Article – La Vista Church of Christ

Believing Thomas

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 11 Jul 2026 21:55:19 +0000

by Kenny Chumbley
via Sentry Magazine, Vol. 21 No. 4, December 1995

Have you ever had an unflattering picture of yourself circulated about—one you don’t think looks like you at all? (While writing this opening sentence, the thought occurs to me, “Is there such a thing as a flattering Floyd Chappelear picture?”) Has a report about your conduct—a true report—ever been circulated about you that focused on something you did during a weak moment? A report that, while true, doesn’t come close to telling the whole story about your character?

None of us likes being known for something that isn’t a fair representation of us. Yet, when it comes to the apostle Thomas, haven’t we done to him what we wouldn’t want done to ourselves? Haven’t we pinned a label—“doubting Thomas”—on him that doesn’t reflect the true man?

If your Bible is near, turn to the twentieth chapter of John. The greatest event ever chronicled is found in this chapter; viz., that Jesus arose! Low in the grave He lay...but up from the grave He arose! With a mighty triumph o'er His foes! In John 20:19-23, Jesus appears to all the apostles, save for Thomas (John 20:24). When the ten tell Thomas what they had seen, he replied, “Unless I see his hands with the mark of the nails, and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I refuse to believe it” (Moffatt). This statement, of course, forms the basis for “Doubting Thomas.”

But you know what? I’m glad Thomas had this reaction. I’m glad he doubted the apostolic testimony. Let me tell you three reasons why.

First, by doubting, Thomas was taking the scientific approach to the issue of Christ’s resurrection. To withhold belief until he could confirm it with his own senses is exactly the approach a scientist would take. A few years ago, two scientists in Utah announced that they had achieved “cold fusion.” Fusion is a nuclear reaction in which atoms fuse. Fusion is what happens in a hydrogen bomb (fission—splitting the atom—is what happens in an atomic bomb). A large amount of heat is required for fusion to occur (an atomic bomb must be detonated to generate enough heat for a hydrogen bomb to ignite). Scientists have long known that if they could ever fuse atoms without the enormous amounts of heat required—i.e., achieve “cold fusion”—it would be a tremendous breakthrough; energy and electricity could be produced dirt cheap. When the Utah scientists announced they had achieved the breakthrough, what was the reaction of the scientific world? “Unless we see his hands with the mark of the nails... we refuse to believe it.” Scientists are supposed to be skeptical, critical, not accepting a pronouncement until they have seen it for themselves. That’s all Thomas was doing. He was reacting scientifically. The charge has often been made that the apostles were unsophisticated, naive, gullible men, willing to believe in Jesus’ resurrection at the drop of a hat. Thomas’s skepticism puts the lie to that view.

Second, how did Christ react to Thomas’ skepticism? Did he rebuke him for unbelief? Did he shame him for doubting? No—Jesus offered Thomas the evidence he was looking for. “Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side; and be not faithless, but believing” (John 20:27). In this, Christ set an example for all His disciples to follow: viz., don’t ever be afraid of looking at the evidence for believing. I sometimes get the impression from some “friends” of Jesus that if we dig too deep, if we poke around too long, if we turn over too many stones, we may discover something that proves Christianity isn’t so. And then there are those who think scientific discoveries have made it impossible to believe in the Bible. Both views could not be further off base. Don’t ever be afraid of taking an honest look at the evidence. And don’t believe the lie that science has disproven Christianity. When it comes to investigating the claims of the Bible, I’m not afraid of science being too scientific; I’m only afraid it will try ot pass off philosophy or pseudo-science as a genuine pursuit of the truth.

Third, look at John 20:28. This is the first time in the New Testament where Jesus is so plainly called “God.” He had been called the Christ, the Son of God, and the Son of the Living God… but not before, simply “God.” And it is “Doubting Thomas” who makes what could be the boldest confession of faith in the Gospels. He was skeptical; he saw the evidence, and then he confessed to the only viable conclusion that could be drawn from it. He was a believer, folks, not a doubter.

I find it easier to believe because Thomas found it hard to believe.

