eternal punishment in Hell.

                                    a.         When God forgives, the debt and the penalty are removed as if the sin never happened.

                        2.         However, the consequences remain.

                                    a.         If we murdered, people don’t come back from the dead

                                    b.         If we stole, we still face prison.

                                    c.         If we lied, our words cannot be obliterated.

                        3.         Sins have consequences and we cannot roll back time and undo them.

            C.        Forgiveness will not remove our memories of what we have done and our shame for doing those things.

II.        Shame? Perhaps you are wondering what I am talking about

            A.        When we break God’s law, there should be a sense of embarrassment that we weakened and fell to Satan’s trap

                        1.         Adam and Eve hid after sinning - Genesis 3:10

                        2.         David - Psalms 51:3

            B.        Forgiveness does not erase the memory of the wrongs we have done. Though forgiven Paul had this to say of himself

                        1.         Acts 26:9-11 - What he did

                        2.         I Corinthians 15:9 - Embarrassed at his current position

                        3.         Galatians 1:13 - Others knew about his past

                        4.         Philippians 3:6 - He readily acknowledged his past

                        5.         I Timothy 1:15 - He saw himself as the foremost of sinners

            C.        Perhaps you think Paul is a man who could not forgive himself.

                        1.         Paul did not harm himself, he fought the Lord, Jesus Christ.

                        2.         The forgiveness he received from the Lord was greater than Paul thought he deserved.

            D.        God often uses shame as a wake-up call - Psalms 44:13-15

            E.        God wants us to have the right attitude towards sin - Psalms 51:17

                        1.         That is why Christian women are to dress with a sense of shame (modest, decency, propriety) - I Timothy 2:9

                        2.         That same word, “shamefastness” is used in Hebrews 12:28, translated as reverence.

                                    a.         Our service to God is colored with our sense of shame for our weakness and our glorification of the God who will overlook them.

            F.        There is not only a sense of shame for our own sins, but also for the sins of others

                        1.         Ezra was ashamed of his nation’s behavior - Ezra 9:5-10

                        2.         Joseph thought that Mary had sinned, so out of his love for her, he planned to hide her shame - Matthew 1:19-20

                        3.         Ham, instead of being ashamed of his father’s sin, tried to make a spectacle of him - Genesis 9:20-27

III.       Perhaps the reason sins spread so far is that people lose their sense of shame.

            A.        Jeremiah 3:2-3 - The people refused to be ashamed of their sins

            B.        Jeremiah 6:15 - They had forgotten how to blush. Their own sins and those of others no longer embarrassed them.

            C.        Hosea 4:18 - Their own rulers preferred shame over acting honorably

IV.      Sins ought to bother us

            A.        We don’t want to become so calloused to sin that we don’t notice it - I Timothy 4:2

            B.        Zephaniah 3:5 - The wicked are unaware of the shame of sin.

            C.        When a brother sins, whether against us, someone else, or only against God and he has received forgiveness, we should understand the shame and help them.

                        1.         Psalms 32:1 - To love is to forgive and hid sin. We are not protecting the sinner in his sins, but the repentant sinner from the shame of his sin.

                        2.         We do not make a mockery of a brother’s weakness. We do not put a brother up for public ridicule.

                        3.         James 5:20 - Love covers a multitude of sins.

            D.        It is a part of being sympathetic with our brethren - Romans 12:15-16

            E.        Brethren, in your eagerness to show that a brother is forgiven and welcomed backed, do not forget the embarrassment of sin. Don’t make a public display of something that is better handled quietly.

                        1.         Matthew 18:15-17 - Use the minimum number of people necessary to restore a sinner

                        2.         Example, a young woman did what was shameful to do. She committed fornication and found herself pregnant. Mercifully, she came to her senses and returned to our Savior.

                                    a.         Some want to hold a baby shower for the young woman, where everyone she knew, Christian and non-Christian were invited.

                                    b.         Some said no. The woman should have been feeling enough shame without our trying to prove to the world that she is accepted.

                                    c.         Help, care, and comfort should be given, but in a way that will not cause further shame.

V.        Perhaps, today there is someone here who is burdened with the shame of sin. God has offered freedom. His plan is simple. Won’t you take advantage of the opportunity?

]]> 4838 Not Ashamed to Sin, but Ashamed to Repent https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/not-ashamed-to-sin-but-ashamed-to-repent/ Sun, 26 Jan 2020 18:23:00 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=18494

by Jeffrey W. Hamilton

Text: Daniel 9:4-19

 

I.         In Robinson Crusoe, by Daniel Defoe, Robinson Crusoe left home to be a sailor against the wishes of his parents. He soon came to regret his decision, but he would not return home because he did not want to admit that he made a mistake. He was ashamed to have his family and friends know that he was wrong and that his parents were right.

