drugs – La Vista Church of Christ

Are We Compromising on Morality?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 20 Jul 2026 20:47:41 +0000

by John Exum

There are times when God's people need encouragement, and there are times when we need honest self-examination. This is one of those times. As we look around at our culture, it is obvious that morality is no longer guided by the Word of God. Sin is celebrated, biblical convictions are mocked, and what was once considered shameful is now promoted as something to be embraced. That should not surprise us, for the Scriptures have long warned that such days would come. What ought to concern us, however, is not simply what the world is doing. The greater concern is whether the world's thinking is quietly making its way into the hearts of God's people.

Before going any further, something should be said that deserves to be said. For the most part, faithful congregations remain committed to the truth. Across this nation and around the world, there are brethren who love the Lord, respect His Word, and are striving to live holy lives. They continue to preach the gospel without apology and stand for what is right even when it is unpopular. We thank God for that. At the same time, we would be naïve to think compromise can never find its way among us. There have been some who have drifted dangerously close to the world's standards, and there are others who have embraced attitudes and practices that would have been unthinkable just a generation ago. That is why every Christian must continually ask, "Am I measuring my life by the Word of God, or have I slowly begun measuring it by the culture around me?"

The Bible never presents morality as something that changes with the times. Right is right because God says it is right, and wrong is wrong because God says it is wrong. His character does not change, and therefore His standard does not change. Peter reminded Christians, "but like as he who called you is holy, be ye yourselves also holy in all manner of living; because it is written, Ye shall be holy; for I am holy" (I Peter 1:15-16). Notice that Peter did not limit holiness to the assembly or to acts of worship. He said, "in all manner of living." That reaches into our homes, our conversations, our workplaces, our entertainment, our relationships, and even our private thoughts. Holiness is not something we put on for a few hours each week. It is the life God calls His people to live every day.

One area where the pressure to compromise has become increasingly noticeable is alcohol. We live in a society that treats drinking as though it were almost a requirement for having fun. Commercials make it look glamorous. Television portrays it as harmless. Social media often laughs about it. Sadly, some Christians have begun speaking the same way. Instead of asking whether something glorifies God, the question becomes, "How much can I get away with?" That is the wrong question altogether. Solomon warned, "Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it sparkleth in the cup, when it goeth down smoothly: At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder" (Proverbs 23:31-32). The inspired writer was not describing something beneficial but something deceptive. It promises pleasure while producing pain. Paul commanded Christians, "And be not drunken with wine, wherein is riot, but be filled with the Spirit" (Ephesians 5:18). Elsewhere Christians are repeatedly instructed to be sober-minded and vigilant (I Peter 5:8; Titus 2:11-12). Those commands ought to shape our thinking far more than the arguments of a culture that has become comfortable with intoxication. A disciple of Christ should never want to see how close he can come to sin. He should desire to stay as far from it as wisdom allows.

The same is true when we think about sexual purity. Our culture has almost completely abandoned God's design for marriage. Fornication is treated as normal. Adultery is excused. Pornography has become a multibillion-dollar industry. Living together outside of marriage is considered ordinary, and every form of sexual immorality is increasingly celebrated rather than condemned. Yet none of that changes what God has said. The Hebrew writer declared, "Let marriage be had in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Paul did not advise Christians to manage temptation or make room for it in their lives. He simply said, "Flee fornication" (I Corinthians 6:18). That is strong language because sexual sin has devastating consequences. It scars lives, destroys marriages, wounds families, and separates people from God. We should never become so accustomed to the world's message that immorality no longer troubles us. If entertainment, conversations, or online habits slowly dull our conscience, compromise has already begun long before anyone else notices it.

The growing acceptance of drug use presents another challenge. Illegal narcotics continue to destroy countless lives, but even recreational marijuana and the misuse of prescription medications are sometimes defended as though there are no spiritual concerns involved. God's people must remember that the Christian life is marked by self-control, clear thinking, and sound judgment. Paul reminded believers that "your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God; and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body" (I Corinthians 6:19-20). Our bodies do not belong to us. They belong to the Lord who purchased us with His own blood. Why would we willingly place into our bodies something that clouds our judgment, weakens our self-control, or opens the door to further temptation? That is not the direction of holiness.

