Teenager – La Vista Church of Christ

How do I deal with my daughter asking questions about homosexuality?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 12 Mar 2026 01:19:49 +0000

Question:

Hi Jeff,

Over the last few months, the topic of homosexuality has come up between my twins, who are almost 12 years old. They are male and female twins. My daughter has asked questions about homosexuality. She says that some of her friends claim that they are "gay" and hold hands in school. I've had a casual conversation about how she can discuss with them how God thinks it's wrong. I also explained that their parents might not teach them, and they may just be trying to be trendy with today's world views. I didn't go too deep into the conversation, but we talked about what God says about homosexuality, and I told her that it is a choice to engage in things like that.

The other day, my son, in a joking tone, said something to her like, "Well, aren't you gay?" Mean, I know, and I told him not to joke like that, but I keep an eye on their Internet use. I saw that she is looking up content on lesbian and gay material. There are blocks on certain sites, but there always seems to be a workaround that allows them to still access them.

My question is, how should I approach a conversation about this, as I think she feels she is interested in other girls? It may be due to peer pressure from friends, general attraction, or something else, but I wish to teach her the importance of this. Is she possibly just going through "changes" in her life, sorting out new feelings, and learning how to deal with them? Should I address it now or wait until later? I have no problem with addressing the issue, but I am curious about how my wife or I should approach something like this, given that she is so young.

Thanks.

Answer:

For a girl, she is not "so young." On average, girls begin puberty about a year before boys do. The average time to begin changing for girls is 10 to 11 years old. Thus, it is time for you or your wife, or both of you, to sit down and start teaching her about what God has said about sex. You can use the material I've written (Growing Up in the Lord for Teenage Girls) or material from some other author. Just make sure that the topics are thoroughly covered with plenty of scripture citations to back up the points. Essentially, this sort of problem is best dealt with through information. Don't approach it by telling her what she must believe; rather, guide her in discovering what God said on the matter and why God is right. It takes the excitement and mystique out of the topic. Putting off discussing these matters will only make her interest in the subject a habit over time.

For a boy, the average time to begin changing is 11-12 years old. Typically, boys are curious about the subject of sex, but don't show a strong interest until they reach the time they start having ejaculations. Thus, you may have a few more years before you need to have discussions with your son. However, it wouldn't hurt to have a "light" discussion with him now, and to review and dig deeper into the topic when he gets older.

Response:

Jeffrey,

Thank you for the quick response and information. I've always enjoyed your answers, and your scriptural knowledge is so encouraging. May God continue to bless you and the work that you do.

Little Johnny Is Not Paying Attention

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 20 Dec 2025 18:46:06 +0000

by Brad Harrub, Ph.D.

I am going to say something firmly—then I am going to back it up with facts: Stop allowing your smartphones, iPads, or TV to babysit your young children! It’s affecting their spiritual (and secular) education. Yes, some of the content is pure evil or trash—but that lesson is for another day—consider for a moment what it’s doing to “Little Johnny’s” attention span.

Parents and teachers everywhere are noticing the same troubling trend: it’s getting harder to teach young people. Satan has succeeded in raising up a generation of quick sound-bite/video reel young people who don’t want to sit and learn Biblical principles. Lessons that once held their focus now compete against a world of constant swipes, flashes, and screens. And the data is sobering.

A 2025 report suggested that the average human attention span has dropped from 12 seconds in 2000 to just over 8 seconds today (Centre for Inquiry, 2025). Another analysis warns that screen-based focus now often resets in under 60 seconds (NetStudies, 2025). Studies also show that heavy screen exposure—TV, video games, and mobile media—is strongly linked to attention problems in children (EurekAlert, 2025).

We are raising a generation conditioned to quick hits of excitement rather than deep thinking. That makes true spiritual instruction—slow, thoughtful, heart-shaping teaching—much more challenging.

But not impossible. But we need to wake up and realize what Satan is doing.

When attention spans become so short, serious teaching — the kind that molds hearts, builds biblical worldview, and forms character — becomes much harder.