            A.        So he observes: “I have since often observed, how incongruous and irrational the common temper of mankind is, especially of youth ... that they are not ashamed to sin, and yet are ashamed to repent; not ashamed of the action for which they ought justly to be esteemed fools, but are ashamed of the returning, which only can make them be esteemed wise men.”

II.        Sin is shameful

            A.        Jeremiah had the unpleasant task of declaring that his country would be destroyed and her people sent off into captivity. He observes - Jeremiah 3:21-25

            B.        About 70 years later, as the years of captivity drew to a close, Daniel noted that the shame continues - Daniel 9:4-11

            C.        As Ezra returned the people to their homeland, he too saw the shame - Ezra 9:6-7

            D.        When people leave God, shame follows them - Jeremiah 17:13

            E.        It is just the nature of sin - Proverbs 13:5

            F.        We should not attempt to lessen that shame - II Thessalonians 3:14

III.       Yet some refuse to be ashamed of their sins

            A.        Jeremiah 3:3 - Some refused to be ashamed, even when blatantly sinning

            B.        Jeremiah 6:15 - They lost the ability to blush at their deeds

            C.        We see the same today. People who parade their sins before the world and mock those who hold to God’s commandments - Zephaniah 3:5

            D.        They become enemies of Christ and what he died for - Philippians 3:18-19

IV.      But shame doesn’t have to remain

            A.        Learn and change - Jeremiah 31:18-20

            B.        When God saves, the shame ends permanently - Isaiah 45:17

            C.        Shame will be replaced with joy - Isaiah 61:7

V.        So why do some, who realize they have sinned, refuse to repent?

            A.        The simple answer is that their pride is in their way. They don’t want to admit to others that they were wrong.

            B.        With pride comes shame - Proverbs 11:2

            C.        When we refuse correction shame remains - Proverbs 13:18

            D.        God opposes the proud - James 4:4-10

            E.        If we humble ourselves before God, He will exalt us - I Peter 5:6-7

            F.        Don’t refuse God’s offer - Hebrews 12:25-29

VI.      Do you have sins and need to change?

            A.        The gospel has the power to change you and save you - Romans 1:16


[Based on an outline written by David E. Pratte]

]]> 18494 What does covering sin mean? https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/what-does-covering-sin-mean/ Thu, 11 Apr 2019 22:04:25 +0000 http://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=3944

Question:

Hi,

This may be a silly question, but I just want clarification on the difference between having a multitude of sins covered and hidden. What is the difference between “charity covering a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8) and “converting a sinner and having a multitude of sins hidden” (James 5:20).

Answer:

The King James Version was done by a team of translators, but they did not have an overall editing team. This resulted in the same Greek or Hebrew word being translated in different ways, depending on who was doing the translation. The Greek word kalupto means to cover or hide. It was translated as "hides" in James 5:20 and as "cover" in I Peter 4:8, but there is no difference in the meaning.  You will find that most modern translations use "cover" in both verses.

When we break God’s law, there should be a sense of embarrassment that we weakened and fell to Satan’s trap. Adam and Eve hid after sinning. "So he said, 'I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself'" (Genesis 3:10). David also felt the shame of sin after his adultery with Bathsheba. He had trouble forgetting what he had done, even after being forgiven by God. "For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me" (Psalms 51:3). Paul was embarrassed about his behavior before he became a Christian and an apostle of Christ. "For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God" (I Corinthians 15:9).

The guilt and shame that comes from realizing we have sinned have a purpose. God uses them as a wake-up call that we need to change. "You make us a reproach to our neighbors, a scoffing and a derision to those around us. You make us a byword among the nations, a laughingstock among the peoples. All day long my dishonor is before me and my humiliation has overwhelmed me" (Psalms 44:13-15). But this is because God wants us to have the right attitude toward sin. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" (Psalms 51:17).

Not only should our sins embarrass us, but we should feel embarrassment over the sins of others. Ezra expressed his shame regarding his nation's sins.

"But at the evening offering I arose from my humiliation, even with my garment and my robe torn, and I fell on my knees and stretched out my hands to the LORD my God; and I said, 'O my God, I am ashamed and embarrassed to lift up my face to You, my God, for our iniquities have risen above our heads and our guilt has grown even to the heavens.  Since the days of our fathers to this day we have been in great guilt, and on account of our iniquities we, our kings and our priests have been given into the hand of the kings of the lands, to the sword, to captivity and to plunder and to open shame, as it is this day.  But now for a brief moment grace has been shown from the LORD our God, to leave us an escaped remnant and to give us a peg in His holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our bondage.  For we are slaves; yet in our bondage our God has not forsaken us, but has extended lovingkindness to us in the sight of the kings of Persia, to give us reviving to raise up the house of our God, to restore its ruins and to give us a wall in Judah and Jerusalem. Now, our God, what shall we say after this? For we have forsaken Your commandments'" (Ezra 9:5-10).