The words we speak also reveal much about the condition of our hearts. We live in a time when crude humor, vulgar language, and careless speech are almost expected. Sadly, even some who claim to follow Christ may have begun talking no differently than those who make no profession of faith at all. Scripture calls us to something much higher. Paul wrote, "Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but such as is good for edifying as the need may be, that it may give grace to them that hear" (Ephesians 4:29). Our speech ought to encourage, strengthen, and reflect the grace of God. Jesus taught that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh" (Matthew 12:34). When our words begin to resemble the world, it is often because our hearts have begun listening to it.

None of these matters should be viewed as a checklist of rules designed merely to keep us from having fun. God's commands always flow from His wisdom and His love. Jesus said, "If ye love me, ye will keep my commandments" (John 14:15). Obedience is not legalism. It is the natural response of a heart that loves the One who died for us. Every command God has given protects us from harm, strengthens our walk with Him, and prepares us for eternity. The world sees God's moral standard as restrictive. The Christian sees it as the loving guidance of a gracious Father who knows what is best for His children.

So where do we go from here? We begin by examining ourselves instead of pointing fingers at everyone else. Paul wrote, "Prove your own selves" (II Corinthians 13:5). We open our Bibles with humble hearts and allow God's Word to expose whatever needs to change. If we find ourselves drifting, we repent. If we see a brother or sister overtaken in sin, we lovingly seek to restore them (Galatians 6:1). If our children are growing up in a culture that calls evil good and good evil, we teach them God's truth with patience, consistency, and conviction. The answer to compromise has never been lowering God's standard. The answer has always been returning to His Word.

The church does not need to become more like the world in order to reach the world. It never has. The gospel is still "the power of God unto salvation" (Romans 1:16), and God's truth still changes lives. Our responsibility is not to rewrite His message but to live it faithfully. May we never become satisfied with merely being better than society around us. Instead, may we pursue the holiness to which God has called us, standing firmly upon His Word with humility, love, and unwavering conviction. When the world looks at the Lord's people, it should not see a reflection of its own values. It should see men and women whose lives have been transformed by Jesus Christ.

Just some things for consideration. Brethren, keep speaking the truth in love and don't give the Devil an inch. He will take a mile if he so chooses.

Is Nicotine Replacement Therapy Sinful?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 13 May 2026 16:29:24 +0000

Question:

Greetings,

Is nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) or using nicotine alone a sin? When I say nicotine, I'm not talking about cigarettes, vapes, or chewing tobacco. Though I understand why people associate those things with nicotine.

I used to vape for years, most of the day, to the point it was embarrassing that I couldn't live apart from my vape. I would never recommend someone starting. I decided to stop, I put down my vape and haven't used one since. But admittedly, I have switched to nicotine-only products. I use nicotine-only products at the beginning and end of my day. I'm no longer the same person. I was waiting all day for a nicotine fix. I used it for anxiety and boredom. While driving, cleaning my house, every break at work, out with friends, and even lying in bed.

If I don't quit nicotine cold turkey, am I in error? Nothing can come before God. Not me spending time with family and friends, not food, not caffeine, not my anxiety, not even nicotine.

Nicotine helps me wake up for the day, as someone with a lot of fatigue (that I had before even consuming nicotine), it helps me unwind as well. It doesn't make me high. Nicotine alone does not cause the diseases that vapes or cigarettes cause, which comes from all their added chemicals and poisons. Yes, it can be something people become dependent on, but if you are tapering down to quit, is that wrong?

I'm stuck. From the benefits studies I've seen on nicotine versus those who say it's wrong altogether. I don't know who to trust. All I know is it can't dictate my life, but are people in error for simply using nicotine alone?

Thank you for listening!

Answer:

If nicotine is being used to replace or extend your dependency on the drug, then you haven't solved your problem. Nicotine is highly addictive. Its major downfall is that it narrows arteries, increases blood pressure, and boosts the risk of blood clots, heart attacks, and stroke. If you are actually using nicotine replacement therapy properly with the aim of weaning yourself off of nicotine, then that would not be wrong.

Response:

Thank you.

I made the decision yesterday to talk to my doctor about medication for my anxiety. I started medication. I realize that for me and nicotine, it's been a complicated relationship. At first, it's as if it tells you, you can't control your emotions without me, then at some point, it's as if I was demanding nicotine to help me. It's a constant cycle of putting a band-aid on my problems and taking it off, putting it back on. I never really knew if it was a sin until it began to make me wonder and bother me. Perhaps God has been merciful to me and is continuing to reveal things I need to change.

