Parenting – La Vista Church of Christ

How do I deal with my daughter asking questions about homosexuality?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 12 Mar 2026 01:19:49 +0000

Question:

Hi Jeff,

Over the last few months, the topic of homosexuality has come up between my twins, who are almost 12 years old. They are male and female twins. My daughter has asked questions about homosexuality. She says that some of her friends claim that they are "gay" and hold hands in school. I've had a casual conversation about how she can discuss with them how God thinks it's wrong. I also explained that their parents might not teach them, and they may just be trying to be trendy with today's world views. I didn't go too deep into the conversation, but we talked about what God says about homosexuality, and I told her that it is a choice to engage in things like that.

The other day, my son, in a joking tone, said something to her like, "Well, aren't you gay?" Mean, I know, and I told him not to joke like that, but I keep an eye on their Internet use. I saw that she is looking up content on lesbian and gay material. There are blocks on certain sites, but there always seems to be a workaround that allows them to still access them.

My question is, how should I approach a conversation about this, as I think she feels she is interested in other girls? It may be due to peer pressure from friends, general attraction, or something else, but I wish to teach her the importance of this. Is she possibly just going through "changes" in her life, sorting out new feelings, and learning how to deal with them? Should I address it now or wait until later? I have no problem with addressing the issue, but I am curious about how my wife or I should approach something like this, given that she is so young.

Thanks.

Answer:

For a girl, she is not "so young." On average, girls begin puberty about a year before boys do. The average time to begin changing for girls is 10 to 11 years old. Thus, it is time for you or your wife, or both of you, to sit down and start teaching her about what God has said about sex. You can use the material I've written (Growing Up in the Lord for Teenage Girls) or material from some other author. Just make sure that the topics are thoroughly covered with plenty of scripture citations to back up the points. Essentially, this sort of problem is best dealt with through information. Don't approach it by telling her what she must believe; rather, guide her in discovering what God said on the matter and why God is right. It takes the excitement and mystique out of the topic. Putting off discussing these matters will only make her interest in the subject a habit over time.

For a boy, the average time to begin changing is 11-12 years old. Typically, boys are curious about the subject of sex, but don't show a strong interest until they reach the time they start having ejaculations. Thus, you may have a few more years before you need to have discussions with your son. However, it wouldn't hurt to have a "light" discussion with him now, and to review and dig deeper into the topic when he gets older.

Response:

Jeffrey,

Thank you for the quick response and information. I've always enjoyed your answers, and your scriptural knowledge is so encouraging. May God continue to bless you and the work that you do.

Whither Our Children

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 27 Feb 2026 18:50:55 +0000

by Gary Henry
via WordPoints.com

"And I will take every care so that you may have a clear memory of these things after my death" (II Peter 1:15 BBE).

In regard to the principle of restoration, what about our legacy? If we believe the principle is valid, will we teach our children its importance — or will we remain silent and hope they’ll somehow pick it up on their own? When they feel the powerful pull of denominational “Christianity,” will they take a strong stand for “the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints” (Jude 3)?

Like Peter, I want people to “have a clear memory of these things after my death” (II Peter 1:15). While I’m still living, I want to emphasize holding fast to the apostolic faith and leave my words ringing in the ears of all whom I have taught. And when the time comes for the faith of my kids and grandkids to be tested, I want them to remember the things Grandpa Gary warned them to watch out for. If they leave the Lord, I don’t want it to be because I never spelled out the stark alternatives they would be faced with.

No matter how effectively any of us teach, there is no guarantee that those whom we teach will remain faithful to Christ. With unspeakable sorrow, I call to mind the godly parents I know who have seen some of their children take the path of apostasy. The fact is, we can’t make our children’s choices for them. All we can do is teach them and warn them, as the apostles did for their hearers in the first century. If we’re not doing that, we need to get started.