The Myth of Spontaneous Generation

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 11 Jul 2026 21:21:13 +0000

by Kenny Chumbley
via Sentry Magazine, Vol. 21 No. 4, December 1995

See if your child’s biology textbook says something like my high school biology textbook (Modern Biology):

“The myth of spontaneous generation... Pasteur’s decisive defeat of spontaneous generation...So it was that Louis Pasteur substited a proved and valid concept, biogenesis, for a theory which had been accepted for centuries without any real evidence. Life comes only from life. Experimental evidence has borne this out from the time of Pasteur to the present day. However, we cannot assume that abiogenesis has never occurred, nor that it could never happen again." [emphasis mine, KC.]

Spontaneous generation is a myth; it’s been decisively defeated as a scientific fact, but it must have happened- folks, that’s not science, that’s stupidity!

Zion, the City of the Great King

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 11 Jul 2026 20:11:49 +0000

by Bob Hutto
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 14 No. 8, August 2014

When David consolidated his reign over both Judah and Israel, he and his men took Jerusalem from the Jebusites, including the fortress at Zion. David built his palace there and moved his capital from Hebron. From that time forward, Zion was known as the city of David. This move was strategically important for David, in that Jerusalem and Zion belonged to neither the southern nor the northern tribes and lay near the divide between the two. The choice of Zion for the royal residence would send the message that David intended to rule over a united Israel without favoring one section over the other.

Zion is referred to in the Old Testament about 150 times (with the highest concentration in Psalms and Isaiah). We might add to this various circumlocutions for Zion, such as God’s “holy mountain” (Psalms 2:6) or “the city of the great king” (Psalms 48:2). It was located on the ridge south of the Temple Mount. It occupied a level higher in elevation than the valleys below, but lower than the temple mount (Solomon brought the ark up to the temple from the city of David [II Chronicles 5:1f]). Though the etymology is obscure, the name itself may derive from either Arabic or Syriac words for a place of protection or fortress. Eventually, Zion was used to include the temple mount, the entire city of Jerusalem, and even the inhabitants of Zion-Jerusalem. At times, it is difficult to determine which of these is intended (Psalms 74:2; Isaiah 8:18; 4:1-6).

Since God chose Zion-Jerusalem as his dwelling place (Isaiah 8:18), it came to embody the features of the ideal city in the minds of God’s people. God’s throne may have been in heaven, but the footstool of the throne was in Zion (Psalms 99:1-5; 132:7; Lamentations 2:1). It was “beautiful in elevation,” “the joy of all the earth” (Psalms 48). All the protection, strength, security, and peace that a mountain fortress could provide emanated from there. When the pagan kings laid eyes on it, “they were astounded; they were in panic; and took to flight” (Psalms 48). Indeed, God made Zion-Jerusalem the “center of the nations” (Ezekiel 5:5).
It is a short transition for a word used to name a place to be applied to the people who live there. So it is with Zion. We read frequently about the “daughters of Zion” or the “sons of Zion,” and on occasion Zion by itself refers to the people (Zepheniah 3:16; Zechariah 1:17). The people benefit from the protection, security, blessings, joy, and peace of God who rules Zion with lovingkindness, justice, equity, and righteousness (Psalms 48:9; 99:2; 132:15; 147:12f).

Jeremiah’s lamentations give us insight into how God’s people thought of Zion. It was the “perfection of beauty / the joy of all the earth” (Lamentations 2:15). Jeremiah sorrowed over the loss of its majesty and precious things (Lamentations 1:6-7), its gold and holy stones (Lamentations 4:1). All roads once led to Zion, but after its destruction, they were cut off, and no one came to her to worship the Lord (Lamentations 1:4). What was once the joy of their hearts and their crown now lay desolate (Lamentations 5:15-18). Though Zion was the glory of God, he became her enemy because of her rebellion against him (Lamentations 2).

Isaiah is not alone in looking to the future of Zion, but he speaks of it frequently and with emphasis. “Zion will be redeemed with justice” (Isaiah 1:27). “The Law will go forth from Zion” when God establishes the mountain of his house above all mountains (Isaiah 2:2-4). The people there will be called holy when the Lord washes away their filth. He will then create a protective shelter over her (Isaiah 4:3-5). The Lord will lay a tested stone in Zion as a foundation for the city (28:16). Only those who walk righteously and speak with sincerity will inhabit it (Isaiah 33:13-16). The ransomed of the Lord will dwell in Zion with everlasting joy upon their heads (Isaiah 35:10). People from all nations will stream to her (Isaiah 2:2). Eventually, a redeemer will come to Zion who will take away the transgressions of the people and establish his covenant with them (Isaiah 59:20-21).