I’m losing my enthusiasm

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 18 Oct 2025 15:18:57 +0000

Question:

First of all, I want to say thank you for your hard work and dedication to your church and the website. I recently discovered your website, and I enjoy reading the questions and your answers.

I've been a Christian for a long time. I've been a member of various churches of Christ in different cities. The problem that I have is that I have been in and out of the church many times. The longest time was for about 25 years, when I decided to become a drug addict and alcoholic. I don't know many people who have decided to do that, and I may not have said consciously that's what I wanted to do, but that's what I ended up doing. Now, with the help of my Savior Jesus Christ, I have been able to stay away from alcohol and drugs for the last 30 years. I am serving the Lord as the song leader.

The problem that I find I am having now is the lack of enthusiasm that I see happening with me. There are a lot of times when I put off picking the songs until the last possible moment (like Sunday morning, right before I leave for church). There have also been a few times when I didn't want to go to church, but I did anyway and had a great time.

I know that God wants us to put Him first in everything we do. I also know that if I keep on going the way that I have been going, I will eventually stop worshiping and fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters. As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I know that it is a very bad thing that could lead me to places that I don't want to go again. I am very grateful to God for getting me sober, and I am going to try my best to stay sober. After all, who am I to undo what God has done for me?

My question is, how can I be more enthusiastic about going to church and worshipping the very God who opened my eyes? It is because of Him that I am who I am today. It is because I prayed and asked Him for help in changing my life.

How do I give Him more of me?

Thank you for your time.

Answer:

It is a rare person who can maintain a high level of enthusiasm for a long period of time. I enjoyed the various jobs that I've had over my life, but there were times when I had to make myself go because I just didn't feel like working that day. If we understand that these things happen in secular work, then it should not be surprising to see them happening in our spiritual lives.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near" (Hebrews 10:23-25).

Consider what the writer of Hebrews offers:

How reliable is God and His offer of eternal life to us? "In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil" (Hebrews 6:17-19). If our Lord is that reliable, should not His children also demonstrate dedication to Him? It should not matter what I feel at the moment -- those feelings will eventually change. What matters is that I have a chosen purpose.
Often, we spiral by focusing inward. Consider the low point in Elijah's life (I Kings 19). What was on his mind? "I'm the only one left." What was God's answer? "I have tasks for you to do." Instead of seeing attendance at church as an obligation, realize that this is an opportunity to give back to God by encouraging others to be faithful. In helping others, you will help yourself.
Remember where you are going and the fact that you have limited time. Every day, I have less time left on earth. There are things I need to fix about myself, and there are people I would like to help so that they can reach heaven. I don't have time to waste.

Decisions, then, are made with your reason and not with your feelings. Good decisions will eventually lead to good feelings. Still, understand that every day won't be wonderful. There will be hard times. There will be boring times. Whatever I face, I can grow into a better servant of God.

By the way, when selecting songs, ask the speaker what his topic is the day before. Then come up with a list of songs and an order that teaches a message on that same topic (or a similar one). Challenge yourself to get a flow of ideas that sets the mode for everyone to worship together. Learn more songs so you have more to work with. Also, teach others new songs and encourage young men to learn to lead singing.

Another Addiction

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 26 Jul 2025 15:57:14 +0000

by David Gibson

Getting Hooked

It’s amazing how many different ways Satan has to enslave us: drugs, alcohol, tobacco, overeating, gambling, etc. Our adversary knows how to get us hooked and keep us hooked.

Satan has been entrapping even more with another highly addictive practice, using Internet pornography.

How many thought when they started where this would lead them? How many dreamed what a grip this would get on their minds? How many would have ever guessed what it would do to their marriages? Or, most important of all, what would it do to their relationship with God?

Realizing What It Does to Us

“It won’t hurt me.”
“I can handle it.”
“I can stop it anytime I want.”

But Paul cautions, “... let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall” (I Corinthians 10:12 NASB).

The writer of Hebrews warns us that we can be “hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13).

Sin deceives us when we think we can indulge without consequence. But sin, when repeated, has a definite hardening effect on us. Our conscience can become so calloused by repeated indulgence that it becomes less and less sensitive, and we drift farther and farther away from our God who calls us to be holy as He is holy (I Peter 1:14-16; 2:9-11).

Taking Decisive Action

Jesus said, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” And then He said, “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:28-29). While Jesus does not mean for us literally to pluck out our eyes, does He not mean we must take drastic action to save our souls?