So, in case you haven’t noticed, I am a restorer. I am unbowed in my belief that until the Lord returns, the church must imitate the plan revealed by Him to the apostles in the first century. We must be diligent in learning the Lord’s will from the Scriptures and patient with others who are also learning. But nail this down: there is a huge difference between the Lord’s church and the churches of men, and I want my children to know that I make that distinction. I hope they’ll join me in the restoration quest — and never cease being restorers themselves.

"To be a restorer has always meant to be an explorer in search of Zion, bound to grope in our own human and cultural maze, never finishing our task, but ever learning through struggle and commitment to the truth. But I have never been alone; God has provided others of like mind to be my fellow travelers. It has been a rigorous journey, but I know existentially no other way. The search has served me well, and should you come to look for me, you will find me a bit further down the same road" (David Edwin Harrell, Jr.).

You Can Be Hurt in the Church—and Still Raise Faithful Children

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 17 Jan 2026 20:05:46 +0000

by Brad Harrub, Ph.D.

There are few pains more confusing than being wounded by people who wear the name of Christ.

Many parents have sat in pews with a knot in their stomach—betrayed by leadership, ignored in suffering, judged unfairly, or damaged by hypocrisy. Some have endured church splits, public shaming, mishandled discipline, gossip, or spiritual neglect. The pain is real. The confusion is real. And pretending it doesn’t exist only deepens the wound.

I know—because my family has lived it. We know firsthand how it feels to have people spread false rumors about you. We know what it feels like when elders refuse to follow Scripture or to lead properly. We know what it’s like to go through a traumatic situation. We know what it’s like to be treated unfairly by church members.

But here is the truth that must be spoken clearly—you can go through deep hurt in the church and still raise children who love the Lord, trust His Word, and remain faithful. We know because my wife and I raised four exceptionally faithful kids who watched us go through some very bad situations.

So the question is, how do you prepare them to brace themselves for a storm?

The Church Is Made of People—Christ Is Perfect

One of the most important lessons a parent can teach is the difference between Jesus and those who claim to follow Him.

Scripture never sugarcoats the reality that God’s people fail.

David was betrayed by close companions (Psalms 41:9).
Joseph was sold by his own brothers (Genesis 37).
Paul was abandoned by fellow laborers (II Timothy 4:16).
Jesus was betrayed by one of the twelve (Matthew 26:14–16).

Yet none of these walked away from God because people failed them.

Parents who help their children see this distinction—without excuses and without bitterness—lay a foundation for durable faith. Christ remains perfect even when His people are not.

What Matters Most Is How Your Children See You Handle It

The crucial issue is not whether your children know you were hurt. The crucial issue is how they watch you respond.

Children are always taking notes. Usually, mental notes.

They observe whether parents become cynical or prayerful. Whether they speak with restraint or with rage. Whether disappointment drives them away from God—or deeper into His Word. They watch if parents frame the situation as “our family versus the church.” Remember, the church belongs to Christ—it is always good, even if the body inside has problems.

David said, “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord” (Psalms 27:13). Children need to see parents who refuse to lose heart—even when circumstances would justify it.

If church hurt leads to constant complaining, sarcasm about Christians, or open disdain for the church, children quietly learn that faith is fragile and conditional.

But when parents handle pain with humility, truth, and an unwavering love for God, children learn something powerful: God is worthy even when situations are hard.

Let Your Love for God Remain Evident

One of the greatest dangers after church hurt is letting that experience slowly erode visible devotion. It is very easy to skip some services or fellowship activities if those who hurt you will be present. Attend anyway!! God is worthy.

Parents who forget this may still “believe,” but prayer fades. Bible reading diminishes. Worship becomes optional. And children notice the shift long before parents do.

The command to parents found in Deuteronomy 6 is not conditional on whether things are going smoothly. The text says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words… shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children.”

Children must see that pain does not steal affection for God.

That does not mean pretending everything is fine. It means letting children see that God is still trusted, still obeyed, still loved—even when circumstances disappoint.

Anchor Their Faith in Scripture, Not Personalities

After church conflict, there is a temptation to center the conversation on people—what someone said, what leadership did wrong, who failed. Or maybe a preacher you loved was let go, and you don’t understand why.