The prophets frequently take a concept, one familiar to the people, and invest it with new, spiritual meaning. They speak of David, but look forward to a new and greater David (Jer. 33:14-22). They speak of a coming king, but mean a new, spiritual king (Is. 9:6). And they speak of the restoration and glorification of Zion, but look forward to a new Zion, one that will possess all the qualities described above. Hebrews 12:22 tells us the new Zion has come. All those who are in the church of Jesus Christ dwell in her. We enjoy God’s abiding presence and benefit from his protection and blessing. We must walk with integrity and work righteousness, but if we do, we have no need to fear, for God will establish us forever (Psalms 48:8), and one day our “eyes will see the King in his beauty” (Isaiah 33:13-17).

My Death and Restoration

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 11 Jul 2026 19:54:25 +0000

by Earl Kimbrough
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 14 No. 8, August 2014

Many people have had close brushes with death. This would be traumatic anywhere, but to approach the gates of eternity on a foreign shore is surely a supreme fear. J.W. McGarvey experienced such during his six-month excursion to the Middle East in 1879. The journey's purpose centered on McGarvey writing a book about the places he visited. The book, Lands of the Bible, was published the following year. More than a third of the volume consists of “Letters of Travel.” These were originally published concurrently in three weekly journals while he was abroad: The Christian Standard, The Apostolic Times, and The Christian. Letter XV concerns his journey from Tyre to Sidon, in which he relates what he called “my death and restoration.”

“We left Tyre on the morning of the 14th of June and rode to Sidon, the city so intimately associated with it in sacred history, the same day.” Midway between the cities, the party passed Zarapheth, where a widow gave refuge to the prophet Elijah. A little north of Zarapheth, McGarvey’s party stopped for lunch at an Arab cafe. A small artificial pool shaded by two tamarisk trees and an arbor of boughs was nearby. “In this luxuriant shade, seated on the broad wall around the pool, and cheered by the lively babble of the water as it flowed into the pool on one side and out of the other, we ate our bread in peace and laid ourselves quietly down to sleep.”

After the blissful siesta, McGarvey and his companions resumed the journey.

“In the afternoon, as we drew near to Sidon, and were about to close a long and hot day’s ride, we dismounted on the beach, about two miles south of the city, to refresh ourselves with a sea bath. The waves were rolling in with a majestic swell, and as we met them and bounded o’er them, we were filled with boyish glee. In a short time, we began to meet them swimming, and, finding this more exhilarating, we continued it until our limbs grew weary. Touching then for the bottom, we found that we had unconsciously swum, or had been drifted, beyond our depth. Almost simultaneously, we turned and swam for the shallow water. After making a few strokes in that direction, I saw that we drifted backward almost as fast as we swam forward, and that if we had far to go, we were in imminent peril.”

His strength failing, McGarvey knew he could not last long. Escape seemed impossible, and he was seized “with paralyzing effort” that two companions who were further out would certainly perish. One of the group made it to shallow water. McGarvey called out to him, but knew he could not help. He also “called earnestly on God to deliver me.” One of the others in danger managed to swim close to McGarvey and tried to help, but he also failed.

“At that moment, the thrilling question arose in my mind: Shall my life, my labors, and my present expedition end here, and in this manner? The thought was repugnant to me, and it gave me a fresh impulse. But it was in vain.”

McGarvey became so exhausted that his arms and feet “refused to make another stroke.” All hope of rescue was gone. “I folded my aching arms across my breast, offered the prayer, ‘O God, bless my family; sustain them under this blow, and take me to heaven,’ and then sank beneath the waves.” After describing the crushing weight on his head and chest and the aching cramps of his limbs, he said: “I knew that my torture could not last long, and I watched and waited for the experience of leaving the body.” He thus committed himself to the watery grave, but his mission on earth was not yet done. “The next sensation that I remember was that of the hot sun shining in my face.”

The others had made it to shore, and one rode a horse into the sea to provide his “marvelous rescue.” Even so, it was with great difficulty that McGarvey was carried unconscious to the shore.