Whatever it takes.

Things the Lord Hates: A Heart that Devises Wicked Plans

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 03 May 2025 15:49:53 +0000

by Terry Wane Benton

Text: Proverbs 6:16-19

Planning to obtain drugs to sell drugs to make money takes planning. You have to think up plans to make it work. If you are a teen, you have to plan how to hide and lie to your parents about what you are really doing with your time, where you have really been, and who you were really with. You have to get all your lies and alibies lined up.

You have to hang out with people who have connections and can make connections for you. You have to plan how to get it, how to hide it, who to trust with your secret, and who might buy it from you. You plan to listen to those who affirm it is good and who affirm it is worth the cover-up.
You plan to avoid those who might be tattlers, and you find that you can quit being friends with those who are uncomfortable with the new you, and only the ones who support the plan are allowed into the inner circle of your life.

You no longer care that the users you sell to are ruining their lives, their health, and their families. One dies of an overdose, several become addicted and will lie and steal to support their habit, but you don’t care how many lives are being ruined. You are making money.

All you can think of is selling more and making more money. In essence, you are “devising wicked plans” that ruin health, addict and kill people, and ruin families. You plan the wickedness of it all with no thought for God or the good of others, and a hardening heart that learns to lie with a straight face to keep the plans going.

Welcome to the world of drugs, drinking parties, fornication, darkness, hardness of heart, cover up, lies, and destroying many lives in addiction, as more families suffer the same cancer of sin eating up their happiness and goodwill.

One dealer devises wicked plans, one user devises wicked plans, and they all hurt numerous friends and families, and they are all creating misery and setting all these souls on a course to eternal hell.

This is just an example of a “heart that devises wicked plans.” God hates it, and we must “abhor it” as well. The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.

"But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows" (I Timothy 6:9-10 NKJV).

Think of ways to improve life for yourself, your family, and friends. Don’t get pulled into the dark side where you must hide things and lie because your heart is "devising wicked plans." God will bring all our works into judgment. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God (Hebrews 10:26-31).

Media Morality: Who Is Responsible?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 01 Feb 2025 23:13:15 +0000

by Floyd Chappelear
Sentry Magazine, Vol. 9, No. 11, November 30, 1983

Dorothy Gilliam is a liberal, feminist, syndicated columnist. Like so many of her calling, she has done much to break down the barriers of decency. In the name of "liberation," she decried the morality that helped make this country great. Now, when it is, perhaps, too late to do the country any good, she is beginning to see the error of her course.

In a column earlier this year, she told of a young woman law student "who seemed to be destined to be one of the best and brightest" but whose life was cut short by a drug overdose. Gilliam poignantly tells the tale of this young lady and tries to assess the blame for her untimely and tragic death. Her explanation is as follows:

"The ridiculous cycle that snuffed out this young woman's life must be turned around. Her life was filled with hope and potential for good. She lost her chance on a winter night in Washington, and in a sense, all of us must share the blame. For at the point when taking drugs became socially respectable, it became everyone's responsibility."

While I agree that writers like Dorothy Gilliam must share the responsibility for this youngster's death, I deny emphatically that morally upright people who have always pointed out the evil of drug use are responsible. I simply will not share Dorothy Gilliam's guilt trip for the evil people like her have perpetrated. Let the liberals take a reasonable stand on the subjects of drug use and sexual liberation, and you will see a reversal of the trend of tragedy that is encompassing the youth of America. In the meantime, if they keep promoting godlessness in the name of liberation, one will see the tragedy repeated. Indeed, let the media take a moral position, and the trend can be reversed; otherwise, things will only get worse.

"And although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them" (Romans 1:31).

Marijuana Impacts Memory

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 16:59:51 +0000

Source: Julia Milzer, "Largest Study Ever Done on Cannabis and Brain Function Finds Impact on Working Memory," University of Colorado, 28 January 2025.

"The researchers found that 63% of heavy lifetime cannabis users exhibited reduced brain activity during a working memory task, while 68% of recent users also demonstrated a similar impact."

"This decline in brain activity was associated with worse performance on working memory – the ability to retain and use information to perform tasks. For example, working memory allows a person to follow instructions they’ve just been given or to mentally visualize and manipulate information, like solving a math problem."