Spiritual maturity and sound doctrine rarely come from memes, 15-second clips, or quick takes. They come from deep digging of the Scriptures, of theology, of honest heart-searching.
Training disciples, encouraging perseverance, forming moral fiber — these demand sustained attention, contemplation, and follow-through.
But if a child’s brain — or heart — has been rewired to expect instant gratification and constant novelty, then the slow, sometimes uncomfortable process of transformation may be met with restlessness, distraction, or resignation.

Paul reminds us:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2).

Transformation takes time, focus, and attention. And we must help our children reclaim those skills.

How We Can Strengthen Young Minds:

Limit and Structure Screen Time

When I say don’t let screens babysit your children, I am not talking about an occasional break. I’m talking to parents who allow their kids access to screens for multiple hours every day. Research consistently links excessive media use to reduced attention capacity (EurekAlert, 2025). Screens are not evil, but they must be controlled. Build in tech-free hours for reading, chores, conversation, and outdoor play.

Teach in Short, Varied Segments

Because many young people struggle to sit still for long periods, break lessons into 10–15 minute blocks with discussion or activity in between. Short segments stack into deeper learning over time.

Encourage Deep Reading and Reflection

Long-form reading—Scripture especially—stretches attention and strengthens the mental “muscles” required for spiritual growth. Slowly walking through a psalm or a parable trains a mind that has become used to rapid-fire content.

Model Focus Yourself

Stop and ask yourself what your children see you doing as parents. Are you constantly glued to a screen? Children imitate what they see. When they observe adults reading, praying, studying, and engaging without distractions, they learn that real maturity is not instant—it’s intentional.

Use Technology as a Tool, Not a Teacher

A video can capture attention, but real learning happens in conversation, in Scripture, in honest application. Use media to open the door, then move their hearts to something deeper.

A Word of Encouragement:

If you’re a weary parent or Bible class teacher, don’t give up. God has entrusted you with shaping minds and hearts—work that takes patience in an impatient world.

Even small, consistent efforts matter—a nightly prayer, a chapter read together, a real conversation without phones buzzing. These moments accumulate into spiritual maturity.

Attention spans may be shrinking, but God can still enlarge hearts. And He can use you—faithfully, steadily—to guide a distracted generation back to truth that lasts longer than eight seconds.

Parenting Battles

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 23 Aug 2025 15:50:27 +0000

by Randall Caselman

A game reserve in Africa was experiencing difficulties with young bull elephants. They were going on rampages, killing other wildlife and just generally being destructive in the park. They were even killing endangered rhinos, and no one knew why. As a result, several of the young bulls had to be put down. That didn't seem to help because each time, another rose to take his place.

Someone observed that there were no adult elephants in the offending herds. Based on this observation, park rangers introduced several older elephants into the herds to see if they would have any impact on the young rogues. Sure enough, within only a few days, the larger, older, wiser males asserted themselves as leaders, and the young bulls took their place under the adult supervision. The raids and killings stopped.

The moral of our story is that our youth need the teaching and example of older and wiser parents.

Parents must be willing to fight for what is right, regardless of what our culture stands for or what is politically correct. Fathers and mothers must be assertive, loving, understanding, and patient, yet display leadership that stands firmly upon biblical principles.

Parents must battle for family time. Recent research indicates that fathers spend 6.5 hours a week focused directly on their children, while mothers spend 12.9 hours. We, as parents, must understand that the responsibility for raising our children does not belong to the government, schools, or the church, but to us. Paul admonishes: "Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Galatians 6.4). How many of us regret working too hard, being gone too much, missing out on so many priceless moments in our children's lives? Moments that can never be recovered? Don't let another day go by where we're not involved in our child's life: listen to them, teach them, and model for them.

Parents must battle for family priorities. Family priorities are not for sale, not to the corporate world, not to entertainment, not to education, not to some political agenda. The command from Mount Sinai was "No other gods before Me." "No other gods in My presence." It was Jesus who commanded: "Love God with all your heart, mind, strength, and soul." Parents, these two verses set our family priorities, and there appears to be no place for compromise. We must ask ourselves: What is the number one heart's desire and prayer to God for our children when they are grown? It had better be that they know God and have a salvational relationship with Him. Anything else is spiritually useless. "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matthew 16.26).