Here’s something to remember—faith cannot survive if it is built on personalities. Paul warned against this very danger: “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase… so then neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but God” (I Corinthians 3:6–7).

Parents must intentionally redirect their homes toward Scripture—daily reading, open discussions, honest questions, and careful application. Children must learn that God’s Word remains steady even when people wobble.

Model Forgiveness Without Excusing Sin

Finally, and this may be hard for some of you…you need to forgive and keep growing. Forgiveness is not denial. It is not a weakness. It is obedience. Paul wrote, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
When children see parents forgive—without minimizing wrongdoing—they learn that justice belongs to God (Romans 12:19), and bitterness does not have to rule the heart.

Because here’s the dirty little truth no one talks about. If your children watch you go through a church issue and not forgive, then they will likely do the same years later with even a weaker faith.

Faith Is Often Strengthened Through Difficulty

So I want to encourage parents—you can go through church issues and still raise faithful children. Oftentimes, faith that survives disappointment is stronger than one that has never tested.

When parents remain faithful despite hardship, children see faith that is real—not shallow, not dependent on comfort, but anchored in truth.

If you have been hurt in the church, your pain is real. But your children are watching.

Let them see a faith that endures.
A love for God that does not fade.
A response that honors Christ—even when others did not.

Your response today may be the very thing that anchors your children’s faith tomorrow.

Fathers Raising Godly Children

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 31 Dec 2025 17:24:37 +0000

by Chad Carter

Over the years — now having passed 62 of them — I’ve observed that the men who have raised godly children, though differing widely in personality and disposition, tend to share many of the same traits and practices. The most significant commonality among them is a clear and deliberate intent to raise godly children.

What follows are 62 observations (a fitting coincidence) drawn from the lives of many such fathers I’ve had the privilege to watch over the years.
I hope that something here will cause a father, somewhere, to pause and thoughtfully consider how he is — or one day will be — raising his children.

Fatherhood suggestions:

Pray, even before children are ever born, that you will be a Godly father looking to your heavenly Father as the ultimate example of how to be a father.
Stand firm in the faith. Little else matters if a firm footing in the faith isn’t present.
Be the head of the house as God designed.
Act like a (godly) man (I Corinthians 13:11; 16:13; I Kings 2:2-3).
Always be on the alert to their needs and potential dangers (physically, but more importantly, spiritually).
Tell them “I love you.”
Let them hear you tell their mother, “I love you.”
Let them see you reading and studying God’s word.
Let them hear you talk about God’s word.
Make speaking of God and His word part of your everyday family conversations.
Let them see and hear their father praying.
Let them see and hear their father thank God for blessings in life.
Let them see and hear their father give thanks for their mother and them.
Let them see and hear their father thank God for the blessing of His Son and the hope we have in Him.
Let them see and hear their father praying for others.
Let them see and hear their father talk to others about the gospel.
Pray with them as a family every day, not just at mealtime.
Pray that they develop their own faith and convictions, and let them hear that prayer.
Pray that (if they marry) they become Godly spouses and parents, and let them hear that prayer.
Pray that (if they are to marry) they find Godly wives or husbands, and let them hear that prayer.
Read the Bible with them, or to them, every day.
Openly treat their mother with love and affection at all times, especially in their presence.
Never speak ill of their mother to them (or anyone else).
Never argue with their mother in their presence or in their hearing.
Eat together at home as often as possible, without the distractions of TV, phones, etc.
Let them hear and participate in discussions (appropriate for their ears and years) between you and their mother about the day’s events and challenges at work, home, school, etc., and how you plan to respond to each, making sure the response is God-centered (these discussions are especially effective when done at meal time around the table).
Never let them hear you speak in a derogatory manner of fellow saints, preachers, elders, etc.
Don’t gossip about fellow saints, preachers, neighbors, elders, friends, relatives, etc.
Speak respectfully of others at all times.
Teach and display respect for authority (e.g., of the Lord, His word, government, teachers, coaches, etc.).
Set unwavering expectations of them as to godliness and purity in life (e.g., drink, drugs, sex, dress, etc.).
Worship with the saints, together—displaying the priority this takes over all other activities.
Plan and adjust your schedules to attend services — no matter where you are or what you are doing (i.e., on vacation, playing ball, etc.).
Require, and display, reverence for God during worship.
Do your own Bible lessons before Bible class, and have them do theirs before class. Help them with the lessons if they need it.
Talk about the Bible lesson and sermon after services.
Spend time with them (quality time and quantity time—both are necessary).
Have discussions about the world, school, friends, and sports. However, make it a point to have spiritual discussions about God, His word, and His will.
Make them feel important by being punctual (be where you say you’ll be for them when you say you’ll be there) when attending their events or activities.
Take the time to explain things to them, for them—whether worldly or spiritual—and answer their questions.
Discipline them. ”Discipline” means “train,” and, yes, it may mean corporal punishment at times.
Remember, “no” can be a good thing.
Be consistent in the discipline, even when you are tired.
Never discipline out of anger.
Don’t be afraid to tell them, “I’m sorry.”
Apologize to them when necessary and appropriate.
Be considerate of them, their time, and their own desires. However, never waver in discipline or priorities.
Forgive them if and when they fall short.
Tell them you are thankful for them.
Tell them you are proud of them.
Ask them, “What do you think?”
Respect them.
Praise them, but not effusively about anything, and always mindful of the One Whose approval is most important.
Rejoice with them.
Weep with them.
Always display humility.
Demonstrate thankfulness to God for them, their mother, and others in words, prayers, and actions.
Always control your own emotions, anger, and frustrations…especially in their presence.
Commit yourself to providing for your family — even when the work is difficult, unfamiliar, or beneath what you believe you are qualified for.
Sacrifice for them of your time and money.
Remember, as a father, there is really no such thing as “my time.”
Never let the bad decisions of your kids deter your own conviction, faith, and love of the Lord.

