divorce – La Vista Church of Christ

Can a man remarry in this situation?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 27 Apr 2026 22:15:45 +0000

Question:

Please give me the biblical answer to the following situation: A man and woman get married (neither one is a Christian). It is his first marriage and her second marriage. They started dating (and having a sexual relationship) while she was still married to her first husband. They eventually married but later divorced. Is the man free to marry again since his first marriage was adulterous? (He says their divorce was due to her having an affair. She says it was due to his abuse. The divorce papers say they are incompatible.)

Answer:

The man was committing adultery with the woman because they were having sex while she was still married. Thus, her first marriage ended because of her adultery. Even though he was the willing participant in her adultery, he (and any other man) had no right to marry her. "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). His marriage to her was a continuation of their adultery.

She continued to follow the same pattern and started cheating on her second husband. Thus, the marriage that should not have existed ended anyway. Regardless of the reason for the end of the second marriage, she has no right to another marriage (not that she'll pay attention to this).

He has not had a valid marriage and could marry again. However, he needs to do a much better job in selecting a wife that mets the Lord's requirements.

Congregational Divorces

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 26 Apr 2026 02:39:25 +0000

by Perry Hall

Divorces can get ugly. Husbands and wives can get cutthroat, trying to financially and emotionally consume the other. Anything that is personally untoward to the attorneys can be used as a fair game to play a court game unfairly. Too many divorces can be over trivial issues, which leads to such ugliness.

Most believers understand the seriousness of not separating what God has joined together (Matthew 19:6). We teach that we are to abide by Jesus's high standard that divorce not be trivial and only for sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9).

Often in Scripture, marriage is God's picture of His love for His people. Unfaithfulness to God is considered spiritual adultery because we have been joined to God (Revelation 2:18ff).

Romans 7 combines these ideas of the spiritual and physical marriage.

Should we apply this concept to another area? Congregations are believers joined together (Acts 9:26), because we have been added to the Lord (Acts 2:47). We belong to one another because we belong to Jesus. As a husband and wife are one, believers are one in Christ (Galatians 3:28). This extends to believers in local congregations.

So how seriously should we take splitting up a congregation? Should we separate relationships that God has joined together in His Son over trivial trifles? Or should congregations - those in Christ - separate, split, only over spiritual adultery? If God doesn't split from us, should we split from those still in a relationship with Him?

Just as marital splits can get ugly, so can congregational splits. In fact, the sins start even before:

"But if you bite and devour one another, beware that you are not consumed by one another" (Galatians 5:15).

Congregational divorces can get ugly.

Not Divorcing

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 06 Jan 2026 17:50:44 +0000

by Zeke Flores

The local newspaper, where we used to live, had an interesting column one morning. It was about a married couple, Blanche and Jake, who’d been married for about 50 years. They were quite happy, and at first, I thought it would be a typical love story of two people growing old together.

But they weren’t together. At least, not physically.

They lived in separate houses. The houses were next door to one another, but they were, indeed, separate. You see, it seems that Blanche didn’t like Jake’s snoring or having to “answer” to him. She didn’t believe in divorce, so Blanche moved out. She convinced Jake to buy the house next to hers, and now when the family gets together, they eat meals in the same house, but the children have the option of which house they’ll sleep in. Blanche and Jake love the arrangement. Blanche said she loves not having anyone to answer to and is glad they didn’t divorce.

I’m glad they didn’t divorce, too, but it seems to me that marriage is quite a bit more than simply not divorcing. Genesis 2:24 tells us that God’s intention for marriage is that the man and woman would be “joined together” and become “one flesh.” That would certainly entail living together, but also implies that they’ll be “on the same page.” Maybe they won’t agree on every detail; for instance, many men and women live happily together while disagreeing (but not disagreeably) on a host of issues. But hopefully, they’ll be in accord about their priorities concerning raising children, finances, and most importantly, serving God.

The wording in Genesis 2:24 implies that a man and woman will do all they can to guard the union. They’ll fight the forces that seek to tear them apart, whether it be the enticement to share the sexual intimacy of the union with someone outside of it, or window-rattling snoring. They’ll accept the roles that God has appointed for man and woman. He will love, nurture, and protect his wife, and she will respect and submit to her husband’s leadership.