"During working memory tasks, the researchers found heavy cannabis use appeared to reduce brain activity in certain areas of the brain (dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, dorsomedial prefrontal cortex and anterior insula). These regions of the brain are involved in important cognitive functions such as decision-making, memory, attention and emotional processing."

Source: Joshua L. Gowin, "Brain Function Outcomes of Recent and Lifetime Cannabis Use," JAMA Network, 28 January 2025.

"In this cross-sectional study of 1003 young adults, heavy lifetime cannabis use was associated with lower brain activation during a working memory task; this association remained after removing individuals with recent cannabis use. These results were not explained by differences in demographic variables, age at first cannabis use, alcohol use, or nicotine use."

"These findings suggest that cannabis use is associated with short- and long-term brain function outcomes, especially during working memory tasks."

"Greater accessibility of cannabis has also been associated with higher rates of cannabis-related motor vehicle crashes, and frequent cannabis use is associated with increased risk for hyperemesis syndrome and cardiovascular disease. Despite these negative effects, there is an increasing perception that cannabis is harmless."

"The association we observed between recent use and working memory task activation and performance suggests that abstaining from cannabis prior to cognitively demanding situations will likely help with performance. The exact duration of this period of abstinence is unclear, but studies suggest that residual cognitive effects of cannabis may remain for 2 to 4 weeks after abstinence. Furthermore, in heavy users, abstaining from cannabis may also lead to withdrawal symptoms, which may last for a week or more following cessation and could also affect performance."

"Reduced brain activation to a theory of mind task was reported previously in cannabis users relative to healthy adults, and the study’s authors hypothesized that this could contribute to the increased risk of schizophrenia, a condition associated with profound deficits in theory of mind processes."

"In our study, we also observed reduced activation in recent cannabis users, which could contribute to the emergence of acute psychoses observed during THC intoxication, particularly for high THC doses."

My husband left me, claiming I was violent

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 23 Jul 2024 17:25:06 +0000

Question:

Hi!

Please share your wisdom with me. I am standing in need of spiritual guidance and prayer.

I have been married for over a year. Half the time I was together with my husband at home and half the time we've been separated. My husband did the unimaginable and betrayed me.

I was raised in a loving, middle-class Christian home where God was at the center. Growing up, life wasn't perfect, but we were safe, loved, and always had what we needed. My husband grew up in a small country, in a poverty-stricken community where family was everything. They didn't grow up with much, but they always had each other. We met when I was traveling. After many years of going back and forth to his country, I sponsored my husband to move to the USA, and we married.

During the five-year long-distance period, I prayed a lot and asked God to reveal if this was the man God chose for me. I was very specific in my prayers. I even said, "God, if this man is not in Your will for my life, please do not allow his immigration papers to be approved." My husband's immigration process went so smoothly and fast. It was definitely a divine intervention. I understood before getting married how important marriage is, how this is a lifelong commitment and a vow between your spouse and God. That is why I prayed for clarity and asked the Lord for guidance in bringing my then-fiance to the United States and getting married. My husband said he believed the same.

My husband began attending the church of Christ in his neighborhood in his country. Soon after my husband arrived in the USA, we were in church together, and the preacher started premarital and discipleship counseling. Everything seemed great. We were happy. We were in love. Everyone loved my husband -- my family, my church family, and my friends. Not one person, including myself, had any reservations or hesitations about our union.

After my husband was able to get his work authorization and began working, I saw a change in his behavior. The more independent and comfortable he got with his transition into the USA, the more he became argumentative, disrespectful, and not like the person I had known for years. I gave my husband my all. He wanted for nothing. He moved into a brand new home. I supported him financially, emotionally, and physically. My family supported him, and we would joke that my family loved my husband more than I did.

One evening, I asked him to take me to get something to eat. He was happy to take me using the vehicle my father loaned to him. Once I opened the car door, it had a horrible, strong smell of marijuana. I had no idea my husband was involved with recreational drugs. I was so upset. I got out of character, screaming and yelling. I was upset because he lied about smoking (we had this conversation before, and he said he didn't smoke, so I believed him). I was furious that he would disrespect my dad and the vehicle when they were kind enough to allow my husband to use. I was also upset because it's illegal to get high and drive. Where we live, there is no tolerance for DUI. I had never been so angry in my life. I demanded my husband give me the keys. He was extremely dismissive and avoided the conversation. He started screaming at me, and things got out of control.