To Spank or Not to Spank

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 27 Dec 2025 22:25:32 +0000

by Jeff Archer
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 15 No. 2, February 2015

A friend of mine was called to the elementary school where his son was attending. The teacher was seeking help with his son's misbehavior. When he arrived in the classroom, he pulled his son aside and reprimanded him for what had happened. At the end of his conversation, he told him, “If your behavior does not change and I have to return, I will spank you.” The teacher overheard his threat and said, “If you do, I will call the police.”

Raising children today is a challenge for godly parents. Not only are we faced with the same daunting responsibility of every generation to “not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4), but today, one of the main tools in corrective discipline is being taken away. The Devil has convinced many of the “experts” in our culture that spanking or corporal punishment is ineffective, teaches a child to be violent himself, and must be stopped.

The World’s Philosophy

“There’s no reason to get physical with a child when other discipline tactics are more effective,” says Benjamin Siegel, M.D., chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health.

“The committee’s position is that spanking often involves abuse, which endangers a child’s safety and can cause psychological damage, leading to aggressive behavior, substance problems, and acts of delinquency during adolescence” (“The Great Spanking Debate,” Parents Magazine, Jan. 2012).

Several alternatives are offered, such as “Positive Reinforcement,” “Ignoring the Behavior,” “Time-Outs,” and “Logical Consequences.” These tools can also be used effectively in the proper raising of a child, but why ban spanking? The deeper problem is a lack of respect for the word of God. Satan is always trying to undermine the truth of the Bible with a lie.

Unfortunately, he finds many willing vocal accomplices among the worldly elite in academia.

God’s Truth

The truth is, God has told parents for generations:

“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24).

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).

“You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:14).

“The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15).

“Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul” (Proverbs 29:17).

God even teaches us by example when He says through Solomon, “My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction: for whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights” (Proverbs 3:11-12). These instructions of the Lord have been true since Adam and Eve and will be true as long as fathers and mothers raise children on this earth.