It’s not simply about not divorcing; it’s about living together in an enriched relationship where each understands their place and, by filling that place, each helps the other be more than they could ever be apart. Blanche and Jake think they have an ideal marriage. They may be very good friends, but they’re certainly not “one flesh.”

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Is my husband committing fornication?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 18 Dec 2025 20:19:21 +0000

Question:

I have a very serious yet difficult question to ask. Because this situation is very complicated, I really feel the need for sound biblical guidance.

My husband is a cross-dresser, and he is very weird. I didn’t realize the depth of his sexual desires when we married. In fact, it wasn’t until we bought our home and had been married about two years that I began to see behaviors not fit for a marital relationship. He will go out in public as a woman or wear women’s underwear and bras with falsies in them. I’m deeply disturbed not only about this, but instead of intercourse, he wants me to put my fingers inside of him and use a strap-on. He’s really not interested in intercourse. He wants oral sex, the receiving end, but as far as wanting a tender, loving sexual relationship that a good, solid marriage has, he wants perverse things.

It took a couple of years for all this to come out, and, needless to say, I really don’t know how much more I can take of this. This has really made me dislike the very thought of any sexual encounter with him. I have tried speaking to him, but he gets mad. I feel guilty writing this behind his back, but I really don’t know what to think! He gets worse all the time. I had hoped this was a passing thing he got caught up in, and that he would grow bored with it.

When I have spoken against transgender people, homosexuals, etc., he tells me I’m talking about his people. I’m not sure what to do.

I can’t say for a fact that he has ever physically cheated on me with another man or woman. But I do know he is very obsessed with porn and looks at it. I looked at his phone and found websites of several porn sites, and some are gay sex. I found pics of him that he took of himself inserting objects into himself. I’m disgusted, and I have fallen out of love with him. My heartbreaks that he thinks more of the porn and perverse acts than saving his marriage. He masturbates at night in bed next to me, while I’m sure he’s looking at porn. He will turn down making love to me to please himself, and he only wants the perverse things I can do to him. Very seldom will he have intercourse. I honestly think sometimes it disgusts him. He wants to be the woman, and I the man.

So, do I have a biblical right to leave or am I to stay in this marriage? Is he committing unclean sexual acts against our marriage, is it fornication or adultery, or just sinful?

If you could, please email me your response. I would sincerely appreciate any advice you can offer. And yes, I do pray for him!

Answer:

What your husband is doing is sinful. However, it is not classified as fornication. See What is included in porneia?

It is likely that he has or will get involved in sexual activity with others since sin tends to be progressive.

Whether you stay in this marriage is up to you. If you divorce him without knowledge of his committing fornication, then you will need to remain unmarried until the time he comes out of his sin and remarries you or until his death. I genuinely hope he gets help and turns back to the truth.

Response:

Dear pastor,

Thank you for giving me good sound Biblical advice. I am going to continue praying for him and see what happens.

Thank you so much. God bless.

Sin within the church

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 18:44:14 +0000

Question:

Dear Sir,

What does the Bible teach when a wife sins against her husband first? She committed impurity (not immorality) with a younger man in the church. Afterward, the husband committed immorality with a younger woman who was a member of the church. The wife repented of her sin, broke the relationship, apologized to her husband, and is willing to fix their marriage; however, the husband was no longer willing to get together and left the church. The wife was disheartened and left the church. She also left their three kids to her husband. The husband filed for a divorce for abandoning their kids, and he got full custody of their kids. The husband went back to church, and also the young woman with whom he had an affair while he was still married. After a few months of being with the church, the man asked the young woman to be his girlfriend and eventually got married in the church. And now, they have become one of the leaders of the church.

As I understand, the Bible teaches that if you commit adultery as part of your repentance, you must either reconcile with your wife or remain unmarried for the rest of your life.

Please enlighten me. Thank you for all you do to uphold and teach the Word of God! May God continually guide and bless you!

Answer:

Sadly, I frequently hear of people who react badly when their spouse sins, and then sin as well. The wife sinned, but instead of forgiving her as commanded (Matthew 6:14-15), he divorced her. She furthers her sin by abandoning her children and the church. He leaves the church, but returns with the woman he committed adultery with. He then marries her, and the church accepts him; thus, the sin spreads since the church is required to withdraw from those who remain in adultery.

The man had no right to marry another since his first marriage did not end because of fornication (Matthew 19:9; 5:32).

