I need help handling teenage dress and language problems
Question:
I need another outlook about fashion statements of today in the church. Young ladies are exposing themselves and young men are out of control with their dress and their mouth. I have covered I Corinthians and Deuteronomy 22 and a few other chapters. Can you help me put this in perspective?
Answer:
I would love to help. We have quite a bit of material on this site which should make good starting points.
In regards to fashion, there is a copy of a survey that was done at a congregation in Pennsylvania that is an eye-opener for most young ladies. Many deny the obvious effect of their dress on boys and this survey makes that clear (see: Should my attire match those around me?). If it is any consolation, a recent article in the papers states that bare mid-riffs and spaghetti strap tops are going out of fashion, being replaced by tunic style tops. Let's hope it catches on for a while.
I have two studies which deal with sexual issues: Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Girls and Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Boys. It has been my experience that many of the problems we face in telling young people why matters of dress or behavior are important are due to our own problems of speaking about sex clearly and precisely. If teenage boys and girls understand where sexual feelings come from, why they are there, and why they need to be confined to marriage, many of the secondary issues, such as clothing and language, become easier to address. The article, "You Can't Tell Me How to Dress!" deals with the inappropriate dress and hairstyles, such as the goth look.
Both of the online versions of Growing Up in the Lord have a growing Question and Answer section where I am answering questions regarding sexuality. You may find a particular issue already covered there.
In regards to language, I keep a collegiate dictionary around (they tend to be more complete and blunter in regards to slang). When a young person uses an inappropriate word in my presence, I have them look up the word and tell me what it means. Usually, it is something highly inappropriate. I then ask them why they would say such a thing in the context of which they used it. The usual response is, "That's not what I meant!" To which I reply, "I'm not asking what you meant, I'm asking about what you said."
The article "Careful What You Say" should help in dealing with inappropriate language.
Another resource is the study, Moral Principles for Young People. Here problems of attitudes are addressed -- and teenagers seem to have plenty of attitudes.
Finally, please contact me about specific situations and issues. I have been dealing with teens for many years and I have a lot of resources at my fingertips. In addition, I'm available to hold meetings or teach classes on teen issues.