The fads of human philosophy change with the wind, and those who follow them will reap the whirlwind. Unfortunately, the character of children raised with these fads will be malformed, but the parents will not see this until it is too late. The parents will feel sorrow and guilt as a smile forms on the face of the Devil. Only the timeless truth of God gives stability, provides an atmosphere for well-rounded growth, and produces the kind of character that fills a parent's heart with joy and brings a smile to God's face.

The fact is, a child is not capable of being in charge. They do not have the knowledge or the developed decision-making skills to rule the home. God gave that responsibility to the parents. If the parents are not willing to take on this responsibility, they should not bring children into the world. It’s not fair to the child or the world.

Guidelines

Use the “rod” as part of the whole process of discipline. Curb inappropriate behavior with negative consequences. Promote appropriate behavior with positive reinforcement. Define rules and consequences clearly to promote the child's security. When violated, enforce the consequences quickly, especially for younger children, and consistently (one of the most difficult challenges). Mom and Dad must be unified in communicating the rules, consequences, and enforcement. Use the “rod” sparingly, primarily when parental authority is being challenged. Meet immaturity and childishness with a stern warning or, at times, encouragement.

The opposition of the world to spanking in our time will be seen by future generations (if the Lord allows this world to continue) as a mistake. The support and practice of the timeless truths of God will always bear good fruit. Trust God, and He will direct your path in one of the most precious relationships, raising your child.

Little Johnny Is Not Paying Attention

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 20 Dec 2025 18:46:06 +0000

by Brad Harrub, Ph.D.

I am going to say something firmly—then I am going to back it up with facts: Stop allowing your smartphones, iPads, or TV to babysit your young children! It’s affecting their spiritual (and secular) education. Yes, some of the content is pure evil or trash—but that lesson is for another day—consider for a moment what it’s doing to “Little Johnny’s” attention span.

Parents and teachers everywhere are noticing the same troubling trend: it’s getting harder to teach young people. Satan has succeeded in raising up a generation of quick sound-bite/video reel young people who don’t want to sit and learn Biblical principles. Lessons that once held their focus now compete against a world of constant swipes, flashes, and screens. And the data is sobering.

A 2025 report suggested that the average human attention span has dropped from 12 seconds in 2000 to just over 8 seconds today (Centre for Inquiry, 2025). Another analysis warns that screen-based focus now often resets in under 60 seconds (NetStudies, 2025). Studies also show that heavy screen exposure—TV, video games, and mobile media—is strongly linked to attention problems in children (EurekAlert, 2025).

We are raising a generation conditioned to quick hits of excitement rather than deep thinking. That makes true spiritual instruction—slow, thoughtful, heart-shaping teaching—much more challenging.

But not impossible. But we need to wake up and realize what Satan is doing.

When attention spans become so short, serious teaching — the kind that molds hearts, builds biblical worldview, and forms character — becomes much harder.

Spiritual maturity and sound doctrine rarely come from memes, 15-second clips, or quick takes. They come from deep digging of the Scriptures, of theology, of honest heart-searching.
Training disciples, encouraging perseverance, forming moral fiber — these demand sustained attention, contemplation, and follow-through.
But if a child’s brain — or heart — has been rewired to expect instant gratification and constant novelty, then the slow, sometimes uncomfortable process of transformation may be met with restlessness, distraction, or resignation.

Paul reminds us:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2).

Transformation takes time, focus, and attention. And we must help our children reclaim those skills.

How We Can Strengthen Young Minds:

Limit and Structure Screen Time

When I say don’t let screens babysit your children, I am not talking about an occasional break. I’m talking to parents who allow their kids access to screens for multiple hours every day. Research consistently links excessive media use to reduced attention capacity (EurekAlert, 2025). Screens are not evil, but they must be controlled. Build in tech-free hours for reading, chores, conversation, and outdoor play.

Teach in Short, Varied Segments

Because many young people struggle to sit still for long periods, break lessons into 10–15 minute blocks with discussion or activity in between. Short segments stack into deeper learning over time.