This is why God said, "'For I hate divorce,' says the LORD, the God of Israel, 'and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously" (Malachi 2:16). One sin leads to another like dominoes falling.

What does it take to straighten out this tangled web?

The church must withdraw from the man and his wife while they remain married since they are living in adultery.
The man must end his adultery by divorcing the woman he is married to, which means facing the fact that he will likely be single for the rest of his life and that he will be a single father to his children.
If the man and woman stop their adultery, then the church can welcome them back.

What if a man found out that one of his children was sired by another man?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 13 Nov 2025 20:52:45 +0000

Question:

Dear Beloved,

If, after nearly 15 years in marriage, a brother later discovers that one of his children isn't his, does he have the right to divorce and remarry based on deception and infidelity?

Thank you for your time!

Answer:

It would depend. Was this due to a momentary weakness, which the wife repented of and never allowed to happen again? Then she has shown true repentance and should be forgiven. Alternatively, if this is yet another piece of evidence in a long list of suspicions that hasn't stopped, then the husband would be within his rights to end the marriage.

How does God see an annulment?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 08 Nov 2025 20:06:57 +0000

Question:

Good morning,

I have been discussing annulment with someone. My question is: What is an annulment in the eyes of God? I know they can’t remarry, and dating may be a sin as well.

My other question is: If they try to reconcile later, would they need to go through the marriage ceremony again?

Thank you.

Answer:

An annulment is a declaration that a marriage was never valid or should never have taken place. For instance, most countries have laws stating that a man may only have one wife. If a man marries a second woman, without ending his first marriage, then he is violating the law, and marriage can be annulled. Other legal grounds for annulling a marriage may be incest, a lack of consent to the marriage, or mental incapacity to make a legal covenant. In other words, an annulment is a declaration that the covenant made to establish the marriage is not valid.

A divorce is the ending of a legal marriage. A marriage covenant was made, but those involved want out of the covenant. The only grounds for divorce that release a person from his marriage covenant is fornication (Matthew 19:9). Such a divorce does not release the guilty party from the covenant.

In the case of an annulment, the marriage should never have occurred; therefore, the individuals involved can remarry.

My husband has been drinking and cheating, and I don’t know what to do

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 13 Sep 2025 19:45:26 +0000

Question:

Good morning, sir,

I hope you are well. Please be patient with me. Life turns on me, and I end up not knowing even that which I thought I knew.

I am crying as I type this. I am caring for my youngest child while I work a full-time job from home. I'm also taking classes. Today, I am on a study leave because I have a test tomorrow, for which I have barely prepared. I managed to get my children to live with my husband and me, instead of with my mom, who is several hours away. My son was baptized with the help of the church leaders in our local congregation.

A few years ago, my father-in-law passed away. When I reflect on this, I realize my marriage has not been the same after that event.

A few days ago, I looked at my husband's phone and saw he was texting women, flirting with some of them, and drinking with some of them. He had a phone number, which I assume belonged to a woman, with whom he seemed to be video calling daily, and more than once a day.

Previously, a woman called my husband while we were traveling. This woman called him for three hours straight. He claimed they are just friends, but I don't think that even I, as his wife, would feel so entitled to call him, to the point of calling him for three hours straight. Soon after that, he started to have weekends when he wouldn't sleep at home.

Nonetheless, I stayed. My husband was never sorry or anything, but for my sake, I decided to forgive him while he was not sorry. I begged him to stop. He promised that he would. However, earlier this year, he started sleeping away from home again. He claimed to have been with his friends. Throughout the year, on weekends, I wonder if he will sleep at home or not. Now, seeing those chats with women made me realize that this man no longer loves me. I now look back and realize that he was never sorry because he didn't believe he had done anything wrong.

Perhaps I should leave the house with the children so he can be with these women. But where do I go with children who are currently in school? They can't just change schools in the middle of the school year. I certainly would not be able to afford to pay for everything if I leave.

What is more painful is that I love my husband. I am ready to forgive him, if only he were sorry and repentant. But he is not. So do I stay and let him treat me like a doormat? I am afraid that if I stay, I am going to end up resenting him, that our marriage is not going to be a safe place anymore. This is hurting me emotionally and is affecting my mental health.

My husband has become what I left my ex for: cheating and drinking alcohol. But my husband is a Christian. I don't know why or how he lives in sin and attends church on Sunday as if all is well. I am not judging him, but how am I expected to worship in the same congregation with him?