Several days passed. There was tension in the home. We did not have much to say to each other. On the way to church, we began arguing about the marijuana. The argument is so bad we don't even make it to church. We turned back home. My husband stayed in the garage while I was inside the home. All of a sudden, I see the police showing up. I found out my husband called them. I got arrested for disturbing the peace and assault because of the argument my husband and I had days prior. My husband was privately recording me on his cell phone. I had no idea. The police took me to jail. I'm terrified. I have never been in trouble, never been in a fight, and always was the "goody nerd" in school. I spent the evening in jail and was released in the middle of the night.

My husband left that day, and I have not seen him since. This was months ago. Since then, I've been in intense trauma therapy. My life has been a nightmare. Thankfully, the criminal charges were dismissed. I realize how my behavior that day was unacceptable and not Christ-like. I have repented and asked God and my husband for forgiveness. I don't think I deserved to go to jail, but I take full accountability for my actions. My husband claimed abuse because I was trying to get the car keys out of his pockets the day of the fight. I also moved my car behind my father's car so that my husband would not leave until we were calm and could finish the conversation about the drugs.

On that Sunday, when he called the police, my world was turned upside down. My husband says he wants a divorce. He said he would never come back home. He has no remorse. He has not apologized. He does not recognize that I made a mistake by allowing myself to get so angry, which I take complete responsibility for. However, this would have never happened if he was not using drugs. As embarrassing as it was, I informed our preachers, and they tried talking to him. My parents reached out to him. His heart is so cold and hard. He doesn't want to work on the marriage or take accountability for his part. He ran away and avoided me. I no longer reach out to him because when I do, his attitude just makes me feel worse. He's a prodigal. I worry because I did sponsor him to come to the United States on a marriage visa, but I have no idea where he is.

At this point, I would be ignorant not to wonder if he used me to get into the country. He could also claim he is a victim of domestic violence and get away with staying in this country in which I would be responsible for him for ten years. My husband is not a victim of domestic violence. I really need God to show me what His will is. I am praying and praying. I'm mortified, embarrassed, and in complete disbelief. I was completely blindsided. I need prayers from the righteous.

My husband has posted videos of him in the bars getting drunk and dancing inappropriately with women. He is completely unrecognizable. He told me that if God were upset with his behavior, God would not have blessed him with money, a new car, or a job. My husband is so blinded. I don't know what to do because I don't know if I have biblical grounds for divorce or annulment. This is so heavy on my heart because I didn't get married to get divorced. I believe God hates divorce. My faith is the only thing that's keeping me "standing" for my marriage, but it's getting so hard. I feel defeated and heartbroken. I know the prodigal's father did not run after his son, so I try to keep communication at a bare minimum with my husband because I realize he is double-minded. Unfortunately, I imagine his family is encouraging him to behave this way and treat me this way.

I was not a perfect wife, but I was decent, and I took care of my husband like a king and spoiled him. I will never understand how he could betray me. Looking back, I understand how my attitude and word choice caused issues in our marriage. I thought I was marrying a God-fearing, loving, decent family man, but what I married felt like was an immature, out-of-control teenager. I feel stupid for crying every day over my husband after what he did to me. I have forgiven him. I am trying to be still and wait on the Lord.

However, we have to answer to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services next spring regarding our marriage. My husband and I have to file his green card paperwork together saying we are still married, or my husband can file saying he entered the country with good intentions to marry but could not stay married because of abuse, which he and I know is untrue. I read some disrespectful comments on his phone from his mother, encouraging him to betray me. As hard as this is, I know it is Satan. I am living in this gray area that is mentally destroying me. I am ready for restoration, but my husband is continuing to claim he wants a divorce but has not filed.

Can you please pray for me? Is there anything in the Bible that says I am eligible for an annulment, especially considering there is a possibility I am a victim of marriage fraud? I know God's will is for forgiveness and restoration, but my husband believes he has made the right decision by leaving despite my humble apologies. If I file for an annulment, it will be as if the marriage never existed, which could potentially deny my husband another green card once his current green card expires next year because marriage is the only reason the USA allowed him to enter the country. Now, he could be filing paperwork privately claiming he is a DV victim to stay in the country at my financial expense. If we divorce, he could still claim to be a victim and stay in the country if he can prove he genuinely wanted to be married, but things just didn’t work out. This situation is a mess, but God can clean all this up.

I am praying my husband comes back to God. Again, I do not know what to do. I want to be wise and make godly decisions, but I also want to protect myself and the things I work so hard for while obeying God. I did not see any red flags. I prayed before getting married, and this is a side of my husband I never knew existed.