Parents must battle for wholesome entertainment. The entertainment media is preoccupied with sex, violence, and profanity that battle for our minds. Rodney Shaw gives us some questions to consider in our choices:

Can I maintain my Christian witness and engage in this activity?
Can I glorify God in this?
Can I invoke the blessing of God for my involvement?
Would I be comfortable inviting my spiritual mentor to engage in this activity with me?
Does this activity promote godly attitudes and behaviors?
Do I leave this time more or less equipped for living for Jesus?
Does this leave me feeling as though I have compromised my values and violated my conscience?

Parents must battle for control over the TV, video, and movies watched, the books read, and the websites visited.

Point to Jesus. I suppose there's no place where the writer of Hebrews' advice is any more important than in the family circle: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12.2). We need to teach our children to be like Jesus: to have His heart, His attitude, His disposition, and His behavior, and to react to life as He did, regardless of how it comes at us. Parents! We need to celebrate what it means to be Jesus' man, Jesus' woman. We fathers are not to model the macho masculinity of John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Mel Gibson, or Justin Bieber. Mothers! Who are we encouraging our daughters to model their lives after? I hope it is not after the sexuality of Angelina Jolie, Madonna, or Miley Cyrus. Parents!... There is a better model: Jesus.

Parenting is not rocket science: It's about showing up, being involved, modeling Jesus, and the rest will take care of itself... Amen?

How do we deal with a rebellious teenage daughter?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 03 Jul 2025 22:11:11 +0000

Question:

Dear Mr. Hamilton,

We wrote you a year ago with a query concerning the raising of our children. First and foremost, we would like to thank you, as our situation has substantially improved. We are, however, writing to follow up, if you would be so kind.

We have gotten things under control with our younger children. We are still struggling to reach our 13-year-old daughter.

We thought long and hard and prayed deeply regarding your response as well as the notes on discipline. We ultimately realized, as you said, that we were treating the threat of action as the action itself (all talk).

We instituted a clear set of family rules and associated consequences, both positive and negative. We ultimately had to incorporate spanking with the younger kids, particularly the boys, who did not take things seriously at first. But we only had to try it a few times before the message got across, and it became infrequent and ultimately nil.

That being said, we received a more positive response with clear rules and expectations than anything else (i.e., if you meet this expectation, you will receive a reward, rather than if you don't, you will face a punishment).

My wife was especially hesitant to go this route. Our church teaches “gentle parenting” techniques and is opposed to this sort of formal carrot-and-stick structure. She and I both had overly strict childhoods and remain resolute that we’ll never make the mistake of going that route with our kids.

It was my idea to overhaul our parenting strategy — but during the first few months of the new system of rules — even I felt like we were having to mete out discipline all the time to where it was becoming counterproductive and difficult to keep track of who had gained or lost what privilege or what have you. But eventually the kids began to realize that we meant business.

It was mostly incredible. Around month six, things started simmering down, and we became a cohesive, peaceful, and happy household, just living our lives. The exception was our oldest, who was not receptive and only rebelled more forcefully as we tried to enforce this new structure.

This was particularly surprising for us because she used to be the easy one of the bunch, but we chalked it up to the big adjustment. As time went on, though, her acting out was not only disruptive for us as parents, but it also hindered the development of the younger children who looked to her as a role model.

We thought it would resolve with consistency on our part over time, but it is only getting worse. We have tried suspending privileges and removing favorite items (she does not have a cell phone at all; we are waiting for her 16th birthday), grounding her to the house, assigning additional chores, and requiring reflective essay writing.

Of course, we have also had many long talks about why she is making these choices. Until recently, it was nothing extreme. Just lots of back talk, slacking on basic weekly chores, and pointless rule-breaking (e.g., using a cuss word for no reason or turning on the TV when she knows it is not the scheduled time.) We don’t think she even really knows why she has begun acting out so much. It definitely corresponded to our introduction of the formal family rule structure (though we always had general expectations, we did not have it written down, agreed upon, and set in stone like we do now).

To add to the mystery, she continues to excel in school, receiving glowing comments from her teachers, and the same is true for her extracurricular activities, both of which are quite competitive and demanding.