With McGarvey were his cousin Frank Thomson, W.B. Taylor, a former student, and Henry S. Earl, a former American preacher who had joined the party in England. It was mainly Earl to whom McGarvey attributed his redemption. “I owe chiefly to Brother Earl the preservation of my life, and probably of that of my cousin Frank. But for him, Frank’s mother might have been a childless widow, and my wife the widowed mother of a dependent family.” Reflecting, he wrote, “And if I am thus indebted to my faithful brethren and fellow-travelers, what shall I say of the debt I owe to Him without whose help they could have done nothing....I had passed through all the conscious experience of dying, and God drew me back out of the very jaws of death. I feel the remnant of my days, whatever it shall be, is a special gift of his providence.” (J.W. McGarvey, Lands of the Bible.)

Those who yet profit from the biblical works of McGarvey are also grateful to his friends, but especially to God, who sustained this faithful scholar in his “death and restoration.”

What I Learned from My Daddy

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 11 Jul 2026 19:39:04 +0000

by Bobby Graham
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 14 No. 8, August 2014

As the oldest son of Leon and Mary Graham, I learned much from them. Natural learning occurred daily in life’s laboratory, where God’s Word was stressed, and right living was the natural product of this teaching. I never doubted Daddy’s love, though I confess its ways sometimes appeared difficult for a young boy to appreciate. Much was learned in an environment different from that of today’s youth, but they could profit from some of these lessons. Such lessons are best understood, appreciated, and applied by children when parents work together to teach them.

I learned to work hard and to value work. Work included caring for livestock, plowing with a horse, digging post holes, repairing fences, working in the garden, picking cotton while Don swung on the tree limbs in the shade, and even “digging a hole and filling it up to keep the boys busy when there is nothing else to do.” I can hear Daddy now if he had found one of us standing around with nothing to do but scroll a cell phone or send a text.
I learned to enjoy playing because he played with us and encouraged various kinds of play. I left the stellar performances to my three brothers.
I learned that serving God and doing right to others was the most important way to live. While Daddy was not a perfect man, he tried to be an exemplary leader.
I learned to persist in a good thing. Whatever was worth doing needed to be pursued, not dropped or discarded as worthless.
I learned to hate tobacco and strong drink in a day when drugs were virtually non-existent, but dangers to avoid in college, the Army, and life, but he avoided them.
I learned how to treat parents because he always cared for his parents. He was preparing me to care for Mother and him in the later years.
I learned how to be generous in giving to the Lord’s work. I well remember his and mother’s decision when I was under ten years old to increase their contribution at the Poplar Street church, because he thought they needed to give more.
I also learned to be honest in handling what was not mine. Because he served as treasurer at Poplar Street, we counted money on the coffee table at home on many Sunday nights. It was important that we handle that money scrupulously because it was not ours.
I learned by observing Daddy that an elder was more than a figurehead - he must teach, refute, warn, and urge saints to do right, never content to leave such to the preacher.
I learned to care for the needy.
Different times in life, he handed his widowed sisters money they might need or asked Mother to write them checks to help in tough times. Orphans and others were sometimes the objects of his help. He had learned this from his own parents, who took in two cousins whose parents had died, making 13 children living with them on Cedar Creek.
I learned to save money and anything else you might later need, like a nail or a screw you found. He grew up in difficult circumstances, saving and reusing whatever he had or found that he could use. When cleaning out his house a couple of years ago, I thought we would never reach the end, partly because of all he had saved.
I learned much about the family in earlier days, motivating my family tree work.
Another lesson I learned was to teach people what they needed to know, not necessarily what they wanted to hear, but to do so kindly. With that lesson in mind, I urge all to examine their lives in light of the gospel and make the needed changes to become a Christian or to follow Him more closely. Faith in Jesus as divine means trusting His teaching to obey. No one is a Christian just because of American citizenship, family legacy, or personal preference.
I learned to enjoy spiritual songs. Daddy sang most of his life. He enjoyed going to congregational singings and singing at home when family came, as well as at Columbia Cottage and Mitchell-Hollingsworth. Only during his declining days at Tut Fann did I never hear him sing or hear about his singing.
Finally, I learned to stay married because God desires it. America fails to honor God this way, but my parents stayed married. They were spiritual examples.