Thank you for your time and wisdom.

Answer:

There are two ways to look at your husband's behavior:

He lied about his past drug use and kept it hidden, but when everything was going well, he started using again. You caught him, but he is more interested in using drugs than being your husband, so he left.
He had planned this years before to get into the United States. He kept up a front to be the type of man you expected, which was made easier by the long-distance relationship. Once he was settled in, he staged drug use to get you angry, which he was prepared to record. He then called the police to get you arrested so he would have evidence of "domestic violence." He left because it was a part of the narrative he was building, and it removed evidence that you only had a momentary lapse into anger.

Either way, he isn't going to file for divorce until he receives his citizenship. If he does file for divorce, his task becomes harder because he will have to prove in court that he was a victim of domestic violence. The one piece of evidence he had was dismissed.

What I strongly recommend is that you hire an attorney and a private investigator. The attorney should be able to keep your husband from claiming domestic violence and keep you from being financially responsible for him. You need the private investigator to gather evidence that your husband is seeing other women and whatever evidence is needed to prove that he is unsuitable for citizenship. If he is seeing other women, which I suspect is very likely, then you will have what you need to end your marriage and be able to marry again. I know this will be expensive, but it will be cheaper than continuing to be used by your husband. The idea of annulment is not found in the Bible.

When your husband realizes that his citizenship is in jeopardy, he will return to reconcile. At that point, you should have enough information to decide whether you can trust him. I suspect the evidence will point to the fact that any attempt to reconcile will just be for show.

I'm glad you turn to God in prayer and should continue. However, I noticed that you asked for signs, even though God said that prophecy would end (I Corinthians 13:8-10). God used to give signs sometimes, but today, we learn His will through Jesus (Hebrews 1:1-2), which is done through the Bible. You took as a "sign" something that likely happens. There was nothing special about paperwork being done sooner than expected. Yet, you decided that this meant God wanted you to marry this man. See:

Response:

Thank you so much, brother, for replying. I appreciate it and thank you for your insight and wisdom.

Legalizing Drugs Led to Massive Increase in Drug-Related Deaths

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 04 Mar 2024 14:15:47 +0000

Source: "Oregon 1st state to decriminalize possession of drugs," AP News, 1 February 2021.

"Police in Oregon can no longer arrest someone for possession of small amounts of heroin, methamphetamine, LSD, oxycodone and other drugs as a ballot measure that decriminalized them took effect on Monday. Instead, those found in possession would face a $100 fine or a health assessment that could lead to addiction counseling."

Source: Lynne Terry, "Latest data show overdoses continue to skyrocket in Oregon," OPB News, 28 January 2024.

"In 2019, 280 people died of a drug overdose in Oregon. Fatalities rose every year after, more than tripling by 2022, when 956 died. And last year, even more people died, according to preliminary data. Each month the number has been higher than the previous year, reaching 628 in June. The state is still compiling data for 2023, but if the trends continue, the total would reach 1,250 deaths from an overdose."

I find it interesting that this article talks about many possible reasons why drug overdose deaths are skyrocketing but leaves out the change in Oregon law.

Source: "Oregon lawmakers pass bill to recriminalize drug possession," AP News, 2 March 2024.

"A bill recriminalizing the possession of small amounts of drugs was passed by the Oregon Legislature on Friday, undoing a key part of the state’s first-in-the-nation drug decriminalization law as governments struggle to respond to the deadliest overdose crisis in U.S. history."

Marijuana Use Linked to Higher Risk of Heart Attack and Stroke

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 29 Feb 2024 17:28:44 +0000

Source: "Marijuana use linked to higher risk of heart attack and stroke," American Heart Association News, 28 February 2024.

"The number of people using marijuana has increased significantly in recent decades in the U.S., where its recreational use has been legalized in 24 states and the District of Columbia. In 2019, a federal survey showed more than 48 million people ages 12 and older reported using marijuana at least once – nearly double the number in 2002."

"Any marijuana use was linked to a higher risk for heart attacks and strokes, but people who used it most frequently had the highest odds. Adults who used marijuana daily had 25% higher odds of having a heart attack and 42% higher odds of stroke than people who didn't use it at all."

"Cannabis smoke is not all that different from tobacco smoke, except for the psychoactive drug: THC versus nicotine"