Encourage Deep Reading and Reflection

Long-form reading—Scripture especially—stretches attention and strengthens the mental “muscles” required for spiritual growth. Slowly walking through a psalm or a parable trains a mind that has become used to rapid-fire content.

Model Focus Yourself

Stop and ask yourself what your children see you doing as parents. Are you constantly glued to a screen? Children imitate what they see. When they observe adults reading, praying, studying, and engaging without distractions, they learn that real maturity is not instant—it’s intentional.

Use Technology as a Tool, Not a Teacher

A video can capture attention, but real learning happens in conversation, in Scripture, in honest application. Use media to open the door, then move their hearts to something deeper.

A Word of Encouragement:

If you’re a weary parent or Bible class teacher, don’t give up. God has entrusted you with shaping minds and hearts—work that takes patience in an impatient world.

Even small, consistent efforts matter—a nightly prayer, a chapter read together, a real conversation without phones buzzing. These moments accumulate into spiritual maturity.

Attention spans may be shrinking, but God can still enlarge hearts. And He can use you—faithfully, steadily—to guide a distracted generation back to truth that lasts longer than eight seconds.

Programming Children

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 18:34:18 +0000

by Michael R. Baggett

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Whether we like it or not, our children are being programmed to believe and behave in some fashion. Programming comes from the idea of programming a computer. A computer gives back what is put into it. Our children will only give us back what we put into them.

The older I get, the more the words and examples from my parents come to mind. Readers who have lived for several decades (I’m putting it nicely) will agree that we begin to see our parents’ thinking and attitudes in ourselves. Note, no one has perfect parents, but we do tend to take on a lot of their attributes. My parents were honest even to their own hurt. I worked at a job once where I handled 10’s of thousands of dollars with other employees. When $4,000 went missing, everyone who handled the money or entered the bank vault was required to take a lie detector test. I felt very offended to have to take a lie detector test. It is humiliating. For over two hours, I was questioned about all areas of life from the past to the present. When the test ended, the examiner commented, “No one is that honest.” I promptly replied, “My daddy raised me to be honest.”

While there is no guarantee that training your children in the right ways will always yield desirable results (there is always that exception, that rebel), it is certain that if you never correct your children but let them do as they please, they will break your heart! “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child who gets his way brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15 NASB95). When parents let the “tail wag the dog,” misery is expected in the future for those who must deal with spoiled grown-up kids' narcissistic attitudes. If you desire to fail as a parent, simply “do nothing.”

As great as King David was, being a man after God’s own heart, the Bible points out his failure as a parent. In what way was David a failure as a parent? The short answer is found in I Kings 1:6 NASB95, “His father had never crossed him at any time by asking, ‘Why have you done so?'" The New King James says, “...And his father had not rebuked him at any time....” David must have always overlooked Adonijah’s stubborn, self-willed ways growing up. Ignoring his son’s bad behavior and never correcting him comes at a high cost. What was Adonijah doing? David was now old and expected to die soon. Solomon was the next in line for the throne. A grown-up Adonijah, who had always gotten his way, thought he deserved to be the next king! What did he do? Adonijah prepared chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him to make a showing. He also tried to win the support of David’s servants. He wanted to take what was not his! (I Kings 1:1-12). His spoiled ways would cost him his life! (I Kings 2:13-46).

I have heard of young parents who just stood by while their children loudly interrupted other adults, rambled in other people’s houses, talked back to them, and even hit them (parents). What was the parents' explanation? They would state, “We don’t know what to do with them.” The Bible tells parents what to do with them. Train them up in the way of the Lord (Proverbs 22:6). This way means cutting out the path you wish for them to travel in life.

Note, many parents, who name the name of Christ, let their children “rule the roost” while television and videos provide the primary input for their children. If said parents really do not know what to do with their children, they should ask someone with more experience and search the scriptures for answers (Acts 17:11; Titus 2:3-5). One thing is for sure: correction by word of mouth or, if needed, spanking, needs to happen when the offense happens. Speak calmly and tell them what they did wrong, then teach them what is right. If you love them, you must discipline them promptly. Proverbs 13:24 is a much-needed verse for parents: “He that spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly" (NKJV). Are you prompt about disciplining your children?