Now that she is officially entering the teen years, where all the troubles really start, we are especially uneasy about not having a firm sense of control over her at home and the examples she is setting for the younger kids. We do not know what to do but want to be sure we take whatever action is necessary before something truly serious were to happen to her as a result of her choices.

While being mouthy, testing limits, or being untimely with chores may be annoying, they are not our primary concern, and those alone would not have prompted us to seek advice. And until recently, that’s all it’s been. There have recently been a couple of serious incidents that moved us to write to you for advice.

At one point last month, our daughter told us she was going to one friend’s house, but was actually going to see another whom we had forbidden her to contact. In that instance, because she both disobeyed our direction not to associate with this girl and lied in a way that could have jeopardized her safety, I made the executive decision that she was to receive a spanking.

There was the usual routine of threatening to call the police, but there’s nothing illegal about it in our state. I gave her a few swats. She was upset at the time, but more so because she felt she had “lost” the altercation than anything else. Nevertheless, I hoped that the severe punishment would be enough of a wake-up call, as we had never spanked her before.

We deliberately chose not to incorporate spanking with her when we instituted this new discipline regime with the other kids because she was already on the older side and really the most mellow and obedient overall until now.

This recent rebellion is unprecedented. Other than a few fights where both girls were a bit at fault and some lip, she’s always been a model kid. Until last month, we thought she was just testing us with the usual stuff all kids go through, and if we stood our ground, it would pass.

We had hoped that since we reacted immediately to the first incident of potentially hazardous disobedience, it would be a one-time fluke brought on by the bad influence of a friend. Today we learned she forged a note to leave her summer day camp—and when staff alerted us and she was found—she was with this same girl from the earlier incident!

This is an escalation in her misbehavior that we never expected. We do not know what triggered it, and we are unsure of the best response. We have spoken to her to no end and gotten nowhere other than her stating she wanted to hang out with this friend and knew we would not permit it. She has not hinted at anything deeper. Her teachers, coaches, and her friends’ parents are not aware of anything going on, and nothing of note is happening in our home.

It is challenging to raise these questions in our church because it is a wonderful community in most ways. Still, there is a culture of everyone wanting to appear as perfect parents with perfect children and perfect families. This makes seeking counsel on this issue without inviting shallow criticism and violating our daughter's privacy immensely difficult.

We appreciate your consideration in advance. We have always sought the Bible as our guide in parenting, and it is challenging to reconcile our past experiences, modern advances in child development, and various interpretations of scripture with the realities of each unique and individual child. We appreciate you taking the time to field questions such as these.

Answer:

I probably will not be able to give you the perfect answer that will solve the issues. Dealing with teenage girls is a common parental complaint.

During adolescence, the brain undergoes significant changes, transitioning from a childlike perspective to an adult one. However, during the change, the portion that assesses risk is the last to develop. Boys often demonstrate this by impulsively doing things without considering the consequences. Girls do the same, but instead of reckless actions, they get involved in reckless schemes. Add on top of this that girls are dealing with changing hormones that impact their emotions, and you end up with someone making chaotic decisions.

Your daughter was the easy-going one. She's probably convinced that her decisions are sound simply because she hasn't encountered problems in the past. Thus, her view of her decision-making ability is skewed.

It has long been observed that girls tend to be drawn to the bad boys. They think that they can change them by their influence, forgetting that the bad boy is influencing them at the same time, and evil is easier to do than good (I Corinthians 15:33). 'I think you're seeing this play out with her friend. There is an excitement of knowing she is being disobedient (Proverbs 9:17), but she isn't considering the consequences. She thinks her ability to make decisions is sound, even though they are emotionally made. She feels she can control the outcome. Since she is convinced she is right, rewards and punishments don't significantly impact her choices. She sees the rules as interfering with her doing what she "knows" is right.

I've watched other young women fall into the same trap. They usually don't snap out of it until they reach their adult years. Sometimes it takes everything collapsing for them to realize that their way cannot work. I know a few who never recovered from it. Unfortunately, our society has a strong tendency to tell people to follow their feelings, and that truth is subjective, so it doesn't matter.