Yes, I learned many things from Daddy that are not mentioned in this list. Some were more important than others, but all were valuable. Some of it pertained to this life, but some to the life to come. Our world needs to listen to what Daddy taught me. Thank you, Daddy, for teaching me.

Being Sensible

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 10 Jul 2026 21:33:42 +0000

by Hugh DeLong

Be Sensible! Paul demanded this of older men (Titus 2:2), younger women (Titus 2:5), and younger men (Titus 2:6), and then of all disciples (Titus 2:12). But what does that mean? Basically, it means to have a sound, self-controlled, well-governed mind that produces wise, restrained, godly behavior. It is not merely “being smart.” It means a person’s desires, emotions, words, decisions, and habits are brought under disciplined spiritual judgment.
To be self-controlled is to not be ruled by impulse, panic, anger, lust, pride, fashion, or public opinion. It isn’t that such sensible people have no emotions, but that we are to be controlled by the teachings and principles that Jesus has given us. Our lives are governed by God’s truth as revealed in His word.

That isn’t always easy because God doesn’t always agree with us! That is, we don’t agree with God. Yet what that means in reality is that we are wrong! It is we who need to change, to grow, to be transformed.

It seems to me that the area that most of us struggle with is desires! Many of our desires are wrong. James wrote: “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death” (James 1:14-15). Lust in this passage is simply a strong desire for what God has forbidden. Unfortunately, the old challenge – ‘has God said’ – still raises its ugly head, and this gets us into trouble!

Are you being sensible?

When Your Children Leave Home

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 10 Jul 2026 15:57:27 +0000

by Brandy L. Pack

Some of my friends’ children are becoming independent, moving out, or getting married. They asked me for help dealing with this transition. It was a question that caught me off guard a little. I have three faithful children, and two of them are living independent lives. I also have two children who have walked away from God altogether. I don’t have it all figured out, and I’m definitely still working through it. But here is what I told my friend. Maybe it will be of some small help to someone.

All I can tell you is what I feel like I’ve learned about myself. It may not help you or apply to you at all. I will admit that the season of becoming an empty nester can be both painful and joyful. I’m not going to pretend I have it all figured out.

I think what I would tell anyone is that it’s alright to grieve the season that’s gone, but also remember that motherhood is always meant to be a stewardship, not the foundation of your identity. This is something I learned the hard way.

Your children are a gift God gave you to love, nurture, and bring up in the admonition of the Lord. But they were never meant to be the thing that defines you. You and your children are separate people with separate character and separate souls.

Someone may say, “You should be happy for them,” whenever your child moves into their own place, gets married, and starts a family. While it is a beautiful thing and probably one of your end goals for them, don’t feel guilty about being sad about it. Joy and grief can exist together. Your daily routine will change. Your conversations will change, but the feeling of being needed in certain ways doesn’t go away. Grieving for them doesn’t mean you are not proud of your faithful children or that you don’t trust them or God. It means you loved them deeply. Still, you have to allow God’s plans to move forward.

When I became a mother, I took my responsibility as a Christian mother very seriously, but I’ve since realized that I made being a good mama the measure of whether I was a good Christian. I have learned, and I’m still learning, that my children’s choices as adults are ultimately between them and God. My responsibility has always been my faithfulness, not control. Oh, how I wanted to be and stay in control! That desire became detrimental to me. I had to learn that I can’t manufacture any other person’s relationship with God.

It’s scary to figure out who you are when no one needs you the way young children do. You’ve spent years doing that, and now you are needed in a different way. So who are you now? It’s scary and feels like a deep pit in your stomach. I think it can also be a new adventure. Like an invitation to somewhere exciting you’ve heard about but never been to before.

For years, mothers are constantly pouring out of themselves, amazingly from near-empty places even, so that when children become independent, the silence doesn’t feel normal. You can learn to let that silence be a place of comfort.

Think about what talents God has given you that you haven’t had time to develop before. How can you serve others now that you weren’t able to do before? What can you do to make your home a place your children think of fondly and love coming back to?

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I should have spent more time building my identity in Christ, not in motherhood, because when motherhood changed, I felt lost. I’ve learned that I really was, and still am, a daughter of God, heir of salvation, purchased by Christ’s perfect blood. I just happened to have been raising children for a season.