Joseph thought that Mary had sinned, so out of his love for her, he planned to hide her shame by divorcing her quietly (Matthew 1:19-25). In contrast, when Ham discovered that his father was drunk, he tried to embarrass Noah further by telling his brothers (Genesis 9:20-27).

Sin ought to bother us. We don't want to become calloused to sin and no longer notice when we stray (I Timothy 4:2).  But the wicked are unaware of the embarrassment of sin (Zephaniah 3:5). Therefore, when a brother sins, whether against us, someone else, or only against God and he has received forgiveness, we should understand the shame and help them. "How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered!" (Psalms 32:1). To "cover sin" is to put what happened out of our mind and to treat the person with the same respect that we gave him before he sinned. We are not protecting the sinner in his sins but the repentant sinner from the shame of his sin. We do not make a mockery of a brother’s weakness. We do not put a brother up for public ridicule. "My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:19-20). It is a part of being sympathetic with our brethren. "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins" (I Peter 4:8).

]]> 3944 My son won’t let anyone, including his doctor, see him naked https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/my-son-wont-let-anyone-including-his-doctor-see-him-naked/ Sun, 22 Jun 2014 23:59:00 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=43028

Question:

Good morning.

My son is just 15 and at 3.4 according to your Tanner calculator.

I am in the military and am very concerned that he is very shy and modest almost like a girl. I haven't seen him naked since he was maybe 6 or 7 because he hides himself very effectively. From seeing him in underwear or bathing suit, his genitals appear to be in line with other kids of the same age and physical stature. We went to buy diving gear and he was told to strip naked to try wetsuits on and he flat refused, but it's impossible to don a wetsuit solo, so no diving for him. I'm concerned because he wants a military career, but the trauma of the communal showers and open displays will be a major shock to him. I've been brutally open and honest in how it will be, and he just shruggs it off. When I take him to the doctor it's a fight for the doctor to check for hernia and testicular cancer, he makes the doctor feel through his underwear and won't let him look.

Do I put my foot down and force it? Have him sedated, so he can be examined properly, or what? This irrational modesty is ridiculous in a maturing male. Help me understand my son's wierd behavior. They don't make the boys shower in school gym class anymore because mothers have complained about it, calling them dumb jocks and neanderthals. Mommy crying about her son being naked is making these boys into little crybaby pansies in my opinion. I honestly don't think he has ever seen another naked male, ever. He refuses to change to swim with the boy scout troup and opted out of the sex education discussion. He's a good boy a total pleasure to have, a good student, respectful, plays sports well. Just has this blantant refusal to act like every other 15 year old I know who strip at the drop of a hat to take a dip in the creek with their buddies, but not my son. It's almost embarrassing.

Answer:

I believe you are overly concerned about a minor thing. Without him telling me what is going on, I would assume that he is just a very private person. There is nothing wrong with that. Yes, he is going to run into a problem if he decides to follow you into the military, but either he will resolve that issue by the time it becomes important or he will change his mind about his career field. In regards to exams by the doctor, leave that between him and his doctor. Just let him know that if he has any issues or odd signs appear that he should not let his discomfort stand in the way of seeking out help. If you don't make a big issue out of it, he will likely grow out of it.

]]> 43028 Is it wrong to avoid doing something because I don’t want to be embarrassed? https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/is-it-wrong-to-avoid-doing-something-because-i-dont-want-to-be-embarrassed/ Thu, 17 Oct 2013 01:32:00 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=40723

Question:

Hello,

I have a question. Is not wanting to be embarrassed a sin? Or is fearing what people would think of you a sin?

I really think I had some form of OCD years back that I am now trying to fully rid out of my life. I had this habit of picking up trash from the ground wherever I went (though I didn't always do it, but felt compelled to pick it up as I thought God wanted me to), and if I didn't, I would feel guilty about it and feel like I sinned. I understand that God speaks to us through His Word, the Bible, and not to us directly, as we can't "feel" God or sense He wants us to do this or do that (is that correct?), so I cannot trust my feelings to tell me what's right and what's wrong. Though I am a lot better with the whole not picking up the trash thing, I still struggle.