I'm not saying that you should forget your rules. She needs something steady in her life, even if she doesn't acknowledge it. What I am saying is that rules alone are not going to solve a heart issue. What changes the heart is God's word. "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" (Psalms 119:105). Therefore, I would like you to start a personal Bible study with your daughter or host a group of young teens at your house weekly for a study and games afterward. I'm going to recommend:

Proverbs: Practical Advice on Life
Growing Up in the 2020s by Trevor Brailey

Don't make the class a lecture series. Get your daughter and her friends involved in discussing the material, examining the Scriptures, and discussing how they can apply the ideas to their lives. Encourage them to consider how they can identify potential trouble in advance and how to avoid pitfalls. What you are aiming for is to compensate for their lack of prudence (foreseeing the consequences) by getting them to exercise their mental muscles early.

Response:

Thank you so much for this thoughtful response and for replying so quickly.

We will definitely organize a Bible Study group, and that will be a great way for her to strengthen relationships with some positive influences as well.

We conduct a family Bible study weekly, but lately, she has been disengaged and going through the motions. Perhaps adding other teens to the mix will also help.

Here’s hoping this gets resolved long before her adult years!

With gratitude.

Education’s Stance Against Boys

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 01 Jun 2025 20:02:33 +0000

Source: Brian Mark Weber, "Boys and Young Men Are Hurting," The Patriot Post, 30 May 2025.

“School has changed in ways that favor girls, and work has changed in ways that favor women. Boys are often seen as troublemakers, and men have heard that masculinity is ‘toxic.’”

"Schools have become hostile to boys, forcing them to act, think, and learn in ways that are antithetical to their nature. For one, the nature of boys to be more fidgety and playful is now viewed as a disease requiring medication or at least some type of intervention to stop them from being who they are."

"Boys are naturally impulsive, risk-taking, and physical in their behavior."

“By most measures, the well-being of boys has been declining for quite a while. Educational achievement has been going down, suicide is on the rise, and men are less likely to enter the workforce and rise up the ladder than in the past."

"The rising rejection of feminism among young men is almost certainly linked to growing feelings that American society has become more hostile to men. In 2019, less than one-third of young men reported that men experienced some or a lot of discrimination in American society. Only four years later, close to half (45 percent) of young men now believe men are facing gender-based discrimination. For some young men, feminism has morphed from a commitment to gender equality to an ideology aimed at punishing men.”

"The glory of young men is their strength, and the honor of old men is their gray hair" (Proverbs 20:29).

Who’s Leading Whom?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 16 Aug 2024 14:42:56 +0000

by Perry Hall

After WWII, a new family unit was created—the teenager. Before that, "teens" didn't exist as a celebrated age. Before that, "teens" were young adults. Since then, the trauma of war-torn youth has led to the coddling of teens. That has led to a verse you might be very familiar with: Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but follow them as they retrain and reinstruct you in the new ways of the Lord. No, I don't mean you are biblically familiar with this verse; I mean you see it commonly happening.

How many parents and grandparents follow their children to a new church they know is not in the Lord? They do this out of a misplaced hope of staying connected.
How often do the parents and grandparents convince themselves, "If we disapprove of where they want to go, they won't go anywhere? Isn't someplace better than no place?" Nope, ask Jeroboam.
How familiar are situations today where parents give in to a morality that is immoral because it is emotionally based? This is a twisted version of love where the promoters no longer believe God has their best interests at heart. How did that work for Eve?

There are too many fathers especially, but also mothers, who have neglected even the verses before this mangled verse:

"Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this right" (Ephesians 6:1). Children aren't incapable of understanding; otherwise, Paul wouldn't have addressed them directly. Talk to your children and be upfront. Show them God's ways are your ways.
"Honor your mother and father" (Ephesians 6:2). Children need to be taught that they don't come first, that they don't run the family, and that their happiness is not the number one goal. Honor is a weighted respect that keeps us from drifting like an anchor.
"Which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land" (Ephesians 6:2-3). Actions have consequences, both good and bad. But if our actions are based upon promises and blessings, then our children need to know there is someone greater than themselves they have to please, but more importantly, want to please.