Last year, I told my father about my husband's behavior, and my father suggested we get counseling from the church, which we did last year. It seems it was all in vain. No changed behavior at all. At this point, I think my husband doesn't respect our leadership in the local congregation anymore. He doesn't respect God anymore. The things of God take the back seat. He would rather take time off to be with his friends (non-Christians) than take time off for a church event.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you in advance, sir.

Kind regards.

Answer:

Your husband calls himself a Christian, but he is not following Christ. It sounds like you've tried to help him change, but he isn't interested. Thus, you need to make up your mind. You can choose to divorce him because of his sexual sins (Matthew 19:9). With that choice, you'll need to consider where you and the children will live. You might want to consider living with or near your parents so that they can help with the care of the children.

Staying silent about your husband's sins is not helping him change. You should be talking to the elders at your church since he is not listening to you. Perhaps they will be able to help him. If he refuses to listen to the church, then he will likely be withdrawn from until he gives up his sins.

Is there a difference between “divorce” and “puts away”?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 23 Aug 2025 21:18:17 +0000

Question:

Mr. Hamilton,

First of all, thank you very much for taking the time to respond to emails. Your grace and patience have been a tremendous help to me.

I have some questions I have been pondering on and hoping to gain some of your insight on, if that’s alright?

While reading my Bible, I noticed verses talking about "divorce" and "putting away." Is there a difference between the two? I have always known divorce was a legal and formal action that ended a marriage, since that’s how we do things in our modern culture today, but what did Jesus mean when he talked about putting someone away instead of using the word "divorce?"

Does it make a difference as far as remarriage would go in a situation where a marriage has ended because of fornication, but there was no formal or legal divorce? Or could someone simply say the marriage is over and send them away, without needing formal paperwork, and get remarried in not only our culture today but also in the ancient culture Jesus was addressing, if the two are indeed different?

Thank you again for your wisdom and time. I look forward to your response!

Answer:

You will find some who make a great deal over the difference in the words used for the wife’s departure and the husband’s, such as in "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). In truth, the Greek words are synonyms.

The word chorizo, used in various forms for the wife’s leaving, means to divide, to separate, to depart, or to divorce. The latter is particularly true when it is used regarding a husband and wife (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9).

The word aphiemi, used for the husband’s leaving, means to send off, to send away, to let go, to release, to leave behind, to abandon, or to divorce. When applied to sin, it means to forgive. You put the sin away. It means "divorce" when applied to a husband and wife relationship (I Corinthians 7:12-13). The King James Version tended to use "put away" where the modern translations use "divorce."

If there is a difference, chorizo tends to be used for the person who walks away from a marriage, and aphienai is used for the one who insists that the other leave. "Some see in the use of two different words, aphiemi and chorizo, an important distinction in meaning; however, there is no lexical basis for proposing that aphiemi is used in this passage [I Corinthians 7:11,15] for 'legal divorce', whereas chorizo designates simply a separation of marital partners. The two terms are synonymous in their technical applications to divorce." [The Complete Biblical Library].

In the Greek and Roman cultures, a divorce did not require a document to legalize it. Hence, a divorce took place whenever a couple separated. [New International Commentary on the New Testament]. Thus, there was no distinction between separation and divorce, as there is in modern culture. Jewish culture, due to the Old Testament law, did require a bill of divorcement.

Because Christians are required to obey the government (Romans 13:1-7), and requiring a document to legally end a marriage is not wrong, a person cannot walk away from his or her marriage and consider themselves free of his or her obligations. Even when the government allows two people to divorce, it should never be assumed that God agrees and releases the couple from their covenant (Matthew 19:6).

Response:

Thank you so much for this response! I really appreciate it and learn a great deal from this website. It’s become a favorite of mine to read through all of the articles on here.

God bless!

Do you have to send away your children from an unlawful marriage?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 23 Aug 2025 20:31:36 +0000

Question:

How about children born from an unlawful marriage? Will repentance require you to send them away, too?

Answer:

"The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father's iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son's iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20).

Children are not responsible for the bad decisions made by their parents. A child born to a couple committing fornication still needs to be loved and raised. Hopefully, the couple will marry and raise their children together; if not, some arrangement must be made for the children's upbringing. The same goes for a couple committing adultery.

Repentance is not getting rid of the evidence that you sinned, but taking responsibility for the results of your sin.