The buck starts and stops with the fathers who are to make certain their children are trained and disciplined in the right way (see Ephesians 6:4). The wife and mother under the headship and spiritual leadership of the husband is to work with the husband programming their children to love God, Christ, the Bible, respect others, and respect authority (I Timothy 5:9-15; II Timothy 3:14-15; Titus 2: 3-5).

We all should desire our children to succeed in life. I believe in too many cases, there is far more emphasis on the ABCs than on Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John! What if children grow up to gain the whole world but lose their souls? Where is the profit in this? (Matthew 16:26).

Bringing up children to walk in the ways of the Lord should be every parent's priority. Parents, discipline your children while there is still hope (Proverbs 19:18). Once children become teenagers, your window of opportunity has largely passed. Are you programming your children to serve God?

Remember Who You Are and Whose You Are

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 05 Dec 2025 18:58:04 +0000

by Donna Faughn

I’m thinking back to a time several years ago when our children were still living at home with us but were old enough to go out with friends or attend a church activity without us. I can still remember, to this day, what was said to them almost (if not every time) they left the house. It serves as the title for this post today – “Remember who you are and Whose you are.” I think both of them would tell you they remember this statement.

You see, for all the years they were raised in our home, we did our best to instill these two principles in them. We didn’t use these exact words when they were little, but we were trying to teach them that they belonged to the Faughn family and that the Faughn family was trying to follow what God wanted us to do and be.

Were we perfect at this? Absolutely not. Just like most parents, we made mistakes in parenting, but the principles we were trying to instill were still the right ones – especially after they became Christians.

So what exactly did we mean when we said those words? It’s really quite simple. We wanted them to remember that they had the Faughn family name and that meant something. It meant that when people found out, based on their actions or speech, that they were part of that earthly family, they either brought good feelings or shame to the family name. We wanted them to take pride in their family heritage.

More importantly, after they became Christians, we wanted them always to remember that they were part of the family of God. They belonged to His family and were representatives of the speech and behavior He would want them to have. This isn’t something we can take lightly. As Christians universally, and as members of a local church which belongs to Christ, we need to be constantly aware of how we act and what we say.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because a thought entered my mind that caused me to really reflect on something. That thought concerns our church families. Here is the exact thought I had: “Do my speech and my behavior build up or tear down the body of Christ?” When I’m disgruntled about something, do my words and actions build up the church, or do they focus on my feelings? When the elders make a decision I don't like, do I talk privately with them about it, or do I blurt out to anyone who will listen just how I feel about it? And elders, when you are questioned about a decision, do you approach it with humility, or get angry because you were questioned?

You see, where you worship is the body of Christ, and you are either building it up or tearing it down. You are either lifting Him up for others to see and be drawn to, or you are crucifying Him once again. How sad to think that my actions and my speech might be destroying the good name of the church that bears His name.

Yes, we wanted our children to respect the Faughn name. More importantly, we want them always to remember to Whom they belong.

I guess my message is for all of us to look deeply within ourselves and ask: Are we remembering who we are and Whose we are?

How do we keep our younger children from imitating their older rebelious sibling?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 05 Dec 2025 16:48:24 +0000

Question:

I wanted to write in with a quick update regarding "How do we deal with a rebellious teenage daughter?":

Our daughter was less than enthusiastic about this idea at first. We decided to make it a small group of teens, and she was mortified at the idea of us (gasp!) talking to her friends. So much so that we held the first several meetings at our house while she sat in her room, sulked, and refused to come out and join in.

After the first few meetings with just a couple of kids and their parents, word spread to other families, who started bringing their kids. She heard everyone, including some of her friends, having a good time together, and got drawn out by “fear of missing out.”

We worked through Growing Up in the 2020s (fantastic book, thank you for the recommendation). The sections on social media and abuse of illegal drugs were especially effective at grabbing the kids’ attention.