Now, here is the verse in its context and quoted as it should be - "Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Children will always get angry when they don't get their way. Fathers, that's not your fault. In the end, the way to not make your children get angry while teaching them is:

Giving them a parent worth obeying by obeying God yourself.
Being honorable makes it easier to be honored.
Living for the promises of God yourself.
Controlling yourself so that your priority in training your children is their relationship to God based upon God's ways, not theirs, and not yours.

Churches have lost their way when they are led by children. Churches are not here to serve children but to teach our children to serve God and others—including those who are unlike them, including their parents. That is how we serve our children!

Why are churches losing their children? Is it because when they become adults, they are no longer prioritized and served and are instead not prepared to serve?

May we all be what our children need, which is to be led according to God's ways. Too many Christians are perpetually "spiritual teens." Our children deserve better because they are precious.

Should we send our son to a therapeutic boarding school?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 30 Mar 2024 01:24:06 +0000

Question:

Dear Minister,

I have two sons: A is 13, and B is 9. Both are adopted and are non-biological siblings. My husband and I have had both boys since they were infants. We go to church twice a week, pray and study the word together every day, the boys go to an excellent private Christian school, and we have a strong, loving support network around us.

Until recently, both boys have been joyful, obedient, loving young men. In the last twelve months, A has been increasingly isolating himself. He has become withdrawn and sullen, disobeying direct orders and responding insolently. At his request, we enrolled him in a faith-based therapy program, which has helped a little, but he still isn't his normal self. He confides in us feelings of mental tiredness, loneliness, and anger but isn't able to identify the root causes. His school recommended an assessment with a local Educational Consultant, who has recommended a therapeutic boarding school for 12 months to stabilize his mental health and improve his discipline. B is distressed by A's behavior and has been increasingly tearful and fretful in response to A's behavior.

Should we send him to the school? Is it biblical to send him away, especially considering the potentially traumatic impact of being 'sent away' while knowing he is adopted? We want the best for both of our boys. My husband is undecided; I err toward keeping him home, but A is open to going to the school to get help. A further problem arises: the recommended school isn't faith-based, though they respect the faiths of boys in their care, and our son would be taken to a local church for worship. Is this enough?

We would be grateful for your advice. I want to emphasize that A's behavior doesn't align with normal teenage rebellion and growth. He shows a greater level of distress than is normal, and normal interventions like increased prayer, outpatient therapy, sports, heart-to-heart conversations, and good nutrition don't seem to be helping sufficiently.

Thank you for your time, and I apologize for my long-winded message. I want the situation to be clear while not revealing too many personal details lest my family be identified by peers reading your site. We don't feel shame over needing help, but we don't want our son to feel worse.

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,

Answer:

I understand the concerns, and what I'm most impressed with is the mention that your son is aware that something isn't right. I don't know if I have an answer for you. I don't know enough about the situation.

Your son is going through adolescence, during which time the brain rewires itself for adult thinking. At the same time, your son experiences hormonal changes that amplify his moods. Some people, especially males, tend to deal with uncertainty and confusion by shutting down. At some level, they assume that not saying anything and avoiding volatile situations is better than blowing up in anger or breaking down into tears. Boys also struggle to put their feelings and thoughts into words.

I don't know if the boarding school will be better or if staying home will be better. Generally, children do better in a stable environment, which typically would be the home. There are cases where a child has problems beyond what the parents can deal with, such as a child born with fetal alcohol syndrome. In such cases, a specialized school might help.

Perhaps you can talk to your son and ask him which he prefers. If he wants to go to the boarding school, then you will not be sending him away; he will be choosing to leave temporarily. However, if you are willing to work with the difficulties at home, then I would suggest not offering him the choice.

I'm not a professional in psychology. I'm just a preacher who deals with a lot of people. If you think it might help, I'm willing to talk with your son over video chats.

You Never Know What’s Going to Stick

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 06 Dec 2023 16:01:35 +0000

by Zeke Flores

A while back, one of my daughters was going through a box of her papers that we had stored in our attic. She ran across a paper she had written and given to me in her teen years that listed 10 reasons why I should let her get her belly button pierced. In fatherly fashion, I responded with a list of my own why it was not such a good idea.

One day she texted a picture of the papers to me along with a "thank you" for not letting her do it! I texted back that I was such a mean daddy. No, she said, you were a caring daddy. It made my day. Man, it made my month!