Now I have to serve God in this season. Children are a heritage from the Lord (Psalms 127:3-4). God gave them to me to care for. Their value is far above any earthly treasure. But they are not mine to possess forever.

Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.

God helped me learn that my children were never meant to be my identity. They were meant to be a part of my obedience. I’m still figuring out what being a faithful servant looks like in this season. One day, this season will change too, and I’ll have to figure it out again.

The Unsearchable Riches of Christ

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 10 Jul 2026 01:55:00 +0000

by Terry Wane Benton

"To me, who am less than the least of all the saints, this grace was given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ" (Ephesians 3:8-9 NKJV).

A man who had first thought Jesus was a fool who misled people and fought against His church had an enlightening change of mind and heart and discovered that he himself had been the misguided fool. When he learned the truth, he changed his mind and heart and now found that God's grace offered in Christ was full of "unsearchable riches." He was finding jewels of truth, and his heart was being enriched like never before. He was discovering that the more he dug into the treasure chest of God's word, the more he knew there was yet to be discovered. Thus, he found that he could explore a lifetime and never master it all. The treasure chest was deeper than he had imagined. His heart was full of surprise and awe at what he was finding. It was like a treasure hidden in the field (Matthew 13:44), and, in his joy at discovering it, he went and sold all he had to claim it, only to find the treasure was beyond his wildest imagination. It was deeper and wider than he thought. The supply was endless. He could not mine it all out. He kept discovering more and more. That is what Paul meant by "unsearchable".

The Bible is like a treasure chest that reveals riches in Christ beyond our highest thoughts. If you dig and dig, you will see what Paul was talking about. Those are the riches that excite and fascinate the heart. Have you discovered that treasure too?

Sound Doctrine

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 09 Jul 2026 20:56:57 +0000

by Russ Bowman

“But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine” (Titus 2:1).

Sound doctrine - healthy teaching - is vital. It is the task of men like Titus - evangelists who declare the gospel of Jesus Christ. And it should be the aim of everyone who aspires to follow the Lord, because healthy teaching is not simply focused upon truths to be embraced. It is practical in its ends. What we believe determines who we become.

Paul has warned Titus about those “insubordinate, both idle talkers and deceivers” who “subvert whole households, teaching things which they ought not” (Titus 1:10-11). Whoever these men were, their doctrine was corruptive both to themselves and to those who embraced it (Titus 1:10-16). In contrast, Paul tells Titus to teach those things that are “proper for sound doctrine” - suitable or fit for healthy teaching. This doctrine is constructive. It makes godly people. Godly older men. Godly older women. Godly young women. Godly young men. Godly bondservants. The grace of God instructs all followers in the qualities of seriousness, righteousness, and godliness (Titus 2:11-12). God wants a people redeemed from lawlessness and purified for Him (Titus 2:14). Good teaching makes good people.

This truth does not rule out the possibility that some teaching involves concepts or directives. In His revelation, God helps us to understand Himself and His will so that we might put our faith in Him. But even those parts of doctrine that are more abstract or that direct our worship or how we are to function collectively will eventually impact our behavior. If my understanding is faulty, it will lead not only to disobedience but also to a character that is less than what God desires. Perverted doctrine produces polluted people. When we embrace anything less than God’s will, we become less than what God desires.

Sound doctrine - healthy teaching - is vital. What we believe determines who we become.

Do I have a right to this woman?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 09 Jul 2026 20:20:18 +0000

Question:

I am writing because we both sincerely desire to know God's will. We are not looking for someone to simply approve our relationship or tell us what we want to hear. We are asking for biblical guidance, even if the answer is painful.

Our situation has become emotionally, spiritually, and morally complicated, and we no longer trust our own judgment.

We met through mutual friends. At that time, her marriage had already been broken for several years. Her husband had left her emotionally and practically. They have not lived together for years and, as she tells me, they have not even spoken on the phone for about four years. She moved out and began living with friends, and that is when we met.

Her husband was baptized before their marriage, but she believes he did so only because it was required for the marriage ceremony and not because he had genuine faith in Jesus Christ. Having lived with him for seven years, she believes he never truly trusted Christ and that his life consistently demonstrated unbelief. She also believes he has abandoned the marriage completely and is now planning to marry another woman.