For example, I was in the grocery store tonight and before I walked out I saw what looked like a receipt or something on the floor in my path. I quickly said in my mind "NO!", as in no, you're not going to pick that up. Now, if I was in a more private setting, like the public bathroom or something, and no one was looking, I may have picked it up and thrown it in the trash. But because it was more out in the open, I was ashamed and embarrassed about what people might think of me had I picked it up and thrown it away. Some may have thought, "Wow, that girl is kind of weird", (which is what I want to avoid), some may have seen it as a good deed, some may have thought I was gross for picking up trash, some may have not cared or maybe no one would have even paid attention to the whole ordeal, I don't know. My problem is that I'm debating in my head if I have sinned in some way. I really do not believe it's a sin not to pick up trash from the floor. I don't work there, it's not my job. I'm not obligated to do that. But is my reasoning behind not wanting to pick it up a sin? Is the not wanting to be embarrassed or look awkward and different wrong? Is fearing what people think a sin? Is this a James 4:17 type of sin? (knowing to do right, but not doing it). If the not wanting to be embarrassed part is sinful, how do I repent?

I would so appreciate your thoughts on this matter. Thanks so much!

God bless,

Answer:

Feelings are what results from the things we do. But too many people put feelings in the driver's seat. They decide what is right or wrong based on how they feel at the moment. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26). Feelings are not always right. They are not constant and, thus, cannot serve as a moral guide. Instead, God tells us to guide our actions by wisdom. Wisdom is what comes from God and is taught in His Word. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and depart from evil" (Proverbs 3:5-7).

Therefore, we don't decide what we must do based on how we feel. We look at a situation and determine what is the right thing to do, and then do it. The courageous are not those who never fear. They are the people who act despite their fears.

So, is picking up trash right or wrong? I'm not talking about a compulsion to clean up. It isn't a question of who is responsible. The simple question is: Is the action right or wrong? I see it as an act of kindness. Saving someone effort that you don't even know. "And be kind to one another" (Ephesians 4:25). You are leaving the world in a little bit better shape as you pass through.

But if you are looking at it that you have to pick up trash and that if you don't God is going to condemn you for it; well, you missed the point. Then it no longer is an act of kindness freely given but an obligation that is being forced.

The views of other people have no factor in determining right and wrong. How other people see you doesn't matter because they aren't the judge. "But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ" (Romans 14:10). You only look at your actions and your motivations against the standard that God has set.

Response:

Thank you for your response. I appreciate the time and effort you put into writing back. It is greatly appreciated!

I know now that I should look at things differently. I can be kind and do others a favor. I shouldn't worry about what others think. I have a habit of letting my feelings direct my actions, and will usually think something is wrong because I fear it might be wrong, not because I confidently believe it to be wrong. There's a lot of "just in case" swirling around in my head. It's difficult because after a while I start to think that everything I do (and nearly half the stuff I think about) is wrong and sinful. I realize I have a bunch of "scruples" (which I don't want to have!), and the Lord has been upholding me all this time. I've been praying for a sound mind. That's what I really want: peace.

]]> 40723 I posted a picture of a girl I loved and me kissing. Was that wrong? https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/i-posted-a-picture-of-a-girl-i-loved-and-me-kissing-was-that-wrong/ Thu, 22 Apr 2010 02:46:00 +0000 https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/?p=23008

Question:

I truly loved a girl. We had sex. We made a kissing picture and I put that picture on a web site. That was my mistake. Is that a wrong thing to do?

Answer:

I hope I understand your question accurately. If I misunderstood, please help me to understand better so I can help you.

I notice that you are writing in the past tense. I assume that you loved a girl but no longer. I take it that she got upset because you posted a picture that she found embarrassing. You call it a "kissing picture," but I suspect there is much more about this picture if it led to an argument and break up.

I know you claim to have loved her, but it is clear that isn't the case. If you were in love with anything it was your own pleasure. Is it love when a guy puts up a picture of his girlfriend for all the world to see, a picture that embarrasses her? Who benefited from that showing off? It certainly wasn't her. So, I must conclude that the picture was posted to give yourself a chance to brag about the girl you were doing. And you call that love?

Paul tells us in I Corinthians 13:4-8 that love is kind, yet you acted unkindly toward her. He said love doesn't behave rudely, yet you embarrassed her. He said love doesn't brag or is arrogant, yet you want the world to see your sexual exploits. Though true love never fails, your love is past, but that is because you didn't love this girl. You loved what you got from this girl.

The damage you caused is not just to the girl or her reputation; you damaged yourself as well. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18). While you remain in this sin, you keep God out of your life. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Fornication is having sex with someone to whom you are not married.

Was it wrong? It sounds like the whole relationship was wrong because you wallowed in sin. My question to you is what are you going to do about your sin? You can't improve your life until you first improve your relationship with God.

See also:

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