I'm no expert, but perhaps a bigger lesson is that our kids need our guidance. We're their parents first and their friends later. Let's aim them right.

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth" (Psalms 127:4).

What’s Wrong with Today’s Youth?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 01 Jul 2023 20:31:33 +0000

by Bill Hall

All along we hear questions raised as to what has gone wrong with today’s youth. Recently, a brother expressed his concern along this line and then asked, “What advice would you give young parents to help them avoid mistakes that we have made in our generation?”

The first thing we would say is: All is not bad with today’s youth. We see young people in the church voluntarily attending special classes conducted for their benefit and studying diligently in preparation for these classes. We see them singing in the worship periods, listening to sermons, following in their Bible, obeying the gospel as they reach accountability, and living conscientiously before God.

But all is not good. We are aware of drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, drinking, gambling, and crimes of all sorts among the youth of our day. We are appalled at the lack of self-control exhibited by athletes in both college and pro ranks. What has gone wrong?

A recent newspaper article helps to explain what has gone wrong. The opening paragraph says: “A high school football player who was arrested and charged with hitting a 15-year-old in the face with a crowbar has his coach concerned and his mother worried about his football future.”

Worried about what? When parents are more concerned for their children’s football future than they are for their character; when they are more concerned for their children’s financial well-being than for their eternal well-being; or when they are just not concerned, period, we can expect problems among our youth. Priorities are all wrong. Too many parents, in order to feed their own egos, push their children into positions that will bring honor and popularity, but give little thought to what will build character, integrity, and responsibility within them.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, ESV).

What advice would we give to young parents? Bring your children to every service of the church; encourage them to form close friendships with other children who attend regularly; do not try to shield them from hurts and disappointments, but allow them to work through their disappointments; hold them responsible for the consequences of wrong-doings; make sure that your greatest desire for them is that they go to heaven and that they are aware that this is your greatest desire; pray with them and teach them how to pray; and love them, love them, and love them some more.

Setting Boundaries

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 10 Dec 2022 15:57:32 +0000

by Jeffrey W. Hamilton

Text: Ephesians 6:1-4

I. We live in a country that is founded on the ideas of freedom and liberty

A. Yet we don’t live in society without any restraints. We have laws, rules, regulations, expectations

B. It is the very laws that we have which gives us our freedom

1. How? One of my memories of the Philippines is the intersections. They were places of mass chaos as everyone tried to cross at the same time. There were no rules governing the behavior of traffic. In a small town, it would take a half-hour to an hour to cross just because of the intersections.

2. Compare that to our large town where we can whiz to most any place in less than a half-hour. How is it that traffic flows so smoothly most of the time? It is because of the rules.

C. Yet, when it comes to raising children we don’t take notice. We see the lack of restraint as a benefit, never guessing at the harm it can do.

II. Examples from the Old Testament

A. Eli

1. Eli’s sons were a disaster - I Samuel 2:12

a. They took what they wanted from the offerings to God

b. If someone refused, they threatened to take what they wanted by force

2. Even when warned Eli did not rebuke his sons - I Samuel 3:13

3. Oh, he talked with them - I Samuel 2:22-25

4. You see Eli never followed up on his scolding.

a. His sons behavior required punishment by death according the Law

b. Their refusal to listen alone carried the death penalty - Deuteronomy 21:18-21

c. Yet Eli, as the high priest, continued to allow his sons to serve as priests.

B. David

1. David had two sons who tried to overthrow his kingship.

2. In discussing the second attempt we learn how David raised his sons - I Kings 1:6

C. A modern example - read article from Boston Globe, December 13, 2001

D. A child who gets his own way brings shame - Proverbs 29:15

III. Everyone needs rules

A. Ephesians 6:4 - grow your children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord

1. Admonition - advice, teaching, rebukes

2. Discipline - training by encouragement and punishment

a. Example: Hebrews 12:5-12

B. Too often parents give in to the demands of a child because it is easier than having a row on their hands.

1. Perhaps they feel guilty about their child’s life and hope to buy their favor.

2. Love for a child means seeing to their proper training. It doesn’t mean being loved by the child because at times they will not like the training - Hebrews 12:11

a. How many adults like being tight on cash? But it forces us to learn to manage our money.

b. Learning to grow up is understanding you don’t get your way all the time

IV. Proper discipline

A. Too often parents mistake yelling for discipline

1. From John Rosemond, “On a number of occasions over the past year or so, I’ve had occasion to watch some of these pretenders [of strict discipline], be “strict” with their children. Here’s a composite example of how they corrupt the term:

“Rambo! Give me that!”