As I spent time supporting her through her difficult situation, we became emotionally close. Eventually, we entered into a romantic relationship, moved in together, and became physically intimate.

Looking back, I acknowledge my own responsibility and sin. I gave her hope and promised that I would always stay with her, protect her, and never leave her. At that time, I had only a limited understanding of Scripture. I viewed relationships largely through a worldly perspective and assumed that if society accepted something, it must be acceptable. Although I sincerely believed my promises, I now realize I made them without first understanding what God's Word teaches about marriage and divorce.

Throughout our relationship, however, I repeatedly felt convicted in my conscience. My heart often felt heavy. On several occasions, I reminded her that she was still married, and each time it led to long discussions, sleepless nights, arguments, and emotional pain for both of us. Even while continuing the relationship, I never had complete peace before God.

Recently, we both recognized that if she is still biblically married, our physical relationship is sinful. We have agreed that sexual intimacy must stop.

However, we disagree about what should happen next.

She believes she is biblically free to remarry because she considers her husband to be an unbeliever who abandoned the marriage. She believes that I Corinthians 7:15 applies to her situation and that God, who sees the entire situation and knows the sincerity and depth of our love, understands that this is an exceptional case. She often tells me that God knows how genuine our relationship has been, how much we truly cared for one another, and therefore would release her from the marriage covenant because her husband failed as a husband and abandoned her "while being an unbeliever" (as per her understanding). He only got baptized for the sake of marriage, but never came to church or believed that even heaven exists. His brothers still follow another religion; only his family was baptized just for the wedding.

She also believes that because of this, continuing our relationship would not be sinful, and that we are free to marry even before an official divorce is finalized.

My understanding is different.

I struggle with concluding that someone is an unbeliever simply because of their behavior, especially if they publicly profess Christianity through baptism. I am concerned that we may be making a judgment that belongs to God or to the church rather than to ourselves.

Because of that concern, I believe we should end not only our physical relationship but also our romantic relationship until there is biblical clarity. I do not believe we can simply remove physical intimacy while continuing to function emotionally as husband and wife.

She disagrees. She believes emotional intimacy is not sinful and that only sexual intimacy would be sinful. She has even suggested that if, for some reason, we cannot marry, we could continue living in the same house as close friends, with me helping raise her children while remaining sexually abstinent.

Personally, I do not believe that would be wise or even realistically possible, given the deep emotional bond we already share. I believe continuing to live together would only deepen our attachment and create confusion for ourselves, the children, and those around us. I also wonder what witness that would give to other believers and to society.

Another difficult issue is that I have told her that if Scripture shows we cannot marry, I may eventually have to move on and marry someone else. This is not because I stopped loving her or because I only wanted a physical relationship. It is because I have always desired to build a godly marriage, raise a family, have a peaceful Christian home, and serve God faithfully. If I am not free to marry her according to Scripture, I do not know whether I should remain emotionally attached for the rest of my life.

She believes this means I never truly loved her and that I used her for my own desires before abandoning her. She reminds me of the promises I made and says that if I truly loved her, I would stay regardless of whether marriage is possible. She has also said that if I leave, I am breaking my word before God.

This has left me with another question. Is breaking a promise sinful if the original promise itself was made while pursuing a relationship that may have been sinful? Am I obligated to keep a promise that may itself have been contrary to God's will?

I also struggle with feelings of guilt because I was the one who gave her hope. I genuinely believed what I promised at the time. I never intended to deceive her. But now that I have become more convicted by Scripture, I feel that I cannot ignore my conscience simply because I made promises without sufficient biblical understanding.

At the same time, I feel responsible for the emotional pain this has caused her. I fear hurting her by leaving, yet I also fear dishonoring God by staying if our relationship is not biblically right.

We respectfully ask for your help in answering these questions from Scripture rather than from personal opinion or cultural expectations.

