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Social
Compatibility
Or
Scriptural
Compatibility
Many
who read this article will immediately know about what I'm going
to describe. You are members of a small congregation somewhere
in the
From
time to time a young family will visit. You give them an encouraging
welcome and you are delighted in the prospect of their permanent
presence and work. Then, after a few visits you see them no more.
When you call them or see them later - their explanation is given
with some apology: "We were looking for a congregation with more
people our age, and with children the same age as ours. Sorry."
Personally,
I am not inclined to spend much time chasing after these folks.
I can explain what my convictions are, try to teach them what is
valuable, and answer questions about our work as a congregation.
But I cannot provide what they are asking for. When these folks
want children the same age as their children - how can we respond
to that need on demand? We cannot go out and quickly recruit young
families and kids to satisfy this perceived need. When they express
their desire for more couples in their own generation - we cannot
answer that need on demand. Local churches - according to the Bible
- are not in the business of providing prospective members with
their preferences, favorable circumstances and social compatibility!
This is not our work. So I refuse to chase after folks who make
such demands. Once they express t heir dissatisfaction with the
make-up of congregation, there is little point in chasing them.
And
though my opinion is not always well received, I have said this: If
all the young families and couples expressing these desires HAD
STAYED HERE, we would now have the compatibility they demand! So
far I've not seen much patience in waiting for other couples and
families or numerical growth through aggressive evangelism. So
they come and go; and actually contribute to the problem they complain
about.
It
will be argued that people have a right to their personal preferences
where no violation of scripture is committed. Certainly there are
choices people can make about which local church to be a part of
which fall in the realm of judgment and no sin is involved. And
it would be reactionary and presumptuous to argue that everybody
who doesn't place membership "with us" is guilty of sin and participating
in error.
I
would simply like to raise some questions about the typical choice
many young couples make away from the smaller churches with fewer
or no children. Consider:
(1)
Local churches accused of not "providing" this compatibility
will never be able to do so, as long as young people visit a
couple of times and leave. It
becomes a repeated cycle - we don't have
kids so we can't get kids because we don't have them! Nobody
seems to be willing to stay around long enough to break the cycle.
Churches are being asked to provide a social need.
(2)
There are things which in God's sight take priority over our
personal convenience and comfort. When
we search for favorable personal circumstances above conviction
and conscience, we do our families and children no favor. We
all know that some of these couples and families reject good,
sound churches and join the larger, more socially compatible
liberal churches in spite of the unscriptural work involved.
These are "mainstream" churches with programs of work which are
attractive and emotionally exciting, but without scriptural substance!
This is the real tragedy. This goes beyond poor judgment. This
is wrong. (Acts 2:42; Ephesians 5:11; 2 John 9).
(3)
Even if the church young parents migrate to is both large and scriptural
in their work, shouldn't they consider the potential
blessing involved in contributing to the smaller, struggling local
work; there is something positive to be said about going and
staying where you are needed. (Phil. 1:12). How did large churches
(with all the kids you want, in the right sizes and ages) come
into existence? Most started as small works, without the social
compatibility many demand. People made sacrifices to help build
up and maintain small congregations! That’s commendable.
(4)
Instead of seeing a large, socially compatible church as reliable
for saving the children, perhaps the parents need to
take on more of that duty. {And incidentally, there are many
grown Christians today who are faithful, mature and active - elders,
preachers and godly women - who grew up in small churches without
many peers. It can be done.} Read through the New Testament, and
write down every passage that places responsibility to nurture
children. How many passages assign that duty to local churches?
Families need to take up the work of evangelism to bring other
young families in. Families need to get together and make good
provision for the social needs of their children. Families need
to avoid the habit of expecting schools, day care centers and churches
to raise their children.
What
is really obnoxious and arrogant is the impulsive comment that "so-in-so
church is like a little nursing home; filled with hearing aids,
walkers and grey hair." I pray to God that we might see the value
and beauty of an elderly couple coming to the church building with
their Bibles to worship God! What a tremendous testimony and great
influence for young families. I don't care if the old brother has
gravy on his shirt, or his wife walks with bent frame. It shouldn't
matter to anybody that their hearing and memory is impaired. And
when we quickly dismiss the role of these little congregations
with their old folks - we are forgetting their history of battles
fought and work done; we are omitting their present influence and
value, and showing our own ignorance and immaturity (Psa. 71:9).
So the question to focus on is . . .
What
should matter? One
thing: Are these people devoted to doing what the
Bible says, in everything they believe, teach and practice? It
may be convenient and comfortable, but it is not necessary to
have so many people your age in a local church in order to worship
God and do what's right! It might be easier if there are children
the same age as your children. It might be advantageous to have
a Bible class arrangement that is exactly in harmony with your
preferences and learning style. In fact, wouldn't it be pleasant
to find a congregation where every detail of the work (building
design, number and age of people, Bible class topics, location,
etc.) is perfectly in keeping with just exactly what you want. All
of this would be no pledge of edification and soundness.
Why not focus on one thing? Are these people doing the work of
the Lord, preaching the gospel and organized according to New
Testament teaching? Regardless of their size, age make-up, and
all the other things I would prefer - Are these God's
people who are doing His work? Are they continuing steadfastly
in the apostles' doctrine?
How
refreshing it would be for a young couple to come into a small
church composed mostly of older folks with this attitude: "We are
not here to check on your age or find people socially compatible.
It is not essential that you provide children the same age as our
children. We are here to join with you in doing the Lord's work.
We want the influence of your maturity, and we offer the energy
of our youth. Even if the church a few blocks away has 200 people
and children the same age as ours, they are not committed to New
Testament authority and we will not join them just to meet our
social needs. We are here to join you in doing what we believe
is good and right before God. We are glad you are here, and we
are ready to go to work!"
May God help such upright people find their way to the "smaller" and "older" congregations.
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