It has definitely helped get our daughter exposed to a new group of friends and in surrounding her with more positive influences to fall back on when faced with temptation.

There are still struggles, unlike anything we were anticipating, considering how mellow our daughter has been in the past. It’s entirely possible we just underestimated what the teen years would bring.

So, in addition to our update, a question: Are there any steps we can take to keep our younger children from going through this same phase? They adore their big sister and are definitely paying close attention to her behavior as the roadmap for how “big kids” and “cool kids” handle themselves. We don’t want to diminish their impression of her, but we also don’t want to see this cycle repeat if it can reasonably be avoided.

Thank you and happy holidays

Answer:

Every child is different. You'll find that some want to imitate their older siblings, while others decide they want a different outcome and choose a different route. Boys tend to have a rebellious stage, but it is more in action than in words. The greatest difficulty with them is getting them to think about the consequences of their actions. Overall, I've found teenage boys a bit easier to deal with than teenage girls.

A friend of mine recently released a few videos on raising children that contain excellent advice:

Scott also held a meeting here a few years ago on family issues. See The Family.

It sounds like you are making excellent progress. Stay consistent, and the storm will eventually blow over.

Response:

Thank you. We appreciate your response! We will definitely make a point to view the videos.

Listening to Children

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 30 Nov 2025 19:49:50 +0000

by Naomi Works

In the last few years, God has blessed me with the opportunity to spend a lot of time with children of all ages in all kinds of settings (Bible studies, homeschool co-op classes, crafting sessions, everyday life, etc.). I can’t even begin to express how many lessons I’ve learned through all these interactions, but I thank God for His goodness in allowing me these revelations.

One of the most eye-opening things I’ve observed is how adults interact with children. I feel the need to preface this by saying that I’m speaking generally; the following “blanket statement” does not apply to many people. That being said, I have observed that adults tend to ignore children until they (the adult) want to interact. Example: A group of adults will call over a child and ask him to tell them what he learned in school or what word he mispronounced the other day. After the child’s “performance”, he is left out of the rest of the conversation.

In the ASL classes I took in college, we learned that one of the most hurtful and damaging things that hearing families do to their deaf family members is ignore them and leave them out of conversations. Phrases like “Not now” and “Later! I’ll tell you later!” isolate the deaf person and solidify their position on the outskirts of the family unit.

The sad truth: I couldn’t even give you an estimate for the number of times I’ve witnessed a child ask a question about what a group of adults is discussing, and he or she is met with “I’ll tell you when we get home,” or “Hold on just a second,” or silence. I have been culpable of this in the past, and I hope I never again become comfortable with isolating children that way.

People have asked me what I do to develop and maintain good relationships with children. I think the key is:

valuing their existence and
making it obvious to them and to other adults.

Listen to them, get excited about the little things with them (children’s enthusiasm is contagious, and it’s sad when adults squelch it instead of imitating it), and respect their autonomy. If you really want to be a good friend to children, actively listen to their stories and ask them questions (even the smallest clarifying question can make them feel so smart when they get to explain something). Ask for a child’s opinion. Remember something a child is interested in (a hobby or a topic) and bring it up in conversation next time you see him or her.

In general conversation, include them and answer their questions about jokes and references that “go over their heads.” I understand that there are specific topics of conversation that children shouldn’t hear. I don’t mean that every question they ask should be answered immediately and in full detail. But there is a difference between saying “That’s something I want to think more about before you and I talk about it together,” and “Not now. Go play.”

Children aren’t stupid. They often perceive more than adults do, and definitely more than adults give them credit for. If a child is aware of a conversation and asking questions about it, I wonder if adults should be more prudent about the topics they discuss and where they discuss them.

In Bible classes, listen to their spiritual questions and answer them, even if it doesn’t “fit into the curriculum”. I promise you that running out of time and not being able to cover all your material is a small price to pay for the trust you’ve established with those children.

I hope some part of these observations is helpful. Even if they aren’t, my hope is that we will all meditate on and apply Matthew 19:13-15 and Matthew 18:1-6 as our Lord intended.