If someone was baptized only to satisfy a marriage requirement but never truly believed in Christ, should they be regarded as a believer or an unbeliever when applying I Corinthians 7:15?
Who has the authority to determine whether someone is truly an unbeliever in this context?
Does abandonment by someone who professes Christianity but appears not to have genuine faith make the abandoned spouse free to remarry?
If our sexual relationship has already been sinful, what does genuine repentance require? Does repentance include ending the romantic relationship completely?
Is it biblically appropriate for us to continue an exclusive emotional relationship without sexual intimacy?
Would it be wise or biblical for us to continue living in the same house as "friends" while raising her children together if marriage is not permitted?
Does God consider me guilty of breaking my promises if those promises were made in ignorance and in the context of a relationship that may itself have been sinful?
What should each of us do now if our greatest desire is to obey Christ, regardless of the personal cost?
What should we both do with each other? I am so guilty of what I did, and I wish I had sought guidance and wisdom before rushing into this relationship. But I don't want to do anything that isn't rooted in Christ, since Jesus called us to love.

One question that continues to weigh heavily on my heart is this:

She has asked me, "If you leave me now, are you not abandoning me just as my husband did? After everything we've been through, will God appreciate you for leaving her? Doesn't God understand? Is God foolish or stupid? Will God still love you if you leave me like this after promising me and giving me hope?"

I honestly do not know how to answer her. On one hand, I feel deeply responsible because I was the one who gave her hope. I promised that I would take care of her and never leave her. Looking back, I realize those promises were made before I had a proper understanding of what Scripture teaches, but they were sincere promises, not empty words.

On the other hand, I fear that if continuing this relationship is contrary to God's will, then remaining simply because of my promises or because of our emotional bond would not truly honor Christ. I do not want to abandon her out of selfishness or convenience, but neither do I want to remain in a relationship that God has not permitted.

So I ask for biblical guidance: If ending this relationship is the right course of action, is that abandoning her, or is it an act of obedience to God? How does God view someone who walks away from a relationship because they have become convinced that continuing it would be sinful? Does God desire that I remain with her until He provides greater clarity, or would delaying a decision simply prolong our emotional attachment?

These questions have left both of us confused and heartbroken. We sincerely want to know what would most honor Christ, even if that path is painful.

Our greatest desire is not simply to preserve our relationship. Our greatest desire is to honor Jesus Christ and submit to His Word. We know we have made mistakes. We ask for biblical correction, wisdom, and whatever counsel will help us walk in obedience from this point forward.

Thank you for taking the time to guide us.

Answer:

What I must say will be hard for you to hear. You won't like the evidence that I'll present. However, I hope that you'll carefully consider the points I make.

The case is actually simple, but you are distracting yourself with many issues that do not change the basic facts.

You have been having sex with a woman who is married to another man and has never ended her marriage. "So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man" (Romans 7:3). This violation of God's law was willfully done by both of you and in doing this, you ruin your claim of being followers of Christ. Jesus asked, "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46). As Paul points out, if you don't correct this situation, you won't reach heaven. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

Can you live together and just not have sex? No. First, you are purposely putting yourself in a tempting situation. You will very likely break down and have sex again. Second, you are pretending to be husband and wife when you are not. That is lying (Revelation 21:8).

God's laws are for all mankind. They don't just apply to Christians. This is why the world is convicted of sin before God. It doesn't matter whether her husband truly became a Christian. The simple fact is that he married her, and he is her husband. I Corinthians 7:12-16 does say that if an unbeliever leaves his Christian spouse, the spouse is not obligated to leave the faith and follow her husband just to keep the marriage together. "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace" (I Corinthians 7:15). The word "bondage" refers to slavery. A Christian is not a slave to his or her spouse. However, read the passage again carefully. Nothing is said about allowing a second marriage to another person. The divorce is allowed, but there is no permission for another marriage.

A second marriage is only allowed when the divorce was due to the spouse committing fornication (sexual sin) (Matthew 19:9). This is not the case. She has no right to another marriage until her first husband dies. This is because death ends the covenant under which she is bound.

It is ironic that she is trying to get you to keep a promise while she is violating the covenant she made with her husband. A promise to sin is not enforceable. The very promise is sinful. "Or if a person swears thoughtlessly with his lips to do evil or to do good, in whatever matter a man may speak thoughtlessly with an oath, and it is hidden from him, and then he comes to know it, he will be guilty in one of these" (Leviticus 5:4).

What you need to do is leave this sinful woman. Nothing good will come from the relationship. This is not abandonment as she claims her first husband did (though she is the one who left him). There is no marriage covenant between you and her. Tell God you were wrong for making sinful promises and violating His commands by having sex with a married woman. And when you straighten out your life, live by God's rules and not your feelings.