How can I stay out of fornication?
Question:
Evening sir,
I need spiritual deliverance.
I am a married man, but before my marriage, I was lost in fornication. I even dragged my fiancee into it. We realized later that it was not good and confess our sins. However, I couldn't get control over my sexual desire, to the extent that I masturbated sometimes. After we got married, I still found myself cheating on my wife. Then I decided that it was enough and gave my life to Christ.
But one day I was having a stronger sexual urge. I called my wife because she was not around to tell her that I want her, but she could not come because she was far from me. The urge was serious. I asked God for strength and help but in the end, I still fell into fornication.
I feel so bad. I want it to stop. I am even ashamed of going back to Christ, but I seriously don't want this to happen to me again. Please, I seriously need help. What can I do?
Answer:
"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age" (Titus 2:11-12).
Just to make sure we are talking about the same things:
- Fornication is when two people, who are not married to each other, have sex.
- Adultery is when two people commit fornication and at least one of them is married to a different person.
- Masturbation is when a person relieves his sexual desire through self-stimulation. Masturbation is not a form of fornication since another person is not involved.
What I am uncertain about is whether you said you committed adultery while traveling without your wife or whether you are confusing terms and saying you masturbated to relieve yourself. It makes a difference because God never called masturbation a sin. See: Is masturbation considered a sin? In contrast, adultery is a sin. "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).
During a marriage, each partner makes himself available for the sexual needs of the other. "But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (I Corinthians 7:2-4). Masturbating instead of having sex with your wife is avoiding your duty to fulfill her needs. However, if you are traveling for an extended period, relieving yourself may be necessary if you are unable to have wet dreams. While not ideal, it is better than committing adultery. This is why Paul states that being apart from your marriage partner must be by mutual consent. "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command" (I Corinthians 7:5-6).