(Rambo, age 7, acts oblivious)

“Rambo! Did you hear me !?!”

“Yes.”

“Well?”

“I’m just playing with it.”

“I don’t care. Give it to me. It’s not a toy.”

“But Mom!”

“No! Give it to me.”

“Just let me play with it for a while. Please.”

“No! Now!” (Mom holds her hand out, expectantly.)

(Rambo jerks the “toy” back, away from Mom’s hand.”

“Rambo! Give me that! Now!”

I think you get the picture. This game of “Here We Go ‘Round the Mulberry Bush” may go on for two or three minutes before Mom wins.

2. What should have happened?

a. Mom should have asked to the object and as soon as he acted oblivious, she should have lowered the boon.

(1) Off to the room for a hour or two, or a spanking

(2) Plus a loss of some privilege.

b. The child may scream, yell, or whatever, but Mom doesn’t need to justify her judgment. A wrong was done. A punishment came as the result. - Proverbs 23:13-14 (rod here means a switch)

c. She shouldn’t feel guilty, nor does she need to get angry. It is a fact that children will misbehave and punishments are needed to correct the misbehavior

B. Too often parents are strict part of the time

1. Children will push the limits.

a. Some learn they will not always be punished and they gamble that perhaps this time they will get away with something

b. Like a gambler, despite the fact that they lose far more than they win, they win just often enough to believe they are beating the system.

c. From John Rosemond, “An undisciplined child is a compulsive gambler as well. The parents of one such 7-year-old girl – I’ll call her JoJo – recently asked me how to ‘cure’ their daughter’s chronic disobedience. In response to an instruction of any sort, JoJo would pretend not to have heard or simply refuse to comply! Typically, she’d stomp her foot and yell something defiant, as in “No! I’m busy right now!” JoJo’s parents told me they “always” made her sit in the “thinking chair” for five minutes when these incidents occurred. “Always?” I asked incredulous. “Well,” her mother said, “all right, not always, but most of the time. I mean, we try to be consistent, but you know, it’s hard.”

d. Even if little JoJo was sent to the chair 7 out of 10 times, even though she is not beating the system in reality, she gets just enough rewards to think it is worth the gamble.

e. Where a gambler eventually runs out of money, a child never runs out of mischief - Proverbs 22:15

C. Then there is the problem of inconsistency between words and action

1. A parent who says if you do that again, I’m going to ...

2. The child does it again, and all he gets is another warning.

3. A parent must mean what he says. He must always be truthful - Matthew 5:37

4. By the same token, a parent must never threaten what cannot be carried out. “If you do that again, I’ll knock your head off.”

a. Hopefully it is just an expression, but even if your child knows you don’t really mean it, think what you are saying!

b. You threaten great harm, but it can be taken as a joke?

c. You tell lies, but that is all right?

D. When you give a rule, decide in advance what the consequence should be.

1. Trying to make up something on the fly rarely works well.

2. Arbitrary punishments can seem just as inconsistent as arbitrary application.

V. As a child matures, the restrictions must be released

A. Not totally removed. But they need to be appropriate for the age of the child.

1. A one-year-old shouldn’t climb on a chair, but I often use a chair to reach a light bulb.

2. The restrictions might change. I might allow a young boy to spend the night at a friend’s house – even if she happens to be girl, but I would refuse to let a teenager do the same thing.

B. A child who shows responsibility can be given more freedom, but they should know that the freedom comes with responsibility.

1. A child needs to learn how to make choices, so allow choices that will not make a difference at the moment.

2. Make them stick to the choice to ensure a well-considered decision.

3. Allow them to make some bad choices that does not cause great or lasting harm.

VI. If you have started off wrong, the best time to correct your direction is now.